Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time

I understand. After more than 10 years of problems (mostly no sex) I had an emotional affair and came VERY CLOSE to a PA, but I just couldn't do it. Our life is otherwise great but it makes you crazy to feel unloved and trapped. We nearly divorced but started counseling and are doing better now.

DH has also never gone down on me. I enjoy doing it for him. Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever. I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.

Thanks for writing this . It gives me hope that maybe I could be more forward in how I’m really about to walk out on him and convince him to go to counseling . I understand some sexual things may be unfulfilled for you and I do hope he comes around

OP, I hope you’re able to make this conversation work. It’s going to be hard for him since he might hear “I don’t love you” but what you’ve said tells me that’s the exact opposite of the message. It’s crucial for him to know that you have a need that’s so strong that it could overwhelm everything else, even though to him he probably doesn’t even know it’s on the priority list. Ultimatums have a way of making things change, but the outcome may not be perfect. When we hit this point in our marriage (around when our kids were babies) and had a similar sort of conversation, I was willing to write a one-time hall pass. It’s been like a splinter in my mind ever since, so I don’t recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literally grab him by his ball$ and tell him if things don’t change for the better, he won’t be needing these things anymore… Why stay and be unfulfilled?

You and Trump would get along well. He can grab you by the pu$$y and you can grab him by the ball$ and both can make threats about sex or else. What a delightful relationship.

Salty much? Oh, you’re of the participation trophy generation. Bet you get your feelings hurt at the drop of a hat. Bet you cry when someone calls you to the carpet. Bet you whine when you don’t get your way. How’s your portfolio doing with Sleepy Joe in charge? STFU

Are you drunk or just always incoherent?

Are you that much of an idiot to figure out I was responding to the Trump comment? Maybe you’re drunk AND incoherent. Now go back into your parents basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time

I understand. After more than 10 years of problems (mostly no sex) I had an emotional affair and came VERY CLOSE to a PA, but I just couldn't do it. Our life is otherwise great but it makes you crazy to feel unloved and trapped. We nearly divorced but started counseling and are doing better now.

DH has also never gone down on me. I enjoy doing it for him. Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever. I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.

Thanks for writing this . It gives me hope that maybe I could be more forward in how I’m really about to walk out on him and convince him to go to counseling . I understand some sexual things may be unfulfilled for you and I do hope he comes around

OP, I hope you’re able to make this conversation work. It’s going to be hard for him since he might hear “I don’t love you” but what you’ve said tells me that’s the exact opposite of the message. It’s crucial for him to know that you have a need that’s so strong that it could overwhelm everything else, even though to him he probably doesn’t even know it’s on the priority list. Ultimatums have a way of making things change, but the outcome may not be perfect. When we hit this point in our marriage (around when our kids were babies) and had a similar sort of conversation, I was willing to write a one-time hall pass. It’s been like a splinter in my mind ever since, so I don’t recommend it.

Can you share what you mean ? So he was disappointed with you and you almost wrote a hall pass for him but then it improved ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

So you haven’t specifically asked for or initiated the position you desire? Just a general let’s try some new things? He’s probably thinking, too much work. Take the lead here. If he has bad knees, ask him to stand while you contort into a position that fits. You both seem passive. Just go for it. If he’s laying down in bed, get him going in whatever way he likes. Quickly get on top. Or sit him in a chair with no arms and straddle. It’s a great option for you to hold onto the back of chair for stability and control. It allows him to go deeper with little exertion. You can face him to start, then easily get into reverse cowgirl. Ok, I’m starting to sound like a freak. But you get the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

So you haven’t specifically asked for or initiated the position you desire? Just a general let’s try some new things? He’s probably thinking, too much work. Take the lead here. If he has bad knees, ask him to stand while you contort into a position that fits. You both seem passive. Just go for it. If he’s laying down in bed, get him going in whatever way he likes. Quickly get on top. Or sit him in a chair with no arms and straddle. It’s a great option for you to hold onto the back of chair for stability and control. It allows him to go deeper with little exertion. You can face him to start, then easily get into reverse cowgirl. Ok, I’m starting to sound like a freak. But you get the point.

Op here. NO- I have been VERY clear about exactly what I want. That’s why I get frustrated-because he responds like I’m asking for something crazy when they are definitely not. I’m not being vague when I talk to him about it. I am extremely specific.

And that’s why I won’t “just do it” after he has said no. Because I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me after I said no to something. Especially the person I’m married to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

So you haven’t specifically asked for or initiated the position you desire? Just a general let’s try some new things? He’s probably thinking, too much work. Take the lead here. If he has bad knees, ask him to stand while you contort into a position that fits. You both seem passive. Just go for it. If he’s laying down in bed, get him going in whatever way he likes. Quickly get on top. Or sit him in a chair with no arms and straddle. It’s a great option for you to hold onto the back of chair for stability and control. It allows him to go deeper with little exertion. You can face him to start, then easily get into reverse cowgirl. Ok, I’m starting to sound like a freak. But you get the point.

Op here. NO- I have been VERY clear about exactly what I want. That’s why I get frustrated-because he responds like I’m asking for something crazy when they are definitely not. I’m not being vague when I talk to him about it. I am extremely specific.

And that’s why I won’t “just do it” after he has said no. Because I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me after I said no to something. Especially the person I’m married to.

So - OP - has this thread assisted you in anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time

I understand. After more than 10 years of problems (mostly no sex) I had an emotional affair and came VERY CLOSE to a PA, but I just couldn't do it. Our life is otherwise great but it makes you crazy to feel unloved and trapped. We nearly divorced but started counseling and are doing better now.

DH has also never gone down on me. I enjoy doing it for him. Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever. I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.

Thanks for writing this . It gives me hope that maybe I could be more forward in how I’m really about to walk out on him and convince him to go to counseling . I understand some sexual things may be unfulfilled for you and I do hope he comes around

OP, I hope you’re able to make this conversation work. It’s going to be hard for him since he might hear “I don’t love you” but what you’ve said tells me that’s the exact opposite of the message. It’s crucial for him to know that you have a need that’s so strong that it could overwhelm everything else, even though to him he probably doesn’t even know it’s on the priority list. Ultimatums have a way of making things change, but the outcome may not be perfect. When we hit this point in our marriage (around when our kids were babies) and had a similar sort of conversation, I was willing to write a one-time hall pass. It’s been like a splinter in my mind ever since, so I don’t recommend it.

Honestly I think this is one of those conversations that is best mediated with a marriage counselor. Yeah, it shouldn’t be this big of a deal but you are stuck on the communication aspect. You don’t want to reach the point of ultimatums or hall passes, honestly. I reached that point and it dealt a pretty bad blow to the marriage. That’s when it’s sort of too late for a marriage counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

So you haven’t specifically asked for or initiated the position you desire? Just a general let’s try some new things? He’s probably thinking, too much work. Take the lead here. If he has bad knees, ask him to stand while you contort into a position that fits. You both seem passive. Just go for it. If he’s laying down in bed, get him going in whatever way he likes. Quickly get on top. Or sit him in a chair with no arms and straddle. It’s a great option for you to hold onto the back of chair for stability and control. It allows him to go deeper with little exertion. You can face him to start, then easily get into reverse cowgirl. Ok, I’m starting to sound like a freak. But you get the point.

Op here. NO- I have been VERY clear about exactly what I want. That’s why I get frustrated-because he responds like I’m asking for something crazy when they are definitely not. I’m not being vague when I talk to him about it. I am extremely specific.

And that’s why I won’t “just do it” after he has said no. Because I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me after I said no to something. Especially the person I’m married to.

So - OP - has this thread assisted you in anyway?

It has. But you know what has actually helped me more? It’s been a while since I read this forum-and reading other threads about the different issues people are dealing with has made me feel more grateful. Especially the thread where people are talking about how their spouses never say “I love you” (and they in turn don’t either). That one got me. That is seriously sad. There are so many things my husband does right. I’m just going to need to accept that I might just need to let go of this, as hard as that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time

I understand. After more than 10 years of problems (mostly no sex) I had an emotional affair and came VERY CLOSE to a PA, but I just couldn't do it. Our life is otherwise great but it makes you crazy to feel unloved and trapped. We nearly divorced but started counseling and are doing better now.

DH has also never gone down on me. I enjoy doing it for him. Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever. I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.

Thanks for writing this . It gives me hope that maybe I could be more forward in how I’m really about to walk out on him and convince him to go to counseling . I understand some sexual things may be unfulfilled for you and I do hope he comes around

OP, I hope you’re able to make this conversation work. It’s going to be hard for him since he might hear “I don’t love you” but what you’ve said tells me that’s the exact opposite of the message. It’s crucial for him to know that you have a need that’s so strong that it could overwhelm everything else, even though to him he probably doesn’t even know it’s on the priority list. Ultimatums have a way of making things change, but the outcome may not be perfect. When we hit this point in our marriage (around when our kids were babies) and had a similar sort of conversation, I was willing to write a one-time hall pass. It’s been like a splinter in my mind ever since, so I don’t recommend it.

Can you share what you mean ? So he was disappointed with you and you almost wrote a hall pass for him but then it improved ?

PP. Yes, I wasn’t “enough” somehow but otherwise everything was great and so I said take a hall pass and don’t tell me about it. I’m honestly not sure it was ever cashed in but have wondered about it ever since. And now it has been years and yes, things are great and apparently now I’m “enough”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

So you haven’t specifically asked for or initiated the position you desire? Just a general let’s try some new things? He’s probably thinking, too much work. Take the lead here. If he has bad knees, ask him to stand while you contort into a position that fits. You both seem passive. Just go for it. If he’s laying down in bed, get him going in whatever way he likes. Quickly get on top. Or sit him in a chair with no arms and straddle. It’s a great option for you to hold onto the back of chair for stability and control. It allows him to go deeper with little exertion. You can face him to start, then easily get into reverse cowgirl. Ok, I’m starting to sound like a freak. But you get the point.

Op here. NO- I have been VERY clear about exactly what I want. That’s why I get frustrated-because he responds like I’m asking for something crazy when they are definitely not. I’m not being vague when I talk to him about it. I am extremely specific.

And that’s why I won’t “just do it” after he has said no. Because I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me after I said no to something. Especially the person I’m married to.

Wow. Sorry for assuming you weren’t specific about your physical needs. It’s clear your husband is great in many ways. I’m stumped. What could be going on? Low libido, so obligatory sex. Porn addiction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

So you haven’t specifically asked for or initiated the position you desire? Just a general let’s try some new things? He’s probably thinking, too much work. Take the lead here. If he has bad knees, ask him to stand while you contort into a position that fits. You both seem passive. Just go for it. If he’s laying down in bed, get him going in whatever way he likes. Quickly get on top. Or sit him in a chair with no arms and straddle. It’s a great option for you to hold onto the back of chair for stability and control. It allows him to go deeper with little exertion. You can face him to start, then easily get into reverse cowgirl. Ok, I’m starting to sound like a freak. But you get the point.

Op here. NO- I have been VERY clear about exactly what I want. That’s why I get frustrated-because he responds like I’m asking for something crazy when they are definitely not. I’m not being vague when I talk to him about it. I am extremely specific.

And that’s why I won’t “just do it” after he has said no. Because I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me after I said no to something. Especially the person I’m married to.

Wow. Sorry for assuming you weren’t specific about your physical needs. It’s clear your husband is great in many ways. I’m stumped. What could be going on? Low libido, so obligatory sex. Porn addiction?

Sounds like he’s not enough into porn.

[Anonymous]

He’s B O R I N G…. How did you not know he is so vanilla in bed when you first got together? You should have pulled the rip cord back then! Now you’re stuck in an unfulfilling $ex life. Let us know how you’re feeling in a couple of years. 🤦‍♂️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

So you haven’t specifically asked for or initiated the position you desire? Just a general let’s try some new things? He’s probably thinking, too much work. Take the lead here. If he has bad knees, ask him to stand while you contort into a position that fits. You both seem passive. Just go for it. If he’s laying down in bed, get him going in whatever way he likes. Quickly get on top. Or sit him in a chair with no arms and straddle. It’s a great option for you to hold onto the back of chair for stability and control. It allows him to go deeper with little exertion. You can face him to start, then easily get into reverse cowgirl. Ok, I’m starting to sound like a freak. But you get the point.

Op here. NO- I have been VERY clear about exactly what I want. That’s why I get frustrated-because he responds like I’m asking for something crazy when they are definitely not. I’m not being vague when I talk to him about it. I am extremely specific.

And that’s why I won’t “just do it” after he has said no. Because I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me after I said no to something. Especially the person I’m married to.

So - OP - has this thread assisted you in anyway?

It has. But you know what has actually helped me more? It’s been a while since I read this forum-and reading other threads about the different issues people are dealing with has made me feel more grateful. Especially the thread where people are talking about how their spouses never say “I love you” (and they in turn don’t either). That one got me. That is seriously sad. There are so many things my husband does right. I’m just going to need to accept that I might just need to let go of this, as hard as that is.

OP - a gentle reminder - you don't "need to just accept" and "need to let go of this" - you GET to choose to do that if that's what you want, but it is not the only choice. Just because other posters here may be on their own journeys and tackling their own challenges, doesn't mean you need to minimize what is important to YOU and "buck up and be grateful because children are starving in [China]" (you know what I mean)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

So you haven’t specifically asked for or initiated the position you desire? Just a general let’s try some new things? He’s probably thinking, too much work. Take the lead here. If he has bad knees, ask him to stand while you contort into a position that fits. You both seem passive. Just go for it. If he’s laying down in bed, get him going in whatever way he likes. Quickly get on top. Or sit him in a chair with no arms and straddle. It’s a great option for you to hold onto the back of chair for stability and control. It allows him to go deeper with little exertion. You can face him to start, then easily get into reverse cowgirl. Ok, I’m starting to sound like a freak. But you get the point.

Op here. NO- I have been VERY clear about exactly what I want. That’s why I get frustrated-because he responds like I’m asking for something crazy when they are definitely not. I’m not being vague when I talk to him about it. I am extremely specific.

And that’s why I won’t “just do it” after he has said no. Because I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me after I said no to something. Especially the person I’m married to.

So - OP - has this thread assisted you in anyway?

It has. But you know what has actually helped me more? It’s been a while since I read this forum-and reading other threads about the different issues people are dealing with has made me feel more grateful. Especially the thread where people are talking about how their spouses never say “I love you” (and they in turn don’t either). That one got me. That is seriously sad. There are so many things my husband does right. I’m just going to need to accept that I might just need to let go of this, as hard as that is.

OP - a gentle reminder - you don't "need to just accept" and "need to let go of this" - you GET to choose to do that if that's what you want, but it is not the only choice. Just because other posters here may be on their own journeys and tackling their own challenges, doesn't mean you need to minimize what is important to YOU and "buck up and be grateful because children are starving in [China]" (you know what I mean)

I would tend to agree with this. And I would also like to encourage OP to keep trying for the things you want. It sounds like your marriage is 90% there; you just need to gently nudge it over the line and find way for him to do the, apparently very reasonable and normal, things you have been asking for.

My guess is your relationship will grow stronger and more in depth, as soon as he starts doing those things. Just wanted to say hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time

I understand. After more than 10 years of problems (mostly no sex) I had an emotional affair and came VERY CLOSE to a PA, but I just couldn't do it. Our life is otherwise great but it makes you crazy to feel unloved and trapped. We nearly divorced but started counseling and are doing better now.

DH has also never gone down on me. I enjoy doing it for him. Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever. I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.

Thanks for writing this . It gives me hope that maybe I could be more forward in how I’m really about to walk out on him and convince him to go to counseling . I understand some sexual things may be unfulfilled for you and I do hope he comes around

OP, I hope you’re able to make this conversation work. It’s going to be hard for him since he might hear “I don’t love you” but what you’ve said tells me that’s the exact opposite of the message. It’s crucial for him to know that you have a need that’s so strong that it could overwhelm everything else, even though to him he probably doesn’t even know it’s on the priority list. Ultimatums have a way of making things change, but the outcome may not be perfect. When we hit this point in our marriage (around when our kids were babies) and had a similar sort of conversation, I was willing to write a one-time hall pass. It’s been like a splinter in my mind ever since, so I don’t recommend it.

Can you share what you mean ? So he was disappointed with you and you almost wrote a hall pass for him but then it improved ?

PP. Yes, I wasn’t “enough” somehow but otherwise everything was great and so I said take a hall pass and don’t tell me about it. I’m honestly not sure it was ever cashed in but have wondered about it ever since. And now it has been years and yes, things are great and apparently now I’m “enough”.

You REALLY need to go to marriage counseling over this. I would go insane in these circumstances.