Why don't people leave their spouse instead of having affairs?

[Anonymous]

If my wife cuts me off from sex, why would I give her half of our assets?
AP is a much cheaper solution

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? Are you dumb? Because divorce costs A LOT OF MONEY and blows up your children’s life! Christ, if I found out my spouse was banging someone from work, divorce would be the absolute last resort FOR ME, the cheated-on spouse. It has nothing to do with “honoring marriage vows” or whatever the f** people on this forum whinge about, and everything to do with keeping a stable family unit for the kids.

If your husband is balls deep in someone other than you, your family unit is not stable.

No, not necessarily... It means he's not getting his needs met at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would a sahm support herself genius?

She gets a job, duh.

Why would she do that when she has someone bringing home the money already? It's much easier to get a side piece than a $200k job for a sahm

My trophy wife AP was a SAHM whose kids had left the nest a couple of years ago and had a high-earning but always-gone husband (whose abilities in bed were a bit lacking). She was bored and eventually sought out some fun while he was away, which led her to me. Her options were:

1. Divorce her husband who enabled her to stay at home, shop, whatever, and never have to worry about income. Have to find employment of her own and seek out new companionship (we worked great as AP's but both acknowledged we would have never dated each other due to, among other things, the 14 year age difference (29 vs 43).

2. Stay with her husband, enjoy all the benefits he provided while also enjoying the benefits a much younger man with the stamina to match could provide whenever she needed it (which turned out to be a lot).

Which one do you think she chose? Not saying any of it was right, but you are naive if you can't see why she did what she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? Are you dumb? Because divorce costs A LOT OF MONEY and blows up your children’s life! Christ, if I found out my spouse was banging someone from work, divorce would be the absolute last resort FOR ME, the cheated-on spouse. It has nothing to do with “honoring marriage vows” or whatever the f** people on this forum whinge about, and everything to do with keeping a stable family unit for the kids.

If your husband is balls deep in someone other than you, your family unit is not stable.

No, not necessarily... It means he's not getting his needs met at home.

No one can really meet anyone's complete needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes the AP doesn't feel the same way and doesn't want to leave their spouse.

In my mind, if someone is having an affair, then it seems like that person would be better off spending their time finding someone else. It's line they are wasting everyone's life.

That's only in your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What? Are you dumb? Because divorce costs A LOT OF MONEY and blows up your children’s life! Christ, if I found out my spouse was banging someone from work, divorce would be the absolute last resort FOR ME, the cheated-on spouse. It has nothing to do with “honoring marriage vows” or whatever the f** people on this forum whinge about, and everything to do with keeping a stable family unit for the kids.

If your husband is balls deep in someone other than you, your family unit is not stable.

Men have successfully separated family life from sex life from time immemorial. Wife serves one purpose, and the mistress, another.

[Anonymous]

Because they want what they want and they want it now, regardless of who they hurt. It’s not complicated. It’s plain selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Because most men and women are intelligent enough -- and have the realistic expectations -- to know that the pheromones, excitement, and thrill of hot sex and chemistry with the new affair partner does eventually fade over time and settle into a familiar relationship with many of the same issues, struggles, disappointments, and boredom of the current marriage.

Since that is the case, it is a temporary remedy to get your hot sex 'on the side' while you work through the rough or boring patch with your spouse, rather than go through the emotional trauma (for both spouses and children) and the financial diminishment of a divorce for someone (the affair partner) who in the long run might not be any better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would a sahm support herself genius?

She gets a job, duh.

Why would she do that when she has someone bringing home the money already? It's much easier to get a side piece than a $200k job for a sahm

My trophy wife AP was a SAHM whose kids had left the nest a couple of years ago and had a high-earning but always-gone husband (whose abilities in bed were a bit lacking). She was bored and eventually sought out some fun while he was away, which led her to me. Her options were:

1. Divorce her husband who enabled her to stay at home, shop, whatever, and never have to worry about income. Have to find employment of her own and seek out new companionship (we worked great as AP's but both acknowledged we would have never dated each other due to, among other things, the 14 year age difference (29 vs 43).

2. Stay with her husband, enjoy all the benefits he provided while also enjoying the benefits a much younger man with the stamina to match could provide whenever she needed it (which turned out to be a lot).

Which one do you think she chose? Not saying any of it was right, but you are naive if you can't see why she did what she did.

She was 43 and her kids had left the nest a few years earlier? OK.

[Anonymous]

People that have affairs are weak individuals. They lack morals and ethics. They get to hide behind “keeping the family intact” and “finances”.

Spouses who stay with partners who they know are having affairs have little self worth. They do get to hide behind “keeping the family intact” and “finances”

At that point, both spouses are just 2 people co-habitating to share living expenses and the challenges of raising kids. There is no more “marriage” and certainly not a respect for wedding vows.

Yes life is tedious. The hot and heavy feelings that occur when you first meet fade significantly after 10, 20, 30 yrs. You won’t ever be able to recreate those sparks with your spouse. But you can create a solid family and a deep friendship built on shared experiences. The problem is that this doesn’t excite people they way a first kiss filled with chemistry does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would a sahm support herself genius?

She gets a job, duh.

Why would she do that when she has someone bringing home the money already? It's much easier to get a side piece than a $200k job for a sahm

My trophy wife AP was a SAHM whose kids had left the nest a couple of years ago and had a high-earning but always-gone husband (whose abilities in bed were a bit lacking). She was bored and eventually sought out some fun while he was away, which led her to me. Her options were:

1. Divorce her husband who enabled her to stay at home, shop, whatever, and never have to worry about income. Have to find employment of her own and seek out new companionship (we worked great as AP's but both acknowledged we would have never dated each other due to, among other things, the 14 year age difference (29 vs 43).

2. Stay with her husband, enjoy all the benefits he provided while also enjoying the benefits a much younger man with the stamina to match could provide whenever she needed it (which turned out to be a lot).

Which one do you think she chose? Not saying any of it was right, but you are naive if you can't see why she did what she did.

A very foolish woman I wish had gotten caught. Too bad her DH didn't hire a investigator and boot her out.

[Anonymous]

For the same reasons why a spouse who unilaterally deny sex usually do not file for divorce, after having decided that he/ she no longer love the spouse. The funny thing is that the deprived spouse will be blamed by everyone for cheating, even though the one who denied sex created the unhappy situation in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would a sahm support herself genius?

She gets a job, duh.

Why would she do that when she has someone bringing home the money already? It's much easier to get a side piece than a $200k job for a sahm

My trophy wife AP was a SAHM whose kids had left the nest a couple of years ago and had a high-earning but always-gone husband (whose abilities in bed were a bit lacking). She was bored and eventually sought out some fun while he was away, which led her to me. Her options were:

1. Divorce her husband who enabled her to stay at home, shop, whatever, and never have to worry about income. Have to find employment of her own and seek out new companionship (we worked great as AP's but both acknowledged we would have never dated each other due to, among other things, the 14 year age difference (29 vs 43).

2. Stay with her husband, enjoy all the benefits he provided while also enjoying the benefits a much younger man with the stamina to match could provide whenever she needed it (which turned out to be a lot).

Which one do you think she chose? Not saying any of it was right, but you are naive if you can't see why she did what she did.

She was 43 and her kids had left the nest a few years earlier? OK.

They had kids young. She was 19-22 during her child-bearing years. Both kids left when they turned 18, which puts her at 40 when the last one left. Math not your strong suit is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would a sahm support herself genius?

She gets a job, duh.

Why would she do that when she has someone bringing home the money already? It's much easier to get a side piece than a $200k job for a sahm

My trophy wife AP was a SAHM whose kids had left the nest a couple of years ago and had a high-earning but always-gone husband (whose abilities in bed were a bit lacking). She was bored and eventually sought out some fun while he was away, which led her to me. Her options were:

1. Divorce her husband who enabled her to stay at home, shop, whatever, and never have to worry about income. Have to find employment of her own and seek out new companionship (we worked great as AP's but both acknowledged we would have never dated each other due to, among other things, the 14 year age difference (29 vs 43).

2. Stay with her husband, enjoy all the benefits he provided while also enjoying the benefits a much younger man with the stamina to match could provide whenever she needed it (which turned out to be a lot).

Which one do you think she chose? Not saying any of it was right, but you are naive if you can't see why she did what she did.

A very foolish woman I wish had gotten caught. Too bad her DH didn't hire a investigator and boot her out.

No investigator, but she got careless and he got way too close to finding out for my comfort so I cut bait and survived to tell the tale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't break up your kids home for an affair. Do you not have kids OP?

Something to be weighed carefully, everyone's situation is different. I'd do what someone I know did. Make the cheaters turn on each other, while offended spouse enjoys the how. Tell cheater about the hang up calls, send sexy panties in AP's size to home asking DH if he sent them. I still laugh when DW told me her no good husband was starting to lock the doors at night. Meanwhile smart spouse is padding the nest.