Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ not true. I know that is not how I would think. I would not assume that I have consented. Just talk to her.

I am the PP you are responding too. Are you married? Have you been married to someone for two decades, the last decade we have had sex between 10-20x a year, in a good year. And dwindling. You act like we can just sit down and have a rational discussion: hey honey, I'd like to sleep with Cindy. You are cool with it? Great! See you later, don't wait up!

Instead, this conversation would only lead to more tears, more suspicion, more likely to divorce and screw up the family. So I pass on your radical honesty.

Listen, just have a good sexual and intimate relationship with your spouse and you won't have to worry about being in this position.

So what is the EXACT math when the partner who is being "denied" gets to step out on the marriage? Less than once a month? Once a quarter? Once every two weeks? We need cutoffs!!!

Ok but I need some precise numbers from you in order to give the exact math. How much actual sex are you having today? In the general population, a normal sex life would be once or twice per week. Now consider your relationship history: how much sex were you having while dating and earlier in the marriage?

Next, consider how often do YOU initiate? How often does he reject you? How often does he initiate? How often do you reject him?

Given these inputs, I can compute whether or now he gets to step out.

Oh so it's an algebraic formula?
A= #times per week while dating
B= #times per week in last year
X=number of times female initiates
Y=number of times male initiates

So maybe its (Y-X)/(B-A) ?

OR MAYBE YOU COULD USE YOUR WORDS AND GET A DIVORCE YOU DONKEY

But the sexless wife doesn't want to divorce, and neither does the normal libido husband. So why are you advising a married couple to divorce when neither of them wants to divorce? You sound like the donkey here.

I know honesty, trust and openness are THE WORST. How dare I??
I'm actually an advocate for ethical non-monogamy but not lying, sneaking, cheating etc.

But a sexless marriage is already devoid of honesty/trust/openness so why would you demand this of only one spouse?
You are advising him to inform his wife their marriage is now non-monogamous? Is that you, open marriage guy?

Yes. That's what I'm advocating. It's better than creeping.
And I'm a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

In what way do I sound “entitled to sex”? I support any woman (including my wife) decision to not have sex. Of course, no one is “entitled” to monogamy either. Now that you’ve admitted that declaring open marriage is the best solution to dealing with a sexless spouse, stand back while all the open marriage guy haters flame you into oblivion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

In what way do I sound “entitled to sex”? I support any woman (including my wife) decision to not have sex. Of course, no one is “entitled” to monogamy either. Now that you’ve admitted that declaring open marriage is the best solution to dealing with a sexless spouse, stand back while all the open marriage guy haters flame you into oblivion.

You are saying if your DW doesn't want to have sex with you, you are entitled to seek it elsewhere.
And I still think you are likely a really bad sex partner. If you were making sure she had multiple orgasms- she would want you more.

[Anonymous]

New PP here and before you accuse men whose wives lose interest of having duds for husbands, would you say women who are married to low libido men as being terrible in bed as the cause?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New PP here and before you accuse men whose wives lose interest of having duds for husbands, would you say women who are married to low libido men as being terrible in bed as the cause?

Sure or they have untreated Clinical Depression.

I'm just going on what I've seen.
The women I know who don't want to have sex with their husbands...their husbands are asholes. Always criticizing and never trying to make any type of truly loving or kind gestures but then want sex on tap with no foreplay or any effort. Resentments don't make you want to tear their clothes off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

THIS.

Anything else makes you a total coward. Ask for what you want (sex outside the marriage/open marriage) or end it. Be a damn grownup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

In what way do I sound “entitled to sex”? I support any woman (including my wife) decision to not have sex. Of course, no one is “entitled” to monogamy either. Now that you’ve admitted that declaring open marriage is the best solution to dealing with a sexless spouse, stand back while all the open marriage guy haters flame you into oblivion.

You are saying if your DW doesn't want to have sex with you, you are entitled to seek it elsewhere.
And I still think you are likely a really bad sex partner. If you were making sure she had multiple orgasms- she would want you more.

Yes, exactly: if my DW doesn't want sex with me, I most certainly am "entitled" to seek it elsewhere. A marriage which lacks a normal sex life cannot be monogamous. A sexless wife is not "entitled" to a man's continued fidelity.

As to your theory that a wife loses interest: why would a wife ever marry a "bad sex partner"? A why would another woman have an affair with a bad sex partner? Your theory is flawed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

THIS.

Anything else makes you a total coward. Ask for what you want (sex outside the marriage/open marriage) or end it. Be a damn grownup.

I think we have finally agreed on the correct fix for a sexless marriage: declare it open. Multiple upstream women have now confirmed that open marriage guy was right all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

In what way do I sound “entitled to sex”? I support any woman (including my wife) decision to not have sex. Of course, no one is “entitled” to monogamy either. Now that you’ve admitted that declaring open marriage is the best solution to dealing with a sexless spouse, stand back while all the open marriage guy haters flame you into oblivion.

You are saying if your DW doesn't want to have sex with you, you are entitled to seek it elsewhere.
And I still think you are likely a really bad sex partner. If you were making sure she had multiple orgasms- she would want you more.

Yes, exactly: if my DW doesn't want sex with me, I most certainly am "entitled" to seek it elsewhere. A marriage which lacks a normal sex life cannot be monogamous. A sexless wife is not "entitled" to a man's continued fidelity.

As to your theory that a wife loses interest: why would a wife ever marry a "bad sex partner"? A why would another woman have an affair with a bad sex partner? Your theory is flawed.

No one is entitled to sex. EVER. That's some straight up rape culture BS. Use your damn hand. And again, you haven't defined "sexless" with any definitive answer as to frequency. And in your wedding vows...where does it say IF and THEN? I don't remember the contract being "If you have sex with me x times per month THEN I will be faithful"

And trust me...women marry bad sex partners all. The. Time. Read up on this forum for many examples. Many of my friends were dumb enough to do it.
As to why a woman willing to be a side chick has sex with a bad partner....probably Daddy Issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

In what way do I sound “entitled to sex”? I support any woman (including my wife) decision to not have sex. Of course, no one is “entitled” to monogamy either. Now that you’ve admitted that declaring open marriage is the best solution to dealing with a sexless spouse, stand back while all the open marriage guy haters flame you into oblivion.

You are saying if your DW doesn't want to have sex with you, you are entitled to seek it elsewhere.
And I still think you are likely a really bad sex partner. If you were making sure she had multiple orgasms- she would want you more.

Yes, exactly: if my DW doesn't want sex with me, I most certainly am "entitled" to seek it elsewhere. A marriage which lacks a normal sex life cannot be monogamous. A sexless wife is not "entitled" to a man's continued fidelity.

As to your theory that a wife loses interest: why would a wife ever marry a "bad sex partner"? A why would another woman have an affair with a bad sex partner? Your theory is flawed.

Scientific proof: men are bad at pleasing women

https://www.forbes.com/sites/janetwburns/2017/02/27/straight-women-are-given-fewest-orgasms-study-finds/#3f81683a722d

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

In what way do I sound “entitled to sex”? I support any woman (including my wife) decision to not have sex. Of course, no one is “entitled” to monogamy either. Now that you’ve admitted that declaring open marriage is the best solution to dealing with a sexless spouse, stand back while all the open marriage guy haters flame you into oblivion.

You are saying if your DW doesn't want to have sex with you, you are entitled to seek it elsewhere.
And I still think you are likely a really bad sex partner. If you were making sure she had multiple orgasms- she would want you more.

Yes, exactly: if my DW doesn't want sex with me, I most certainly am "entitled" to seek it elsewhere. A marriage which lacks a normal sex life cannot be monogamous. A sexless wife is not "entitled" to a man's continued fidelity.

As to your theory that a wife loses interest: why would a wife ever marry a "bad sex partner"? A why would another woman have an affair with a bad sex partner? Your theory is flawed.

No one is entitled to sex. EVER. That's some straight up rape culture BS. Use your damn hand. And again, you haven't defined "sexless" with any definitive answer as to frequency. And in your wedding vows...where does it say IF and THEN? I don't remember the contract being "If you have sex with me x times per month THEN I will be faithful"

And trust me...women marry bad sex partners all. The. Time. Read up on this forum for many examples. Many of my friends were dumb enough to do it.
As to why a woman willing to be a side chick has sex with a bad partner....probably Daddy Issues.

I specifically agree that nobody is entitled to sex. Can’t you read? I am however entitled to pursue sex (with a consenting partner). And if my wife isn’t consenting, then I am entitled to pursue sex with other (consenting) women.

Sexless is defined as a significant drop from the relationship baseline. What “contract” are you talking about? Some spouses lose interest in sex, others lose interest in fidelity, there are no enforceable contacts for either case.

Any woman who marries a bad sex partner is a fool and no wonder she has a crappy sex life, loses interest, resulting in her husband going elsewhere. I have low sympathy for either side of that nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

In what way do I sound “entitled to sex”? I support any woman (including my wife) decision to not have sex. Of course, no one is “entitled” to monogamy either. Now that you’ve admitted that declaring open marriage is the best solution to dealing with a sexless spouse, stand back while all the open marriage guy haters flame you into oblivion.

You are saying if your DW doesn't want to have sex with you, you are entitled to seek it elsewhere.
And I still think you are likely a really bad sex partner. If you were making sure she had multiple orgasms- she would want you more.

Yes, exactly: if my DW doesn't want sex with me, I most certainly am "entitled" to seek it elsewhere. A marriage which lacks a normal sex life cannot be monogamous. A sexless wife is not "entitled" to a man's continued fidelity.

As to your theory that a wife loses interest: why would a wife ever marry a "bad sex partner"? A why would another woman have an affair with a bad sex partner? Your theory is flawed.

Scientific proof: men are bad at pleasing women

https://www.forbes.com/sites/janetwburns/2017/02/27/straight-women-are-given-fewest-orgasms-study-finds/#3f81683a722d

So switch teams and date lesbians. Any woman who married a bad sex partner deserves bad sex and I fully expect that marriage with end in divorce and or him going elsewhere. Shame on him for being bad at sex, shame on her for marrying him. This is all irrelevant to subject thread. Start a new thread about how men are terrible sex partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

In what way do I sound “entitled to sex”? I support any woman (including my wife) decision to not have sex. Of course, no one is “entitled” to monogamy either. Now that you’ve admitted that declaring open marriage is the best solution to dealing with a sexless spouse, stand back while all the open marriage guy haters flame you into oblivion.

You are saying if your DW doesn't want to have sex with you, you are entitled to seek it elsewhere.
And I still think you are likely a really bad sex partner. If you were making sure she had multiple orgasms- she would want you more.

Yes, exactly: if my DW doesn't want sex with me, I most certainly am "entitled" to seek it elsewhere. A marriage which lacks a normal sex life cannot be monogamous. A sexless wife is not "entitled" to a man's continued fidelity.

As to your theory that a wife loses interest: why would a wife ever marry a "bad sex partner"? A why would another woman have an affair with a bad sex partner? Your theory is flawed.

No one is entitled to sex. EVER. That's some straight up rape culture BS. Use your damn hand. And again, you haven't defined "sexless" with any definitive answer as to frequency. And in your wedding vows...where does it say IF and THEN? I don't remember the contract being "If you have sex with me x times per month THEN I will be faithful"

And trust me...women marry bad sex partners all. The. Time. Read up on this forum for many examples. Many of my friends were dumb enough to do it.
As to why a woman willing to be a side chick has sex with a bad partner....probably Daddy Issues.

I specifically agree that nobody is entitled to sex. Can’t you read? I am however entitled to pursue sex (with a consenting partner). And if my wife isn’t consenting, then I am entitled to pursue sex with other (consenting) women.

Sexless is defined as a significant drop from the relationship baseline. What “contract” are you talking about? Some spouses lose interest in sex, others lose interest in fidelity, there are no enforceable contacts for either case.

Any woman who marries a bad sex partner is a fool and no wonder she has a crappy sex life, loses interest, resulting in her husband going elsewhere. I have low sympathy for either side of that nonsense.

Mmmkay. When we were first dating my DH and I used to have sex 2-3 times a day. So now that its twice a week he gets to pork some side skank?

And my dear jag, you know who isn't consenting to be exposed to STIs from your adultery? The faithful spouse. Your idea of consent is very childlike.

I love also how you are dodging the idea that you have ANY culpability for the collapse of your love life. How often did your wife come when you had sex?

P.S. Marriage is a contract.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mmmkay. When we were first dating my DH and I used to have sex 2-3 times a day. So now that its twice a week he gets to pork some side skank?

And my dear jag, you know who isn't consenting to be exposed to STIs from your adultery? The faithful spouse. Your idea of consent is very childlike.

I love also how you are dodging the idea that you have ANY culpability for the collapse of your love life. How often did your wife come when you had sex?

P.S. Marriage is a contract.

I do not actually believe you EVER had sex 21 times in a week, at best you mean multiple sex on a saturday. But to answer your question, the "relationship baseline" starts AFTER first couple months of crazy monkey sex. And I would bet twice a week does not represent a significant reduction from that baseline, so.... NO he does not get to pork some side shank as you are not in a sexless marriage.

Let me explain consent. Person A needs sex from Person B to have sex with Person B. Person C is not part of this sexual activity, so no consent is needed from Person C for the A+B pairing.

I love how you refuse to accept some women just don't want to have sex and it has nothing to do with the man, as evidenced by so many other (non-wife) women who (repeatedly) want this same man.

PS, if you believe that marriage is a contract in regards to sexual fidelity, then changing terms to be sexless voids this fidelity clause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ I’m a proponent of working it out. Looking back, there really is a payoff in staying in marriage. Happiness is a perspective that can be cultivated, especially during those middle year’s when life is challenging.

You say to "work it out"...... Wife doesn't want sex, husband does. Explain to us (exactly) what does "work it out" look like here?

Be honest.
Use your words like a big boy.
"I want to open the marriage or get a divorce."

And honestly, you sound like a big, whiney, angry toddler who feels he is entitled to sex.
Have you tried being truly loving?
You are probably very selfish in bed from the way you come across. I don't want to have sex with you either. You are probably critical and nit-picky towards your DW.
My DH is kind and thoughtful and understanding. We have great communication and trust. He's totally getting some tonight.

In what way do I sound “entitled to sex”? I support any woman (including my wife) decision to not have sex. Of course, no one is “entitled” to monogamy either. Now that you’ve admitted that declaring open marriage is the best solution to dealing with a sexless spouse, stand back while all the open marriage guy haters flame you into oblivion.

You are saying if your DW doesn't want to have sex with you, you are entitled to seek it elsewhere.
And I still think you are likely a really bad sex partner. If you were making sure she had multiple orgasms- she would want you more.

Yes, exactly: if my DW doesn't want sex with me, I most certainly am "entitled" to seek it elsewhere. A marriage which lacks a normal sex life cannot be monogamous. A sexless wife is not "entitled" to a man's continued fidelity.

As to your theory that a wife loses interest: why would a wife ever marry a "bad sex partner"? A why would another woman have an affair with a bad sex partner? Your theory is flawed.

No one is entitled to sex. EVER. That's some straight up rape culture BS. Use your damn hand. And again, you haven't defined "sexless" with any definitive answer as to frequency. And in your wedding vows...where does it say IF and THEN? I don't remember the contract being "If you have sex with me x times per month THEN I will be faithful"

And trust me...women marry bad sex partners all. The. Time. Read up on this forum for many examples. Many of my friends were dumb enough to do it.
As to why a woman willing to be a side chick has sex with a bad partner....probably Daddy Issues.

I specifically agree that nobody is entitled to sex. Can’t you read? I am however entitled to pursue sex (with a consenting partner). And if my wife isn’t consenting, then I am entitled to pursue sex with other (consenting) women.

Sexless is defined as a significant drop from the relationship baseline. What “contract” are you talking about? Some spouses lose interest in sex, others lose interest in fidelity, there are no enforceable contacts for either case.

Any woman who marries a bad sex partner is a fool and no wonder she has a crappy sex life, loses interest, resulting in her husband going elsewhere. I have low sympathy for either side of that nonsense.

was that in your marriage vows? lol.