First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP and her husband are assholes for having another child. if it were OP's first child I would understand... but she already has two young children and her husband is already a grandpa several times over. I am usually supportive of having kids, having additional kids, making it work etc. but even for me this is just... too much. the daughter is rightfully resentful but at the same time her accusations and scenes should not have happened. the children should have refused to come and, next year, probably will.

Assholes are adults who have expectations of their parents. Grow up. Learn a little gratitude toward the people who raised you. And let go of the tit in your mouth, it's not becoming on a 29-year old with a damn family of their own.

a 60 year man old many having his fourth baby with a much younger woman (who already brought 2 of her own kids into the marriage) is - an idiot, a loser, immature... certainly not in position to lecture a 29 year old of any sort. this has nothing to do with gratitude, just calling it as it is.

and yes, members of a family have expectations from each other forever. otherwise they are just acquaintances.

i am close to 50 and my own, happily married parents, passed away many years ago. if one of them were alive today and not only got married but had a baby i would consider them senile.

Anyone who wiped your helpless bum covered in baby shit when you weren't able to do it yourself, put food in your mouth, roof over your head, money in your college account, and an ear for your endless childish problems has earned the right to lecture you forever.

If you are close to 50, your parents presumably were not 60.

Expectations toward parents from the adult children is just immaturity speaking, a major blurring of boundaries. Be thankful for their service to you, and focus on your own family.

A 60-year old man having a baby with a much younger woman doesn't need approval from anyone who isn't his wife. As long as they are happy with their decision, adult children don't get a vote. They've already collected what was theirs.

this particular 60 year old very much wants approval - i.e. he wants a "big happy family". which further proves that he is a total idiot. big happy family is not happening, grandpa.

there is nothing immature about having expectations from parents and children as both grow old. yes everyone can do as they please but if they want a good relationship they will make choices with that in mind. if you want a "big happy family" that includes your numerous older children and grandchildren then don't have a baby at 60. simple!

my parents wiped my butt - so what? their parents wiped theirs and i do the same. if my parents squandered all their money gambling for example, it would be a stupid thing to do and you bet i would judge them for it. they would and did judge me for my own choices as well - choices i made after i left home. so what? it's what family is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP and her husband are assholes for having another child. if it were OP's first child I would understand... but she already has two young children and her husband is already a grandpa several times over. I am usually supportive of having kids, having additional kids, making it work etc. but even for me this is just... too much. the daughter is rightfully resentful but at the same time her accusations and scenes should not have happened. the children should have refused to come and, next year, probably will.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
this particular 60 year old very much wants approval - i.e. he wants a "big happy family". which further proves that he is a total idiot. big happy family is not happening, grandpa.

there is nothing immature about having expectations from parents and children as both grow old. yes everyone can do as they please but if they want a good relationship they will make choices with that in mind. if you want a "big happy family" that includes your numerous older children and grandchildren then don't have a baby at 60. simple!

my parents wiped my butt - so what? their parents wiped theirs and i do the same. if my parents squandered all their money gambling for example, it would be a stupid thing to do and you bet i would judge them for it. they would and did judge me for my own choices as well - choices i made after i left home. so what? it's what family is for.

That's probably his mistake.

Big happy family could have happened if older children were raised with the right type of respect for their parents. They should be grateful dad didn't remarry when they were teenagers and focused on them when they were children. If he remarried at a younger age more suitable for childrearing, that would have screwed them up much more. What is better, a new baby and a stepmother when you are 14? Or freaking 29 with better things to do? Oh I get it, he should just wear a hairshirt for the rest of his life.

Everyone in this family will benefit from distance and space, for the parent to get over their disappointment and for the adult children to learn some gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

The mother in this case has been dead for many years. It's a bit selfish of you to go on building your life but expect dad to stay unattached forever. It's not like you're there to keep him company!

The parents were already divorced before the mom died.

But anyway, there is a difference between getting remarried and getting remarried and having a new kud a generation younger than an existing set.

This. I'm the 29 year old PP. I wouldn't expect my father to remain single forever and I'd like to think I'd welcome a new partner into the family...but another baby three decades younger than me would be so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

The mother in this case has been dead for many years. It's a bit selfish of you to go on building your life but expect dad to stay unattached forever. It's not like you're there to keep him company!

The parents were already divorced before the mom died.

But anyway, there is a difference between getting remarried and getting remarried and having a new kud a generation younger than an existing set.

This. I'm the 29 year old PP. I wouldn't expect my father to remain single forever and I'd like to think I'd welcome a new partner into the family...but another baby three decades younger than me would be so hard.

Why?
No one is asking you to raise him/her

[Anonymous]

I am not the pp but I have lived through this. Elderly father married much younger woman and had baby. It was hard to deal with psychologically and I’m still pretty sure it was a bad idea. We are still friendly. But of course it’s hard for the adult children to deal with suddenly being replaced by a new family (and in my case a wife younger than me). Of course they’re not instantly a big happy family. It’s self-centered of grandpa and step-mom to think they would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

The mother in this case has been dead for many years. It's a bit selfish of you to go on building your life but expect dad to stay unattached forever. It's not like you're there to keep him company!

The parents were already divorced before the mom died.

But anyway, there is a difference between getting remarried and getting remarried and having a new kud a generation younger than an existing set.

This. I'm the 29 year old PP. I wouldn't expect my father to remain single forever and I'd like to think I'd welcome a new partner into the family...but another baby three decades younger than me would be so hard.

Why?
No one is asking you to raise him/her

omg crazy person
so if your father ran around in a gorilla suit you would be fine with it because he is not asking you to dry clean it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

The mother in this case has been dead for many years. It's a bit selfish of you to go on building your life but expect dad to stay unattached forever. It's not like you're there to keep him company!

The parents were already divorced before the mom died.

But anyway, there is a difference between getting remarried and getting remarried and having a new kud a generation younger than an existing set.

This. I'm the 29 year old PP. I wouldn't expect my father to remain single forever and I'd like to think I'd welcome a new partner into the family...but another baby three decades younger than me would be so hard.

Why?
No one is asking you to raise him/her

I can’t fully articulate why. I’d probably feel replaced and like my siblings and I weren’t “enough” for him. I’d be concerned that he wouldn’t have enough time for me and my kids. I’ve always been my dad’s baby and I’d grieve the end of that. It would be disorienting to see my dad as a peer parent rather than the big strong authority figure I grew up with. I’d be embarrassed to tell people I have a sibling younger than my own kids.

[Anonymous]

What do you expect? You are clearly a generation younger and are the same age as his daughter. It's creepy - think about it. Says someone in a similar position as his DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

The mother in this case has been dead for many years. It's a bit selfish of you to go on building your life but expect dad to stay unattached forever. It's not like you're there to keep him company!

The parents were already divorced before the mom died.

But anyway, there is a difference between getting remarried and getting remarried and having a new kud a generation younger than an existing set.

This. I'm the 29 year old PP. I wouldn't expect my father to remain single forever and I'd like to think I'd welcome a new partner into the family...but another baby three decades younger than me would be so hard.

Why?
No one is asking you to raise him/her

The odds of dying while the child is young are way higher in that scenario—and the possibility of Dad needing caregiving while still raising a child. That puts Dad’s adult children in the awkward position of figuring out their role with stepmom.

The adult kids may very well be called upon to support their much younger half-sibling in various ways, because that’s who will be there to represent dad’s side of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

The mother in this case has been dead for many years. It's a bit selfish of you to go on building your life but expect dad to stay unattached forever. It's not like you're there to keep him company!

The parents were already divorced before the mom died.

But anyway, there is a difference between getting remarried and getting remarried and having a new kud a generation younger than an existing set.

This. I'm the 29 year old PP. I wouldn't expect my father to remain single forever and I'd like to think I'd welcome a new partner into the family...but another baby three decades younger than me would be so hard.

Why?
No one is asking you to raise him/her

omg crazy person
so if your father ran around in a gorilla suit you would be fine with it because he is not asking you to dry clean it...

Dumbass if you think deciding to make a life with someone is equivalent to warring a costume your ass is crazier than the dude in the gorilla suit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

The mother in this case has been dead for many years. It's a bit selfish of you to go on building your life but expect dad to stay unattached forever. It's not like you're there to keep him company!

The parents were already divorced before the mom died.

But anyway, there is a difference between getting remarried and getting remarried and having a new kud a generation younger than an existing set.

This. I'm the 29 year old PP. I wouldn't expect my father to remain single forever and I'd like to think I'd welcome a new partner into the family...but another baby three decades younger than me would be so hard.

Why?
No one is asking you to raise him/her

The odds of dying while the child is young are way higher in that scenario—and the possibility of Dad needing caregiving while still raising a child. That puts Dad’s adult children in the awkward position of figuring out their role with stepmom.

The adult kids may very well be called upon to support their much younger half-sibling in various ways, because that’s who will be there to represent dad’s side of the family.

Oh I get it
Dad does not get to have a life because there is the chance the adult kids may end up having a possibly awkward conversation .
You selfish Ho's are the same ones bitchin' because your mommy and daddy will not babysit or "help"!
Some very self centered harpies running around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

The mother in this case has been dead for many years. It's a bit selfish of you to go on building your life but expect dad to stay unattached forever. It's not like you're there to keep him company!

The parents were already divorced before the mom died.

But anyway, there is a difference between getting remarried and getting remarried and having a new kud a generation younger than an existing set.

This. I'm the 29 year old PP. I wouldn't expect my father to remain single forever and I'd like to think I'd welcome a new partner into the family...but another baby three decades younger than me would be so hard.

Why?
No one is asking you to raise him/her

The odds of dying while the child is young are way higher in that scenario—and the possibility of Dad needing caregiving while still raising a child. That puts Dad’s adult children in the awkward position of figuring out their role with stepmom.

The adult kids may very well be called upon to support their much younger half-sibling in various ways, because that’s who will be there to represent dad’s side of the family.

Oh I get it
Dad does not get to have a life because there is the chance the adult kids may end up having a possibly awkward conversation .
You selfish Ho's are the same ones bitchin' because your mommy and daddy will not babysit or "help"!
Some very self centered harpies running around.

not having a new baby as a senior citizen does not equal ‘not having life’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

The mother in this case has been dead for many years. It's a bit selfish of you to go on building your life but expect dad to stay unattached forever. It's not like you're there to keep him company!

The parents were already divorced before the mom died.

But anyway, there is a difference between getting remarried and getting remarried and having a new kud a generation younger than an existing set.

This. I'm the 29 year old PP. I wouldn't expect my father to remain single forever and I'd like to think I'd welcome a new partner into the family...but another baby three decades younger than me would be so hard.

Why?
No one is asking you to raise him/her

omg crazy person
so if your father ran around in a gorilla suit you would be fine with it because he is not asking you to dry clean it...

Dumbass if you think deciding to make a life with someone is equivalent to warring a costume your ass is crazier than the dude in the gorilla suit.

having a toddler with a new wife while collecting social security is actually more stupid than running around in a gorilla suit. this topic is clearly too personal for you to be able to think straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:29 is old enough to be cordial, but if I were one of the adult kids in this situation...it’s hard to even begin to articulate how awful it would be to see your dad start over with a new wife and new baby. You made the choice to have this complicated family dynamic. The adult kids did not choose to lose their family of origin.

This. As a 29 year old, reading this makes me want to cry. I can’t imagine losing my mother and then having my dad start a new family.

The mother in this case has been dead for many years. It's a bit selfish of you to go on building your life but expect dad to stay unattached forever. It's not like you're there to keep him company!

The parents were already divorced before the mom died.

But anyway, there is a difference between getting remarried and getting remarried and having a new kud a generation younger than an existing set.

This. I'm the 29 year old PP. I wouldn't expect my father to remain single forever and I'd like to think I'd welcome a new partner into the family...but another baby three decades younger than me would be so hard.

Why?
No one is asking you to raise him/her

omg crazy person
so if your father ran around in a gorilla suit you would be fine with it because he is not asking you to dry clean it...

Dumbass if you think deciding to make a life with someone is equivalent to warring a costume your ass is crazier than the dude in the gorilla suit.

having a toddler with a new wife while collecting social security is actually more stupid than running around in a gorilla suit. this topic is clearly too personal for you to be able to think straight.

+1.

Crazy person must have selfishly screwed over a bunch of his/her own kids but is still somehow believing that he/she should have their undying gratitude.