How to marry a financially compatible man?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in early 40s, recently divorced. Not looking to remarry immediately, I just date. But if I was to remarry, it would need to be someone "financially compatible". I have a net worth if $3.5mm (primarily real estate trust-like managed arrangement). No financial obligations except for a very small mortgage (net worth counted after mortgage).

My trust makes around 250k/year. I also work full time at a fed contractor making 100K/year at a contracting position. I am not particular career oriented as I already make enough for single lifestyle. Basically it's like having 2 jobs with gross total income 300-350k depending on a year. Ideally I need my future husband in a 300K+ income bracket, to "restore" the lifestyle I had prior to my divorce. I had a comfortable income with exH at 700-$1mm/year. I like traveling to Europe, skiing, nice clothing, restaurants etc. I would want to mix the income which has to be roughly equal, without mixing our pre-marital assets. That way we both could step up our joint lifestyle and afford more as a couple plus benefit on joint taxes (every economist knows "economy of scale" principle). Of course, we could buy another joint property or start some joint business in real estate which I am very familiar with

My partner would need to have a similar life style: e.g. not being cheap, willing to mix incomes but not assets, like art in other words being accustomed to this lifestyle. I can't imagine arguing about things which I can somewhat afford myself already. I am a member of a country club (where everyone seems married); a sport club, travel every season for 2 weeks on average; go out to nice restaurants.

Is it realistic to find a partner like this? How would I "weed out" those under the parameters I am looking for? Are there dating platforms for wealthier people? I am not on any app at the moment, would it be a poor taste to put the requirements on the profile?

Hi OP. Maybe I’m the only one here but I think you are to be commended for your achievements and also that you should not settle for less than who and what you want. I am also divorced but with none of the education and wealth you possess. I couldn’t be more in awe of what you’ve accomplished and your freedom to do what you want. Good for you!! I don’t know where wealthy people meet since I’m not but I suspect the same way other social groups meet- through families and schools and recreation. A matchmaker doesn’t seem very romantic to me however you don’t seem like someone who will stand around and wait for something good to happen. You are ambitious and make things happen. Have you considered the Bay Area. There are many young female international ambitious entrepreneurs here who think like you do. You’d be very popular here. I think the advice you are getting is yes very American, but beyond that it’s very “east coast”. We are more open minded here! 😉 Best wishes to you and keep it up. I hope my daughters will be as successful as you, although unlikely since I can’t teach them how to do what you’ve done.

For one thing, she was married when she started her business. She had the time to do it. Most women are not in a position of being financially supported while they pursue entrepreneurial ventures. She got lucky. This is not that hard with that kind of safety net in a marriage. she had time and financial support.

You didn't read above that I worked in 3 months since landing on US soil and used my own savings as well to start the business. Everyone has time in life, and it's up to you how to use it. I backtracked my legal career in Europe (I was an associate at a US law firm in German). But we agreed that there would be a "compensatory" side business to me leaving legal career during the marriage. Would I have married my exH, if he wasn't driven or didnt support business development? Of course not! I would have stayed at my law firm. Some other foreign attorneys who stayed are now equity law partners making way more than I make in the US. But there are not married and don't have children, they had to sacrifice all these for their corporate careers. I likely would have been one of them, if I didn't marry

You were still financially supported and able to do it because your husband let you do it. My ex-husband would not let me do any entrepreneurial ventures whatsoever. He lied about it before marriage so you got lucky. Stop like you are so amazing because you’re really not— you had time and financial support.

If my exH lied to me like that, I would have divorced him after one year of marriage, and returned to my legal career. I would not think twice about holding a sham marriage for my baby etc.

Again you got lucky. I was in the wrong state and could not leave until I got back to the DC area because I could not risk getting stuck for 18 years in the wrong state for work reasons. Took me eight years to get back.

Sorry to hear that. Of course circumstances could be different. I was dating my exH for 2 years prior marriage, so it was obvious we wanted similar things in terms of future finances, career plans, children etc. But if he turned around lying, I would just go back to my parents and my home country with the baby and then go from there

Stop congratulating yourself. I dated my ex 2.5 years before marriage; you are implying that I didn’t. Lied about more than one thing about the future. Fact of the matter is that you did have a good marriage because you were able to build a business with a supportive financial partner. I didn’t have parents to fall back on. They live in the United States but are completely useless.

Well, my exH was charming, generous and driven. It's just he was like that with many women:0)