Reply to Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?

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Reply to "Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

This does not feel kind.[/quote]

This. all the talk of resilience or understanding concepts of close vs.casual friends and all of that is really irrelevant- you ask a question like this one because something about it seems, well, possibly shitty, or at the least. feels unkind. Why put that out there? Enough bullshit in the world,  even the world of middle schoolers, no need to add. [/quote]

It's not unkind. I don't know what's so special about sleepovers on DCUM. By middle school only some kids want to stay over after the party. They have sports in the morning or sleepovers with their own friends, not the friend whose party they attended. No way those 12 girls are equally close and some would not want to stay. I don't even understand why is that part of the party. [/quote]

Maybe you could give the kids an opportunity to say no then?  Nothing is special about sleepovers.  The point that you are missing is that the party has two parts..the cake/activity and the sleepover part.  If you can't have 12 girls sleep over fine just invite the six you can handle. It is unkind because you are telling the non sleep over girls [b]you are not good enough for the rest of the party.[/b] How can you not see that?[/quote]

The only people saying the other girls aren't good enough are the people on this thread.  If the girls aren't invited at all, I assume then they aren't good enough to be invited either?  This generation is in serious trouble because their parents teach them to interpret everything as an affront.  Thankfully it seems OP has extracted herself from this thread.   [/quote]

No I'm back  :D

This is one of those threads that has revealed way more about people than was intended, it's quite fascinating. I thought it was a simple question but obviously it's not.

It seems that the many, many people who are taking the original question as an affront, describing my daughter as 'mean' and 'unkind', calling her a 'jerk' and a 'brat,' who think that she's inviting her wider circle friends out of 'pity' or because she wants to 'grab gifts' and 'throw them crumbs,' who think that she's not 'really friends' with them because they can't stay for the sleepover (out of  space/logistical reasons, not out of any malice) have a definition of social relationships that I've never encountered in real life before. At first I thought they had a point,  but as the attacks piled on, I realized that these posters simply have a world view that's very different from mine.  DD and I don't view friendships as competitions and we don't think parties are battles for attention. My daughter and I consider friendships to be a natural, fun, part of life -- sometimes you make friends, sometimes you lose friends, you have close friends, you have not-so-close friends and you have acquaintances that you chat with occasionally on the street. When you have a party, you invite as many people as you can comfortably fit into your living room, and when you have a sleepover, you invite the number that will fit on sleeping bags on the floor. All the other assumptions of ill intent and expressions of envy are really misplaced in this debate. Anyway, we haven't made a decision yet on how we'll proceed. This thread has given me a lot of food for thought.[/quote]

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