First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

I always find it so ridiculous when nitwits on here can't read..the guy is not divorced. Hes a WIDOW. He has a right to find love again and his brat kids should attempt to be supportive.

The guy was DIVORCED! The mom died years after the divorce.

Goodness.

It’s funny when people call themselves out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is old enough to know better. This will end in a miserable divorce or an early death for the husband. OP will flame out in her own midlife crisis and the stepdaughter will end up raising the baby.

What is going to be sweet justice is when the DH dies all of his money will go to his wife and by default his youngest child. His older brats will be out in the cold. Guaranteed this man has a ton of money. I'd love to see that update.

My mom remarried late in life when ALL the kids were grown and his kids were jealous of her. Every dime of his goes to her and he's sitting on a lot of it. Guaranteed that there is no love loss between my mom and her step kids and they wont see a penny of generosity out of her. I will though

Are you suggesting your gold digging momma would support the real kids getting an inheritance if they cow towed to her? Somehow, I doubt that.

The mom here doesnt sound like the steoreotypical gold digger. Maybe she's nice and loving to her husband, and his kids are mean to him.

Sure... many start out nice. Then step mama seizes on her own greed combined with perceived slights to justify cutting out the original kids.

Men are weak and this is the way it goes down, nearly every time.

[Anonymous]

So let me get this straight...OP and DH aren’t allowed to have a child together because during holidays his grandkids should have 100% of his attention? He has done his job as a parent. Unless he is outright ignoring his grandchildren, seriously why is it an issue that OP and DH have an infant together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So let me get this straight...OP and DH aren’t allowed to have a child together because during holidays his grandkids should have 100% of his attention? He has done his job as a parent. Unless he is outright ignoring his grandchildren, seriously why is it an issue that OP and DH have an infant together?

They are allowed to, but they should accept that his choice to spend less time with his other children and grandchildren will negatively affect that relationship. That is the choice he made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been Latina my entire life and lived among Latinos for most of it. I've never once seen an over-65 dad of young kids among them.

Same here.

And I’ve seen many white men who look more like grandfathers with young children (and a younger wife.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not the pp but I have lived through this. Elderly father married much younger woman and had baby. It was hard to deal with psychologically and I’m still pretty sure it was a bad idea. We are still friendly. But of course it’s hard for the adult children to deal with suddenly being replaced by a new family (and in my case a wife younger than me). Of course they’re not instantly a big happy family. It’s self-centered of grandpa and step-mom to think they would be.

Is your dad super rich?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is old enough to know better. This will end in a miserable divorce or an early death for the husband. OP will flame out in her own midlife crisis and the stepdaughter will end up raising the baby.

What is going to be sweet justice is when the DH dies all of his money will go to his wife and by default his youngest child. His older brats will be out in the cold. Guaranteed this man has a ton of money. I'd love to see that update.

My mom remarried late in life when ALL the kids were grown and his kids were jealous of her. Every dime of his goes to her and he's sitting on a lot of it. Guaranteed that there is no love loss between my mom and her step kids and they wont see a penny of generosity out of her. I will though

This is why we have our joint assets in a trust that goes to our kids upon the death of the last surviving parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is old enough to know better. This will end in a miserable divorce or an early death for the husband. OP will flame out in her own midlife crisis and the stepdaughter will end up raising the baby.

What is going to be sweet justice is when the DH dies all of his money will go to his wife and by default his youngest child. His older brats will be out in the cold. Guaranteed this man has a ton of money. I'd love to see that update.

My mom remarried late in life when ALL the kids were grown and his kids were jealous of her. Every dime of his goes to her and he's sitting on a lot of it. Guaranteed that there is no love loss between my mom and her step kids and they wont see a penny of generosity out of her. I will though

This is why we have our joint assets in a trust that goes to our kids upon the death of the last surviving parent.

Even this is a false sense of security. After you die your spouse could use the trust to buy new properties with his new wife. She would become the beneficiary of his retirement and life insurance accounts. That’s without taking into account gifts to adult children.

[Anonymous]

It is your house and you set the rules. You should take the step daughter aside and tell her she is free to leave but you will not tolerate her behavior in your house. As for the kid tearing up the house, again, it's your house and if parents don't discipline him, you set boundaries for home and everyone else. Also, never, never do this again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is your house and you set the rules. You should take the step daughter aside and tell her she is free to leave but you will not tolerate her behavior in your house. As for the kid tearing up the house, again, it's your house and if parents don't discipline him, you set boundaries for home and everyone else. Also, never, never do this again.

LOL! I bet you have swell relations with your step family! (Though I agree with the “never do it again” part.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is old enough to know better. This will end in a miserable divorce or an early death for the husband. OP will flame out in her own midlife crisis and the stepdaughter will end up raising the baby.

What is going to be sweet justice is when the DH dies all of his money will go to his wife and by default his youngest child. His older brats will be out in the cold. Guaranteed this man has a ton of money. I'd love to see that update.

My mom remarried late in life when ALL the kids were grown and his kids were jealous of her. Every dime of his goes to her and he's sitting on a lot of it. Guaranteed that there is no love loss between my mom and her step kids and they wont see a penny of generosity out of her. I will though

Are you suggesting your gold digging momma would support the real kids getting an inheritance if they cow towed to her? Somehow, I doubt that.

The mom here doesnt sound like the steoreotypical gold digger. Maybe she's nice and loving to her husband, and his kids are mean to him.

Sure... many start out nice. Then step mama seizes on her own greed combined with perceived slights to justify cutting out the original kids.

Men are weak and this is the way it goes down, nearly every time.

True. My mother did this with my stepfather. He's a great guy and she totally controls his relationship with his kids and distribution of their money. She's pretty much never worked. I'm sure she married him for the healthcare benefits and salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is old enough to know better. This will end in a miserable divorce or an early death for the husband. OP will flame out in her own midlife crisis and the stepdaughter will end up raising the baby.

What is going to be sweet justice is when the DH dies all of his money will go to his wife and by default his youngest child. His older brats will be out in the cold. Guaranteed this man has a ton of money. I'd love to see that update.

My mom remarried late in life when ALL the kids were grown and his kids were jealous of her. Every dime of his goes to her and he's sitting on a lot of it. Guaranteed that there is no love loss between my mom and her step kids and they wont see a penny of generosity out of her. I will though

This is why we have our joint assets in a trust that goes to our kids upon the death of the last surviving parent.

Even this is a false sense of security. After you die your spouse could use the trust to buy new properties with his new wife. She would become the beneficiary of his retirement and life insurance accounts. That’s without taking into account gifts to adult children.

There’s only so much you can control after you’re dead. Buying multiple properties jointly with the spouse would violate the terms of our trust, but my kids would have to sue him to stop it, and that’s not all that likely. You do what you can. No guarantees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like your DH is an idiot. And you should expect things to be difficult when you marry and have children outside your age range. This happens all the time. Older men want the new wife and they agree to more kids, but it is more than they can handle emotionally, logistically, and financially. There is just not enough Dad/Grandpa to go around, and you set things up to be weird by being so close in age to his children. Your child means that the grandchildren will not get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would. And their grandmother is dead so it is all the more painful to see them miss out on what could have been. Yes the divorce is in the past, but they are missing out on their grandfather's time and attention in the present. Even more so with the new baby. The loss and grief and complexity of that is happening now.

If you wanted easy holidays you should not have married into a complicated family and made it even more complicated. Remember, you and youe DH chose this and nobody else had a choice. Then you CHOSE to make it even more complicated with another baby. Sorry but that is the reality.

NP. Very thoughtful post, pp. I think you nailed it.

The stepdaughter, an adult woman with a family of her own, chose to accept this invitation. She’s entitled to feel all the grief and loss she wants, but she needs to be civil to her father’s wife in their home. If she can’t, she should have declined. She doesn’t need to accept her father’s choices but ultimately she doesn’t get a say. Life isn’t fair.

Frankly the 29yr old SD sounds like trailer trash. You dont walk into someone's home who is hosting you and behave like an adolescent. Trash trash trash.

This. We may not like our siblings or parents choice in marriage, but still need to be respectful when in each others company. That goes for whoever the trashy 29 yr old marries, dad doesn't get a say.

OP avoid those situations in the future. There will never be a Walton type get together, most blended families truly do not work. Often it's best if the bio parent visits alone especially if the kids are nasty to the current spouse. As for the holidays go somewhere, or meet at a buffet or restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is old enough to know better. This will end in a miserable divorce or an early death for the husband. OP will flame out in her own midlife crisis and the stepdaughter will end up raising the baby.

What is going to be sweet justice is when the DH dies all of his money will go to his wife and by default his youngest child. His older brats will be out in the cold. Guaranteed this man has a ton of money. I'd love to see that update.

My mom remarried late in life when ALL the kids were grown and his kids were jealous of her. Every dime of his goes to her and he's sitting on a lot of it. Guaranteed that there is no love loss between my mom and her step kids and they wont see a penny of generosity out of her. I will though

This is why we have our joint assets in a trust that goes to our kids upon the death of the last surviving parent.

Even this is a false sense of security. After you die your spouse could use the trust to buy new properties with his new wife. She would become the beneficiary of his retirement and life insurance accounts. That’s without taking into account gifts to adult children.

There’s only so much you can control after you’re dead. Buying multiple properties jointly with the spouse would violate the terms of our trust, but my kids would have to sue him to stop it, and that’s not all that likely. You do what you can. No guarantees.

True. That's why life insurance is better, payable directly to the beneficiary. Or keep property separate when you remarry.