How to marry a financially compatible man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's ex was killed by police, in Minnesota, and she received $800,000 as a settlement, which is a lot, but doesn't make you super-rich. OP may be overestimating her wealth.

I feel sorry for you if 800K or even $3mm net worth sounds like whole lot to you.

Well OP did lose her husband (in an unlawful police shooting) so she may be dealing with PTSD.

You are insane. Seriously, just f..ed up crazy. Are you fixed on black lives matter or something?

OPs ex may be Philando Castile. As in "Philandering"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

Vomit. And yes, you are right. Those men are not in DC. Which is why I told a family member to leave 20 years ago...and he did and now very wealthy.

Did your family member find a high net worth gentlemen in his new home area?

The family member is a man and a multimillionaire. He married an immigrant (Eastern European) who is not at all like OP. She is not materialistic at all.

It’s a totally different situation - if she’s a young imjgrant without much to her name she won’t be thinking about a man contributing equally. She will ge happy with whatever her husband offers as she married him when he had it all already

She is not young now and Harvard graduate degree. Stop with your assumptions. They married when he was just getting started. They married before age 30.

Stop with this fake thinking she went to Harvard for non-materialist goals. Everyone knows why people complete for these scholarships or pay tuition fees: access to certain circles, higher salaries, higher success. She didn't marry "Joe the Plumber". Neither did I (didn't go to Harvard but to another pretty well ranked program)

You do not have a PhD from Harvard. She does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

Vomit. And yes, you are right. Those men are not in DC. Which is why I told a family member to leave 20 years ago...and he did and now very wealthy.

What is there to vomit about?

You live in an unrealistic bubble about what matters. It is especially disgusting since you have money and waste it on “lifestyle” and BS appearances.

Sorry. Money does matter. It's all well and good to be idealistic that love conquers all. And then reality creeps in and life is expensive. How many people on DCUM outsource everything that they can? That's not trivial money. If OP wants to travel then that's what's important to her. You many consider it a waste on "lifestyle" but at 40 with a grown child, what do you think she should be doing? Her kid is off to college, she has her retirement money already. I have no idea what sort of non wasteful lifestyle expenses you think she should be spending her money on.

Investing it. Not spending 40k a year on travel and 15k on country club memberships. It is vapid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

Vomit. And yes, you are right. Those men are not in DC. Which is why I told a family member to leave 20 years ago...and he did and now very wealthy.

What is there to vomit about?

You live in an unrealistic bubble about what matters. It is especially disgusting since you have money and waste it on “lifestyle” and BS appearances.

Sorry. Money does matter. It's all well and good to be idealistic that love conquers all. And then reality creeps in and life is expensive. How many people on DCUM outsource everything that they can? That's not trivial money. If OP wants to travel then that's what's important to her. You many consider it a waste on "lifestyle" but at 40 with a grown child, what do you think she should be doing? Her kid is off to college, she has her retirement money already. I have no idea what sort of non wasteful lifestyle expenses you think she should be spending her money on.

Exactly: what else I should be spending on ? And many people here don’t really understand that I am a working woman/small assets manager with 2 jobs! I am not sitting on dividends. They think it’s a sort of a windfall I’ve got from my divorce but it’s a living business with employees that I have . I have over 15 clients, contracts, repairs, taxes to take care of every single day. I work 9-5 at my main job and then 2-3 hrs visit the sites etc. Often I work on weekends. I am able to do complex jobs on properties myself, installation of security cameras for example (when contractors mess up). I know zoning rules, how thick should be party walls and what you can add to them etc. My friends who work 8-4 at Federal jobs work much less and always wonder how I manage everything on a totally “male” field!
And if I get sick god forbid tomorrow, or a dimensia at 65, then I will be in big trouble. Which is why I still work at a 2nd job , pumping most of pre-tax income into serious retirement accounts at a max match level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

Vomit. And yes, you are right. Those men are not in DC. Which is why I told a family member to leave 20 years ago...and he did and now very wealthy.

What is there to vomit about?

You live in an unrealistic bubble about what matters. It is especially disgusting since you have money and waste it on “lifestyle” and BS appearances.

Sorry. Money does matter. It's all well and good to be idealistic that love conquers all. And then reality creeps in and life is expensive. How many people on DCUM outsource everything that they can? That's not trivial money. If OP wants to travel then that's what's important to her. You many consider it a waste on "lifestyle" but at 40 with a grown child, what do you think she should be doing? Her kid is off to college, she has her retirement money already. I have no idea what sort of non wasteful lifestyle expenses you think she should be spending her money on.

Investing it. Not spending 40k a year on travel and 15k on country club memberships. It is vapid.

It’s my choice to spend today as much as I want after maxing my retirement accounts. I have business big enough where I am not interested in growing it while I am single. It’s too much for me already to manage. Single people are more at risk not having anyone to look after them in retirement thus I want to enjoy my life while I an relatively young. 40k on travel is not whole lot: it’s 2 trips a year as one of the above posters said. One skiing one to Europe or a beach.
If I remarry abd have a partner who’s in same business then I would grow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

Vomit. And yes, you are right. Those men are not in DC. Which is why I told a family member to leave 20 years ago...and he did and now very wealthy.

What is there to vomit about?

You live in an unrealistic bubble about what matters. It is especially disgusting since you have money and waste it on “lifestyle” and BS appearances.

Sorry. Money does matter. It's all well and good to be idealistic that love conquers all. And then reality creeps in and life is expensive. How many people on DCUM outsource everything that they can? That's not trivial money. If OP wants to travel then that's what's important to her. You many consider it a waste on "lifestyle" but at 40 with a grown child, what do you think she should be doing? Her kid is off to college, she has her retirement money already. I have no idea what sort of non wasteful lifestyle expenses you think she should be spending her money on.

Investing it. Not spending 40k a year on travel and 15k on country club memberships. It is vapid.

Ok here: hi , go ahead tell me where I should be investing. I am open for your ideas. I personally couldn’t find anything better than CDs and waiting out for housing crash sitting on cash for the next 2 years. So please, tell me your secret stocks. I exited stocks in the fall

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

Vomit. And yes, you are right. Those men are not in DC. Which is why I told a family member to leave 20 years ago...and he did and now very wealthy.

Did your family member find a high net worth gentlemen in his new home area?

The family member is a man and a multimillionaire. He married an immigrant (Eastern European) who is not at all like OP. She is not materialistic at all.

It’s a totally different situation - if she’s a young imjgrant without much to her name she won’t be thinking about a man contributing equally. She will ge happy with whatever her husband offers as she married him when he had it all already

She is not young now and Harvard graduate degree. Stop with your assumptions. They married when he was just getting started. They married before age 30.

Stop with this fake thinking she went to Harvard for non-materialist goals. Everyone knows why people complete for these scholarships or pay tuition fees: access to certain circles, higher salaries, higher success. She didn't marry "Joe the Plumber". Neither did I (didn't go to Harvard but to another pretty well ranked program)

You do not have a PhD from Harvard. She does.

I never needed one and there is no PhD for lawyers. There is an SJD but it’s for those who take academia route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a real charmer.

Why? I simply look for a financially equal man of roughly my age/could be max 10 years older, not burdened by obligations

The way you write sounds as though English is your second language. I’m picturing pampered Persian who inherited the real estate and was too bossy to your ex for him to stick around. Let me guess, he was “cheap” because he would sometimes complain about your lavish spending?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in early 40s, recently divorced. Not looking to remarry immediately, I just date. But if I was to remarry, it would need to be someone "financially compatible". I have a net worth if $3.5mm (primarily real estate trust-like managed arrangement). No financial obligations except for a very small mortgage (net worth counted after mortgage).

My trust makes around 250k/year. I also work full time at a fed contractor making 100K/year at a contracting position. I am not particular career oriented as I already make enough for single lifestyle. Basically it's like having 2 jobs with gross total income 300-350k depending on a year. Ideally I need my future husband in a 300K+ income bracket, to "restore" the lifestyle I had prior to my divorce. I had a comfortable income with exH at 700-$1mm/year. I like traveling to Europe, skiing, nice clothing, restaurants etc. I would want to mix the income which has to be roughly equal, without mixing our pre-marital assets. That way we both could step up our joint lifestyle and afford more as a couple plus benefit on joint taxes (every economist knows "economy of scale" principle). Of course, we could buy another joint property or start some joint business in real estate which I am very familiar with

My partner would need to have a similar life style: e.g. not being cheap, willing to mix incomes but not assets, like art in other words being accustomed to this lifestyle. I can't imagine arguing about things which I can somewhat afford myself already. I am a member of a country club (where everyone seems married); a sport club, travel every season for 2 weeks on average; go out to nice restaurants.

Is it realistic to find a partner like this? How would I "weed out" those under the parameters I am looking for? Are there dating platforms for wealthier people? I am not on any app at the moment, would it be a poor taste to put the requirements on the profile?

It is if you are sufficiently attractive. Bear in mind that 350k is like a too 1% income so the pool is pretty small, and you are competing with women 10 years younger as well. But it sounds like you have a lot going for you as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a real charmer.

Why? I simply look for a financially equal man of roughly my age/could be max 10 years older, not burdened by obligations

The way you write sounds as though English is your second language. I’m picturing pampered Persian who inherited the real estate and was too bossy to your ex for him to stick around. Let me guess, he was “cheap” because he would sometimes complain about your lavish spending?

As I said above I am Eastern European. No financial differences with my exH. He collected art step by step. I am a generous person and so was he : my first spousal present to him was an audio system for house; his to me a grand piano. Financial success is not in being stringent, it’s about finding good opportunities (regulatory arbitrage usually) to be ahead of others on the market. He also had a principle “stringent pays twice”. If you hire a cheap contractor or buy a cheap shit you are likely to pay second time to fix errors/deficiencies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

Vomit. And yes, you are right. Those men are not in DC. Which is why I told a family member to leave 20 years ago...and he did and now very wealthy.

What is there to vomit about?

You live in an unrealistic bubble about what matters. It is especially disgusting since you have money and waste it on “lifestyle” and BS appearances.

Sorry. Money does matter. It's all well and good to be idealistic that love conquers all. And then reality creeps in and life is expensive. How many people on DCUM outsource everything that they can? That's not trivial money. If OP wants to travel then that's what's important to her. You many consider it a waste on "lifestyle" but at 40 with a grown child, what do you think she should be doing? Her kid is off to college, she has her retirement money already. I have no idea what sort of non wasteful lifestyle expenses you think she should be spending her money on.

Exactly: what else I should be spending on ? And many people here don’t really understand that I am a working woman/small assets manager with 2 jobs! I am not sitting on dividends. They think it’s a sort of a windfall I’ve got from my divorce but it’s a living business with employees that I have . I have over 15 clients, contracts, repairs, taxes to take care of every single day. I work 9-5 at my main job and then 2-3 hrs visit the sites etc. Often I work on weekends. I am able to do complex jobs on properties myself, installation of security cameras for example (when contractors mess up). I know zoning rules, how thick should be party walls and what you can add to them etc. My friends who work 8-4 at Federal jobs work much less and always wonder how I manage everything on a totally “male” field!
And if I get sick god forbid tomorrow, or a dimensia at 65, then I will be in big trouble. Which is why I still work at a 2nd job , pumping most of pre-tax income into serious retirement accounts at a max match level.

Get over yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

Vomit. And yes, you are right. Those men are not in DC. Which is why I told a family member to leave 20 years ago...and he did and now very wealthy.

Did your family member find a high net worth gentlemen in his new home area?

The family member is a man and a multimillionaire. He married an immigrant (Eastern European) who is not at all like OP. She is not materialistic at all.

It’s a totally different situation - if she’s a young imjgrant without much to her name she won’t be thinking about a man contributing equally. She will ge happy with whatever her husband offers as she married him when he had it all already

She is not young now and Harvard graduate degree. Stop with your assumptions. They married when he was just getting started. They married before age 30.

Stop with this fake thinking she went to Harvard for non-materialist goals. Everyone knows why people complete for these scholarships or pay tuition fees: access to certain circles, higher salaries, higher success. She didn't marry "Joe the Plumber". Neither did I (didn't go to Harvard but to another pretty well ranked program)

You do not have a PhD from Harvard. She does.

I never needed one and there is no PhD for lawyers. There is an SJD but it’s for those who take academia route.

My point is that you said that she didn’t have anything and married him when he had it all and that’s absolutely not the case and she’s from Eastern Europe so not everybody is money hungry and greedy like you are.

[Anonymous]

Op—I don’t get the negativity being thrown your way. Why is looking for equal considered negative? I think your real investment strategy sounds amazing and I’d love to have your knowledge. You are smart to balance self employment with a fed job with benefits; it’s the best of both worlds—high risk/high reward and security. Congrats to you for building your own portfolio and knowing what you want. As the saying goes “know your worth”—you know your worth both figuratively and financially. Kudos to you!

I don’t know what more people want you to invest your money in. You’ve done all the checkbox items—raised a kid who’s off the college. Now is your time. Are DCUM people really so conservative that they are going to invest their money until they die in order to pass it ALL onto their kids? It sounds like your son will inherit enough from you. You sound investment savvy and I suspect you would reduce travel if it was negatively impacting your family.

So DCUM, OP has the investments which are generating enough income to support her lifestyle. What other investments are you recommending that she make? please be specific. Why should she not be spending her dividends on a lifestyle that makes her happy? Why is doing so wasteful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m female in my late 40s and make $500k. My kids are taken care of and their father makes just under $1M.

I get what you’re looking for—someone who can keep up with you financially and culturally. It’s expensive to travel to Europe for 2 weeks in summer, spend 2 weeks skiing in the winter, and have a few long weekends. You’re future partner needs to be able to pay their own way. People on DCUM are so quick to tell women who want a more extravagant lifestyle to get their own money. Well, you have your own money. I don’t see why what you’re looking for is unreasonable. However, in the DC area it’s probably not realistic. You need to look in NY or Silicon Valley.

Vomit. And yes, you are right. Those men are not in DC. Which is why I told a family member to leave 20 years ago...and he did and now very wealthy.

Did your family member find a high net worth gentlemen in his new home area?

The family member is a man and a multimillionaire. He married an immigrant (Eastern European) who is not at all like OP. She is not materialistic at all.

It’s a totally different situation - if she’s a young imjgrant without much to her name she won’t be thinking about a man contributing equally. She will ge happy with whatever her husband offers as she married him when he had it all already

She is not young now and Harvard graduate degree. Stop with your assumptions. They married when he was just getting started. They married before age 30.

Stop with this fake thinking she went to Harvard for non-materialist goals. Everyone knows why people complete for these scholarships or pay tuition fees: access to certain circles, higher salaries, higher success. She didn't marry "Joe the Plumber". Neither did I (didn't go to Harvard but to another pretty well ranked program)

You do not have a PhD from Harvard. She does.

I never needed one and there is no PhD for lawyers. There is an SJD but it’s for those who take academia route.

My point is that you said that she didn’t have anything and married him when he had it all and that’s absolutely not the case and she’s from Eastern Europe so not everybody is money hungry and greedy like you are.

I am not money hungry or greedy . If I was that way, I wouldn’t be giving to charity, spending on travel with my son, buying high quality goods etc. I am still waiting to hear from the posters above what else I should invest into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op—I don’t get the negativity being thrown your way. Why is looking for equal considered negative? I think your real investment strategy sounds amazing and I’d love to have your knowledge. You are smart to balance self employment with a fed job with benefits; it’s the best of both worlds—high risk/high reward and security. Congrats to you for building your own portfolio and knowing what you want. As the saying goes “know your worth”—you know your worth both figuratively and financially. Kudos to you!

I don’t know what more people want you to invest your money in. You’ve done all the checkbox items—raised a kid who’s off the college. Now is your time. Are DCUM people really so conservative that they are going to invest their money until they die in order to pass it ALL onto their kids? It sounds like your son will inherit enough from you. You sound investment savvy and I suspect you would reduce travel if it was negatively impacting your family.

So DCUM, OP has the investments which are generating enough income to support her lifestyle. What other investments are you recommending that she make? please be specific. Why should she not be spending her dividends on a lifestyle that makes her happy? Why is doing so wasteful?

Op here: exactly ! The whole point of getting the most from life is being able to afford things while you are still relatively young . I do continue investing in my 40s but not in same rate as in my 20-30s as I already built wealth that’s sufficient for me. It’s not anyone making all money you can make but about the right balance.

Why would I be tight with money now, to invest into another project that would pay back in 15 years and get 5-10 years of travel, then give away all to my son or managers ? To be an extremely wealthy 60 yo? My grandma got dimensia at age 65. My son will get what I have already and it’s a hood start: he won’t be less privileged from inheriting 7 mm vs 10mm when I die.