How to marry a financially compatible man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who would satisfy OP's criteria (more than, actually), and I would not be interested in the least. I have more than enough money to entertain myself, so I would rather have the company of someone more charming. I assume that was the case with OP's husband as well. If she couldn't hold onto one rich guy, why would she hold onto another?

Also, most rich guys aren't too impressed with a mid-level GS who happened into a lot of money through divorce. Kind of gives me the willies.

OP here: I could have still held on to my exH. I was the one who filed for divorce. He was just fine living his way while being comfortably married and having things done for him. Very convenient to have one life here and a second “work wife”. Just wasn’t for me it was affecting my well being having different women involved in my marriage

I’m a woman but it’s pretty obvious why he was cheating. He probably didn’t feel loved and probably felt that you were with him for money.

Maybe he was with me for money, didn’t you think other way around ? He didn’t “leave” either. He was already divorced once (our marriage was second for him and first for me), and he cheated on his first wife as well. So no, men who don’t cheat just don’t cheat. Even when the wives are fat and angry. His AP was his married subordinate and slept with him for hefty consulting contracts he gave her through his job. I filed for divorce when it was discovered. That’s the story and it was far from being a purely romantic arrangement for his AP.

I don’t have a “wealth” requirement: I have income requirement. Assets and income are two different things.

It doesn’t matter he was still cheating on you, which means he didn’t like you very much. I can see why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who would satisfy OP's criteria (more than, actually), and I would not be interested in the least. I have more than enough money to entertain myself, so I would rather have the company of someone more charming. I assume that was the case with OP's husband as well. If she couldn't hold onto one rich guy, why would she hold onto another?

Also, most rich guys aren't too impressed with a mid-level GS who happened into a lot of money through divorce. Kind of gives me the willies.

OP here: I could have still held on to my exH. I was the one who filed for divorce. He was just fine living his way while being comfortably married and having things done for him. Very convenient to have one life here and a second “work wife”. Just wasn’t for me it was affecting my well being having different women involved in my marriage

I’m a woman but it’s pretty obvious why he was cheating. He probably didn’t feel loved and probably felt that you were with him for money.

Maybe he was with me for money, didn’t you think other way around ? He didn’t “leave” either. He was already divorced once (our marriage was second for him and first for me), and he cheated on his first wife as well. So no, men who don’t cheat just don’t cheat. Even when the wives are fat and angry. His AP was his married subordinate and slept with him for hefty consulting contracts he gave her through his job. I filed for divorce when it was discovered. That’s the story and it was far from being a purely romantic arrangement for his AP.

I don’t have a “wealth” requirement: I have income requirement. Assets and income are two different things.

Income requirement of 300+ a year at your age is unrealistic because most of those men are already married and not on the dating market and the ones who have that kind of money are not interested in someone who is 43 years old usually. If you want to have an actual partner who cares about you and you have this kind of money the amount of income they have should not be relevant.

As long as it’s a long term relationship and not a marriage, it’s not relevant for me. But married people do have joint accounts and a very large discrepancy would definitely lead to resentment about spending, investments, lifestyle, supporting his kids etc. I know, just from experience of other women who remarried to lower income husbands later in life. I would have never offended my man offering a prenup. I just don’t want commingling increase of business value and 401ks in official marriage if he’s a dependent. It’s a disastrous scenario for women 10-15 years from retirement to pay alimony or split 401k.

I do realize that my approach would likely leave me officially single but that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who would satisfy OP's criteria (more than, actually), and I would not be interested in the least. I have more than enough money to entertain myself, so I would rather have the company of someone more charming. I assume that was the case with OP's husband as well. If she couldn't hold onto one rich guy, why would she hold onto another?

Also, most rich guys aren't too impressed with a mid-level GS who happened into a lot of money through divorce. Kind of gives me the willies.

OP here: I could have still held on to my exH. I was the one who filed for divorce. He was just fine living his way while being comfortably married and having things done for him. Very convenient to have one life here and a second “work wife”. Just wasn’t for me it was affecting my well being having different women involved in my marriage

I’m a woman but it’s pretty obvious why he was cheating. He probably didn’t feel loved and probably felt that you were with him for money.

Maybe he was with me for money, didn’t you think other way around ? He didn’t “leave” either. He was already divorced once (our marriage was second for him and first for me), and he cheated on his first wife as well. So no, men who don’t cheat just don’t cheat. Even when the wives are fat and angry. His AP was his married subordinate and slept with him for hefty consulting contracts he gave her through his job. I filed for divorce when it was discovered. That’s the story and it was far from being a purely romantic arrangement for his AP.

I don’t have a “wealth” requirement: I have income requirement. Assets and income are two different things.

It doesn’t matter he was still cheating on you, which means he didn’t like you very much. I can see why.

I get it you just need to “get” me one way or another. I am a very well put together person who always plans ahead which may rub people a wrong way. But my exH and I were very similar. It’s a wrong approach to blame a woman that she did something wrong whereby cheaters always have an option. To exit without cheating if they don’t like wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who would satisfy OP's criteria (more than, actually), and I would not be interested in the least. I have more than enough money to entertain myself, so I would rather have the company of someone more charming. I assume that was the case with OP's husband as well. If she couldn't hold onto one rich guy, why would she hold onto another?

Also, most rich guys aren't too impressed with a mid-level GS who happened into a lot of money through divorce. Kind of gives me the willies.

Op in this case was the one w the money. The ex husband was the one holding onto OP 😂.
Corrected it for you.

I find it interesting how you are all piling on to OP. So many times i read about wives looking for “providers”, SAHM looking for husbands who can support their lifestyle. What is so different about what OP is looking for : equal footing on financial income. Someone who can make $300k and she can talk to about topics of interest to her. She has it made already. She doesnt need anyone’s money. Just a guy who can pay his share when they go on expensive vacations.
And you’re all saying she needs to be younger?!?

🤦‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who would satisfy OP's criteria (more than, actually), and I would not be interested in the least. I have more than enough money to entertain myself, so I would rather have the company of someone more charming. I assume that was the case with OP's husband as well. If she couldn't hold onto one rich guy, why would she hold onto another?

Also, most rich guys aren't too impressed with a mid-level GS who happened into a lot of money through divorce. Kind of gives me the willies.

Op in this case was the one w the money. The ex husband was the one holding onto OP 😂.
Corrected it for you.

I find it interesting how you are all piling on to OP. So many times i read about wives looking for “providers”, SAHM looking for husbands who can support their lifestyle. What is so different about what OP is looking for : equal footing on financial income. Someone who can make $300k and she can talk to about topics of interest to her. She has it made already. She doesnt need anyone’s money. Just a guy who can pay his share when they go on expensive vacations.
And you’re all saying she needs to be younger?!?

🤦‍♀️

I love how OP is pretending like another poster here.

OP and husband created a business using money earned by the husband. And then she got the business, which she describes as a "trust", in the divorce settlement. Maybe someone is going to be impressed by that, but most successful men are not going to be impressed. If OP wanted to live the lifestyle of a family that earns 600K a year, she should have stayed married. But again, if the rich guys were tripping over themselves to prove their worthiness to OP, she wouldn't be posting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who would satisfy OP's criteria (more than, actually), and I would not be interested in the least. I have more than enough money to entertain myself, so I would rather have the company of someone more charming. I assume that was the case with OP's husband as well. If she couldn't hold onto one rich guy, why would she hold onto another?

Also, most rich guys aren't too impressed with a mid-level GS who happened into a lot of money through divorce. Kind of gives me the willies.

Op in this case was the one w the money. The ex husband was the one holding onto OP 😂.
Corrected it for you.

I find it interesting how you are all piling on to OP. So many times i read about wives looking for “providers”, SAHM looking for husbands who can support their lifestyle. What is so different about what OP is looking for : equal footing on financial income. Someone who can make $300k and she can talk to about topics of interest to her. She has it made already. She doesnt need anyone’s money. Just a guy who can pay his share when they go on expensive vacations.
And you’re all saying she needs to be younger?!?

🤦‍♀️

+1

Relationships are a combination of practical lifestyle factors and emotional compatibility. OP wants to live a certain lifestyle. I don’t see an issue with that.

I think people are responding poorly because she’s an empowered woman who has opinions about what she wants.

OP, ignore these people and be secure in the fact that you offer a lot just in who you are, not what you can do or how much you make. If you’re willing to go for an older guy — 50s or even early 60s — this would be easy enough. You probably need to consider relocation to an area with more traffic — NYC or Silicon Valley. Please don’t marry another cheater, and get a prenup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who would satisfy OP's criteria (more than, actually), and I would not be interested in the least. I have more than enough money to entertain myself, so I would rather have the company of someone more charming. I assume that was the case with OP's husband as well. If she couldn't hold onto one rich guy, why would she hold onto another?

Also, most rich guys aren't too impressed with a mid-level GS who happened into a lot of money through divorce. Kind of gives me the willies.

Op in this case was the one w the money. The ex husband was the one holding onto OP 😂.
Corrected it for you.

I find it interesting how you are all piling on to OP. So many times i read about wives looking for “providers”, SAHM looking for husbands who can support their lifestyle. What is so different about what OP is looking for : equal footing on financial income. Someone who can make $300k and she can talk to about topics of interest to her. She has it made already. She doesnt need anyone’s money. Just a guy who can pay his share when they go on expensive vacations.
And you’re all saying she needs to be younger?!?

🤦‍♀️

I love how OP is pretending like another poster here.

OP and husband created a business using money earned by the husband. And then she got the business, which she describes as a "trust", in the divorce settlement. Maybe someone is going to be impressed by that, but most successful men are not going to be impressed. If OP wanted to live the lifestyle of a family that earns 600K a year, she should have stayed married. But again, if the rich guys were tripping over themselves to prove their worthiness to OP, she wouldn't be posting here.

Mmm no, i am not OP. I am a new poster. Why shouldn’t OP be posting here? What’s the income maximum limit? Not more than $150k?
She didnt sound like she wanted to impress anyone. She sounded very factual about her assets and her needs… she knows exactly what she offers. She wants an equal. 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who would satisfy OP's criteria (more than, actually), and I would not be interested in the least. I have more than enough money to entertain myself, so I would rather have the company of someone more charming. I assume that was the case with OP's husband as well. If she couldn't hold onto one rich guy, why would she hold onto another?

Also, most rich guys aren't too impressed with a mid-level GS who happened into a lot of money through divorce. Kind of gives me the willies.

Op in this case was the one w the money. The ex husband was the one holding onto OP 😂.
Corrected it for you.

I find it interesting how you are all piling on to OP. So many times i read about wives looking for “providers”, SAHM looking for husbands who can support their lifestyle. What is so different about what OP is looking for : equal footing on financial income. Someone who can make $300k and she can talk to about topics of interest to her. She has it made already. She doesnt need anyone’s money. Just a guy who can pay his share when they go on expensive vacations.
And you’re all saying she needs to be younger?!?

🤦‍♀️

I love how OP is pretending like another poster here.

OP and husband created a business using money earned by the husband. And then she got the business, which she describes as a "trust", in the divorce settlement. Maybe someone is going to be impressed by that, but most successful men are not going to be impressed. If OP wanted to live the lifestyle of a family that earns 600K a year, she should have stayed married. But again, if the rich guys were tripping over themselves to prove their worthiness to OP, she wouldn't be posting here.

OP here. I don't pretend to be anyone.There are indeed several commenters here. My first internship at a law firm in Frankfurt earned me EUR30,000 in one summer in early 2000s. It was one of the top 5 private equity law firms in the world, and I got an offer after my grad at NYU. That was a few years before my marriage. My exH would have never married me if I didn't have a certain degree and earning capacity back then. After moving to the US I worked at a bank, literally in 3 months after my son was born I already had a job offer. The business was started on our joint savings and all loans underwritten against our joint income. Without me, a second earner, there would not be any side business. My exH was making close to what i earned in mid 2000s and his income alone would not be sufficient for this scale of business. It was the banks' money, not his. We borrowed a lot at that time, took high risks. Later in marriage, we decided it was more efficient for one spouse to focus on corporate career (he traveled a lot), and the other spouse to focus on a "side business". During the period of 2014-2018 I grew the business and repaid all loans, eventually generating double income vs what my exH was making at his firm (400K incoming to joint accounts vs his 200K, he was making 300K by the time of the divorce). And I continued at W2 "safe" job all the way, to keep one foot in my profession even though it was no longer a professional priority. So in total I generated roughly 0.5mm into family budget, vs his 300k. That is not counting for my role as a default parent and all the household duties. I worked like a plowing horse during my marriage.

So your bold phrase is simply false. My exH tried to argue this and lost at one day of hearings as my lawyers and experts were able to show a much higher financial contribution that stemmed specifically from me. I was awarded the business, he got a small buyout and his 401k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who would satisfy OP's criteria (more than, actually), and I would not be interested in the least. I have more than enough money to entertain myself, so I would rather have the company of someone more charming. I assume that was the case with OP's husband as well. If she couldn't hold onto one rich guy, why would she hold onto another?

Also, most rich guys aren't too impressed with a mid-level GS who happened into a lot of money through divorce. Kind of gives me the willies.

Op in this case was the one w the money. The ex husband was the one holding onto OP 😂.
Corrected it for you.

I find it interesting how you are all piling on to OP. So many times i read about wives looking for “providers”, SAHM looking for husbands who can support their lifestyle. What is so different about what OP is looking for : equal footing on financial income. Someone who can make $300k and she can talk to about topics of interest to her. She has it made already. She doesnt need anyone’s money. Just a guy who can pay his share when they go on expensive vacations.
And you’re all saying she needs to be younger?!?

🤦‍♀️

+1

Relationships are a combination of practical lifestyle factors and emotional compatibility. OP wants to live a certain lifestyle. I don’t see an issue with that.

I think people are responding poorly because she’s an empowered woman who has opinions about what she wants.

OP, ignore these people and be secure in the fact that you offer a lot just in who you are, not what you can do or how much you make. If you’re willing to go for an older guy — 50s or even early 60s — this would be easy enough. You probably need to consider relocation to an area with more traffic — NYC or Silicon Valley. Please don’t marry another cheater, and get a prenup.

Thanks:0) I am not dating yet at all, just too busy for the last year! People here really have no clue how business is structured: "trust" means a legal arrangement over business, the registration form. I am not sure a prenup is needed for pre-marital assets, and it would be weird to offer this to a man. I really have no idea how to date now, after such a long marriage and feel like I am such an outlier there!

[Anonymous]

DP. I’m not OP, but I recognize her from previous posts (details like the grand piano gift, real estate money, etc.).

Some of this is just a lost in translation type thing. Eastern Europeans are matter of fact and pragmatic. America is the land of the rom com, Eastern Europe is the land of communism. If people ask how are you there they do not expect you to say fine. In fact, something would be wrong if you went around saying that all the time. OP is just being upfront with what she wants. She would get married again if her lifestyle would improve. Otherwise not.

OP, American men are romantic pragmatists. You already are 90% of the way there in terms of ticking actual boxes. Now you just need the romance part. Or marry a Jewish American guy. Some would be closer culturally to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a guy who would satisfy OP's criteria (more than, actually), and I would not be interested in the least. I have more than enough money to entertain myself, so I would rather have the company of someone more charming. I assume that was the case with OP's husband as well. If she couldn't hold onto one rich guy, why would she hold onto another?

Also, most rich guys aren't too impressed with a mid-level GS who happened into a lot of money through divorce. Kind of gives me the willies.

OP here: I could have still held on to my exH. I was the one who filed for divorce. He was just fine living his way while being comfortably married and having things done for him. Very convenient to have one life here and a second “work wife”. Just wasn’t for me it was affecting my well being having different women involved in my marriage

I’m a woman but it’s pretty obvious why he was cheating. He probably didn’t feel loved and probably felt that you were with him for money.

Maybe he was with me for money, didn’t you think other way around ? He didn’t “leave” either. He was already divorced once (our marriage was second for him and first for me), and he cheated on his first wife as well. So no, men who don’t cheat just don’t cheat. Even when the wives are fat and angry. His AP was his married subordinate and slept with him for hefty consulting contracts he gave her through his job. I filed for divorce when it was discovered. That’s the story and it was far from being a purely romantic arrangement for his AP.

I don’t have a “wealth” requirement: I have income requirement. Assets and income are two different things.

Income requirement of 300+ a year at your age is unrealistic because most of those men are already married and not on the dating market and the ones who have that kind of money are not interested in someone who is 43 years old usually. If you want to have an actual partner who cares about you and you have this kind of money the amount of income they have should not be relevant.

As long as it’s a long term relationship and not a marriage, it’s not relevant for me. But married people do have joint accounts and a very large discrepancy would definitely lead to resentment about spending, investments, lifestyle, supporting his kids etc. I know, just from experience of other women who remarried to lower income husbands later in life. I would have never offended my man offering a prenup. I just don’t want commingling increase of business value and 401ks in official marriage if he’s a dependent. It’s a disastrous scenario for women 10-15 years from retirement to pay alimony or split 401k.

I do realize that my approach would likely leave me officially single but that’s ok.

Just do not remarry. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. I’m not OP, but I recognize her from previous posts (details like the grand piano gift, real estate money, etc.).

Some of this is just a lost in translation type thing. Eastern Europeans are matter of fact and pragmatic. America is the land of the rom com, Eastern Europe is the land of communism. If people ask how are you there they do not expect you to say fine. In fact, something would be wrong if you went around saying that all the time. OP is just being upfront with what she wants. She would get married again if her lifestyle would improve. Otherwise not.

OP, American men are romantic pragmatists. You already are 90% of the way there in terms of ticking actual boxes. Now you just need the romance part. Or marry a Jewish American guy. Some would be closer culturally to you.

Op here. I am going to leave this thread, too much personal detail already spilled. Funny thing, one NY Jewish mom I know (generational wealth), really wants her 37 yo son to marry me. He’s wealthy but a mess, a big baby at his age, doesn’t know what he wants etc. She keeps inviting me to stay at her Manhattan apartment. She thinks he needs a “mom” type older wife who would bring some order and will take care of finances while she’s ailing. I feel very uncomfortable to decline yet another year. Hope I can still find the romance!

[Anonymous]

Feels like many women here can’t find match, yet some throw out financial requirements “ as much money as me, or more, but never less”.

[Anonymous]

Is this a troll post? Nothing wrong with wanting to marry rich (see every Jane Austen book she ever wrote) but the manner of the arrangement you seek is funny.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are plenty. You know what you want and you are entitled to your wishes. I wanted a husband with my lifestyle and background (trust fund and lucrative career) and got exactly that. Be open to dating international men - Europeans and Middle Easterners are more old money and generous and know how to appreciate fine things in life. Stay far away from men who grew up poor or middle class - it takes around 2-3 generations for the poverty trauma to go away, so they will feel guilty to spend and enjoy life.