An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Apologizing is not for OP's kid it's recognizing social behavior and even though her kid may not understand OP certainly understands that her kid pushing , growling and spitting on another child is upsetting to the other child.

2. OP claims to apologize some of the time when she can. Please not that this is a recent claim by her. If you ead the thread in it's entirety she made no such claim in fact she was almost beligerent in her belife that those behaviors were no big deal.

3. OP is a manipulator
- Twists words to benefit her
- says ( types) one thing then denies it or claims she meant something different
- attempts to use guilt to get your support and if you don't cosign everything she believes she lashes out and becomes nasty at the same time if you appear to agree with her she turns up her charm and plays into her own feelings of being a victim so very trusting people ( readers) feel sorry for her.
-diminishes everyone else's difficulties

I said this on the first page. And if I thought they were no big deal, obviously we would not be in therapy 6 days a week.

As for being manipulative, I think a lot of the responders just projected their fears, that parents of autistic kids think their children should be able to hurt babies, and RAN with it. I never said that, you weren't even responging to me - when asked numerous times, nobody could actually find anywhere where I had said that - and so no, I was not manipulating, you were misinterpreting and then being annoyed that you sounded like an intolerant jerk. As for "claiming one thing"- its an insanely complicated situation and it is HARD to explain to people who do not live it.

And I am not a victim. I love my son. In no way do I "diminish others difficulties" - in my work and in life, I work with disadvantageous populations. It is not a difficulty for your child to be subjected to children with disabilities.

[Anonymous]

Stop this ridiculous thread! OP will hear nothing and there is no point in continuing.

Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

Don't really understand what you are trying to say here, but if your original goal in posting was to communicate more tolerance for your autistic child when in public and exhibiting bad behaviors, you failed badly. It is you who sounds extremely intolerant and entitled and everyone can feel that when reading your posts. You fail.

She's right to be intolerant. You don't get it. She's defending her child and that makes you mad, because you don't want to have to be exposed to disabilities that make you uncomfortable. You want her and her child to have to earn the right to be in public, either through perfect behavior or through a constant acknowledgment that they are lesser-than, basically a walking apology for living.

I'll say one thing - the one piece of advice OP got here that she probably WOULD be best to internalize is to stop caring what other people think. Because the world is a crappy place to people who are inconveniently different.

Why does OP have the right to defend her child, but no one else does?

Again read the whole thread before you jump up on your soapbox .

At no point did I ever suggest you should not defend your child. But I don't think you or your child need defending from odd or strange or different behaviors/noises from small children with disabilities unless someone is being hurt. As for being inconvenienced, or needing to explain to your child why some kids might act funny - that is actually an opportunity for you to teach some tolerance.



If you think it is generally annoying or weird or off putting if my kid is not listening to me, not to you, or making weird noises, or flapping like crazy in a manner,
This. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop this ridiculous thread! OP will hear nothing and there is no point in continuing.

Please.

you know, you don't actually have to click on it. It isn't required reading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

Don't really understand what you are trying to say here, but if your original goal in posting was to communicate more tolerance for your autistic child when in public and exhibiting bad behaviors, you failed badly. It is you who sounds extremely intolerant and entitled and everyone can feel that when reading your posts. You fail.

She's right to be intolerant. You don't get it. She's defending her child and that makes you mad, because you don't want to have to be exposed to disabilities that make you uncomfortable. You want her and her child to have to earn the right to be in public, either through perfect behavior or through a constant acknowledgment that they are lesser-than, basically a walking apology for living.

I'll say one thing - the one piece of advice OP got here that she probably WOULD be best to internalize is to stop caring what other people think. Because the world is a crappy place to people who are inconveniently different.

Why does OP have the right to defend her child, but no one else does?

Again read the whole thread before you jump up on your soapbox .

This. Thank you.

At no point did I ever suggest you should not defend your child. But I don't think you or your child need defending from odd or strange or different behaviors/noises from small children with disabilities unless someone is being hurt. As for being inconvenienced, or needing to explain to your child why some kids might act funny - that is actually an opportunity for you to teach some tolerance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop this ridiculous thread! OP will hear nothing and there is no point in continuing.

Please.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

So, OP, you wish bad things on people who disagree with you. Got it. But yeah, you're totally in the right here.

I am not wishing it on anyone, but people who go through their children's youth feeling very superior and in control, and "nipping" all bad behavior in the bud and judging and chastising children who behave differently, are indeed setting themselves up for a fall because all kids get you eventually. Its not that anything extra bad happens to those people, its just that they are so very inequipped to deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

Don't really understand what you are trying to say here, but if your original goal in posting was to communicate more tolerance for your autistic child when in public and exhibiting bad behaviors, you failed badly. It is you who sounds extremely intolerant and entitled and everyone can feel that when reading your posts. You fail.

She's right to be intolerant. You don't get it. She's defending her child and that makes you mad, because you don't want to have to be exposed to disabilities that make you uncomfortable. You want her and her child to have to earn the right to be in public, either through perfect behavior or through a constant acknowledgment that they are lesser-than, basically a walking apology for living.

I'll say one thing - the one piece of advice OP got here that she probably WOULD be best to internalize is to stop caring what other people think. Because the world is a crappy place to people who are inconveniently different.

Why does OP have the right to defend her child, but no one else does?

Again read the whole thread before you jump up on your soapbox .

This. Thank you.

At no point did I ever suggest you should not defend your child. But I don't think you or your child need defending from odd or strange or different behaviors/noises from small children with disabilities unless someone is being hurt. As for being inconvenienced, or needing to explain to your child why some kids might act funny - that is actually an opportunity for you to teach some tolerance.

But if we have no idea of a disability, we can't do this. So, disclose. People will be a lot more tolerant. Otherwise we just think you have an ill mannered 5 yo and I don't want my kids to think that is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

So, OP, you wish bad things on people who disagree with you. Got it. But yeah, you're totally in the right here.

I am not wishing it on anyone, but people who go through their children's youth feeling very superior and in control, and "nipping" all bad behavior in the bud and judging and chastising children who behave differently, are indeed setting themselves up for a fall because all kids get you eventually. Its not that anything extra bad happens to those people, its just that they are so very inequipped to deal.

This just isn't true. Some kids breeze through life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

So, OP, you wish bad things on people who disagree with you. Got it. But yeah, you're totally in the right here.

I am not wishing it on anyone, but people who go through their children's youth feeling very superior and in control, and "nipping" all bad behavior in the bud and judging and chastising children who behave differently, are indeed setting themselves up for a fall because all kids get you eventually. Its not that anything extra bad happens to those people, its just that they are so very inequipped to deal.

This just isn't true. Some kids breeze through life.

It is exceedingly rare for a child not to give their parents some grief, breezing through life regardless. I can not think of a single person I know who did not go through a phase that was incredibly hard on their parents or did not do something that caused their parents major stress/pain/sorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

Don't really understand what you are trying to say here, but if your original goal in posting was to communicate more tolerance for your autistic child when in public and exhibiting bad behaviors, you failed badly. It is you who sounds extremely intolerant and entitled and everyone can feel that when reading your posts. You fail.

She's right to be intolerant. You don't get it. She's defending her child and that makes you mad, because you don't want to have to be exposed to disabilities that make you uncomfortable. You want her and her child to have to earn the right to be in public, either through perfect behavior or through a constant acknowledgment that they are lesser-than, basically a walking apology for living.

I'll say one thing - the one piece of advice OP got here that she probably WOULD be best to internalize is to stop caring what other people think. Because the world is a crappy place to people who are inconveniently different.

Why does OP have the right to defend her child, but no one else does?

Again read the whole thread before you jump up on your soapbox .

This. Thank you.

At no point did I ever suggest you should not defend your child. But I don't think you or your child need defending from odd or strange or different behaviors/noises from small children with disabilities unless someone is being hurt. As for being inconvenienced, or needing to explain to your child why some kids might act funny - that is actually an opportunity for you to teach some tolerance.

But if we have no idea of a disability, we can't do this. So, disclose. People will be a lot more tolerant. Otherwise we just think you have an ill mannered 5 yo and I don't want my kids to think that is ok.

Trust me, your children are going to encounter thousands of kids who you would most definitively consider ill-mannered when they hit K. For example, I wish the NT kids with older siblings hadn't taught my kid about poo poo nuts, but there you go. You can't police the world, and every person with a difference or a disability that causes things that you deem ill-mannered is not going to be able to issue you an apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

Don't really understand what you are trying to say here, but if your original goal in posting was to communicate more tolerance for your autistic child when in public and exhibiting bad behaviors, you failed badly. It is you who sounds extremely intolerant and entitled and everyone can feel that when reading your posts. You fail.

She's right to be intolerant. You don't get it. She's defending her child and that makes you mad, because you don't want to have to be exposed to disabilities that make you uncomfortable. You want her and her child to have to earn the right to be in public, either through perfect behavior or through a constant acknowledgment that they are lesser-than, basically a walking apology for living.

I'll say one thing - the one piece of advice OP got here that she probably WOULD be best to internalize is to stop caring what other people think. Because the world is a crappy place to people who are inconveniently different.

Why does OP have the right to defend her child, but no one else does?

Again read the whole thread before you jump up on your soapbox .

This. Thank you.

At no point did I ever suggest you should not defend your child. But I don't think you or your child need defending from odd or strange or different behaviors/noises from small children with disabilities unless someone is being hurt. As for being inconvenienced, or needing to explain to your child why some kids might act funny - that is actually an opportunity for you to teach some tolerance.

But if we have no idea of a disability, we can't do this. So, disclose. People will be a lot more tolerant. Otherwise we just think you have an ill mannered 5 yo and I don't want my kids to think that is ok.

Trust me, your children are going to encounter thousands of kids who you would most definitively consider ill-mannered when they hit K. For example, I wish the NT kids with older siblings hadn't taught my kid about poo poo nuts, but there you go. You can't police the world, and every person with a difference or a disability that causes things that you deem ill-mannered is not going to be able to issue you an apology.

My kids are older and have never encountered a kid who spit on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

Don't really understand what you are trying to say here, but if your original goal in posting was to communicate more tolerance for your autistic child when in public and exhibiting bad behaviors, you failed badly. It is you who sounds extremely intolerant and entitled and everyone can feel that when reading your posts. You fail.

She's right to be intolerant. You don't get it. She's defending her child and that makes you mad, because you don't want to have to be exposed to disabilities that make you uncomfortable. You want her and her child to have to earn the right to be in public, either through perfect behavior or through a constant acknowledgment that they are lesser-than, basically a walking apology for living.

I'll say one thing - the one piece of advice OP got here that she probably WOULD be best to internalize is to stop caring what other people think. Because the world is a crappy place to people who are inconveniently different.

Why does OP have the right to defend her child, but no one else does?

Again read the whole thread before you jump up on your soapbox .

This. Thank you.

At no point did I ever suggest you should not defend your child. But I don't think you or your child need defending from odd or strange or different behaviors/noises from small children with disabilities unless someone is being hurt. As for being inconvenienced, or needing to explain to your child why some kids might act funny - that is actually an opportunity for you to teach some tolerance.

But if we have no idea of a disability, we can't do this. So, disclose. People will be a lot more tolerant. Otherwise we just think you have an ill mannered 5 yo and I don't want my kids to think that is ok.

Trust me, your children are going to encounter thousands of kids who you would most definitively consider ill-mannered when they hit K. For example, I wish the NT kids with older siblings hadn't taught my kid about poo poo nuts, but there you go. You can't police the world, and every person with a difference or a disability that causes things that you deem ill-mannered is not going to be able to issue you an apology.

My kids are older and have never encountered a kid who spit on them.

Many kids were bitten in daycare. Should it happen? Of course not. My kids have been exposed to words and games and toys and snacks I deem undesirable and sometimes unacceptable. The idea that my child blowing raspberries is the worst thing your kiddos have been exposed to this far in life is preposterous and by no way universal.

That's part of sending them to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

Don't really understand what you are trying to say here, but if your original goal in posting was to communicate more tolerance for your autistic child when in public and exhibiting bad behaviors, you failed badly. It is you who sounds extremely intolerant and entitled and everyone can feel that when reading your posts. You fail.

She's right to be intolerant. You don't get it. She's defending her child and that makes you mad, because you don't want to have to be exposed to disabilities that make you uncomfortable. You want her and her child to have to earn the right to be in public, either through perfect behavior or through a constant acknowledgment that they are lesser-than, basically a walking apology for living.

I'll say one thing - the one piece of advice OP got here that she probably WOULD be best to internalize is to stop caring what other people think. Because the world is a crappy place to people who are inconveniently different.

Why does OP have the right to defend her child, but no one else does?

Again read the whole thread before you jump up on your soapbox .

This. Thank you.

At no point did I ever suggest you should not defend your child. But I don't think you or your child need defending from odd or strange or different behaviors/noises from small children with disabilities unless someone is being hurt. As for being inconvenienced, or needing to explain to your child why some kids might act funny - that is actually an opportunity for you to teach some tolerance.

You said you "don't need" reactions from other parents, as if even a normal measured response from a parent is problematic to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and people - it would be embarrassing if I didn't call you out when you're being hateful and unkind to my innocent disabled child for being odd. That's what would be embarrassing. You are all so determined to be able to correct and judge others that you can't bear the idea of extenuating circumstances and you're setting yourselves up for some massive falls. The most superior toddler parents have the worst behaved middle schoolers. Enjoy that.

So, OP, you wish bad things on people who disagree with you. Got it. But yeah, you're totally in the right here.

I am not wishing it on anyone, but people who go through their children's youth feeling very superior and in control, and "nipping" all bad behavior in the bud and judging and chastising children who behave differently, are indeed setting themselves up for a fall because all kids get you eventually. Its not that anything extra bad happens to those people, its just that they are so very inequipped to deal.

Right, but you are clearly well-equipped to deal. That's been shown abundantly here.