First X-Mas as blended family off to terrible start

[Anonymous]

That's awful OP, I hope you don't get sick and can muddle through. This is something that would be come a hilarious legend in my family. I would try not to focus on DIL, sick kids on top of her personal emotional struggle will not bring out the best in her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

NP: The divorce took place when the 29-year-old was a child. The dad was single for most of her teen and adult life. How much more adjustment should there be?

+1

Also, sounds like OP’s DH is the one with unrealistic expectations, and OP just expects to be treated marginally well in her own home.

Your SD sounds like a spoiled brat who is upset Daddy finally moved on after being divorced for two decades. Knuckle thru the holidays, don’t give SD any ammunition against you and try to get out of DH’s blended fantasy next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

Agreed. You are a part of a divorced family, you should understand that other members of the family and possibly you are deeply scarred. Let the pretense go! You asked for this mess. Merry Christmas!! It is Jesus's birthday so there is no reason to expect that YOU will have a good time. Celebrate Jesus's birthday by honoring HIM!

[Anonymous]

My dad married his AP and had four more kids. I would *never* have behaved the way you describe OP. The stepdaughters in this situation are being ridiculous. They are not children, but they are behaving like it. Stepdaughter needs to get over it. Dad needs to go out to lunch or breakfast with her and lovingly explain his expectations for future get togethers. He didn't abandon his wife or his kids. He has every right to be remarried and happy. The adult children need to get on board with this. Otherwise your DH needs to protect YOU and your little one from their negativity and any bullying. That is his obligation now.

I'd suggest a cruise or resort for the whole gang if you can afford it, gives people more space. You may have been overly ambitious to think 17 people could get along with those age mixes and the emotional baggage, and territorialism.

[Anonymous]

Deep breath, with that many down and out there is bound to be crankiness. If she brings up that you intentionally planed this again, I'd either crack up laughing or tear up and say "Really? Do you really think that? Who wants all of their family and loved ones gathered sick in their home for Christmas?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

NP: The divorce took place when the 29-year-old was a child. The dad was single for most of her teen and adult life. How much more adjustment should there be?

+1

Also, sounds like OP’s DH is the one with unrealistic expectations, and OP just expects to be treated marginally well in her own home.

Your SD sounds like a spoiled brat who is upset Daddy finally moved on after being divorced for two decades. Knuckle thru the holidays, don’t give SD any ammunition against you and try to get out of DH’s blended fantasy next year.

C’mon! The DH’s first set of kids grew up as a family unit with their Dad as their Dad, and their relationship evolved to the point where they are now adults ready to have kids, and instead of Dad rolling into the ‘usual’ role of Granddad to their kids he is now — surprise! — Dad to a new generation of kid.

It’s not technically wrong on anyone’s part, but it had to throw the first set of kids’ expectations for a loop. That’s a biggg adjustment, and it’s unfair to those kids to pretend like it shouldn’t be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

NP: The divorce took place when the 29-year-old was a child. The dad was single for most of her teen and adult life. How much more adjustment should there be?

+1

Also, sounds like OP’s DH is the one with unrealistic expectations, and OP just expects to be treated marginally well in her own home.

Your SD sounds like a spoiled brat who is upset Daddy finally moved on after being divorced for two decades. Knuckle thru the holidays, don’t give SD any ammunition against you and try to get out of DH’s blended fantasy next year.

C’mon! The DH’s first set of kids grew up as a family unit with their Dad as their Dad, and their relationship evolved to the point where they are now adults ready to have kids, and instead of Dad rolling into the ‘usual’ role of Granddad to their kids he is now — surprise! — Dad to a new generation of kid.

It’s not technically wrong on anyone’s part, but it had to throw the first set of kids’ expectations for a loop. That’s a biggg adjustment, and it’s unfair to those kids to pretend like it shouldn’t be.

Disagree. Adult kids are spoiled brats. They are entitled to FEEL however they want, but not BEHAVE however they want. If I were dad I'd tell them to get with the program or they will not be invited back. Unkindness to his new wife when they did nothing wrong is not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Next year travel somewhere nice where you don’t need to be alk together in the same house. Also lower expectations.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like DH/Dad's need to have everyone else follow a certain script is causing hardship. It's not fair for one person to dictate or guilt, and if he had been willing to have an open-ended "I'd love to have my kids and grandkids here, but let's talk about whether that will work this year" and "I'd love to have you and the grandkids here, but I understand that you have your own family so no pressure," things would have gone better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

NP: The divorce took place when the 29-year-old was a child. The dad was single for most of her teen and adult life. How much more adjustment should there be?

+1

Also, sounds like OP’s DH is the one with unrealistic expectations, and OP just expects to be treated marginally well in her own home.

Your SD sounds like a spoiled brat who is upset Daddy finally moved on after being divorced for two decades. Knuckle thru the holidays, don’t give SD any ammunition against you and try to get out of DH’s blended fantasy next year.

C’mon! The DH’s first set of kids grew up as a family unit with their Dad as their Dad, and their relationship evolved to the point where they are now adults ready to have kids, and instead of Dad rolling into the ‘usual’ role of Granddad to their kids he is now — surprise! — Dad to a new generation of kid.

It’s not technically wrong on anyone’s part, but it had to throw the first set of kids’ expectations for a loop. That’s a biggg adjustment, and it’s unfair to those kids to pretend like it shouldn’t be.

Disagree. Adult kids are spoiled brats. They are entitled to FEEL however they want, but not BEHAVE however they want. If I were dad I'd tell them to get with the program or they will not be invited back. Unkindness to his new wife when they did nothing wrong is not acceptable.

I agree that bad behavior is unacceptable, don’t forget that the adult kids probably wouldn’t mind not being invited back to this same situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like your DH is an idiot. And you should expect things to be difficult when you marry and have children outside your age range. This happens all the time. Older men want the new wife and they agree to more kids, but it is more than they can handle emotionally, logistically, and financially. There is just not enough Dad/Grandpa to go around, and you set things up to be weird by being so close in age to his children. Your child means that the grandchildren will not get the attention from their grandfather that they otherwise would. And their grandmother is dead so it is all the more painful to see them miss out on what could have been. Yes the divorce is in the past, but they are missing out on their grandfather's time and attention in the present. Even more so with the new baby. The loss and grief and complexity of that is happening now.

If you wanted easy holidays you should not have married into a complicated family and made it even more complicated. Remember, you and youe DH chose this and nobody else had a choice. Then you CHOSE to make it even more complicated with another baby. Sorry but that is the reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

NP: The divorce took place when the 29-year-old was a child. The dad was single for most of her teen and adult life. How much more adjustment should there be?

+1

Also, sounds like OP’s DH is the one with unrealistic expectations, and OP just expects to be treated marginally well in her own home.

Your SD sounds like a spoiled brat who is upset Daddy finally moved on after being divorced for two decades. Knuckle thru the holidays, don’t give SD any ammunition against you and try to get out of DH’s blended fantasy next year.

C’mon! The DH’s first set of kids grew up as a family unit with their Dad as their Dad, and their relationship evolved to the point where they are now adults ready to have kids, and instead of Dad rolling into the ‘usual’ role of Granddad to their kids he is now — surprise! — Dad to a new generation of kid.

It’s not technically wrong on anyone’s part, but it had to throw the first set of kids’ expectations for a loop. That’s a biggg adjustment, and it’s unfair to those kids to pretend like it shouldn’t be.

Disagree. Adult kids are spoiled brats. They are entitled to FEEL however they want, but not BEHAVE however they want. If I were dad I'd tell them to get with the program or they will not be invited back. Unkindness to his new wife when they did nothing wrong is not acceptable.

What she did wrong is that she thought things could go perfectly. Come on, OP. Your DH needs to get a clue and you do too. Plan differently next year. And remember that they are getting a lot less of a dad and grandpa because of YOU.
P.S. stuff it, Fake Happy Family guilt trippers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

NP: The divorce took place when the 29-year-old was a child. The dad was single for most of her teen and adult life. How much more adjustment should there be?

+1

Also, sounds like OP’s DH is the one with unrealistic expectations, and OP just expects to be treated marginally well in her own home.

Your SD sounds like a spoiled brat who is upset Daddy finally moved on after being divorced for two decades. Knuckle thru the holidays, don’t give SD any ammunition against you and try to get out of DH’s blended fantasy next year.

C’mon! The DH’s first set of kids grew up as a family unit with their Dad as their Dad, and their relationship evolved to the point where they are now adults ready to have kids, and instead of Dad rolling into the ‘usual’ role of Granddad to their kids he is now — surprise! — Dad to a new generation of kid.

It’s not technically wrong on anyone’s part, but it had to throw the first set of kids’ expectations for a loop. That’s a biggg adjustment, and it’s unfair to those kids to pretend like it shouldn’t be.

Disagree. Adult kids are spoiled brats. They are entitled to FEEL however they want, but not BEHAVE however they want. If I were dad I'd tell them to get with the program or they will not be invited back. Unkindness to his new wife when they did nothing wrong is not acceptable.

Yeah, don't get it. They're damn adults and it's not like OP was having an affair with their dad while parents married or something. Trust me, I know. They need to grow the eff up.and stop acting like little punks.

[Anonymous]

What is the age of then DH? Child is 29, new wife is 43, how old is DH. 65?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There are 9 adults and 8 children in this house.

This sounds like a nightmare even if nobody's puking. Why did you sign up for that? Never do it again!

It was really important to DH to have kids kids and grandkids here. They spent their teen and early adult years at this house, they want to continue the tradition. Last year my two and I went and stayed with my dad who was in bad health. This year we have our 10-month-old so things are different. He desperately wants one big happy family.

Too bad. I always find it so ridiculous and selfish when people involved have divorce and remarriage and half-siblings to expect the kids to be all kumbayah about it, especially before a long period (ie, years) of adjustment has happened. DH and OP asked for this mess.

NP: The divorce took place when the 29-year-old was a child. The dad was single for most of her teen and adult life. How much more adjustment should there be?

+1

Also, sounds like OP’s DH is the one with unrealistic expectations, and OP just expects to be treated marginally well in her own home.

Your SD sounds like a spoiled brat who is upset Daddy finally moved on after being divorced for two decades. Knuckle thru the holidays, don’t give SD any ammunition against you and try to get out of DH’s blended fantasy next year.

C’mon! The DH’s first set of kids grew up as a family unit with their Dad as their Dad, and their relationship evolved to the point where they are now adults ready to have kids, and instead of Dad rolling into the ‘usual’ role of Granddad to their kids he is now — surprise! — Dad to a new generation of kid.

It’s not technically wrong on anyone’s part, but it had to throw the first set of kids’ expectations for a loop. That’s a biggg adjustment, and it’s unfair to those kids to pretend like it shouldn’t be.

Disagree. Adult kids are spoiled brats. They are entitled to FEEL however they want, but not BEHAVE however they want. If I were dad I'd tell them to get with the program or they will not be invited back. Unkindness to his new wife when they did nothing wrong is not acceptable.

Yeah, don't get it. They're damn adults and it's not like OP was having an affair with their dad while parents married or something. Trust me, I know. They need to grow the eff up.and stop acting like little punks.

Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. The OP and her DH are cluelessly and selfishly demanding a command performance of Fake Happy Family so they can feel like everyone validates their choices. If they back off a bit and have realistic expectations it may go better. And +1 to the idea that the grandkids are getting less grandfather time. That is the reality and you cannot expect their parents to be happy about it.

Remember, OP, if you push them too hard they may stop attending holidays at your house. Then how will your DH feel?