Frustrated with husband and mother in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

^^Is that you, OP? Hasn't Karma taught you a lesson recently? Do you still want to do this? Really? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

I don’t have a nanny, we have a before and after care center that shut down during some portions of COVID. DH and I talked with our bosses and worked out some flexible schedules, and had to take some leave sometimes. What, you think we should have beat on the door and demanded that someone else watch our kids?

For vacations, we usually take the kids. When we don’t, we ask my parents or DH’s parents, or sometimes my aunt who lives local or my cousin who is local.

We’ve actually faced cancellations in recent memory, as my aunt got COVID one weekend where DH and I were supposed to go by ourselves to a wedding. I ended up going myself, as I knew the bride and groom, and DH stayed home. That’s life. Oh well. Sometimes things go according to plan, sometimes they don’t. I didn’t scream at my aunt for getting COVID.

You tried it, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

Nope. You can only hope like this for yourself. Your hope for others is granted to you. Amen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

NP. If my nanny backed out of an agreement because she was uncomfortable (I’ll go slow so you can follow along):
I
Would
Know
Something
Wasn’t
Right
With
Her

And I would be grateful that she spoke up and didn’t try to force herself into childcare she couldn’t handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am mildly Team OP, but 12 days is really a ton of time away from a 4 and 6 year old. I wouldn’t do it, even though OP clearly made careful arrangements to make sure the kids had fun activities and MIL was not overburdened. MIL is ridiculous for canceling 3 days before the trip. That’s just awful.

The thing I find most shocking about this situation is that OP and her DH were going to pay the MIL for babysitting. I’ve never heard of that, and I grew up lower income and am now UMC. Is that actually a common thing? No grandparent I know would accept money for watching grandkids, though it’s very common for kids to either have parents move in with them or to pay for assisted living costs. I found it jarring that OP’s DH thought this plan was good because it was a money making opportunity for his mom.

x1000 all of this. I personally think a 12 day away plan was questionable to begin with, considering the ages of the children. But I am also impressed by the very expensive planning OP put into place to make this all as easy as possible on her MIL. MIL's last minute balk, and her messaging that she thinks she's being taken advantage of would really set me off if I were in OP's shoes. It would likely mean a permanent riff between us. And the whole paying her for babysitting?! Of course MIL shouldn't have to incur costs herself (for food, transporting the kids, etc.) but actually paying her a childcare wage is just strange. Are you guys going to charge her someday if she needs someone to drive her to doctor's appointments, or the time you will spend visiting her in a nursing home. The whole concept is strange.

And really weird that part of the reason DH doesn't want to throw in the towel on the whole plan is because MIL is counting on that money?!?!? What the hell? Yeah, if it were me, I would cancel the entire trip. Your husband needs to go for work and then he can come home. You guys should do try this trip again next summer with the kids. I would not have MIL watch my kids ever again. And don't pay her a penny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

^^Is that you, OP? Hasn't Karma taught you a lesson recently? Do you still want to do this? Really? Really?

Your argument is tired. There is no Karma. OP did nothing. Wrong.
It’s OK for her to be upset MIL backed out at the last minute. She’s not forcing her to do anything. She’s venting on a message board and that is ok. Some of you are miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

SMH. You are a nasty person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

NP. If my nanny backed out of an agreement because she was uncomfortable (I’ll go slow so you can follow along):
I
Would
Know
Something
Wasn’t
Right
With
Her

And I would be grateful that she spoke up and didn’t try to force herself into childcare she couldn’t handle.

Sometimes
Nothing
Is
Wrong
And
People
Are
Just
Flakes.

[Anonymous]

Where are OPs parents in all this? If it's presumed that all grandparents would jump at this chance where are the maternal grandparents? It was asked before and never answered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

SMH. You are a nasty person.

Nope. The nasty people are the ones attacking OP. It was a simple turn if the tables. There is NO WAY all the people posting here wouldn’t be upset to be without childcare on short notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are OPs parents in all this? If it's presumed that all grandparents would jump at this chance where are the maternal grandparents? It was asked before and never answered.

It doesn’t matter. They didn’t commit to watching the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

NP. If my nanny backed out of an agreement because she was uncomfortable (I’ll go slow so you can follow along):
I
Would
Know
Something
Wasn’t
Right
With
Her

And I would be grateful that she spoke up and didn’t try to force herself into childcare she couldn’t handle.

Sometimes
Nothing
Is
Wrong
And
People
Are
Just
Flakes.

I don’t leave my kids with flaky people. Do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

^^Is that you, OP? Hasn't Karma taught you a lesson recently? Do you still want to do this? Really? Really?

Your argument is tired. There is no Karma. OP did nothing. Wrong.
It’s OK for her to be upset MIL backed out at the last minute. She’s not forcing her to do anything. She’s venting on a message board and that is ok. Some of you are miserable.

Yes, she did something wrong. She forced MIL into accepting this task. Karma came back to her as MIL withdrawing at the last minute.

She is infact angry with her DH for not forcing the MIL. OP is a disgusting POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are OPs parents in all this? If it's presumed that all grandparents would jump at this chance where are the maternal grandparents? It was asked before and never answered.

It doesn’t matter. They didn’t commit to watching the children.

Maternal grandparents are not in the picture because they realized that their daughter is a NPD. They don't want to do anything with her. MIL is stuck with the OP because she is poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

SMH. You are a nasty person.

Nope. The nasty people are the ones attacking OP. It was a simple turn if the tables. There is NO WAY all the people posting here wouldn’t be upset to be without childcare on short notice.

Upset? Sure. But in a “oh man that stinks” kind of way. Because at the end of the day, my husband and I are responsible for our kids. So when life happens—a babysitter doesn’t show up, daycare closes for COVID, the neighbor who was going to watch our kids gets sick—you suck it up and deal. You don’t get mad at your husband for not putting pressure on a CLEARLY UNRELIABLE PERSON to suddenly…what, magically become a reliable person? You don’t pout and whine. You pivot. And you get on with your day.