Reply to Does anyone else find ‘cherish these moments’ parenting advice a little traumatizing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess[/quote]

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone. [/quote]

But the post is about “cherish these moments” not what you are referring to. [/quote]

No one has actually said to her the things she claims, she’s just mad at life and looking for something to vent about. Strangers are not walking around telling women “you think this is hard????? Just you wait!!!!” in a menacing tone. It’s just not happening. [/quote]

It does happen I was one of the last of our friends to have a baby and some of my friends with much older kids said stuff like that to me. Not in a "menacing tone" but in this very put upon way like "oh, it's funny that you think this is a problem -- I have older kids and actual parenting problems dear." It got old very fast.

Now that I have older kids, I think what is going on there is that moms of older kids look at new moms with a combination of envy, wistfulness, and resentment. New moms tend to get more attention and congratulations, but once your kids are older, no one is congratulating you on having kids. And some moms with older kids also miss the little kid days -- babies and toddlers can be incredibly hard, but they are also more free with snuggles and smiles, and when you have an older child who is more independent and less snuggly, it can give you rose colored glasses about what life with little ones is like. And then I do think some moms of older kids just have some hard resentment that grows out of that envy and wistfulness, and it really comes across at times.

Because I experienced a lot of that as a new mom, it's something I consciously avoid doing when I'm around people with babies now. I try to be encouraging and supportive instead, which are not things I got much of back then. Sure, people fawned over my baby, but I got so little actual encouragement or cheerleading that I remember the rare examples very vividly. I try to be that person. Why not? What new mom benefits from yet another person telling them they're doing it wrong, or reminding them of the 47 things they need to be doing, or telling them it only gets harder from here? Who does that help? No one.[/quote]

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