Is This the Norm? My Husband Says I’m Wrong

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Again, My husband wasn’t at a teen club; it was a 25+ venue, and he didn’t know my age. I never liked older men for financial reasons, I just liked three because they were older—that’s all. Also, I wasn’t a teenager when I was 18. While many 18 year olds who get pregnant by 40 year olds might be considered victims, that wasn’t the case for me. OP

You sound like a petulant and defensive teenager writing this now. I’m sorry your husband won’t pay for your vacation

How? My husband truly didn’t know my age, he thought I was 24. I just wasn’t a teenager anyway when I was 18, I think I stopped being a teenager at 15. And I wasn’t a pregnant teen either. OP

Keep digging that hole deeper. You sound just so uneducated for 27. Why can’t you plan a vacation? You’re a bad troll.

Because he isn’t allowing it? How can I fix that? OP

What's there to fix? You're on all the bank accounts and credit cards, right? Pull a card out and get planning and booking. He doesn't have to "allow" shit.

Maybe, I could do that. OP

So, there ya go. Problem solved.

Well I’m worried about doing that because he did say no. OP

So he can tell you no, but you can't tell him no? That's what's called a power differential and a bad marriage.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

Well, guess you're stuck, then.

Marriage counseling but it doesn't sound like he would be willing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

You’ve been together for 9 years and you’re only 27, you could have another few decades to go like this. The bigger problem is you got married as a pregnant teenager and don’t have any education or career, so you’re going to be dependent on him financially whether you’re married or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

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Anonymous wrote:Again, My husband wasn’t at a teen club; it was a 25+ venue, and he didn’t know my age. I never liked older men for financial reasons, I just liked three because they were older—that’s all. Also, I wasn’t a teenager when I was 18. While many 18 year olds who get pregnant by 40 year olds might be considered victims, that wasn’t the case for me. OP

You sound like a petulant and defensive teenager writing this now. I’m sorry your husband won’t pay for your vacation

How? My husband truly didn’t know my age, he thought I was 24. I just wasn’t a teenager anyway when I was 18, I think I stopped being a teenager at 15. And I wasn’t a pregnant teen either. OP

Keep digging that hole deeper. You sound just so uneducated for 27. Why can’t you plan a vacation? You’re a bad troll.

Because he isn’t allowing it? How can I fix that? OP

What's there to fix? You're on all the bank accounts and credit cards, right? Pull a card out and get planning and booking. He doesn't have to "allow" shit.

Maybe, I could do that. OP

So, there ya go. Problem solved.

Well I’m worried about doing that because he did say no. OP

What's to worry about? He's an amazing husband and father who loves you, he should be happy you and your kid are happy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, Do you regularly welcome his kids in your home? If not, this may be the only time he gets to see his kids.

Yes, they come and go as they please. Since we got married when they were teenagers, they obviously spent half their time here due to the custody arrangement. OP

Ha ha! You were a teenager too. How did that go?

It went fine. I just focused on myself and my child, and I was the adult mom in the household, and that’s what I acted like. OP

An adult who isn't "allowed" to take her child in vacation? Okay.... Are you grounded?

Although her husband exerts control over her— due to their age difference, the fact that he began dating her when she was a teenager, and her early pregnancy which left her without education or employment—she remains an adult. Because she lacks financial independence, it’s easier for him to control her and restrict her activities, a dynamic that occurs in many relationships like this. However, these circumstances do not change the fact that she is an adult, even if her situation makes her more vulnerable. Not every woman is as lucky as you might be.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:When did you get pregnant and meet?

We met a weeks before my high school graduation. We dated for a few months, and then I got pregnant, and then we got married.

Whose idea was it not to use birth control?

I didn’t really know anything about birth control, but we did sometimes use protection.

Again, extremely childish for an 18 year old and no excuse for a 40 year old father of 3. My kids learned a lot about birth control in middle school.

It’s not extremely childish. I just hadn’t thought of birth control or knew what it’s use was before we started dating. OP

Did you grow up in a religious cult? Were you Amish? How does any teenager, ESPECIALLY one who was so mature you categorize her as "not a teenager when I was 18", not know the "use" of birth control? Every American high school, barring the religious extremist ones, perhaps, would ensure you knew the "use" of birth control. And even if it didn't, just living in the world and being exposed to movies/media/peers would instill this knowledge in you.

No, I didn’t grow up in a religious cult. I didn’t know birth control was a thing, but that doesn’t mean that I was an immature teenager. I could still be mature by not knowing everything about everything. I did have health class, but that they didn’t talk about birth control. I didn’t really like watching movies/media, and my friends didn’t mention birth control. OP

You didn't think to research it! You failed to take responsibility and make an effort to make good choices. That is the behavior of an immature teenager.

But anyway, to answer your question, this is not normal. Your marriage is bad and your husband is bad. You can try to say it's not true, but it is true and you know it. You wouldn't have written this post if everything were fine.

Research something that I didn’t know about? I don’t think it was necessary anyways because he wanted a child, and I don’t regret my child. And I wasn’t a teenager, because saying that I was a teenager implies that I was a child, when I was not. OP

If you had wanted to use birth control, would you have been able to access it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did you get pregnant and meet?

We met a weeks before my high school graduation. We dated for a few months, and then I got pregnant, and then we got married.

Whose idea was it not to use birth control?

I didn’t really know anything about birth control, but we did sometimes use protection.

Again, extremely childish for an 18 year old and no excuse for a 40 year old father of 3. My kids learned a lot about birth control in middle school.

It’s not extremely childish. I just hadn’t thought of birth control or knew what it’s use was before we started dating. OP

Did you grow up in a religious cult? Were you Amish? How does any teenager, ESPECIALLY one who was so mature you categorize her as "not a teenager when I was 18", not know the "use" of birth control? Every American high school, barring the religious extremist ones, perhaps, would ensure you knew the "use" of birth control. And even if it didn't, just living in the world and being exposed to movies/media/peers would instill this knowledge in you.

No, I didn’t grow up in a religious cult. I didn’t know birth control was a thing, but that doesn’t mean that I was an immature teenager. I could still be mature by not knowing everything about everything. I did have health class, but that they didn’t talk about birth control. I didn’t really like watching movies/media, and my friends didn’t mention birth control. OP

You didn't think to research it! You failed to take responsibility and make an effort to make good choices. That is the behavior of an immature teenager.

But anyway, to answer your question, this is not normal. Your marriage is bad and your husband is bad. You can try to say it's not true, but it is true and you know it. You wouldn't have written this post if everything were fine.

Research something that I didn’t know about? I don’t think it was necessary anyways because he wanted a child, and I don’t regret my child. And I wasn’t a teenager, because saying that I was a teenager implies that I was a child, when I was not. OP

If you had wanted to use birth control, would you have been able to access it?

No. I didn’t have a job, so I didn’t have any money, and I also didn’t have a gyn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

Well, guess you're stuck, then.

Marriage counseling but it doesn't sound like he would be willing.

I think he would be willing, so what problems would we need to discuss in marriage counseling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

Well, guess you're stuck, then.

Marriage counseling but it doesn't sound like he would be willing.

I think he would be willing, so what problems would we need to discuss in marriage counseling?

The problem you are writing about! That he won't let you go on vacations. And also all the other bad stuff you say he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

Well, guess you're stuck, then.

Marriage counseling but it doesn't sound like he would be willing.

I think he would be willing, so what problems would we need to discuss in marriage counseling?

Oh, just present yourselves and talk a little about what you are and are not allowed to do. They'll have a field day lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

Well, guess you're stuck, then.

Marriage counseling but it doesn't sound like he would be willing.

I think he would be willing, so what problems would we need to discuss in marriage counseling?

Oh, just present yourselves and talk a little about what you are and are not allowed to do. They'll have a field day lol.

This. Tell them all about what this supposedly wonderful man won't let you do, and be sure to fill them in on how you think you've been an adult since 15, since that's not a massive red flag for distorted thinking and a traumatic childhood.

Sometimes what a person thinks is normal is the most abnormal thing of all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So despite being an adult since you were fifteen years old, you can't figure out what to do when your husbadaddy grounds you?

What do you expect me to do? You’re not in this situation, so you don’t understand. OP

Well, I think you need to get an education, get a job, and divorce him. But clearly you don't like that advice. So, since you're an adult and have been an adult for over 10 years, what's your plan?

I still love him and want to be with him so I don’t want to divorce him, he’s been there for me for so long now, and I do not know if I can go back to living without him. OP

You’ve been together for 9 years and you’re only 27, you could have another few decades to go like this. The bigger problem is you got married as a pregnant teenager and don’t have any education or career, so you’re going to be dependent on him financially whether you’re married or not.

I know, too bad trolling DCUM doesn’t pay up

[Anonymous]

I, for one, am relieved that OP isn’t going on vacation and will be bored at home while her husband enjoys 3 weeks in Europe with his ex and adult kids. We can keep this nonsense thread up throughout the summer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did you get pregnant and meet?

We met a weeks before my high school graduation. We dated for a few months, and then I got pregnant, and then we got married.

Whose idea was it not to use birth control?

I didn’t really know anything about birth control, but we did sometimes use protection.

Again, extremely childish for an 18 year old and no excuse for a 40 year old father of 3. My kids learned a lot about birth control in middle school.

It’s not extremely childish. I just hadn’t thought of birth control or knew what it’s use was before we started dating. OP

Did you grow up in a religious cult? Were you Amish? How does any teenager, ESPECIALLY one who was so mature you categorize her as "not a teenager when I was 18", not know the "use" of birth control? Every American high school, barring the religious extremist ones, perhaps, would ensure you knew the "use" of birth control. And even if it didn't, just living in the world and being exposed to movies/media/peers would instill this knowledge in you.

No, I didn’t grow up in a religious cult. I didn’t know birth control was a thing, but that doesn’t mean that I was an immature teenager. I could still be mature by not knowing everything about everything. I did have health class, but that they didn’t talk about birth control. I didn’t really like watching movies/media, and my friends didn’t mention birth control. OP

You didn't think to research it! You failed to take responsibility and make an effort to make good choices. That is the behavior of an immature teenager.

But anyway, to answer your question, this is not normal. Your marriage is bad and your husband is bad. You can try to say it's not true, but it is true and you know it. You wouldn't have written this post if everything were fine.

Research something that I didn’t know about? I don’t think it was necessary anyways because he wanted a child, and I don’t regret my child. And I wasn’t a teenager, because saying that I was a teenager implies that I was a child, when I was not. OP

If you had wanted to use birth control, would you have been able to access it?

Dude back then it was free on campus and at planned parenthood