Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old DD has a lot of friends -- too many friends for my taste, but that's another story. Anyway. She wants to invite 11 girls to her birthday at a venue such as Shadowlands, and she also wants to have a sleepover with 6 of her closest friends on the same day. I told her we can't afford to take 11 kids to a venue, if she wants to invite that many kids, we need to do something at home. She's agreed to that, but she won't give up the sleepover. I suggested to her that we have the 6 closest kids come over a few weeks later for a regular sleepover, so the 5 kids who are not staying for a sleepover don't get offended, but she says then the sleepover won't be a birthday sleepover any more. She wants it all to be on the same day. Long story short - is it ok to host a party for 11 girls but only having 6 girls stay for the sleep over? I assume that will cause all kinds of friction. DD is arguing that the friction of not being invited to the sleepover is the lesser of the two evils, because 5 kids in the wider circle will be really upset if they're not invited to anything at all. We're new to the US and I'm not sure what the etiquette on this should be. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

That is incredibly rude and mean girl type behavior.

She can have a party and one girl sleeps over, no big deal.

Or she can have a party and all the girls sleep over. Wonderful.

But having a party where just over half the girls sleep over? Rude and mean.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a terrible idea. How will you manage to keep that a secret from the girls not invited to sleep over and thus avoid their being hurt?

Your daughter can have a group sleepover (maybe 4 girls total) or two another time, not for her birthday.

[Anonymous]

Nope. She has the sleepover on a different day, you agree that everyone can sleep over, or she has a smaller party and invite all to sleep over. Not ok. At all.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to pick 1 or 2 girls, that's the only way it'll be okay.

[Anonymous]

No way. You can not send 1/2 the party home while the party continues, how incredibly rude.

This is a good opportunity for her to learn that "hosting" doesn't always mean do everything YOU want, but also making your guests feel comfortable and happy.

I'd end the discussion by taking the sleepover off the table entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to pick 1 or 2 girls, that's the only way it'll be okay.

I agree that 1 or 2 girls is OK. Half the party is not OK.

[Anonymous]

No, that is horrible. And your daughter being more concerned about it not being a "birthday sleepover" than about her friends would be just about enough for me to cancel the whole damn thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 12 year old DD has a lot of friends -- too many friends for my taste, but that's another story. Anyway. She wants to invite 11 girls to her birthday at a venue such as Shadowlands, and she also wants to have a sleepover with 6 of her closest friends on the same day. I told her we can't afford to take 11 kids to a venue, if she wants to invite that many kids, we need to do something at home. She's agreed to that, but she won't give up the sleepover. I suggested to her that we have the 6 closest kids come over a few weeks later for a regular sleepover, so the 5 kids who are not staying for a sleepover don't get offended, but she says then the sleepover won't be a birthday sleepover any more. She wants it all to be on the same day. Long story short - is it ok to host a party for 11 girls but only having 6 girls stay for the sleep over? I assume that will cause all kinds of friction. DD is arguing that the friction of not being invited to the sleepover is the lesser of the two evils, because 5 kids in the wider circle will be really upset if they're not invited to anything at all. We're new to the US and I'm not sure what the etiquette on this should be. Thanks.

I don't know where it is acceptable to be so rude. How would you like it if friends invited you over for appetizers and told you to leave before dinner? I can't believe this is acceptable anywhere. This happened to my dd but, we were in the B group. Frankly I would rather not go to your party than be invited to only part of the party. At least there is no mistake that they are not true friends. You are raising a true mean girl if you allow this party to happen as you explain.

Just invite the girls you want to sleep over. No one wants to be invited out of "pity".

[Anonymous]

I don't even think 1 or 2 is ok. All or none..or a different day but it is not a b-day party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't even think 1 or 2 is ok. All or none..or a different day but it is not a b-day party.

I think it's OK to end the party at 8 and everyone goes home but 1-2 girls. BUt OP, your DD needs to keep quiet about that.

[Anonymous]

No! I wouldn't even do one or two girls. One party of 11, everyone goes home. She can have one friend at a time sleep over at other times.

Honestly, my daughter has been invited to be one of the ones sleeping over, and the parents just looked like jerks. There is no polite way to do this.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not OK, OP. Not even 1 or 2. Your daughtyneeds to make some decisions. A big party at a location or a small party with an event and sleepover at home. Or a big sleepover if you can tolerate it.

[Anonymous]

We’ve been on both sides of this arrangement. The child invited to stay and the child who wasn’t. It’s a bad idea. News of the sleepover will definitely leak.

My son has a lot of friends. Too many to host for a sleepover. He asks for a sleepover party every year but I say no. He can have friends sleepover on other nights.