Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether it is ok or not, it is done ALL THE TIME from 6th grade on for girls and boys. I have 4 kids, my youngest is in 6th grade. 5th grade seems to be the year this practice starts pretty consistently and it is always after a venue celebration. So the kids go to a trampoline park, play for a couple of hours, have cake and pizza and always a small group is invited to a sleepover (usually 6 or less). My kids are completely fine with this by the way. They had a blast at the party and they understand that they are closer to some kids than others. So they get invited to some sleepovers and don't make the list for others. It doesn't affect them at all. The only instances when this was an issue that I an remember is when a friend of my daughter didn't invite one of her closest friends because of some tween drama. The girl was really upset. My oldest daughter one time hoped to be invited to a sleepover for a girl she really liked but it was a very new friendship and she was invited to the party, but not the sleepover. I told her friendships need time to grow and that the other girl most likely had a cap for her sleepover and had cousins and older friends who she wanted to invite. My daughter understood perfectly well. The friendship did grow, they are inseparable now. As they grow into adults, it is a good example to show them that they are not going to be invited to everything and that it is ok. BTW, we have only done this once when my daughter had a huge pool party with 30 of her friends and she invited her 4 best friends to a sleepover.

I think we all can agree that four sleeping over out of a group of 30 is different than inviting 12 and telling half to go home. Also, just because you are fine with it doesn't mean it isn't hurtful and mean. Maybe you would like to go to only part of the party but, for me it is not ideal. Just keep us off the list...any list if that is how you feel about us.

That's pretty sensitive. I'm the PP you responded to and I guess I'm not that sensitive and I'm trying to get my kids to have thicker skins because life can be unfair. I can't imagine any of my kids been close friends with everyone. If your child gets invited to a part of a birthday, at this age it is because the birthday kid likes your kid. You would rather your child not go to a party at all if they are not invited to the other part of the party? Friendships are forged through time. Even if I knew ahead of time if there would be a sleepover (and I did know plenty of times through other parents), I wouldn't want my children to miss a party that they wanted to attend and where they can hang out with friends.

This. This right here. Totally agree, PP.

Let me stop you right there. I don't think this at all being too sensitive. I suppose I should end this conversation because you are literally unable to see anyone else's side by your own. But, I will try once more.

In my dd's situation all the kids knew each other for years. This was not a situation where my kid was the new kid. She was invited to part of the party and then found out that they weren't inviting her to the sleep over part. Yes, it hurt my dd's feelings. Yes, she got over it. But, it would have been better not to have gone at all. You got that right.

I find it hard to believe that you would be ok with being invited to a party, getting excited and then told to leave before the dinner party was over. These girls are young. Why can't they have the sleepover party a different night? Why can't they just invite the 12 girls and call it a day? After all, a few of you were saying "what's so special about sleepovers?" So many choices and you choose to be mean and then you add insult to injury and call us "too sensitive" and "snowflakes"

The world is mean enough why can't we teach kindness and be inclusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Decide what kind of party you want? A big party or a more intimate sleepover. You don't get both.

Because a bunch of adults are so emotionally fragile the can't handle their kids not being included in everything.

No - it's because kids learn from their parent's behavior and if parents are mean and clueless about kindness, the kids will also grow up mean and clueless as well. Assuming PP condones this mean girl behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people who say this is ok are the people who do it. It's awful and your DD will be considered mean and so will you OP.

I have never done this, but think it's perfectly fine. DD has a friend who she hangs out with sometimes, but they always invite each other to their birthday parties because they've done it since preschool. If DD were invited to a party but not the sleepover, DD would be ok with it because she knows they like each other and have fun together, but are not best friends. There would be nothing about feeling like DD is not good enough, that the friend invited her for a gift...too much coddling going on on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether it is ok or not, it is done ALL THE TIME from 6th grade on for girls and boys. I have 4 kids, my youngest is in 6th grade. 5th grade seems to be the year this practice starts pretty consistently and it is always after a venue celebration. So the kids go to a trampoline park, play for a couple of hours, have cake and pizza and always a small group is invited to a sleepover (usually 6 or less). My kids are completely fine with this by the way. They had a blast at the party and they understand that they are closer to some kids than others. So they get invited to some sleepovers and don't make the list for others. It doesn't affect them at all. The only instances when this was an issue that I an remember is when a friend of my daughter didn't invite one of her closest friends because of some tween drama. The girl was really upset. My oldest daughter one time hoped to be invited to a sleepover for a girl she really liked but it was a very new friendship and she was invited to the party, but not the sleepover. I told her friendships need time to grow and that the other girl most likely had a cap for her sleepover and had cousins and older friends who she wanted to invite. My daughter understood perfectly well. The friendship did grow, they are inseparable now. As they grow into adults, it is a good example to show them that they are not going to be invited to everything and that it is ok. BTW, we have only done this once when my daughter had a huge pool party with 30 of her friends and she invited her 4 best friends to a sleepover.

I think we all can agree that four sleeping over out of a group of 30 is different than inviting 12 and telling half to go home. Also, just because you are fine with it doesn't mean it isn't hurtful and mean. Maybe you would like to go to only part of the party but, for me it is not ideal. Just keep us off the list...any list if that is how you feel about us.

That's pretty sensitive. I'm the PP you responded to and I guess I'm not that sensitive and I'm trying to get my kids to have thicker skins because life can be unfair. I can't imagine any of my kids been close friends with everyone. If your child gets invited to a part of a birthday, at this age it is because the birthday kid likes your kid. You would rather your child not go to a party at all if they are not invited to the other part of the party? Friendships are forged through time. Even if I knew ahead of time if there would be a sleepover (and I did know plenty of times through other parents), I wouldn't want my children to miss a party that they wanted to attend and where they can hang out with friends.

This. This right here. Totally agree, PP.

Let me stop you right there. I don't think this at all being too sensitive. I suppose I should end this conversation because you are literally unable to see anyone else's side by your own. But, I will try once more.

In my dd's situation all the kids knew each other for years. This was not a situation where my kid was the new kid. She was invited to part of the party and then found out that they weren't inviting her to the sleep over part. Yes, it hurt my dd's feelings. Yes, she got over it. But, it would have been better not to have gone at all. You got that right.

I find it hard to believe that you would be ok with being invited to a party, getting excited and then told to leave before the dinner party was over. These girls are young. Why can't they have the sleepover party a different night? Why can't they just invite the 12 girls and call it a day? After all, a few of you were saying "what's so special about sleepovers?" So many choices and you choose to be mean and then you add insult to injury and call us "too sensitive" and "snowflakes"

The world is mean enough why can't we teach kindness and be inclusive?

DP. You are too sensitive. Allowing kids to have normal friendships where they understand that not everyone is equally close is not unkind. It actually is a very good thing to teach kids so that they can be emotionally well adjusted in life. But you're too busy being hurt to see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether it is ok or not, it is done ALL THE TIME from 6th grade on for girls and boys. I have 4 kids, my youngest is in 6th grade. 5th grade seems to be the year this practice starts pretty consistently and it is always after a venue celebration. So the kids go to a trampoline park, play for a couple of hours, have cake and pizza and always a small group is invited to a sleepover (usually 6 or less). My kids are completely fine with this by the way. They had a blast at the party and they understand that they are closer to some kids than others. So they get invited to some sleepovers and don't make the list for others. It doesn't affect them at all. The only instances when this was an issue that I an remember is when a friend of my daughter didn't invite one of her closest friends because of some tween drama. The girl was really upset. My oldest daughter one time hoped to be invited to a sleepover for a girl she really liked but it was a very new friendship and she was invited to the party, but not the sleepover. I told her friendships need time to grow and that the other girl most likely had a cap for her sleepover and had cousins and older friends who she wanted to invite. My daughter understood perfectly well. The friendship did grow, they are inseparable now. As they grow into adults, it is a good example to show them that they are not going to be invited to everything and that it is ok. BTW, we have only done this once when my daughter had a huge pool party with 30 of her friends and she invited her 4 best friends to a sleepover.

I think we all can agree that four sleeping over out of a group of 30 is different than inviting 12 and telling half to go home. Also, just because you are fine with it doesn't mean it isn't hurtful and mean. Maybe you would like to go to only part of the party but, for me it is not ideal. Just keep us off the list...any list if that is how you feel about us.

That's pretty sensitive. I'm the PP you responded to and I guess I'm not that sensitive and I'm trying to get my kids to have thicker skins because life can be unfair. I can't imagine any of my kids been close friends with everyone. If your child gets invited to a part of a birthday, at this age it is because the birthday kid likes your kid. You would rather your child not go to a party at all if they are not invited to the other part of the party? Friendships are forged through time. Even if I knew ahead of time if there would be a sleepover (and I did know plenty of times through other parents), I wouldn't want my children to miss a party that they wanted to attend and where they can hang out with friends.

This. This right here. Totally agree, PP.

Let me stop you right there. I don't think this at all being too sensitive. I suppose I should end this conversation because you are literally unable to see anyone else's side by your own. But, I will try once more.

In my dd's situation all the kids knew each other for years. This was not a situation where my kid was the new kid. She was invited to part of the party and then found out that they weren't inviting her to the sleep over part. Yes, it hurt my dd's feelings. Yes, she got over it. But, it would have been better not to have gone at all. You got that right.

I find it hard to believe that you would be ok with being invited to a party, getting excited and then told to leave before the dinner party was over. These girls are young. Why can't they have the sleepover party a different night? Why can't they just invite the 12 girls and call it a day? After all, a few of you were saying "what's so special about sleepovers?" So many choices and you choose to be mean and then you add insult to injury and call us "too sensitive" and "snowflakes"

The world is mean enough why can't we teach kindness and be inclusive?

DP. You are too sensitive. Allowing kids to have normal friendships where they understand that not everyone is equally close is not unkind. It actually is a very good thing to teach kids so that they can be emotionally well adjusted in life. But you're too busy being hurt to see that.

NP. There are plenty of ways to teach children that not everyone is equally close that don't involve shitty behavior like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether it is ok or not, it is done ALL THE TIME from 6th grade on for girls and boys. I have 4 kids, my youngest is in 6th grade. 5th grade seems to be the year this practice starts pretty consistently and it is always after a venue celebration. So the kids go to a trampoline park, play for a couple of hours, have cake and pizza and always a small group is invited to a sleepover (usually 6 or less). My kids are completely fine with this by the way. They had a blast at the party and they understand that they are closer to some kids than others. So they get invited to some sleepovers and don't make the list for others. It doesn't affect them at all. The only instances when this was an issue that I an remember is when a friend of my daughter didn't invite one of her closest friends because of some tween drama. The girl was really upset. My oldest daughter one time hoped to be invited to a sleepover for a girl she really liked but it was a very new friendship and she was invited to the party, but not the sleepover. I told her friendships need time to grow and that the other girl most likely had a cap for her sleepover and had cousins and older friends who she wanted to invite. My daughter understood perfectly well. The friendship did grow, they are inseparable now. As they grow into adults, it is a good example to show them that they are not going to be invited to everything and that it is ok. BTW, we have only done this once when my daughter had a huge pool party with 30 of her friends and she invited her 4 best friends to a sleepover.

I think we all can agree that four sleeping over out of a group of 30 is different than inviting 12 and telling half to go home. Also, just because you are fine with it doesn't mean it isn't hurtful and mean. Maybe you would like to go to only part of the party but, for me it is not ideal. Just keep us off the list...any list if that is how you feel about us.

That's pretty sensitive. I'm the PP you responded to and I guess I'm not that sensitive and I'm trying to get my kids to have thicker skins because life can be unfair. I can't imagine any of my kids been close friends with everyone. If your child gets invited to a part of a birthday, at this age it is because the birthday kid likes your kid. You would rather your child not go to a party at all if they are not invited to the other part of the party? Friendships are forged through time. Even if I knew ahead of time if there would be a sleepover (and I did know plenty of times through other parents), I wouldn't want my children to miss a party that they wanted to attend and where they can hang out with friends.

This. This right here. Totally agree, PP.

Let me stop you right there. I don't think this at all being too sensitive. I suppose I should end this conversation because you are literally unable to see anyone else's side by your own. But, I will try once more.

In my dd's situation all the kids knew each other for years. This was not a situation where my kid was the new kid. She was invited to part of the party and then found out that they weren't inviting her to the sleep over part. Yes, it hurt my dd's feelings. Yes, she got over it. But, it would have been better not to have gone at all. You got that right.

I find it hard to believe that you would be ok with being invited to a party, getting excited and then told to leave before the dinner party was over. These girls are young. Why can't they have the sleepover party a different night? Why can't they just invite the 12 girls and call it a day? After all, a few of you were saying "what's so special about sleepovers?" So many choices and you choose to be mean and then you add insult to injury and call us "too sensitive" and "snowflakes"

The world is mean enough why can't we teach kindness and be inclusive?

DP. You are too sensitive. Allowing kids to have normal friendships where they understand that not everyone is equally close is not unkind. It actually is a very good thing to teach kids so that they can be emotionally well adjusted in life. But you're too busy being hurt to see that.

NP. There are plenty of ways to teach children that not everyone is equally close that don't involve shitty behavior like this.

What you call "shitty" behavior, I call normal life. My kids don't need to be lulled into the falsehood of thinking that they are best friends with every person they get along with. I've also taught them self worth, so they won't think they aren't good enough because someone has closer friends. None of this should even be a blip to a child who has been taught self confidence/self worth. Parents need to stop overreacting to things.

[Anonymous]

Overreacting? It was asked. We answered. You suck.

[Anonymous]

NP. I agree that the situation presented in the OP is incredibly rude. I'm from another English-speaking country, and have also lived in a non-English speaking country, plus several places in the US, and I can't think of anywhere where that would be anything less than obnoxious.

It's not even just the excluded girls who will feel bad, but probably also some of the ones invited to stay over. Personally, I'd feel awful trying to keep it a secret or not make a big deal of staying over when my other friends didn't know about it or weren't invited. You put so many people in an awkward situation.

Frankly, only a mean girl and her mother would think this is even almost acceptable.

The only acceptable situation would be if there's one girl who is her clear BFF and everyone knows that and she sleeps over all the time... in that case she could stay over that night and not the others and I think everyone would understand.

And I agree with one of the PPs that if one of my kids was acting so rudely and insisting on such an unfair situation then I'd cancel the whole thing. But then again, I refuse to raise brats.

[Anonymous]

No. Use this as a teachable moment and explain how hurtful this can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether it is ok or not, it is done ALL THE TIME from 6th grade on for girls and boys. I have 4 kids, my youngest is in 6th grade. 5th grade seems to be the year this practice starts pretty consistently and it is always after a venue celebration. So the kids go to a trampoline park, play for a couple of hours, have cake and pizza and always a small group is invited to a sleepover (usually 6 or less). My kids are completely fine with this by the way. They had a blast at the party and they understand that they are closer to some kids than others. So they get invited to some sleepovers and don't make the list for others. It doesn't affect them at all. The only instances when this was an issue that I an remember is when a friend of my daughter didn't invite one of her closest friends because of some tween drama. The girl was really upset. My oldest daughter one time hoped to be invited to a sleepover for a girl she really liked but it was a very new friendship and she was invited to the party, but not the sleepover. I told her friendships need time to grow and that the other girl most likely had a cap for her sleepover and had cousins and older friends who she wanted to invite. My daughter understood perfectly well. The friendship did grow, they are inseparable now. As they grow into adults, it is a good example to show them that they are not going to be invited to everything and that it is ok. BTW, we have only done this once when my daughter had a huge pool party with 30 of her friends and she invited her 4 best friends to a sleepover.

You are dense. You just admitted that in fact this situation has hurt your kids after claiming it never did.

And can you really not understand that you are so mean to your kids about this situation that if they felt bad they know they can't even express that to you bc you will just stick up for the other kid over them?

And just because you don't feel bad about these situations doesn't mean that other people can't and wont. Do you really think that other kids don't have their own feelings ?

I know you think you come off sounding very smart and savvy but In fact you come off as not very bright. IRL be careful about saying this kind of nonsense because it paints a very poor picture of you and people you know just end up thinking you are dimwitted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Decide what kind of party you want? A big party or a more intimate sleepover. You don't get both.

And yet, many do. So, yes, you can do both. You just don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether it is ok or not, it is done ALL THE TIME from 6th grade on for girls and boys. I have 4 kids, my youngest is in 6th grade. 5th grade seems to be the year this practice starts pretty consistently and it is always after a venue celebration. So the kids go to a trampoline park, play for a couple of hours, have cake and pizza and always a small group is invited to a sleepover (usually 6 or less). My kids are completely fine with this by the way. They had a blast at the party and they understand that they are closer to some kids than others. So they get invited to some sleepovers and don't make the list for others. It doesn't affect them at all. The only instances when this was an issue that I an remember is when a friend of my daughter didn't invite one of her closest friends because of some tween drama. The girl was really upset. My oldest daughter one time hoped to be invited to a sleepover for a girl she really liked but it was a very new friendship and she was invited to the party, but not the sleepover. I told her friendships need time to grow and that the other girl most likely had a cap for her sleepover and had cousins and older friends who she wanted to invite. My daughter understood perfectly well. The friendship did grow, they are inseparable now. As they grow into adults, it is a good example to show them that they are not going to be invited to everything and that it is ok. BTW, we have only done this once when my daughter had a huge pool party with 30 of her friends and she invited her 4 best friends to a sleepover.

I think we all can agree that four sleeping over out of a group of 30 is different than inviting 12 and telling half to go home. Also, just because you are fine with it doesn't mean it isn't hurtful and mean. Maybe you would like to go to only part of the party but, for me it is not ideal. Just keep us off the list...any list if that is how you feel about us.

That's pretty sensitive. I'm the PP you responded to and I guess I'm not that sensitive and I'm trying to get my kids to have thicker skins because life can be unfair. I can't imagine any of my kids been close friends with everyone. If your child gets invited to a part of a birthday, at this age it is because the birthday kid likes your kid. You would rather your child not go to a party at all if they are not invited to the other part of the party? Friendships are forged through time. Even if I knew ahead of time if there would be a sleepover (and I did know plenty of times through other parents), I wouldn't want my children to miss a party that they wanted to attend and where they can hang out with friends.

This. This right here. Totally agree, PP.

Let me stop you right there. I don't think this at all being too sensitive. I suppose I should end this conversation because you are literally unable to see anyone else's side by your own. But, I will try once more.

In my dd's situation all the kids knew each other for years. This was not a situation where my kid was the new kid. She was invited to part of the party and then found out that they weren't inviting her to the sleep over part. Yes, it hurt my dd's feelings. Yes, she got over it. But, it would have been better not to have gone at all. You got that right.

I find it hard to believe that you would be ok with being invited to a party, getting excited and then told to leave before the dinner party was over. These girls are young. Why can't they have the sleepover party a different night? Why can't they just invite the 12 girls and call it a day? After all, a few of you were saying "what's so special about sleepovers?" So many choices and you choose to be mean and then you add insult to injury and call us "too sensitive" and "snowflakes"

The world is mean enough why can't we teach kindness and be inclusive?

You wait a minute. Who is unable to see another side here? Look in the mirror. I'm sorry your DD had hurt feelings. And the family carried out their party in such a way that she was "told to leave before the dinner party was over." That is not always how these things are carried out and other people are capable of being discreet. And how that was handled was not cool. But, again, there are ways to do it that are more discreet.

I also fundamentally reject the idea that being "inclusive" means you have to be invited to all of the things that you want to be invited to. Or that I have to include everyone to everything just because it makes your job as a parent harder to explain or discuss why your daughter may not have been invited. Because that's what you're saying. And that is unreasonable and wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 12 year old DD has a lot of friends -- too many friends for my taste, but that's another story. Anyway. She wants to invite 11 girls to her birthday at a venue such as Shadowlands, and she also wants to have a sleepover with 6 of her closest friends on the same day. I told her we can't afford to take 11 kids to a venue, if she wants to invite that many kids, we need to do something at home. She's agreed to that, but she won't give up the sleepover. I suggested to her that we have the 6 closest kids come over a few weeks later for a regular sleepover, so the 5 kids who are not staying for a sleepover don't get offended, but she says then the sleepover won't be a birthday sleepover any more. She wants it all to be on the same day. Long story short - is it ok to host a party for 11 girls but only having 6 girls stay for the sleep over? I assume that will cause all kinds of friction. DD is arguing that the friction of not being invited to the sleepover is the lesser of the two evils, because 5 kids in the wider circle will be really upset if they're not invited to anything at all. We're new to the US and I'm not sure what the etiquette on this should be. Thanks.

This is such a strange remark. It reminds me of the Mozart movie when the guy says "too many notes" How is it a problem to be friendly to lots of people?

I'm an introvert who has always preferred to just have 1-2 close friends. My DD becomes friends with almost everyone she meets - she's one of those people who has a huge capacity for social relationships, it's just who she is. (I have a few other relatives who are like this, I think it's genetic.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.



This does not feel kind.

This. all the talk of resilience or understanding concepts of close vs.casual friends and all of that is really irrelevant- you ask a question like this one because something about it seems, well, possibly shitty, or at the least. feels unkind. Why put that out there? Enough bullshit in the world, even the world of middle schoolers, no need to add.

It's not unkind. I don't know what's so special about sleepovers on DCUM. By middle school only some kids want to stay over after the party. They have sports in the morning or sleepovers with their own friends, not the friend whose party they attended. No way those 12 girls are equally close and some would not want to stay. I don't even understand why is that part of the party.

Maybe you could give the kids an opportunity to say no then? Nothing is special about sleepovers. The point that you are missing is that the party has two parts..the cake/activity and the sleepover part. If you can't have 12 girls sleep over fine just invite the six you can handle. It is unkind because you are telling the non sleep over girls you are not good enough for the rest of the party. How can you not see that?

The only people saying the other girls aren't good enough are the people on this thread. If the girls aren't invited at all, I assume then they aren't good enough to be invited either? This generation is in serious trouble because their parents teach them to interpret everything as an affront. Thankfully it seems OP has extracted herself from this thread.

No I'm back


This is one of those threads that has revealed way more about people than was intended, it's quite fascinating. I thought it was a simple question but obviously it's not.

It seems that the many, many people who are taking the original question as an affront, describing my daughter as 'mean' and 'unkind', calling her a 'jerk' and a 'brat,' who think that she's inviting her wider circle friends out of 'pity' or because she wants to 'grab gifts' and 'throw them crumbs,' who think that she's not 'really friends' with them because they can't stay for the sleepover (out of space/logistical reasons, not out of any malice) have a definition of social relationships that I've never encountered in real life before. At first I thought they had a point, but as the attacks piled on, I realized that these posters simply have a world view that's very different from mine. DD and I don't view friendships as competitions and we don't think parties are battles for attention. My daughter and I consider friendships to be a natural, fun, part of life -- sometimes you make friends, sometimes you lose friends, you have close friends, you have not-so-close friends and you have acquaintances that you chat with occasionally on the street. When you have a party, you invite as many people as you can comfortably fit into your living room, and when you have a sleepover, you invite the number that will fit on sleeping bags on the floor. All the other assumptions of ill intent and expressions of envy are really misplaced in this debate. Anyway, we haven't made a decision yet on how we'll proceed. This thread has given me a lot of food for thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether it is ok or not, it is done ALL THE TIME from 6th grade on for girls and boys. I have 4 kids, my youngest is in 6th grade. 5th grade seems to be the year this practice starts pretty consistently and it is always after a venue celebration. So the kids go to a trampoline park, play for a couple of hours, have cake and pizza and always a small group is invited to a sleepover (usually 6 or less). My kids are completely fine with this by the way. They had a blast at the party and they understand that they are closer to some kids than others. So they get invited to some sleepovers and don't make the list for others. It doesn't affect them at all. The only instances when this was an issue that I an remember is when a friend of my daughter didn't invite one of her closest friends because of some tween drama. The girl was really upset. My oldest daughter one time hoped to be invited to a sleepover for a girl she really liked but it was a very new friendship and she was invited to the party, but not the sleepover. I told her friendships need time to grow and that the other girl most likely had a cap for her sleepover and had cousins and older friends who she wanted to invite. My daughter understood perfectly well. The friendship did grow, they are inseparable now. As they grow into adults, it is a good example to show them that they are not going to be invited to everything and that it is ok. BTW, we have only done this once when my daughter had a huge pool party with 30 of her friends and she invited her 4 best friends to a sleepover.

You are dense. You just admitted that in fact this situation has hurt your kids after claiming it never did.

And can you really not understand that you are so mean to your kids about this situation that if they felt bad they know they can't even express that to you bc you will just stick up for the other kid over them?

And just because you don't feel bad about these situations doesn't mean that other people can't and wont. Do you really think that other kids don't have their own feelings ?

I know you think you come off sounding very smart and savvy but In fact you come off as not very bright. IRL be careful about saying this kind of nonsense because it paints a very poor picture of you and people you know just end up thinking you are dimwitted.

You're preaching kindness and are calling the pp dense/dimwitted? I would voice my opinion IRL, which is it's ok for kids to be taught that not everyone is as close where friendships are concerned. Also, I tend to be friends with people who can hear different opinions and respectfully agree to disagree. They tend to be emotionally well enough to not label someone a dimwit just because they don't agree with the person's position on an issue. It sounds like you are the one trying to come across smart and savvy by insulting the pp.