Does anyone else find ‘cherish these moments’ parenting advice a little traumatizing?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The hostility is palpable. Not fatigue or being overextended, downright disdain.

What a way to walk around the world.

I know, isn't it frustrating when you can't manipulate or bully someone into seeing the world as you see it, and behaving exactly the way you think they should behave? Isn't it annoying when you approach a complete stranger and try to give them advice, and they have the audacity to not like it? Isn't it awful when you try to change someone's mind, again and again, and they just...keep the opinion they have? Apparently that's very upsetting, no?

Do you hear yourself? You are doing exactly what you are complaining about. I'm sorry that you hate other people so much.

No, sorry, I'm not here telling people not to offer unsolicited advice and comments to strangers--if they want to be Nosey Nellies, that's on them. But when I shared my opinion that this kind of attention isn't welcome or productive to me, and then you tell me over and over again why I should change my mind? I'm just...not going to. But I have not once--not once--told other people to stop being intrusive to moms with small babies. I just said there's never a world where "oh I'm going to stop looking at you and your baby" [LOL] is going to persuade me out of my perspective.

I'm the person who said I wouldn't comment on anything about you or your baby. I didn't say or think that it was "punishment" I know my opinion matters very little to you but, when a few posters back asked what they would like people to say "cute baby" good job and you are doing your best or whatever...I was addressing those comments.

My basic point is sometimes as humans you are well intentioned and mean well and say the wrong thing. It isn't done intentionally and you were trying to connect to another mom/woman. So instead of saying hey this person had good intentions and they meant well you attack them and then dictate what they should say. Which I agree would be nice if we were robots and always knew what to say.

So to avoid the eye rolls and the nasty comments I am going to remove myself from the conversation and not talk to strangers about their babies. Most moms do like it when people say "cute baby" but hey you want to control us and I am saying no thanks!

OK? Shall I alert moms of babies that you will no longer be complimenting their babies? Or maybe you should start a new PSA thread?

HA HA HA I am not that conceited that my thoughts, compliments or 'advice' will be missed. But, if you wonder why very few older women say anything to you and your baby..now you now why!

Why would anyone wonder why older strangers aren’t saying anything to them and their babies? LOL.

I suppose I am not communicating very well or just different generation. I remember dressing up my baby and going to church and so happy when people would talk to me about my baby. Even if they gave advise like cherish this time. It made me feel connected. Or if my toddler was acting up a stranger would come over and get my baby to laugh.
If I was standing in line with my cute baby it isn't that I need validation from a stranger but it makes life happier place.

If you dont have the experience I can understand why my comment would be strange to you. Point is I wouldn't say anything for fear to anger you. Isn't that somewhat sad?

NP. People do like when people come talk to them at a place of worship (as in we all chose to be here and we are all here for community). That’s different from a total stranger giving you unsolicited advice in Target. People saying hello and complimenting a baby is quite different from “you think this is hard, try having a teenager.” Those are different things, and you seem to be conflating the two.

When someone gave me unsolicited advice I did not get offended so quickly. So what if they think teenagers are harder? I'm many ways it is harder. I suppose Covid has gotten people out of the habit of interacting.

I suppose we have to agree to disagree

People who are different from you and have different preferences then you do are not damaged from COVID. They just—are different from you.

We are all damaged from Covid. I can only imagine having a baby and being isolated from "strangers" would make new moms/dads more cautious. Covid could kill your baby and until recently no shots. I know I have changed because of Covid.

It makes sense people would also more sensitive.

I guess COVID also makes people completely stuck in their ways, quite literally unable to handle the fact that people have different opinions, preferences, and ideas. I’m trying to imagine you learning about and appreciating cultural differences, and you just don’t seem like the type who can learn or accept anything new and different. How interesting! Do you think that’s generational, or just your specific personality type?

Wow here I am thinking I am conversing with an adult but you yet here you are insulting me about a totally different topic. You don't know me and yet you feel quite confident to throw insults about something you dont know.

I think that in the future you will become the person you claim to dislike...those giving unsolicited advice.

Good day!

You can think that, and it affects me not at all, because…you’re just a rando in the Target parking lot! Byeeeeeeee!!!

Oh no you hurt my feeelings! Not. You can't see anyone else's point of view. Bye yourself

Aww, you’re one of those old birds who takes 30-45 minute to leave after announcing she’s going to do so. Take your time, Linda! We’ll just keep nodding and waving until you’re gone!

One day in the not too distant future, you too will be Linda (probably Ashley) and some Gen Z kid who already thinks you are painfully worthless but isn't on DCUM will say the same things to you. You receive from this world what you put out.

Guess you’re getting a lot of unsolicited advice and My Life Is Harder Than Yours and Just You Waits in your future. Gladys is coming for you, Linda, and she’s primed and ready to tell you what’s what.

[Anonymous]

All these young women who delight in devaluing and putting down older women seem to be under the impression that they will somehow not end up in the same place. This internalized misogyny and ageism that you keep feeding is toxic and costs all of us. Why can’t you disagree without calling people Boomers and Linda? And “but she said ‘x’ first” is not an appropriate or legitimate excuse for poor behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these young women who delight in devaluing and putting down older women seem to be under the impression that they will somehow not end up in the same place. This internalized misogyny and ageism that you keep feeding is toxic and costs all of us. Why can’t you disagree without calling people Boomers and Linda? And “but she said ‘x’ first” is not an appropriate or legitimate excuse for poor behavior.

So you can devalue and put down younger mothers because you’ve…earned it? You’ve earned the right to smugly tell them “you think YOU have it bad? Just you wait” and give them unsolicited advice? You actually think that isn’t toxic? You think you get to treat people in a patronizing and rude way because you popped out a baby a few years before they did?

[Anonymous]

Pretend I am posting that gif with MJ eating the popcorn.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these young women who delight in devaluing and putting down older women seem to be under the impression that they will somehow not end up in the same place. This internalized misogyny and ageism that you keep feeding is toxic and costs all of us. Why can’t you disagree without calling people Boomers and Linda? And “but she said ‘x’ first” is not an appropriate or legitimate excuse for poor behavior.

So you can devalue and put down younger mothers because you’ve…earned it? You’ve earned the right to smugly tell them “you think YOU have it bad? Just you wait” and give them unsolicited advice? You actually think that isn’t toxic? You think you get to treat people in a patronizing and rude way because you popped out a baby a few years before they did?

I didn’t do any of that. I didn’t create this topic. Just popping in to point this out. Hope you have a good night! 🌙

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:All these young women who delight in devaluing and putting down older women seem to be under the impression that they will somehow not end up in the same place. This internalized misogyny and ageism that you keep feeding is toxic and costs all of us. Why can’t you disagree without calling people Boomers and Linda? And “but she said ‘x’ first” is not an appropriate or legitimate excuse for poor behavior.

So you can devalue and put down younger mothers because you’ve…earned it? You’ve earned the right to smugly tell them “you think YOU have it bad? Just you wait” and give them unsolicited advice? You actually think that isn’t toxic? You think you get to treat people in a patronizing and rude way because you popped out a baby a few years before they did?

I didn’t do any of that. I didn’t create this topic. Just popping in to point this out. Hope you have a good night! 🌙

You, too!

[Anonymous]

Np. This thread makes me re-think all of the comments older women are making to me. I have tried to brush them off. But now I see their hatred, derision and total disdain of new moms. I understand now why they don’t support new moms the way I saw them supported by my grandmas and great grandmas.

I even see this at work. Women are supported by everyone except for the older women. When people mention this, older women say it’s because we’re using our sexuality. Nope

[Anonymous]

Wow this thread has totally gone off the rails since I last looked at it yesterday lol

[Anonymous]

They are not remembering it correctly. Parenting is so hard.

They are remembering the glossy moments, telling you to focus on those (I try!) and making you feel like crap for hating parts of it. The parts that are mind numbingly hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretend I am posting that gif with MJ eating the popcorn.

😂

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Hey! Stop fussing about your derailed pathetic life. It will still be derailed and pathetic when your baby grows up and leaves the house.

In the meanwhile, CHERISH YOUR BABY, you loser!!

You definitely don’t sound derailed or pathetic, yelling at moms on a parenting website.

These moms need a yelling and a reminder to cherish their babies.

What a lovely day when a woman says a mom with a baby needs to be yelled at. Imagine if a man said that here on DCUM. He’d be raked over the coals. “I want my wife to breastfeed in order to cherish memories and bond with the baby, so I yelled at her.” Same energy.

Blah, blah, blah, what a special snowflake! If you can dish it, then you can take it! If you cherished your baby then I would see you as a mom with a baby and show you some consideration. But since you are such a psycho that you get "traumatized" when people tell you sweetly and a bit wistfully that you should cherish being with your baby, that I do not find you worthy of any consideration.

Maybe the man who wanted his wife to breastfeed their baby did not realize that she was a similarly triggered and traumatized snowflake. Who knows? I have started to have a lot of sympathy for younger dads because this generation of women are just entitled psychos. They cannot get along with anyone. So who knows what the truth is for these poor guys who are maybe married to women like the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np. This thread makes me re-think all of the comments older women are making to me. I have tried to brush them off. But now I see their hatred, derision and total disdain of new moms. I understand now why they don’t support new moms the way I saw them supported by my grandmas and great grandmas.

I even see this at work. Women are supported by everyone except for the older women. When people mention this, older women say it’s because we’re using our sexuality. Nope

Ummm...maybe you are just not worthy of being supported by older women. Who are the older women in your life? Your mother and your MIL, right? So what makes these women who are grandmoms to your child treat you with hatred, derision and total disdain? I think the problem is you.

And if enough older women think that you are using your sexuality at work, then maybe you are. Because think about why your own female relative find you toxic.

I was supported by my MIL and mom, and I have been supporting my niece and my DD with their needs. I am honored to be part of their lives but if their thinking and behavior was as toxic as what many women write on this forum then I would have also kept my distance.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

Nope I have never said any of those sayings to any young mom. I think I may have said "you have your hands full" as I opened to the door for a young mom. Now I see that even that could be considered an insult so now I am not going to be looking at your baby ( or you) Not going to make any encouraging words or tell you that your baby is adorable. Nope! If you can't handle a few human "mistakes" than I am going to cross the street to get away from you.

Bye!

I guess I'll just have to be content with interacting with my husband, family, friends, neighbors, parents at daycare and elementary school, co-workers, people at my church, and people at the pool and the other activities we go to.

Whatever shall I do without your attention and compliments, random woman in the parking lot? It's almost as if I'll just have to...live my life with the many, many people in it. Byeeee!

You have made this post over and over and over (and yes, it’s easy to tell it’s you). Go play with your baby.

I’d tell you to go play with your husband, but there’s no going back to a dry well.

Oh dear. If you are such a traumatized young mother, your husband is not getting any for sure. Isn't that the real problem? Failing at work, failing at marriage, failing at being a mother.

[Anonymous]

You know these older moms all hid in the kitchen with vodka when their kids were toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know these older moms all hid in the kitchen with vodka when their kids were toddlers.

Oh, childhood memories? So, you are the grown up daughter of that mom? No wonder you grew up into a terrible mother too. Next time use BC.