Reply to Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Whether it is ok or not, it is done ALL THE TIME from 6th grade on for girls and boys.  I have 4 kids, my youngest is in 6th grade.  5th grade seems to be the year this practice starts pretty consistently and it is always after a venue celebration.  So the kids go to a trampoline park, play for a couple of hours, have cake and pizza and always a small group is invited to a sleepover (usually 6 or less).  My kids are completely fine with this by the way.  They had a blast at the party and they understand that they are closer to some kids than others. So they get invited to some sleepovers and don't make the list for others.  It doesn't affect them at all.  The only instances when this was an issue that I an remember is when a friend of my daughter didn't invite one of her closest friends because of some tween drama.  The girl was really upset.  My oldest daughter one time hoped to be invited to a sleepover for a girl she really liked but it was a very new friendship and she was invited to the party, but not the sleepover.  I told her friendships need time to grow and that the other girl most likely had a cap for her sleepover and had cousins and older friends who she wanted to invite.  My daughter understood perfectly well.  The friendship did grow, they are inseparable now.  As they grow into adults, it is a good example to show them that they are not going to be invited to everything and that it is ok.  BTW, we have only done this once when my daughter had a huge pool party with 30 of her friends and she invited her 4 best friends to a sleepover.  [/quote]

I think we all can agree that four sleeping over out of a group of 30 is different than inviting 12 and telling half to go home.  Also, just because you are fine with it doesn't mean it isn't hurtful and mean.  Maybe you would like to go to only part of the party but, for me it is not ideal.  Just keep us off the list...any list if that is how you feel about us.[/quote]

[b]That's pretty sensitive[/b].  I'm the PP you responded to and I guess I'm not that sensitive and I'm trying to get my kids to have thicker skins because life can be unfair.  I can't imagine any of my kids been close friends with everyone.  If your child gets invited to a part of a birthday, at this age it is because the birthday kid likes your kid. You would rather your child not go to a party at all if they are not invited to the other part of the party?  Friendships are forged through time.  Even if I knew ahead of time if there would be a sleepover (and I did know plenty of times through other parents), I wouldn't want my children to miss a party that they wanted to attend and where they can hang out with friends. [/quote]

This. This right here. Totally agree, PP.[/quote]

Let me stop you right there.  I don't think this at all being too sensitive.  I suppose I should end this conversation because you are literally unable to see anyone else's side by your own.  But, I will try once more.

In my dd's situation all the kids knew each other for years.  This was not a situation where my kid was the new kid.  She was invited to part of the party and then found out that they weren't inviting her to the sleep over part.  Yes, it hurt my dd's feelings.  Yes, she got over it.  But, it would have been better not to have gone at all.  You got that right.

I find it hard to believe that you would be ok with being invited to a party, getting excited and then told to leave before the dinner party was over.  These girls are young.  Why can't they have the sleepover party a different night?  Why can't they just invite the 12 girls and call it a day?  After all, a few of you were saying "what's so special about sleepovers?"  So many choices and you choose to be mean  and then you add insult to injury and call us "too sensitive" and "snowflakes"

The world is mean enough why can't we teach kindness and be inclusive?[/quote]

DP.  You are too sensitive.  Allowing kids to have normal friendships where they understand that not everyone is equally close is not unkind.  It actually is a very good thing to teach kids so that they can be emotionally well adjusted in life.  But you're too busy being hurt to see that.  [/quote]
NP. There are plenty of ways to teach children that not everyone is equally close that don't involve shitty behavior like this.[/quote]

What you call "shitty" behavior, I call normal life.  My kids don't need to be lulled into the falsehood of thinking that they are best friends with every person they get along with.  I've also taught them self worth, so they won't think they aren't good enough because someone has closer friends.  None of this should even be a blip to a child who has been taught self confidence/self worth.  Parents need to stop overreacting to things.[/quote]

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