Is This the Norm? My Husband Says I’m Wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

You can find yourself a $$$ 40+ man, that treats you better than he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

You can find yourself a $$$ 40+ man, that treats you better than he does.

I’ve thought about that and might seriously consider leaving if he doesn’t get better, but I’m so emotionally attached to him. He’s taken such good care of me, and honestly, life before him feels like a blur. Leaving would feel totally different—I’ve lived with him my whole adult life, and don’t know anyone else. Even when he’s being mean, he feels safe & comforting, and I don’t know how to find someone else like that. OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

You can find yourself a $$$ 40+ man, that treats you better than he does.

I’ve thought about that and might seriously consider leaving if he doesn’t get better, but I’m so emotionally attached to him. He’s taken such good care of me, and honestly, life before him feels like a blur. Leaving would feel totally different—I’ve lived with him my whole adult life, and don’t know anyone else. Even when he’s being mean, he feels safe & comforting, and I don’t know how to find someone else like that. OP

Define "being mean."

[Anonymous]

What’s your family background? Parents? Siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s your family background? Parents? Siblings?

My parents divorced when I was three due to my fathers cheating and as an only child, I grew up in New York City. My mother was a second-generation Italian-American. My mom remarried a man with issues involving alcohol and gambling addictions, and, he became abusive towards her. The situation eventually escalated, and when I was seven, in an act of self-defense, my mother did something that led to her arrest and imprisonment. As a result, I could no longer stay there. Her husband blamed me for the incident and harassed me even though I was 7/8, so I moved in with my father.
My father had several girlfriends over the years. While some were kind and looked after me, the last one he married was not. She was cold and unwelcoming, excluded me, and when I was eleven, she made it clear she didn’t want me living there. I then moved in with my mom’s cousin and his wife, who kindly let ne live. with him. I stayed with them for several years, but during this time, I was caught drinking in eighth grade, I wasn’t like an out of control drunk, just calm but she didn’t like it. My mom’s cousin’s wife did not tolerate this behavior, so she kicked me out.
I then moved in with my best friend’s family, who were kind enough to take me in for a couple of years. However, as my friendship with their daughter deteriorated, they didn’t want me living there anymore because we were no longer friends. Afterward, I began staying with friends who had their own places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

You can find yourself a $$$ 40+ man, that treats you better than he does.

I’ve thought about that and might seriously consider leaving if he doesn’t get better, but I’m so emotionally attached to him. He’s taken such good care of me, and honestly, life before him feels like a blur. Leaving would feel totally different—I’ve lived with him my whole adult life, and don’t know anyone else. Even when he’s being mean, he feels safe & comforting, and I don’t know how to find someone else like that. OP

Define "being mean."

“Mean”, as in what he’s doing here, dismissing our feelings, calling us names, yelling etc. I don’t like it, but I still love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did you get pregnant and meet?

We met a weeks before my high school graduation. We dated for a few months, and then I got pregnant, and then we got married.

Whose idea was it not to use birth control?

I didn’t really know anything about birth control, but we did sometimes use protection.

Again, extremely childish for an 18 year old and no excuse for a 40 year old father of 3. My kids learned a lot about birth control in middle school.

It’s not extremely childish. I just hadn’t thought of birth control or knew what it’s use was before we started dating. OP

Did you grow up in a religious cult? Were you Amish? How does any teenager, ESPECIALLY one who was so mature you categorize her as "not a teenager when I was 18", not know the "use" of birth control? Every American high school, barring the religious extremist ones, perhaps, would ensure you knew the "use" of birth control. And even if it didn't, just living in the world and being exposed to movies/media/peers would instill this knowledge in you.

No, I didn’t grow up in a religious cult. I didn’t know birth control was a thing, but that doesn’t mean that I was an immature teenager. I could still be mature by not knowing everything about everything. I did have health class, but that they didn’t talk about birth control. I didn’t really like watching movies/media, and my friends didn’t mention birth control. OP

You didn't think to research it! You failed to take responsibility and make an effort to make good choices. That is the behavior of an immature teenager.

But anyway, to answer your question, this is not normal. Your marriage is bad and your husband is bad. You can try to say it's not true, but it is true and you know it. You wouldn't have written this post if everything were fine.

Research something that I didn’t know about? I don’t think it was necessary anyways because he wanted a child, and I don’t regret my child. And I wasn’t a teenager, because saying that I was a teenager implies that I was a child, when I was not. OP

You. Were. A. Teenager. That's a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

Don't worry, it sounds like he'll be divorcing you soon anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did you get pregnant and meet?

We met a weeks before my high school graduation. We dated for a few months, and then I got pregnant, and then we got married.

Whose idea was it not to use birth control?

I didn’t really know anything about birth control, but we did sometimes use protection.

Again, extremely childish for an 18 year old and no excuse for a 40 year old father of 3. My kids learned a lot about birth control in middle school.

It’s not extremely childish. I just hadn’t thought of birth control or knew what it’s use was before we started dating. OP

Did you grow up in a religious cult? Were you Amish? How does any teenager, ESPECIALLY one who was so mature you categorize her as "not a teenager when I was 18", not know the "use" of birth control? Every American high school, barring the religious extremist ones, perhaps, would ensure you knew the "use" of birth control. And even if it didn't, just living in the world and being exposed to movies/media/peers would instill this knowledge in you.

No, I didn’t grow up in a religious cult. I didn’t know birth control was a thing, but that doesn’t mean that I was an immature teenager. I could still be mature by not knowing everything about everything. I did have health class, but that they didn’t talk about birth control. I didn’t really like watching movies/media, and my friends didn’t mention birth control. OP

You didn't think to research it! You failed to take responsibility and make an effort to make good choices. That is the behavior of an immature teenager.

But anyway, to answer your question, this is not normal. Your marriage is bad and your husband is bad. You can try to say it's not true, but it is true and you know it. You wouldn't have written this post if everything were fine.

Research something that I didn’t know about? I don’t think it was necessary anyways because he wanted a child, and I don’t regret my child. And I wasn’t a teenager, because saying that I was a teenager implies that I was a child, when I was not. OP

If you had wanted to use birth control, would you have been able to access it?

No. I didn’t have a job, so I didn’t have any money, and I also didn’t have a gyn.

Did you have PARENTS? Jesus. The bar is so low in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 27 years old with an 8 year old son. My husband is 49 and wants to take a vacation in July with his ex-wife and her three kids (25, 23, 21). He’s really close to them and says it’s normal and healthy to do things with his ex and her family. However, he doesn’t want to plan a vacation for my son and me. Instead, he wants my son to spend the summer at home while he goes off with them.
My son is really upset that he won’t be able to go on a vacation, and my husband made him cry. My husband doesn’t seem to care at all that we’re both hurt and upset. It feels like he’s putting his ex’s family above ours.

I don’t know what to do. It seems like he doesn’t care about me or my son at all. It’s so frustrating. How do you even handle something like this?

I would have avoided marrying an older man and having a kid at 20. I would have created my own life and worked on my Daddy issues.

[Anonymous]

No, not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Also to have been divorced “for years” before meeting you at 40, and to have 3 adult children….he would have had to have the youngest of those kids at around 30. So he had 3 kids in his 20’s, and then ditched the whole family in his early 30’s when the youngest was 5 or so. YIKES.

And it’s not the case that the XW is so egregiously awful, since he’s happy to take yearly vacays w her. So he just didn’t want to be there for the raising of his children? What does that say about the next ten years for you OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His older kids want nothing to do with your kid.

I think his older kids want nothing to do with OP, who is in their peer group age-wise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why people keep bringing up age, because that is not the main point of my post. What I really need is advice on how to handle this situation with my husband and how to make things right for my my son. OP

It's the reason he doesn't want to bring you and they don't want you to be there.

Your husband should take your son on vacation. But he does not want to. I dunno. Other than talking with him, I think you're stuck.

I’m fine with not being there, but I don’t like that he chooses them to vacation with vs us. And he refuses to let us vacation together at a later time and also refuses to allow me and my son to vacation together without him.

Time to start taking classes to get a degree in something practical. Time to make sure your son’s college fund is fully funded. Time to start planning for a divorce. Get degree first, start career first. Then divorce once you have your first job with healthcare benefits. Did you sign a prenup?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

Well, guess you're stuck, then.

Marriage counseling but it doesn't sound like he would be willing.

m

I think he would be willing, so what problems would we need to discuss in marriage counseling?

financially controlling