Is This the Norm? My Husband Says I’m Wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband and his ex wife are still banging.

I don’t really care about that, I just want him to give my son a vacation.

He doesn’t care about your son. He wanted to sleep with a teenager and you wanted to sleep with a man at least twice your age and your son is an unfortunate byproduct

No, that’s not accurate. He was not interested in sleeping with a teenager, and I was not interested in sleeping with an older man. He wanted to remarry and have a child. He is a wonderful father to our child. Not all relationships between younger women and older men fit the stereotypes you might assume.

But he won't take him on a vacation? Which one is it, OP?

He’s not perfect, nobody is perfect. He’s trying to punish us this year by not letting us go on vacation, because we’re upset that he’s going away for theee weeks with his ex-wife. OP

OK, troll.

How do you like them saggy balls?

[Anonymous]

I think you will make a lot of money on OF. Try it. It is right up your ....alley.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, My husband wasn’t at a teen club; it was a 25+ venue, and he didn’t know my age. I never liked older men for financial reasons, I just liked three because they were older—that’s all. Also, I wasn’t a teenager when I was 18. While many 18 year olds who get pregnant by 40 year olds might be considered victims, that wasn’t the case for me. OP

You sound like a petulant and defensive teenager writing this now. I’m sorry your husband won’t pay for your vacation

How? My husband truly didn’t know my age, he thought I was 24. I just wasn’t a teenager anyway when I was 18, I think I stopped being a teenager at 15. And I wasn’t a pregnant teen either. OP

Do you really think that there is no difference physically, behaviorally and emotionally between an 18 year old and a 25 year old? Even if he was 40 and you were 25, that is a huge age gap that usually indicates that there is a power differential in a relationship. I know you think that you were mature for your age, but your desire to normalize what you and he did is clouding your judgement. I'm not saying he is a criminal pedophile, but he is definitely a guy who enjoys and takes advantage of the power differential in your relationship, as you can see by his response to your valid concerns about having a vacation with his child with you.

Please get some individual therapy and explore why you like older men -- it's not just "because they're older". There are some specific things in your family of origin and they way you grew up that made you seek out this unhealthy dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband and his ex wife are still banging.

I don’t really care about that, I just want him to give my son a vacation.

He doesn’t care about your son. He wanted to sleep with a teenager and you wanted to sleep with a man at least twice your age and your son is an unfortunate byproduct

No, that’s not accurate. He was not interested in sleeping with a teenager, and I was not interested in sleeping with an older man. He wanted to remarry and have a child. He is a wonderful father to our child. Not all relationships between younger women and older men fit the stereotypes you might assume.

But he won't take him on a vacation? Which one is it, OP?

He’s not perfect, nobody is perfect. He’s trying to punish us this year by not letting us go on vacation, because we’re upset that he’s going away for theee weeks with his ex-wife. OP

Any marriage where one partner spends 3 weeks on vacation with his ex and then “punishes” his spouse for their feelings is extremely unhealthy and manipulative. Exactly the likely outcome you would expect of a 40 year old marrying a pregnant teenager. How else does he punish you for being a bad little girl?

I wouldn’t say our marriage is unhealthy. He doesn’t actively punish us, but he does things like prioritize time with his other family and let’s them do whatever or place restrictions on certain things. When we fight, he gets really angry, and swears. Thankfully, he’s a great dad to our son—he ensures all of his material needs are met and is emotionally present for him. He’s not too strict or too lenient. OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your husband and his ex wife are still banging.

I don’t really care about that, I just want him to give my son a vacation.

He doesn’t care about your son. He wanted to sleep with a teenager and you wanted to sleep with a man at least twice your age and your son is an unfortunate byproduct

No, that’s not accurate. He was not interested in sleeping with a teenager, and I was not interested in sleeping with an older man. He wanted to remarry and have a child. He is a wonderful father to our child. Not all relationships between younger women and older men fit the stereotypes you might assume.

But he won't take him on a vacation? Which one is it, OP?

He’s not perfect, nobody is perfect. He’s trying to punish us this year by not letting us go on vacation, because we’re upset that he’s going away for theee weeks with his ex-wife. OP

Any marriage where one partner spends 3 weeks on vacation with his ex and then “punishes” his spouse for their feelings is extremely unhealthy and manipulative. Exactly the likely outcome you would expect of a 40 year old marrying a pregnant teenager. How else does he punish you for being a bad little girl?

I wouldn’t say our marriage is unhealthy. He doesn’t actively punish us, but he does things like prioritize time with his other family and let’s them do whatever or place restrictions on certain things. When we fight, he gets really angry, and swears. Thankfully, he’s a great dad to our son—he ensures all of his material needs are met and is emotionally present for him. He’s not too strict or too lenient. OP

Your marriage is definitely unhealthy and this is why. He is a bad dad for your son and this is why. This is not normal.

You were a teenager. Yes you were. He took advantage of your naivete, and he baby-trapped you and you didn't realize it because you stupidly believed what he was telling you. He wanted a child wife he could control, and here you are.

[Anonymous]

Look, you asked if this is normal. It's not normal. Maybe the vacation with the ex is not that weird, but punishing you and your son and allowing you no vacation at all-- that's not normal! Your marriage is not normal.

The question is what you are going to do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Do you regularly welcome his kids in your home? If not, this may be the only time he gets to see his kids.

Yes, they come and go as they please. Since we got married when they were teenagers, they obviously spent half their time here due to the custody arrangement. OP

Ha ha! You were a teenager too. How did that go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, My husband wasn’t at a teen club; it was a 25+ venue, and he didn’t know my age. I never liked older men for financial reasons, I just liked three because they were older—that’s all. Also, I wasn’t a teenager when I was 18. While many 18 year olds who get pregnant by 40 year olds might be considered victims, that wasn’t the case for me. OP

You sound like a petulant and defensive teenager writing this now. I’m sorry your husband won’t pay for your vacation

How? My husband truly didn’t know my age, he thought I was 24. I just wasn’t a teenager anyway when I was 18, I think I stopped being a teenager at 15. And I wasn’t a pregnant teen either. OP

Do you really think that there is no difference physically, behaviorally and emotionally between an 18 year old and a 25 year old? Even if he was 40 and you were 25, that is a huge age gap that usually indicates that there is a power differential in a relationship. I know you think that you were mature for your age, but your desire to normalize what you and he did is clouding your judgement. I'm not saying he is a criminal pedophile, but he is definitely a guy who enjoys and takes advantage of the power differential in your relationship, as you can see by his response to your valid concerns about having a vacation with his child with you.

Please get some individual therapy and explore why you like older men -- it's not just "because they're older". There are some specific things in your family of origin and they way you grew up that made you seek out this unhealthy dynamic.

Yes, there’s a difference between a 18 year old and 25 year old, but he truly didn’t know what my real age was. I don’t really care about the power differential in a relationship, because that does not apply to our marriage, and even if it did, it’s whatever because we’re still married and still love each other. And yes, I loved older men because they were older, and they had more confidence, that is not odd. OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, My husband wasn’t at a teen club; it was a 25+ venue, and he didn’t know my age. I never liked older men for financial reasons, I just liked three because they were older—that’s all. Also, I wasn’t a teenager when I was 18. While many 18 year olds who get pregnant by 40 year olds might be considered victims, that wasn’t the case for me. OP

You sound like a petulant and defensive teenager writing this now. I’m sorry your husband won’t pay for your vacation

How? My husband truly didn’t know my age, he thought I was 24. I just wasn’t a teenager anyway when I was 18, I think I stopped being a teenager at 15. And I wasn’t a pregnant teen either. OP

It was his duty to know your age. 40 is still too old for 24. And you were in fact a teenager

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, My husband wasn’t at a teen club; it was a 25+ venue, and he didn’t know my age. I never liked older men for financial reasons, I just liked three because they were older—that’s all. Also, I wasn’t a teenager when I was 18. While many 18 year olds who get pregnant by 40 year olds might be considered victims, that wasn’t the case for me. OP

You sound like a petulant and defensive teenager writing this now. I’m sorry your husband won’t pay for your vacation

How? My husband truly didn’t know my age, he thought I was 24. I just wasn’t a teenager anyway when I was 18, I think I stopped being a teenager at 15. And I wasn’t a pregnant teen either. OP

Keep digging that hole deeper. You sound just so uneducated for 27. Why can’t you plan a vacation? You’re a bad troll.

Because he isn’t allowing it? How can I fix that? OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, My husband wasn’t at a teen club; it was a 25+ venue, and he didn’t know my age. I never liked older men for financial reasons, I just liked three because they were older—that’s all. Also, I wasn’t a teenager when I was 18. While many 18 year olds who get pregnant by 40 year olds might be considered victims, that wasn’t the case for me. OP

You sound like a petulant and defensive teenager writing this now. I’m sorry your husband won’t pay for your vacation

How? My husband truly didn’t know my age, he thought I was 24. I just wasn’t a teenager anyway when I was 18, I think I stopped being a teenager at 15. And I wasn’t a pregnant teen either. OP

Do you really think that there is no difference physically, behaviorally and emotionally between an 18 year old and a 25 year old? Even if he was 40 and you were 25, that is a huge age gap that usually indicates that there is a power differential in a relationship. I know you think that you were mature for your age, but your desire to normalize what you and he did is clouding your judgement. I'm not saying he is a criminal pedophile, but he is definitely a guy who enjoys and takes advantage of the power differential in your relationship, as you can see by his response to your valid concerns about having a vacation with his child with you.

Please get some individual therapy and explore why you like older men -- it's not just "because they're older". There are some specific things in your family of origin and they way you grew up that made you seek out this unhealthy dynamic.

Yes, there’s a difference between a 18 year old and 25 year old, but he truly didn’t know what my real age was. I don’t really care about the power differential in a relationship, because that does not apply to our marriage, and even if it did, it’s whatever because we’re still married and still love each other. And yes, I loved older men because they were older, and they had more confidence, that is not odd. OP

You definitely do have a power differential! That is why he can go on vacation and you can't stop him, but he can stop you from going on vacation. See?

If he loved you he wouldn't be doing this to you. It sounds like he got you pregnant in his midlife crisis and does not actually want to be married to you anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did you get pregnant and meet?

We met a weeks before my high school graduation. We dated for a few months, and then I got pregnant, and then we got married.

Whose idea was it not to use birth control?

I didn’t really know anything about birth control, but we did sometimes use protection.

Again, extremely childish for an 18 year old and no excuse for a 40 year old father of 3. My kids learned a lot about birth control in middle school.

It’s not extremely childish. I just hadn’t thought of birth control or knew what it’s use was before we started dating. OP

Did you grow up in a religious cult? Were you Amish? How does any teenager, ESPECIALLY one who was so mature you categorize her as "not a teenager when I was 18", not know the "use" of birth control? Every American high school, barring the religious extremist ones, perhaps, would ensure you knew the "use" of birth control. And even if it didn't, just living in the world and being exposed to movies/media/peers would instill this knowledge in you.

No, I didn’t grow up in a religious cult. I didn’t know birth control was a thing, but that doesn’t mean that I was an immature teenager. I could still be mature by not knowing everything about everything. I did have health class, but that they didn’t talk about birth control. I didn’t really like watching movies/media, and my friends didn’t mention birth control. OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did you get pregnant and meet?

We met a weeks before my high school graduation. We dated for a few months, and then I got pregnant, and then we got married.

Whose idea was it not to use birth control?

I didn’t really know anything about birth control, but we did sometimes use protection.

Again, extremely childish for an 18 year old and no excuse for a 40 year old father of 3. My kids learned a lot about birth control in middle school.

It’s not extremely childish. I just hadn’t thought of birth control or knew what it’s use was before we started dating. OP

Did you grow up in a religious cult? Were you Amish? How does any teenager, ESPECIALLY one who was so mature you categorize her as "not a teenager when I was 18", not know the "use" of birth control? Every American high school, barring the religious extremist ones, perhaps, would ensure you knew the "use" of birth control. And even if it didn't, just living in the world and being exposed to movies/media/peers would instill this knowledge in you.

No, I didn’t grow up in a religious cult. I didn’t know birth control was a thing, but that doesn’t mean that I was an immature teenager. I could still be mature by not knowing everything about everything. I did have health class, but that they didn’t talk about birth control. I didn’t really like watching movies/media, and my friends didn’t mention birth control. OP

You didn't think to research it! You failed to take responsibility and make an effort to make good choices. That is the behavior of an immature teenager.

But anyway, to answer your question, this is not normal. Your marriage is bad and your husband is bad. You can try to say it's not true, but it is true and you know it. You wouldn't have written this post if everything were fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, My husband wasn’t at a teen club; it was a 25+ venue, and he didn’t know my age. I never liked older men for financial reasons, I just liked three because they were older—that’s all. Also, I wasn’t a teenager when I was 18. While many 18 year olds who get pregnant by 40 year olds might be considered victims, that wasn’t the case for me. OP

You sound like a petulant and defensive teenager writing this now. I’m sorry your husband won’t pay for your vacation

How? My husband truly didn’t know my age, he thought I was 24. I just wasn’t a teenager anyway when I was 18, I think I stopped being a teenager at 15. And I wasn’t a pregnant teen either. OP

Keep digging that hole deeper. You sound just so uneducated for 27. Why can’t you plan a vacation? You’re a bad troll.

Because he isn’t allowing it? How can I fix that? OP

What's there to fix? You're on all the bank accounts and credit cards, right? Pull a card out and get planning and booking. He doesn't have to "allow" shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, My husband wasn’t at a teen club; it was a 25+ venue, and he didn’t know my age. I never liked older men for financial reasons, I just liked three because they were older—that’s all. Also, I wasn’t a teenager when I was 18. While many 18 year olds who get pregnant by 40 year olds might be considered victims, that wasn’t the case for me. OP

You sound like a petulant and defensive teenager writing this now. I’m sorry your husband won’t pay for your vacation

How? My husband truly didn’t know my age, he thought I was 24. I just wasn’t a teenager anyway when I was 18, I think I stopped being a teenager at 15. And I wasn’t a pregnant teen either. OP

Keep digging that hole deeper. You sound just so uneducated for 27. Why can’t you plan a vacation? You’re a bad troll.

Because he isn’t allowing it? How can I fix that? OP

Anal?