Frustrated with husband and mother in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

SMH. You are a nasty person.

Nope. The nasty people are the ones attacking OP. It was a simple turn if the tables. There is NO WAY all the people posting here wouldn’t be upset to be without childcare on short notice.

OP needs to stop with the sock puppeting. Really happy that MIL backed out of this arrangement.

- A DIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

NP. If my nanny backed out of an agreement because she was uncomfortable (I’ll go slow so you can follow along):
I
Would
Know
Something
Wasn’t
Right
With
Her

And I would be grateful that she spoke up and didn’t try to force herself into childcare she couldn’t handle.

Sometimes
Nothing
Is
Wrong
And
People
Are
Just
Flakes.

I don’t leave my kids with flaky people. Do you?

Would be lovely if flaky people came labeled, but unfortunately they don’t. It takes experience. And it’s harder when it’s your in laws because there are more dynamics at play. I’d venture a guess that some camp counselor or teacher my child has had could be labeled flaky. Maybe you can pre screen for moral competency/lack of flakiness immediately. Most people can’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

SMH. You are a nasty person.

Nope. The nasty people are the ones attacking OP. It was a simple turn if the tables. There is NO WAY all the people posting here wouldn’t be upset to be without childcare on short notice.

OP needs to stop with the sock puppeting. Really happy that MIL backed out of this arrangement.

- A DIL

Not OP. Just a reasonable person. You can ask Jeff if you’d like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the pay were fair you'd have been able to hire someone to do it instead of leaning on family.

Which I also offered to do to her. We said we had a nanny willing and she wanted to do it. I also offered her just staying at our house but having a nanny there full time so a family member was there but she didn’t have any responsibility of sitting and she said no.

You're MIL sucks. OP, there will always be tons of posters who want to tear you down, regardless of what your issue is. Ignore them. Your petulant MIL canceling on you three days before your trip because she couldn't work the TV on evening would likely result in estrangement on my part. You dodged a bullet. Your MIL sounds super lazy and probably couldn't be counted on to keep your kids safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

NP. If my nanny backed out of an agreement because she was uncomfortable (I’ll go slow so you can follow along):
I
Would
Know
Something
Wasn’t
Right
With
Her

And I would be grateful that she spoke up and didn’t try to force herself into childcare she couldn’t handle.

Sometimes
Nothing
Is
Wrong
And
People
Are
Just
Flakes.

I don’t leave my kids with flaky people. Do you?

Would be lovely if flaky people came labeled, but unfortunately they don’t. It takes experience. And it’s harder when it’s your in laws because there are more dynamics at play. I’d venture a guess that some camp counselor or teacher my child has had could be labeled flaky. Maybe you can pre screen for moral competency/lack of flakiness immediately. Most people can’t.

There are screenings for teachers, daycare workers, lifeguards, camp counselors, etc. Those screenings are called job interviews and references.

When you rely on family members, neighbors or friends, you open the door to a bit of flakiness. But here’s what: better to have someone reveal they are unreliable BEFORE the parents leave for an international trip than during said trip. And if you can’t agree with me on that, don’t bother replying, because we have very different values when it comes to the safety, security and care of our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

SMH. You are a nasty person.

Nope. The nasty people are the ones attacking OP. It was a simple turn if the tables. There is NO WAY all the people posting here wouldn’t be upset to be without childcare on short notice.

Upset? Sure. But in a “oh man that stinks” kind of way. Because at the end of the day, my husband and I are responsible for our kids. So when life happens—a babysitter doesn’t show up, daycare closes for COVID, the neighbor who was going to watch our kids gets sick—you suck it up and deal. You don’t get mad at your husband for not putting pressure on a CLEARLY UNRELIABLE PERSON to suddenly…what, magically become a reliable person? You don’t pout and whine. You pivot. And you get on with your day.

Her dh is leaving her to fix the problem created by his mother. She’s got a right to be upset. Any other post on this board everyone would chime in with “you have a dh problem” for his lack of communication with his parent.
She’s pivoting. She’s replanned her trip. You guys are like rabid dogs with the pile on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is a 61 year old woman getting social security benefits? Are these disability benefits?

Busted. Minimum age to receive social security benefits is 62.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

SMH. You are a nasty person.

Nope. The nasty people are the ones attacking OP. It was a simple turn if the tables. There is NO WAY all the people posting here wouldn’t be upset to be without childcare on short notice.

OP needs to stop with the sock puppeting. Really happy that MIL backed out of this arrangement.

- A DIL

Not OP. Just a reasonable person. You can ask Jeff if you’d like

Thank you. Exactly. I don't think OP is sock-puppeting at all. I think posters who are desperate in criticizing and demonizing the OP resort to calling "sock puppet" when they don't receive the contrite change of mind that they demand of OP. So then they also resort to meaner and cruder responses. Ignore the all OP. You are not in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is a 61 year old woman getting social security benefits? Are these disability benefits?

Busted. Minimum age to receive social security benefits is 62.

Survivor benefit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should have backed out a long time ago or said no.

+1, but you're stuck now. I'd probably cut the trip in half as she requested and consider it a lesson learned. But I'd be PISSED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

NP. If my nanny backed out of an agreement because she was uncomfortable (I’ll go slow so you can follow along):
I
Would
Know
Something
Wasn’t
Right
With
Her

And I would be grateful that she spoke up and didn’t try to force herself into childcare she couldn’t handle.

Sometimes
Nothing
Is
Wrong
And
People
Are
Just
Flakes.

I don’t leave my kids with flaky people. Do you?

Would be lovely if flaky people came labeled, but unfortunately they don’t. It takes experience. And it’s harder when it’s your in laws because there are more dynamics at play. I’d venture a guess that some camp counselor or teacher my child has had could be labeled flaky. Maybe you can pre screen for moral competency/lack of flakiness immediately. Most people can’t.

Welp if a camp counselor is flaky and forgets to come pick up her cabin from Activity A and take them up to lunch, good thing there are 12 other counselors, 2 camp directors, and 1 infirmary director to step in. Unlike a flaky grandmother who can’t handle it solo. See the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

SMH. You are a nasty person.

Nope. The nasty people are the ones attacking OP. It was a simple turn if the tables. There is NO WAY all the people posting here wouldn’t be upset to be without childcare on short notice.

Upset? Sure. But in a “oh man that stinks” kind of way. Because at the end of the day, my husband and I are responsible for our kids. So when life happens—a babysitter doesn’t show up, daycare closes for COVID, the neighbor who was going to watch our kids gets sick—you suck it up and deal. You don’t get mad at your husband for not putting pressure on a CLEARLY UNRELIABLE PERSON to suddenly…what, magically become a reliable person? You don’t pout and whine. You pivot. And you get on with your day.

Her dh is leaving her to fix the problem created by his mother. She’s got a right to be upset. Any other post on this board everyone would chime in with “you have a dh problem” for his lack of communication with his parent.
She’s pivoting. She’s replanned her trip. You guys are like rabid dogs with the pile on.

She said it was a work trip for her DH. He's working. Why does she need to tag along instead of taking care of the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is a 61 year old woman getting social security benefits? Are these disability benefits?

Busted. Minimum age to receive social security benefits is 62.

Busted, Troll OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

SMH. You are a nasty person.

Nope. The nasty people are the ones attacking OP. It was a simple turn if the tables. There is NO WAY all the people posting here wouldn’t be upset to be without childcare on short notice.

Upset? Sure. But in a “oh man that stinks” kind of way. Because at the end of the day, my husband and I are responsible for our kids. So when life happens—a babysitter doesn’t show up, daycare closes for COVID, the neighbor who was going to watch our kids gets sick—you suck it up and deal. You don’t get mad at your husband for not putting pressure on a CLEARLY UNRELIABLE PERSON to suddenly…what, magically become a reliable person? You don’t pout and whine. You pivot. And you get on with your day.

Her dh is leaving her to fix the problem created by his mother. She’s got a right to be upset. Any other post on this board everyone would chime in with “you have a dh problem” for his lack of communication with his parent.
She’s pivoting. She’s replanned her trip. You guys are like rabid dogs with the pile on.

It’s a work trip, dummy. So yeah, DH needs to go. OP *wanted* to go. See the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just live in a very different community and culture than most of you. Most of our friends send their kids to summer camp for 2 weeks a summer at age 7, most families go away childless for a week, grandparents are involved in many families lives... I just can’t relate to a lot of what is being said here.

The child’s grandmother is very close to my children and involved in their life. It’s good for kids to spend time with grandparents. Don’t take something good and make it into something evil.

Yes, healthy and confident and comfortable grandparents are excellent caregivers. So are camp counselors, youth group trip leaders, etc. No one is saying kids should be with their parents at all times.

What we ARE saying is that if any caregiver—a grandparent, an aunt, a cousin, a camp counselor—express inability to care for a child at any time for any reason, you listen and you make other arrangements.

Argue with that. Go on, argue with that. I’d love to hear it.

I hope your nanny backs out on you last minute because now she’s uncomfortable. When nothing has changed in the agreement. And I hope it costs you lots of money in lost wages. I’m sure you’ll smile and say “oh a caregiver can back out at any time if they feel unable to care for the child”.

SMH. You are a nasty person.

Nope. The nasty people are the ones attacking OP. It was a simple turn if the tables. There is NO WAY all the people posting here wouldn’t be upset to be without childcare on short notice.

Upset? Sure. But in a “oh man that stinks” kind of way. Because at the end of the day, my husband and I are responsible for our kids. So when life happens—a babysitter doesn’t show up, daycare closes for COVID, the neighbor who was going to watch our kids gets sick—you suck it up and deal. You don’t get mad at your husband for not putting pressure on a CLEARLY UNRELIABLE PERSON to suddenly…what, magically become a reliable person? You don’t pout and whine. You pivot. And you get on with your day.

Her dh is leaving her to fix the problem created by his mother. She’s got a right to be upset. Any other post on this board everyone would chime in with “you have a dh problem” for his lack of communication with his parent.
She’s pivoting. She’s replanned her trip. You guys are like rabid dogs with the pile on.

She said it was a work trip for her DH. He's working. Why does she need to tag along instead of taking care of the kids?

Because she wants to. And presumably her husband wanted her along. What is wrong with you?