Does anyone else find ‘cherish these moments’ parenting advice a little traumatizing?

[Anonymous]

Traumatizing?

[Anonymous]

How are all of these stressed , overwhelmed young moms finding time to be online all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

But the post is about “cherish these moments” not what you are referring to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

But the post is about “cherish these moments” not what you are referring to.

No one has actually said to her the things she claims, she’s just mad at life and looking for something to vent about. Strangers are not walking around telling women “you think this is hard????? Just you wait!!!!” in a menacing tone. It’s just not happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

But the post is about “cherish these moments” not what you are referring to.

No one has actually said to her the things she claims, she’s just mad at life and looking for something to vent about. Strangers are not walking around telling women “you think this is hard????? Just you wait!!!!” in a menacing tone. It’s just not happening.

It actually does! I’ve had women joke “wait till he is a teenager!” when my kid was crying in target. I’m sure she meant it light heartedly. But it didn’t hit right , and just made me think “so it never gets easier?!” I actually cried when I got back to my car. People just need to think before they speak sometimes that’s all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

But the post is about “cherish these moments” not what you are referring to.

No one has actually said to her the things she claims, she’s just mad at life and looking for something to vent about. Strangers are not walking around telling women “you think this is hard????? Just you wait!!!!” in a menacing tone. It’s just not happening.

It actually does! I’ve had women joke “wait till he is a teenager!” when my kid was crying in target. I’m sure she meant it light heartedly. But it didn’t hit right , and just made me think “so it never gets easier?!” I actually cried when I got back to my car. People just need to think before they speak sometimes that’s all.

But what you are missing is that you cried because of your fragility, not because her lighthearted comment was "traumatizing."

This is getting exhausting. My heart goes out to these kids if so many moms are walking around all day, everyday on their last nerve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

But the post is about “cherish these moments” not what you are referring to.

No one has actually said to her the things she claims, she’s just mad at life and looking for something to vent about. Strangers are not walking around telling women “you think this is hard????? Just you wait!!!!” in a menacing tone. It’s just not happening.

It actually does! I’ve had women joke “wait till he is a teenager!” when my kid was crying in target. I’m sure she meant it light heartedly. But it didn’t hit right , and just made me think “so it never gets easier?!” I actually cried when I got back to my car. People just need to think before they speak sometimes that’s all.

But what you are missing is that you cried because of your fragility, not because her lighthearted comment was "traumatizing."

This is getting exhausting. My heart goes out to these kids if so many moms are walking around all day, everyday on their last nerve.

NP. You are honestly awful, or you are so far removed from infant days that you can't remember what sleeplessness and sore nipples are actually like. And by the way? The PP you are responding to said the comment "didn't hit right," she did not say it was "traumatizing," so stop. Really.

Target mom, I agree with you completely. Sometimes it is just the little, unexpected things that get to you. And I think as allegedly experienced and seasoned moms, we should remember and recognize that, and give other moms a break by not saying those dumb little comments. If you aren't prepared to simply give a smile, a compliment, or an offer to help, keep it moving. No one likes your "just you wait" comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

But the post is about “cherish these moments” not what you are referring to.

No one has actually said to her the things she claims, she’s just mad at life and looking for something to vent about. Strangers are not walking around telling women “you think this is hard????? Just you wait!!!!” in a menacing tone. It’s just not happening.

It does happen I was one of the last of our friends to have a baby and some of my friends with much older kids said stuff like that to me. Not in a "menacing tone" but in this very put upon way like "oh, it's funny that you think this is a problem -- I have older kids and actual parenting problems dear." It got old very fast.

Now that I have older kids, I think what is going on there is that moms of older kids look at new moms with a combination of envy, wistfulness, and resentment. New moms tend to get more attention and congratulations, but once your kids are older, no one is congratulating you on having kids. And some moms with older kids also miss the little kid days -- babies and toddlers can be incredibly hard, but they are also more free with snuggles and smiles, and when you have an older child who is more independent and less snuggly, it can give you rose colored glasses about what life with little ones is like. And then I do think some moms of older kids just have some hard resentment that grows out of that envy and wistfulness, and it really comes across at times.

Because I experienced a lot of that as a new mom, it's something I consciously avoid doing when I'm around people with babies now. I try to be encouraging and supportive instead, which are not things I got much of back then. Sure, people fawned over my baby, but I got so little actual encouragement or cheerleading that I remember the rare examples very vividly. I try to be that person. Why not? What new mom benefits from yet another person telling them they're doing it wrong, or reminding them of the 47 things they need to be doing, or telling them it only gets harder from here? Who does that help? No one.

[Anonymous]

News flash you moms of younger kids. It really never gets easier. This is what my mom, who has four kids in their 30s and 40s, tells me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

But the post is about “cherish these moments” not what you are referring to.

No one has actually said to her the things she claims, she’s just mad at life and looking for something to vent about. Strangers are not walking around telling women “you think this is hard????? Just you wait!!!!” in a menacing tone. It’s just not happening.

It does happen I was one of the last of our friends to have a baby and some of my friends with much older kids said stuff like that to me. Not in a "menacing tone" but in this very put upon way like "oh, it's funny that you think this is a problem -- I have older kids and actual parenting problems dear." It got old very fast.

Now that I have older kids, I think what is going on there is that moms of older kids look at new moms with a combination of envy, wistfulness, and resentment. New moms tend to get more attention and congratulations, but once your kids are older, no one is congratulating you on having kids. And some moms with older kids also miss the little kid days -- babies and toddlers can be incredibly hard, but they are also more free with snuggles and smiles, and when you have an older child who is more independent and less snuggly, it can give you rose colored glasses about what life with little ones is like. And then I do think some moms of older kids just have some hard resentment that grows out of that envy and wistfulness, and it really comes across at times.

Because I experienced a lot of that as a new mom, it's something I consciously avoid doing when I'm around people with babies now. I try to be encouraging and supportive instead, which are not things I got much of back then. Sure, people fawned over my baby, but I got so little actual encouragement or cheerleading that I remember the rare examples very vividly. I try to be that person. Why not? What new mom benefits from yet another person telling them they're doing it wrong, or reminding them of the 47 things they need to be doing, or telling them it only gets harder from here? Who does that help? No one.

Just curious - how old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

But the post is about “cherish these moments” not what you are referring to.

No one has actually said to her the things she claims, she’s just mad at life and looking for something to vent about. Strangers are not walking around telling women “you think this is hard????? Just you wait!!!!” in a menacing tone. It’s just not happening.

It actually does! I’ve had women joke “wait till he is a teenager!” when my kid was crying in target. I’m sure she meant it light heartedly. But it didn’t hit right , and just made me think “so it never gets easier?!” I actually cried when I got back to my car. People just need to think before they speak sometimes that’s all.

My heart goes out to you. I had a "crying in the Target parking lot" moment with my baby too.

To the PP who is being rude to you: guess what, moms of babies actually are fragile in ways they can't help. One reason they wind up crying in parking lots is because they are often on hormonal roller coasters that make them very susceptible to emotional triggers. Through no fault of their own, it's just what their bodies are doing. So when you are rude to people who recently gave birth, it's like kicking someone in a cast.

It's amazing how even with people talking more about PPD and PPA, everyone still forgets that new moms are going through a massive hormonal and emotional ordeal. Yes, some moms don't feel it as acutely. But some do. I cried all the time for the first 4 months of my kids life. It's not because I was weak, it's because that was my body's response to a lot of stuff.

[Anonymous]

No one is saying it is weird to cry or be exhausted. We have ALL been there.

Some have just been saying that when you are so fragile, it does not take much to set you off. Don't turn daggers on the world, let alone other moms.

Just because they have a few years on you does not mean they are "resentful" irrelevant" "envious." Those characterizations really smack of misogyny or projection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:News flash you moms of younger kids. It really never gets easier. This is what my mom, who has four kids in their 30s and 40s, tells me.

News flash you older moms. The vast majority of people don't want unsolicited advice or opinions, especially from strangers. This is what my mom, who is the oldest of five children and has three children in their 30s and 40s--and who is a trained facilitator who teaches different personality groups how to work together in professional environments--taught me about manners and social interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

But the post is about “cherish these moments” not what you are referring to.

No one has actually said to her the things she claims, she’s just mad at life and looking for something to vent about. Strangers are not walking around telling women “you think this is hard????? Just you wait!!!!” in a menacing tone. It’s just not happening.

It actually does! I’ve had women joke “wait till he is a teenager!” when my kid was crying in target. I’m sure she meant it light heartedly. But it didn’t hit right , and just made me think “so it never gets easier?!” I actually cried when I got back to my car. People just need to think before they speak sometimes that’s all.

My heart goes out to you. I had a "crying in the Target parking lot" moment with my baby too.

To the PP who is being rude to you: guess what, moms of babies actually are fragile in ways they can't help. One reason they wind up crying in parking lots is because they are often on hormonal roller coasters that make them very susceptible to emotional triggers. Through no fault of their own, it's just what their bodies are doing. So when you are rude to people who recently gave birth, it's like kicking someone in a cast.

It's amazing how even with people talking more about PPD and PPA, everyone still forgets that new moms are going through a massive hormonal and emotional ordeal. Yes, some moms don't feel it as acutely. But some do. I cried all the time for the first 4 months of my kids life. It's not because I was weak, it's because that was my body's response to a lot of stuff.

AMEN! I remember one time feeling very proud of myself for taking my infant daughter with me to run some errands when I was finally able to drive and move about freely after a C-section; I was finally at a place where I could try BF in public with a cover. A mom came up to chat with me at the library and when she complimented my daughter, I thanked her and said I was nervous but glad because this was our first time out and about. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "You've got to get out there, can't stay locked inside your house forever." I cried in the car and felt like...locking myself in my house forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:News flash you moms of younger kids. It really never gets easier. This is what my mom, who has four kids in their 30s and 40s, tells me.

News flash you older moms. The vast majority of people don't want unsolicited advice or opinions, especially from strangers. This is what my mom, who is the oldest of five children and has three children in their 30s and 40s--and who is a trained facilitator who teaches different personality groups how to work together in professional environments--taught me about manners and social interactions.

So your mom is an older woman who gives advice to other people. And you are citing her as a valid reference. Interesting.