Frustrated with husband and mother in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason she decided she changed her mind was because she stayed to watch our dog when we were away for a night as a family and my husband messed up the tv remote control and it started from “I’m
not watching the kids anymore” because she was upset about the remote and it turned into “I’m not doing this for you anymore”. I’m fine with whatever she decide: and now we are taking the kids but don’t get upset about something and change your mind a few days before the trip because it costs us big time.

It's too much for her. The dog, the kids, etc. Get that through your thick skull. Get over the money aspect and don't use that to guilt trip her or hang over her head. She doesn't want to do it so it doesn't happen. Now you know not to rely on her in the future.

This is all so bizarre. She is 61 and in good health. Literally a few years older than some of you saying she can’t handle it.

You don’t know that she’s in good health. And FFS people can be sick at all ages. I have a friend who died of a heart attack at the age of 49. My uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his early 50s. Anyone can have a stroke—just read a story about a girl at UMD who was studying abroad and had a stroke at the age of 21. They refused to stop asking about drugs so she left the ER in Ireland and returned home. They diagnosed the stroke too late and she has aphasia as a result.

You are a total B and I’m glad you aren’t getting the vacation you wanted. Serves you right.

OK, then no one should ever hire a sitter, ever, and their kids should be hermetically sealed to their hip at all times because OMG PEOPLE CAN HAVE A HEART ATTACK AT ANY AGE!!

Do you hear yourselves? Therapy. Get some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wow, there seems to be a one or two hate-filled trolls on this thread, attacking the OP.

Yah, there’s a lot of rage in here. Kids thrive from spending time with grandparents. Some of you can take any situation and twist it into something so different from what it is. It’s fine she doesn’t want to do it but I do think the time to speak up was months ago when we discussed all the options and asked her about it, not this late in the game. I actually have no issue taking the kids at all.

Kids thrive from spending time with grandparents who are *comfortable, confident and willing to take on child care.* Kids would NOT thrive in the care of an anxiety-riddled grandparent who is overwhelmed. See the difference? Did I go slow enough? Do you get it yet?

So “anxiety-riddled grandparent” should have been a frigging adult, used her words and SAID NO upfront, not screw them three days before like an irresponsible teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason she decided she changed her mind was because she stayed to watch our dog when we were away for a night as a family and my husband messed up the tv remote control and it started from “I’m
not watching the kids anymore” because she was upset about the remote and it turned into “I’m not doing this for you anymore”. I’m fine with whatever she decide: and now we are taking the kids but don’t get upset about something and change your mind a few days before the trip because it costs us big time.

It's too much for her. The dog, the kids, etc. Get that through your thick skull. Get over the money aspect and don't use that to guilt trip her or hang over her head. She doesn't want to do it so it doesn't happen. Now you know not to rely on her in the future.

This is all so bizarre. She is 61 and in good health. Literally a few years older than some of you saying she can’t handle it.

You don’t know that she’s in good health. And FFS people can be sick at all ages. I have a friend who died of a heart attack at the age of 49. My uncle was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in his early 50s. Anyone can have a stroke—just read a story about a girl at UMD who was studying abroad and had a stroke at the age of 21. They refused to stop asking about drugs so she left the ER in Ireland and returned home. They diagnosed the stroke too late and she has aphasia as a result.

You are a total B and I’m glad you aren’t getting the vacation you wanted. Serves you right.

Talk about going from 0 to 100. So don’t leave your kids with anyone or send them to school. Teacher could have a stroke, college babysitter could have a heart attack, don’t let another parent drive them because they could have a seizure on the road and die in a tragic accident.. a lot of emergency situations running through your head. I think you’re the one with anxiety.

OP’s acting like there is literally a zero percent chance that MIL has health issues, mental health issues, or some kind of health/capability scare that is what made her abruptly change her mind. If OP cared about her MIL *at all* she would at least say, “Maybe you are right and there’s some factor here I don’t know about; I’ll ask if she’s OK.” The fact that she refuses to even ask = she doesn’t care about MIL in the slightest.

She sees her MIL often. You crazy.

DP. So? That doesn’t mean the MIL did it recently have a near-miss that makes her nervous about driving her grandkids, or that she has started to notice increased forgetful and confusion that has her feeling anxious about cognitive decline. Those things can be very scary as people get older, and there can be a reluctance to talk about it specifically because of the anxiety.

So then why can she safely drive the kids for six days? You’re insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally fine for her not to want to help with kids. Unfortunate that she waited this long to tell you, of course.

But I would also not be ok with her moving in. This is why they invented nursing homes. You’re not obligated any more than she is. Goes both ways.

+1,000,000. If she won’t lift a finger, neither should you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally fine for her not to want to help with kids. Unfortunate that she waited this long to tell you, of course.

But I would also not be ok with her moving in. This is why they invented nursing homes. You’re not obligated any more than she is. Goes both ways.

+1,000,000. If she won’t lift a finger, neither should you.

+2. She sounds like a nightmare to live with, pressed about every little thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens if the kids get sick? Then the whole plan falls apart. Whatever can go wrong will. 12 days was waaaayyy too long.

Was the trip 12 days or 14 with travel? Does MIL live near the OP family? If MIL lives alone in an apartment near OP one might think MIL would stay at OP house. Kids keep routine and MIL is responsible instead of parents. Get 2 extras to help. MIL is getting paid plus compensated for food , beverage, etc.

...It's 2022 not 2019 so we know of families who have had the best laid plans still upended by covid. We know of families in 2022 whose plans for events and sitters [lost due to covid or exposure to covid] and stuff cancelled for parents due to covid+ child too young for vaccination or exposure and the family is stuck in testing phase with positives dribbling in. Local relatives with their own households do not swoop in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids could get their own breakfast by 4 too. I’d make stuff ahead of time for them to heat up. I don’t get why this is so hard to believe - it’s not rocket science to warm up waffles, get a bowl of cereal or make toast. Good for you, OP on raising independent kids. Fwiw I spend plenty of mornings making my kids a good hot breakfast with eggs, but they could also handle doing it solo for a bit in OPs situation.

So they could use a microwave or stove by age 4? They could safely use those appliances and reach them?

Op here - yes they knew how to use the microwave. Obviously not the stove - that’s not what I meant to say.

It’s so hard to keep track of your stories when you are a liar, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because he doesn’t even try to reason with her

Ok? She doesn’t want to do it. Yes, it sucks, but you shouldn’t expect him to try to talk her into changing her mind.

Then she shouldn’t have said yes. She knew it was 12 days upfront. Backing out with three days to go is BS.

She changed her mind. It happens. People are hired and then change their mind and don’t show up to start the new job. People say yes to the proposal and then back out of the engagement. People put in an offer on a house and then fall through before closing. Things happen. I’m sorry that some of you are just learning this for the first time, at the ripe old age of 30- or 40-whatever, but yes, sometimes people say they will do something and then do not follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hire a sitter

Yes but on 3 days notice I am scrambling. This is something I would have liked to know about before booking so so could have taken the kids or interviewed sitters and found a good fit

If you want to abandon your kids for two weeks that’s on you but clearly she does not want to be responsible for them.

I cannot help but feel the same thing. Anybody would think a 12-day vacation away from the kids these days is appropriate is also somebody who steamrolled grandma into saying yes in the first place. I would cancel that trip and get serious family therapy.

This is just ridiculous. Plenty of people are happy to watch their grandkids for a couple of weeks.

Not my parents or inlaws. This type of ask is not that common.

Yes, it is. Your personal parents and inlaws are immaterial.

Well OPs own parents are MIL aren't stepping up so, doesn't look good for her either.

YUP. And if MIL so awful and OP’s parents are so great, why wasn’t that the arrangement or the ask in the first place? It makes more sense for two grandparents to take this on than a single grandparent. Hmm….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hire a sitter

Yes but on 3 days notice I am scrambling. This is something I would have liked to know about before booking so so could have taken the kids or interviewed sitters and found a good fit

If you want to abandon your kids for two weeks that’s on you but clearly she does not want to be responsible for them.

I cannot help but feel the same thing. Anybody would think a 12-day vacation away from the kids these days is appropriate is also somebody who steamrolled grandma into saying yes in the first place. I would cancel that trip and get serious family therapy.

This is just ridiculous. Plenty of people are happy to watch their grandkids for a couple of weeks.

Not my parents or inlaws. This type of ask is not that common.

Yes, it is. Your personal parents and inlaws are immaterial.

Well OPs own parents are MIL aren't stepping up so, doesn't look good for her either.

YUP. And if MIL so awful and OP’s parents are so great, why wasn’t that the arrangement or the ask in the first place? It makes more sense for two grandparents to take this on than a single grandparent. Hmm….

My parents are unable. One is deceased abs the other is disabled in a wheelchair. The reason she was staying in our house is because the camp in less than a mile from our home and we had neighbors/family friends driving them to sleepover and go to birthday parties on weekends. I also had a babysitter helping 20 hours. It was set up so she didn’t have to watch the kids really at all.

[Anonymous]

This thread is hilarious and if OP is not a troll, she’s truly ridiculous. She claims her 4 year old makes breakfast every single day. Really? The kid makes waffles everyday? You don’t make the kid any other breakfast and he/she just pulls out these sad, frozen protein waffles every single morning?

Plus you’ve been staying at home for years yet you claim hundreds of thousands in 401k and paid off house. But your MIL is living off social security and is so desperate, she babysits your kids and dogs for money? If you're so well off, you can’t give her the money she needs and hire a nanny for the 12 days?

You’re probably actually kind of a slave driver with limited funds who made minimal, crappy arrangements for your MIL for the 12 days. No wonder she got nervous and pulled out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hire a sitter

Yes but on 3 days notice I am scrambling. This is something I would have liked to know about before booking so so could have taken the kids or interviewed sitters and found a good fit

If you want to abandon your kids for two weeks that’s on you but clearly she does not want to be responsible for them.

I cannot help but feel the same thing. Anybody would think a 12-day vacation away from the kids these days is appropriate is also somebody who steamrolled grandma into saying yes in the first place. I would cancel that trip and get serious family therapy.

This is just ridiculous. Plenty of people are happy to watch their grandkids for a couple of weeks.

Not my parents or inlaws. This type of ask is not that common.

Yes, it is. Your personal parents and inlaws are immaterial.

Well OPs own parents are MIL aren't stepping up so, doesn't look good for her either.

YUP. And if MIL so awful and OP’s parents are so great, why wasn’t that the arrangement or the ask in the first place? It makes more sense for two grandparents to take this on than a single grandparent. Hmm….

My parents are unable. One is deceased abs the other is disabled in a wheelchair. The reason she was staying in our house is because the camp in less than a mile from our home and we had neighbors/family friends driving them to sleepover and go to birthday parties on weekends. I also had a babysitter helping 20 hours. It was set up so she didn’t have to watch the kids really at all.

Sounds about right. Having multiple sets of grandparents willing and able to swoop in for this enormous ask isn't as common as a few posters on here seem to think. OP is struggling the way many people do because this is real life. Many people struggle just to find child care for the summer, let alone a 2 week international vacation. When the child care falls through, even the best laid plans inevitably blow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hire a sitter

Yes but on 3 days notice I am scrambling. This is something I would have liked to know about before booking so so could have taken the kids or interviewed sitters and found a good fit

If you want to abandon your kids for two weeks that’s on you but clearly she does not want to be responsible for them.

I cannot help but feel the same thing. Anybody would think a 12-day vacation away from the kids these days is appropriate is also somebody who steamrolled grandma into saying yes in the first place. I would cancel that trip and get serious family therapy.

This is just ridiculous. Plenty of people are happy to watch their grandkids for a couple of weeks.

Not my parents or inlaws. This type of ask is not that common.

Yes, it is. Your personal parents and inlaws are immaterial.

Well OPs own parents are MIL aren't stepping up so, doesn't look good for her either.

YUP. And if MIL so awful and OP’s parents are so great, why wasn’t that the arrangement or the ask in the first place? It makes more sense for two grandparents to take this on than a single grandparent. Hmm….

My parents are unable. One is deceased abs the other is disabled in a wheelchair. The reason she was staying in our house is because the camp in less than a mile from our home and we had neighbors/family friends driving them to sleepover and go to birthday parties on weekends. I also had a babysitter helping 20 hours. It was set up so she didn’t have to watch the kids really at all.

Then it should have been no problem getting a replacement caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hire a sitter

Yes but on 3 days notice I am scrambling. This is something I would have liked to know about before booking so so could have taken the kids or interviewed sitters and found a good fit

If you want to abandon your kids for two weeks that’s on you but clearly she does not want to be responsible for them.

I cannot help but feel the same thing. Anybody would think a 12-day vacation away from the kids these days is appropriate is also somebody who steamrolled grandma into saying yes in the first place. I would cancel that trip and get serious family therapy.

This is just ridiculous. Plenty of people are happy to watch their grandkids for a couple of weeks.

Not my parents or inlaws. This type of ask is not that common.

Yes, it is. Your personal parents and inlaws are immaterial.

Well OPs own parents are MIL aren't stepping up so, doesn't look good for her either.

YUP. And if MIL so awful and OP’s parents are so great, why wasn’t that the arrangement or the ask in the first place? It makes more sense for two grandparents to take this on than a single grandparent. Hmm….

What’s with the attacking? You are going after a person who is deceased. Gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody should be expected to do this. Take your kids with you next time, your trips alone are limited once you have kids. Now is the time to accept that and not ask for others to parent your kids for 2 weeks.

This. It must seem daunting to her. To go from no worries to having 24 hour responsibility for 2 kids 6 and under. For FOURTEEN DAYS!!! Wow. You're asking too much, OP, for one person to take on.

Damm, some of you don't read before commenting.

1. 12 days, not 14.
2. grandma will have the kids for 1 hr in the morning before the camp and 1 hr in the evening before they go to sleep: 7.30-8.30am and 6.30-7.30pm. not 24/7.