Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

[Anonymous]

I like living with my children, and my wife enables that. She also enables me to come home to a nice, clean home and healthy meals prepared. I get to have the stable, married life as well as the excitement my AP provides. Why would I divorce? It would also be a big hit for me financially. Living in two separate homes would be far more expensive than the current arrangement. And like I said, there are benefits to living with my wife, even if I'm not interested in sleeping with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like living with my children, and my wife enables that. She also enables me to come home to a nice, clean home and healthy meals prepared. I get to have the stable, married life as well as the excitement my AP provides. Why would I divorce? It would also be a big hit for me financially. Living in two separate homes would be far more expensive than the current arrangement. And like I said, there are benefits to living with my wife, even if I'm not interested in sleeping with her.

This just shows a lack of respect for your wife

[Anonymous]

People like to "have their cake and eat it too" OP. It's not that difficult to understand. Also, people enjoy the thrill and sneakiness of cheating. "Why not have it all"...is the attitude some people have.

[Anonymous]

People who have affairs are working from a different moral compass. They are focused on getting their own needs met, not on avoiding harm or protecting others.

Some love the riskiness of the dual life and thrive on the sneaking around, the lies, the deceit. The thought of getting away with it is a rush.

They don't really care about harm or damage to their spouse or kids or what will happen if they get found out. They are focused inwardly and on getting the attention or validation or sex or rush that cheating gives them.

They don't feel shame or guilt or remorse the same way others do. People with those feelings get divorced. Those who instead get a thrill from cheating, knowing they might blow up their family if caught get excited not guilty - a divorce doesn't bring that rush or thrill.

If they do her caught, they rationalize it, blame it on others, twist the context, manipulate and lie some more.

Life gets boring and mundane, people's moral compass will help determine what they do about it.

I think of cheaters like arsonists. They are playing with fire and matches in the basement of their house. The thrill of playing with fire and the risk of burning the house down is a rush. They know they could burn it down me their spouse / kids could her burned or killed but the thrill of the fire is a stronger pull. Sometimes they realize they have flirted too close to danger, the fire got out of hand, spouse or kids smelled smoke and they pull back for a bit. Other times the pull is too strong and they can't stop themselves and they might the house on fire and tell themselves the thrill of the playing with fire is worth whatever pain or suffering the fire causes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like living with my children, and my wife enables that. She also enables me to come home to a nice, clean home and healthy meals prepared. I get to have the stable, married life as well as the excitement my AP provides. Why would I divorce? It would also be a big hit for me financially. Living in two separate homes would be far more expensive than the current arrangement. And like I said, there are benefits to living with my wife, even if I'm not interested in sleeping with her.

And you'd end up having to actually take care of your own kids by yourself half the time. You suck as a human being (and your kids know it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money

Kids

This.

[Anonymous]

Well, spouses who deny sex also don't feel shame or guilt or remorse (because they are sexually bored but do not want to say it), and shuts down any discussion when asked for the reason.

Why is the onus not on them to get a divorce and release their denied spouse from misery? Obviously because they want to have the marriage cake and eat it too.

The truth is that the deprived spouse who cheated is no more guilty than the denying spouse who offered no solution (such as a hall pass) to the denied spouse.

[Anonymous]

Money, assets, kids, judgment from family/friends, wanting to have their cake and eat it, too, uncertainty that the grass is actually greener, etc., etc.

[Anonymous]

Three well educated people who were extremely stupid. They didn't have kids, the wife would have gotten a good job, or moved back to her old city. If you watch the interview he comes off as a narcissist - definitely something off with him. I think he's rationalized no divorce or dividing of the assets, rid of two problems at this point. He takes no responsibility yet he set it all in action. I am surprised she didn't off him first as he'll just find another woman. Meredith - no sympathy for her either.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/man-involved-2018-love-triangle-murder-suicide-case/story?id=65366893

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like living with my children, and my wife enables that. She also enables me to come home to a nice, clean home and healthy meals prepared. I get to have the stable, married life as well as the excitement my AP provides. Why would I divorce? It would also be a big hit for me financially. Living in two separate homes would be far more expensive than the current arrangement. And like I said, there are benefits to living with my wife, even if I'm not interested in sleeping with her.

This just shows a lack of respect for your wife

And your point is??

[Anonymous]

Men love their wives and don't think cheating is bad.

Women are stuck and can't afford to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men love their wives and don't think cheating is bad.

Women are stuck and can't afford to leave.

most stupid generalization

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men love their wives and don't think cheating is bad.

Women are stuck and can't afford to leave.

That's more often the case. However, once the husband cheats the woman is a free to do what she wants. He broke the vows, she is a free agent at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men love their wives and don't think cheating is bad.

Women are stuck and can't afford to leave.

That's more often the case. However, once the husband cheats the woman is a free to do what she wants. He broke the vows, she is a free agent at that point.

Fixed it for you: Once the wife announces the end of sex (through numerous rejections), the man is a free to do what he wants, including cheating. She broke the marriage vow (to have and to hold) FIRST, and hence he is free to seek sex outside the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men love their wives and don't think cheating is bad.

Women are stuck and can't afford to leave.

most stupid generalization

Why is cheating bad? The sexless wife gets to enjoy her vision of a happy family with the kids and a devoted husband, while the husband gets his sexual needs (not to be confused with love for his wife) met elsewhere. She is also not affected by the risk of STIs, since they no longer have sex.

Guess cheating is only bad and blamed on the husband when the wife finds out and realises the outcome of her denial, but refuses to accept that she caused it.