Reply to Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time [/quote]

I understand.  After more than 10 years of problems (mostly no sex) I had an emotional affair and came VERY CLOSE to a PA, but I just couldn't do it.  Our life is otherwise great but it makes you crazy to feel unloved and trapped.  We nearly divorced but started counseling and are doing better now.

DH has also never gone down on me.  I enjoy doing it for him.  Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever.  I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.[/quote]

Thanks for writing this . It gives me hope that maybe I could be more forward in how I’m really about to walk out on him and convince him to go to counseling . I understand some sexual things may be unfulfilled for you and I do hope he comes around [/quote]

OP, I hope you’re able to make this conversation work. It’s going to be hard for him since he might hear “I don’t love you” but what you’ve said tells me that’s the exact opposite of the message. It’s crucial for him to know that you have a need that’s so strong that it could overwhelm everything else, even though to him he probably doesn’t even know it’s on the priority list. Ultimatums have a way of making things change, but the outcome may not be perfect. When we hit this point in our marriage (around when our kids were babies) and had a similar sort of conversation, I was willing to write a one-time hall pass. It’s been like a splinter in my mind ever since, so I don’t recommend it. [/quote]

Can you share what you mean ? So he was disappointed with you and you almost wrote a hall pass for him but then it improved ? [/quote]

PP. Yes, I wasn’t “enough” somehow but otherwise everything was great and so I said take a hall pass and don’t tell me about it. I’m honestly not sure it was ever cashed in but have wondered about it ever since. And now it has been years and yes, things are great and apparently now I’m “enough”. [/quote]

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