Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine this being such an issue in an otherwise wonderful marriage. OP is in for a shock if she thinks she would be better off divorced.

Please understand that I’m not being judgemental when I say this but this is a classic answer from someone who doesn’t think sex is important/doesn’t enjoy it. And there is nothing wrong with that-as long as it’s the same for the person you are with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a bit hard to judge when we don't know what those things are. It is also hard to judge when we don't know whether those are primarily, or the only, things that will satisfy you. I.e., if you only get off through oral, and he refuses, that is different than if you are just interested in BDSM but otherwise can be satisfied. I would guess it is more common than not that one partner has interests that are not satisfied by the other partner because of a lack of interest in doing it.

Ultimately, if he refuses, I think your only options are to live with it or get it elsewhere (either openly or secretly).

Op here-I answered those questions in an earlier response.

But I would never cheat. It’s Marriage or divorce for me. There is no in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the things? If they truly are vanilla why does he refuse?

Oral.
He doesn't like to eat.
Not the OP

Op here. Please watch your language use as I really don’t want this post to get deleted. And I already answered about this earlier and no that’s not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the things? If they truly are vanilla why does he refuse?

Oral.
He doesn't like to eat.
Not the OP

Op here. Please watch your language use as I really don’t want this post to get deleted. And I already answered about this earlier and no that’s not an issue.

So it's a particular position that you like and he doesn't want to do?

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

My husband would never go to therapy. He just wouldn’t.

When I have asked him why he basically just gets defensive and says “the way we do it is fine” etc… and when I push a little he basically says “he just doesn’t want to and it seems like not things you do in a marriage”.

The resentment will grow, OP. You need to decide what control you want to exercise. Do everything you can to manage your resentment, or tell your husband that you're seeking another sex partner.

This I know. And that’s what I’m afraid of. But the latter is not an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the things? If they truly are vanilla why does he refuse?

Oral.
He doesn't like to eat.
Not the OP

Op here. Please watch your language use as I really don’t want this post to get deleted. And I already answered about this earlier and no that’s not an issue.

So it's a particular position that you like and he doesn't want to do?

Yes I answered this in a previous response as well. It’s really any variance at all he doesn’t want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the things? If they truly are vanilla why does he refuse?

Oral.
He doesn't like to eat.
Not the OP

Op here. Please watch your language use as I really don’t want this post to get deleted. And I already answered about this earlier and no that’s not an issue.

So it's a particular position that you like and he doesn't want to do?

It sounds like he only wants to do missionary and that OP would like some variety. Not a big ask! We are not Wildly adventurous but we do enjoy mixing it up.

[Anonymous]

Not OP but she quite clearly stated that he only ever wants to do it in the missionary position. I totally get it. I’ve got a missionary man too. After many, many conversations I think he just has performance anxiety and that’s the only way he can make it happen. I guess something is better than nothing.

[Anonymous]

And he probably does it with the exact same rhythm and motion every time.

I'd lose my mind.

[Anonymous]

Don’t blow up a good marriage over this. Get some toys and take care of yourself. I’m sure there are some relationships out there where everyone gets exactly what they want, no more and no less, but it’s rare. He may not even be able to explain why he likes one thing only, he just does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many women complain about never having sex, let alone just missionary. I agree with you that variety is important in many things including sex. You need to take charge physically so get him on his back and climb on. Don’t ask, just do it. My husband lets me make the decision on what we do and he seems pretty satisfied.

She has asked. He’s refused. So that would be…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a bit hard to judge when we don't know what those things are. It is also hard to judge when we don't know whether those are primarily, or the only, things that will satisfy you. I.e., if you only get off through oral, and he refuses, that is different than if you are just interested in BDSM but otherwise can be satisfied. I would guess it is more common than not that one partner has interests that are not satisfied by the other partner because of a lack of interest in doing it.

Ultimately, if he refuses, I think your only options are to live with it or get it elsewhere (either openly or secretly).

Op here-I answered those questions in an earlier response.

But I would never cheat. It’s Marriage or divorce for me. There is no in between.

You’re the one who changed, OP. As you described, this hasn’t been an issue for decades. You’re making it one now.

[Anonymous]

OP - what’re his reasons? I’d say if he isn’t communicating with you about why and brainstorming ways to otherwise please you, then your marriage isn’t otherwise great …

[Anonymous]

I'm with the posters suggesting that he's afraid he'd lose his stiffy if he changed positions.

I'd get him really, really excited and then go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a bit hard to judge when we don't know what those things are. It is also hard to judge when we don't know whether those are primarily, or the only, things that will satisfy you. I.e., if you only get off through oral, and he refuses, that is different than if you are just interested in BDSM but otherwise can be satisfied. I would guess it is more common than not that one partner has interests that are not satisfied by the other partner because of a lack of interest in doing it.

Ultimately, if he refuses, I think your only options are to live with it or get it elsewhere (either openly or secretly).

Op here-I answered those questions in an earlier response.

But I would never cheat. It’s Marriage or divorce for me. There is no in between.

This is wear you need to take ownership of the intimate part of your relationship. If he won’t you need to.