Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?

[Anonymous]

Woah, I guess Monday morning is a good time to get a ton of responses in a very short time.

Thanks to all the helpful replies, I came on here with a genuine concern seeking people's opinions, and now I have a clearer sense of what's acceptable.

To everyone else who responded with totally uncalled for aggression, describing my daughter as 'rude' and 'mean' -- even though she's trying her best to compromise with me and with her wider group of friends -- try being a bit kinder in your assumptions next time. Most children really are neither rude or mean, they're still learning how society works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we are doing a slight version of this. One of DD's friends lives an hour away, so she is sleeping over after the party. The other girls live 5 mins away. We're not making it a known thing. I think this is ok, but wouldn't invite half the girls to stay over!

I think this is fine, even if it was known. Or if one friend's parents are out of town that weekend so she's staying over, or if OP's daughter had a widely acknowledged best friend. Kids get all of those circumstances even if they wish they were already included. However, setting up a situation where half the girls stay and half the girls have to leave is just unkind.

This. Sending half the kids home is just about marking friendship hierarchy. It's unkind. And I would refuse to facilitate unkindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woah, I guess Monday morning is a good time to get a ton of responses in a very short time.

Thanks to all the helpful replies, I came on here with a genuine concern seeking people's opinions, and now I have a clearer sense of what's acceptable.

To everyone else who responded with totally uncalled for aggression, describing my daughter as 'rude' and 'mean' -- even though she's trying her best to compromise with me and with her wider group of friends -- try being a bit kinder in your assumptions next time. Most children really are neither rude or mean, they're still learning how society works.

I agree that some some responses were uncalled for, but at the same time, they do provide some insight into your how daughter might be viewed by others (the kids send home early and their parents) if she were to go ahead with her plan. We don't get to choose how people interpret our actions, and this might be a really good context in which to introduce/reinforce that concept.

[Anonymous]

A friend's daughter had her 1st grade party at home. Had about 30 kids-mix of school, softball, family friends- and invited 4-5 to sleepover. Didn't seem like a big deal to me at all.

[Anonymous]

Would you invite some guests to the wedding ceremony, but not the reception?

[Anonymous]

I'm American and people here are WAY too sensitive. Not everyone gets invited to everything.

Have the sleepover girls arrive 15 minutes beforehand to stash their bags/pillows away in a room or closet and tell them not to brag about the sleepover.

Excluding ONE girl would be totally cruel. Having half stay is fine.

[Anonymous]

My DD went to a party with about 8 girls and just 2 spent the night but everyone knew the host and the two sleeping over were best friends and nobody seemed hurt by it. If a couple additional girls had been invited to sleep over that would have caused hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is incredibly rude and mean girl type behavior.

She can have a party and one girl sleeps over, no big deal.

Or she can have a party and all the girls sleep over. Wonderful.

But having a party where just over half the girls sleep over? Rude and mean.

It's not rude or mean. It's highly unlikely that a teen is equally close to 11 friends. Also, having 11 kids sleep over is a lot. I don't view this as mean girl behavior. Also, before you start saying that's likely because I was a mean girl or that my girls are likely mean girls, I wasn't, and my DD would likely be one of the excluded girls because she's shy and introverted. Labeling everything mean girl type behavior is counterproductive. I guess OP should just not inclythe extra five girls in any part of the evening because of people like you.

You’re wrong. If the teen isn’t close to the people, she should not invite them in the first place. Allowing even some to stay (barring extenuating circumstances, like one coming from a very far distance), IS RUDE. Saying it isn’t rude just shows that you, too, have bad manners.

I said equally close. There are friends that my kids are close enough to invite to a birthday party, but not a sleepover. There are friends who would invite my kids to a birthday party, but not to a sleepover. I don't have bad manners, I'm just not whiny and entitled. I'm also not raising my kids to be whiny. We are in the teen forum. There is way too much coddling going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you invite some guests to the wedding ceremony, but not the reception?

You're equating these two events? SMH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend's daughter had her 1st grade party at home. Had about 30 kids-mix of school, softball, family friends- and invited 4-5 to sleepover. Didn't seem like a big deal to me at all.

You clearly don't have kids over 7.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Just did this on Friday night.
My DD had 25 13 year old boys & girls over; they played games like spooky truth or dare on the trampoline, they played air hockey & ping pong, capture the flag, medusa, hide & seek (we have a huge back & front yard) & then she had 5 of the girls stay over.

They're all really sweet girls, so nobody mentioned that they were staying over to anyone else at the party & nobody posted it to social media. There were no hurt feelings & everyone had a great time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you invite some guests to the wedding ceremony, but not the reception?

You're equating these two events? SMH.

Actually, I was thinking of that analogy as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just did this on Friday night.
My DD had 25 13 year old boys & girls over; they played games like spooky truth or dare on the trampoline, they played air hockey & ping pong, capture the flag, medusa, hide & seek (we have a huge back & front yard) & then she had 5 of the girls stay over.

They're all really sweet girls, so nobody mentioned that they were staying over to anyone else at the party & nobody posted it to social media. There were no hurt feelings & everyone had a great time.

You're very naive to think word won't get out. It probably already has and it certainly will by the end of the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you invite some guests to the wedding ceremony, but not the reception?

You're equating these two events? SMH.

Actually, I was thinking of that analogy as well.

No wonder we have a bunch of crybabies in this generation of kids. A medal for everyone.