Does anyone else find ‘cherish these moments’ parenting advice a little traumatizing?
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Anonymous
| Not traumatizing but incredibly grating. I tune it out |
Anonymous
| I only find it grating when used as condescension, as often done on these boards, e.g. they're only little once so I sacrificed to stay home and cherish these moments. |
Anonymous
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I find it weird when people are obsessed with babies/toddlers and seem to think their child getting older is sad. I love babies, I loved my kid as a baby and a toddler. But I’m not sad to see her get older. It’s exciting! I love watching her learn new things and become more and more herself, love watching her independence blossom. Yes there are some bittersweet parts (no more cuddling in my lap once she’s too big, older kids spend less time at home) but I don’t get this obsession with kids being/staying small forever.
I get appreciating the moment and I do that, but my kid growing up is not a tragedy. The opposite. |
Anonymous
| If you hear it, it’s either some rando in passing and you should just ignore it, or it’s a signal that you’re unloading onto someone who doesn’t want to be unloaded upon. Or isn’t capable of being helpful, but either way it’s a signal to stop. |
Anonymous
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Op - it’s less people saying it to me and more that it’s embedded in society
I say ‘traumatizing’ bc for me it has triggered a significant existential/ midlife crisis (now in therapy and on meds) but the poster who mentioned being told to live like they are dying nailed it. You can’t do that - you can’t cherish every moment. You have to get up and go to work and pay bills (most people at least) and kids are hard work! To the poster who asked about what was hard - mine have ieps and issues too and have been hospitalized also - but it’s not the trauma Olympics - parenting is darn hard if you are doing it half way right, and it’s not always filled witn moments to cherish |
Anonymous
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I never say that to parents of young kids because I know it's tough. I pity parents with little kids. While they are soo cute, it's exhausting and expensive.
My kids are grown and I don't cherish the diaper days in my memories. But I love the photos if how they were, that's what I cherish, cute faces, but the effort not so much. |
Anonymous
I do find the sentiment to be annoying and anxiety inducing. Also agree that there should be better language around “trauma” as there is a lot of daylight between the small daily traumas that add up and the big, life changing events. It’s important, though, to recognize that denying either has similar effects on the body and mind. Similar to the word abuser and victim. |
Anonymous
This. Parents wish so desperately for their small kids to get "easier" and those of us with older kids would give anything to go back to when they were small. Do with that information what you will, but its the truth. You are already in the best days. Its not going to get any better. |
Anonymous
see, the above quote is the kind of thing I used to find traumatizing. It also made me really fearful about my kids getting older because there was this idea that it was going to only get harder. In my experience, that isn't true. Yes, some things are harder. But lots of things are AWESOME. I love the ages my kids are at now (17, 15, 12). They are truly some of my favorite people, and it's an amazing feeling. Yes, sometimes teenage problems suck. The worries are different. The stakes are higher. But there's also a lot of good things ahead. I think the best advice is to just be as present as you can, and to be kind to yourself. Parenting isn't supposed to be easy. But hopefully you find parts of it rewarding, and that will only grow as your kids get older. |
Anonymous
Yes, I agree with you. My kids are teens now and it's both easier and more challenging than when they were little. I remember people telling me to enjoy the baby/toddler days, they go so fast and I felt like my head would explode. I was exhausted, I was out of shape, my hormones were crazy. I was struggling with the day to day and hearing unsolicited advice didn't help. More apt advice would've been, "these ages are hard, be kind to yourself, it's okay if you want to run away, this will become more manageable in time, every mom has felt the ways you're feeling, you will survive this" or just say nothing. |
Anonymous
Absolutely. Mainly since parenting an early adolescent during the pandemic. The mental health issues, narcissism and victim mentality of privileged have been amplified a hundred fold. |
Anonymous
| I didn't find it traumatizing, maybe annoying. But my oldest has now moved away to college, and I miss those days. Looking back, those years did go by really fast. Like they say, "The days are long, but the years are short." (Sorry, I know that's another cliche). |
Anonymous
If you are pressured or traumatized by "You are a good mother" or "Happy Mother's Day," get thee to a therapist. I don't mean that harshly. But you have turned the world, through your perceptions, into a field of land mines. Yes, it is a demanding, emotional job. But you would be well served by strengthening your resilience and coping skills. Who knows what rough seas lie ahead. |
Anonymous
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People who are looking BACK on parenting have a perspective that young parents do not. They are not being patronizing. They are being wistful. Perhaps it is a fool's errand to think they can help you see what they see, from their vantage point in life. But they are usually trying to encourage you to savor the moments (of joy and closeness) while they last. They know, better than you do, how hard parenting is. But they still miss it to their cores. That is what they are trying to help you understand.
If that traumatizes you, well, toughen up because it is how life works. |
Anonymous
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Intensive parenting is soul sucking, as parents have to do more to compensate for a collapsing society. Instead of societal support and investment, we get an endless series of consumer choices designed to optimize our kids. It doesn’t work, as humans aren’t a series of consumption decisions, so then we stress.
Understanding this helps me to know when I am being gaslighted. And then I can find that I can enjoy the relationship I have with my kids. |