Reply to I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t get it.

She gets a lot done?

Why would she “dote on” you or give you advice? What’s that mean you are her minion, she orders you around at school or the pool or work or what?

[/quote]

Have you ever known someone who seems to take a special interest in you when you meet, paying you lots of compliments on your appearance or a clever comment or just comes on a little strong in a flattering way? Like after a couple weeks of working together they are effusively expressing how much they like you and how great you are? Maybe they talk you up to others to, maybe they randomly do nice things for you without you asking, like pay attention to your coffee order and then surprise you with it, or buy you a little gift for no reason.

But then you notice they start asking you for little favors? At first little stuff like can you swing by and pick me up on the way to happy hour? Maybe asking to borrow a dress or something. And even if you want to say no (maybe you were planning on taking an uber to the HH, or it's your favorite dress and you don't generally loan out clothes), you remember how nice they are to you and all the times they've said such pleasant things about you and complimented you, and so you say yes out of a sense of wanting to be reciprocal. Or maybe you say no and they talk you into it ("oh that's no problem, can you just have the uber swing by my place? it's right on the way" even if maybe it's only sort of on the way). But then the asks start escalating and they aren't as nice about it, in fact sometimes they sound kind of like orders.

Perhaps you notice this shift and start pulling back and saying no. And this will result in all those compliments and the friendliness from before disappearing, and then you'll hear through the grapevine they said something kind of mean or hurtful about you to other people, and you'll notice their demeanor towards you will shift and maybe they'll even start saying kind of critical or snarky things to your face. If you seem bothered, they'll roll their eyes and say they were kidding. After all, friends tease each other. You're not oversensitive, are you?

That's what it looks like when someone like this tries to turn you into a "minion." There are therapist words for some of this behavior but this is the gist of it. It is not pleasant and can feel especially harmful when this person is your boss or a colleague, part of your main social circle, or in your family.[/quote]

DP: Ooof. Yes. But [b]these are not type-A high achievers[/b] liked described in the OP. They are mentally ill, manipulative narcissists.

You have to learn to spot them and quickly retreat, and perfect the Heisman manuever for the really pushy ones. The very first time you get obviously fake flattery, retreat. The very first awkward gift, retreat. You do not want or need to be in that circle.[/quote]

Agree

The one I know went butt kissing to all the childless aunts to take over estate settlements - she has adhd and 3 kids so that’ll work well - and then she went after 100% of the inheritances- cutting out her siblings and her spouses siblings from that side’s aunts too.

She did it by mailing her smushy love letters to the elders and stopping by their house once a year telling them how much she cares about them.

Be careful if there’s this type in your family!

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics