Beach house extended family vacation- why do women spend 80% of their time in the kitchen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, the party was in the kitchen. The women made jokes, laughed, drank, etc., while cooking and cleaning up together. The men played cards and watched the kids in the pool.

Now that me and my siblings kids are older, the three of us make elaborate meals together when I visit. Our brother is an amazing cook, and we all have our specialties. Eating holiday meals is just a fun after-effect of cooking together.

I assume this is part cultural, and also only fun for those with a creative flare in the kitchen.

And only people with deep insecurities or who are looking to feel put out would be bothered by others enjoying their time together, doing what they love to do. Enjoy, PP. You sound like fun, and I’d love to cook AND eat a good meal with you.

If you want cereal, go have cereal, then go do what you want to do. What’s the problem?

[Anonymous]

I think there's a big piece that hasn't been mentioned, a lot of times in family food is love. It's how people show love for the people around them. They want to provide tasty foods for their loved ones to enjoy.

There's a lot of family traditions around food. Even in memories when people start talking about things in their childhood.

I don't think you should be so hasty to discount what they do, maybe it's not your thing, but you shouldn't poo-poo it just because you don't approve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, the party was in the kitchen. The women made jokes, laughed, drank, etc., while cooking and cleaning up together. The men played cards and watched the kids in the pool.

Now that me and my siblings kids are older, the three of us make elaborate meals together when I visit. Our brother is an amazing cook, and we all have our specialties. Eating holiday meals is just a fun after-effect of cooking together.

I assume this is part cultural, and also only fun for those with a creative flare in the kitchen.

And only people with deep insecurity or who are looking to feel put out would be bothered by others enjoying their time together, doing what they love to do. Enjoy, PP. You sound like fun, and I’d love to cook AND eat a good meal with you.

If you want cereal, go have cereal, then go do what you want to do. What’s the problem?

That’s the point. It seems that if anyone deviates from the strict gender roles is upsetting the apple cart. If someone decides to do things differently guarantee you others will choose to be offended. I would never take a vacation like this. Sounds boring and annoying as he$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, the party was in the kitchen. The women made jokes, laughed, drank, etc., while cooking and cleaning up together. The men played cards and watched the kids in the pool.

Now that me and my siblings kids are older, the three of us make elaborate meals together when I visit. Our brother is an amazing cook, and we all have our specialties. Eating holiday meals is just a fun after-effect of cooking together.

I assume this is part cultural, and also only fun for those with a creative flare in the kitchen.

And only people with deep insecurity or who are looking to feel put out would be bothered by others enjoying their time together, doing what they love to do. Enjoy, PP. You sound like fun, and I’d love to cook AND eat a good meal with you.

If you want cereal, go have cereal, then go do what you want to do. What’s the problem?

That’s the point. It seems that if anyone deviates from the strict gender roles is upsetting the apple cart. If someone decides to do things differently guarantee you others will choose to be offended. I would never take a vacation like this. Sounds boring and annoying as he$$.

Peer pressure is hard to overcome. Even as an adult. It is important to work through your issues so that you can enjoy yourself the way you want, but it’s hard to adopt the “I don’t care” mentality, when everyone else like you (wife and mother) martyrs themselves in the kitchen and you’re the odd one out wanting to actually enjoy the vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a big piece that hasn't been mentioned, a lot of times in family food is love. It's how people show love for the people around them. They want to provide tasty foods for their loved ones to enjoy.

There's a lot of family traditions around food. Even in memories when people start talking about things in their childhood.

I don't think you should be so hasty to discount what they do, maybe it's not your thing, but you shouldn't poo-poo it just because you don't approve.

I think the problem is that OP doesn't enjoy the kitchen time, but still feels obligated to be there participating because all the women are there and none of the women aren't there. Certainly even the good robots of DCUM can understand how that might feel like pressure, and might lead OP to feel as if she's not actually getting a vacation. I think she does need to just decide it's ok not to participate with the other women and even if others look askance or pressure her. to hold her ground. But I definitely understand how that could be uncomfortable. In my husband's family, the women are all in the kitchen too - and I just excuse myself (I don' cook) but it doesn't always feel great to be the odd woman out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a big piece that hasn't been mentioned, a lot of times in family food is love. It's how people show love for the people around them. They want to provide tasty foods for their loved ones to enjoy.

There's a lot of family traditions around food. Even in memories when people start talking about things in their childhood.

I don't think you should be so hasty to discount what they do, maybe it's not your thing, but you shouldn't poo-poo it just because you don't approve.

I think the problem is that OP doesn't enjoy the kitchen time, but still feels obligated to be there participating because all the women are there and none of the women aren't there. Certainly even the good robots of DCUM can understand how that might feel like pressure, and might lead OP to feel as if she's not actually getting a vacation. I think she does need to just decide it's ok not to participate with the other women and even if others look askance or pressure her. to hold her ground. But I definitely understand how that could be uncomfortable. In my husband's family, the women are all in the kitchen too - and I just excuse myself (I don' cook) but it doesn't always feel great to be the odd woman out.

Ha! The good robots of dcum! Love it!
But, no they don't get it, they are the ones that in real life criticize op for not being good enough....mom, wife, sets.

[Anonymous]

Wow, very few folks are recognizing OP’s point - women have been conditioned to cook and clean and they have internally that they enjoy it. Dads generally feel free to hang out except if they feel like playing with the grill occasionally. Patriarchy is alive and well in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a big piece that hasn't been mentioned, a lot of times in family food is love. It's how people show love for the people around them. They want to provide tasty foods for their loved ones to enjoy.

There's a lot of family traditions around food. Even in memories when people start talking about things in their childhood.

I don't think you should be so hasty to discount what they do, maybe it's not your thing, but you shouldn't poo-poo it just because you don't approve.

it’s terrible to model to children women doing constant kitchen work while
men relax. period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a big piece that hasn't been mentioned, a lot of times in family food is love. It's how people show love for the people around them. They want to provide tasty foods for their loved ones to enjoy.

There's a lot of family traditions around food. Even in memories when people start talking about things in their childhood.

I don't think you should be so hasty to discount what they do, maybe it's not your thing, but you shouldn't poo-poo it just because you don't approve.

I think the problem is that OP doesn't enjoy the kitchen time, but still feels obligated to be there participating because all the women are there and none of the women aren't there. Certainly even the good robots of DCUM can understand how that might feel like pressure, and might lead OP to feel as if she's not actually getting a vacation. I think she does need to just decide it's ok not to participate with the other women and even if others look askance or pressure her. to hold her ground. But I definitely understand how that could be uncomfortable. In my husband's family, the women are all in the kitchen too - and I just excuse myself (I don' cook) but it doesn't always feel great to be the odd woman out.

Ha! The good robots of dcum! Love it!
But, no they don't get it, they are the ones that in real life criticize op for not being good enough....mom, wife, sets.

It seems like people get it, but think this is OP’s problem. Which it is.

OP doesn’t like cooking - independent thinker! Those women who do? Robots who are slaves to the patriarchy. No misogyny there, not at all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a big piece that hasn't been mentioned, a lot of times in family food is love. It's how people show love for the people around them. They want to provide tasty foods for their loved ones to enjoy.

There's a lot of family traditions around food. Even in memories when people start talking about things in their childhood.

I don't think you should be so hasty to discount what they do, maybe it's not your thing, but you shouldn't poo-poo it just because you don't approve.

Exactly this. My dad worked late shifts/early shifts when I was young, before he eventually got a 9-5 manager job. So we didn’t see him for breakfast sometimes, didn’t see him for dinner sometimes. He never cooked unless we were on vacation. And then, he made feasts. Pancake breakfasts that my dad made at our extended family lake house vacations were legendary. We loved it. He would make Mickey Mouse pancakes, little pancakes for our dolls…he got a kick out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Growing up, the party was in the kitchen. The women made jokes, laughed, drank, etc., while cooking and cleaning up together. The men played cards and watched the kids in the pool.

Now that me and my siblings kids are older, the three of us make elaborate meals together when I visit. Our brother is an amazing cook, and we all have our specialties. Eating holiday meals is just a fun after-effect of cooking together.

I assume this is part cultural, and also only fun for those with a creative flare in the kitchen.

And only people with deep insecurity or who are looking to feel put out would be bothered by others enjoying their time together, doing what they love to do. Enjoy, PP. You sound like fun, and I’d love to cook AND eat a good meal with you.

If you want cereal, go have cereal, then go do what you want to do. What’s the problem?

That’s the point. It seems that if anyone deviates from the strict gender roles is upsetting the apple cart. If someone decides to do things differently guarantee you others will choose to be offended. I would never take a vacation like this. Sounds boring and annoying as he$$.

Show me where OP is saying that her in-laws or her husband is putting pressure on her, or saying anything at all. Her husband told her to relax and not worry about it. What do you want, honestly? Literally no one said anything to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, very few folks are recognizing OP’s point - women have been conditioned to cook and clean and they have internally that they enjoy it. Dads generally feel free to hang out except if they feel like playing with the grill occasionally. Patriarchy is alive and well in this country.

My dad doesn’t just grill. He makes pancake breakfasts, and also loves making old-fashioned casseroles because my mom doesn’t like them/doesn’t make them. So we would always get excited when dad was making a big tuna casserole or turkey tetrazzini.

My husband makes pies, including his own pie crusts. He’s so particular about them that he has three special ceramic pie pans from his grandmother that are among his most prized possessions.

I have an uncle who makes his own pasta, and even does so now that he has Parkinson’s.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but lots of people love to cook. Which is why there are food sections in the newspaper, countless food and wine magazines, entire sections of the library dedicated to food and cooking, entire TV networks and shows dedicated to food, not to mention Williams Sonoma, Eataly, etc. Are you blind, deaf and dumb that you don’t get that love of cooking is real, is universal in every culture, and is a multi-billion dollar industry? It’s not just grandma in the kitchen, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, very few folks are recognizing OP’s point - women have been conditioned to cook and clean and they have internally that they enjoy it. Dads generally feel free to hang out except if they feel like playing with the grill occasionally. Patriarchy is alive and well in this country.

My dad doesn’t just grill. He makes pancake breakfasts, and also loves making old-fashioned casseroles because my mom doesn’t like them/doesn’t make them. So we would always get excited when dad was making a big tuna casserole or turkey tetrazzini.

My husband makes pies, including his own pie crusts. He’s so particular about them that he has three special ceramic pie pans from his grandmother that are among his most prized possessions.

I have an uncle who makes his own pasta, and even does so now that he has Parkinson’s.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but lots of people love to cook. Which is why there are food sections in the newspaper, countless food and wine magazines, entire sections of the library dedicated to food and cooking, entire TV networks and shows dedicated to food, not to mention Williams Sonoma, Eataly, etc. Are you blind, deaf and dumb that you don’t get that love of cooking is real, is universal in every culture, and is a multi-billion dollar industry? It’s not just grandma in the kitchen, sweetie.

there’s tons of actual research showing that women do a disproportionate share of domestic labor. for every dad who supposedly loves cooking there are 10 more watching TV while mom cooks and cleans. and of course so many “dads who cook!!” are expecting a medal for making a single pancake breakfast (likely leaving all the dishes for the women) and rests on his laurels while the women handle the other 10 meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, very few folks are recognizing OP’s point - women have been conditioned to cook and clean and they have internally that they enjoy it. Dads generally feel free to hang out except if they feel like playing with the grill occasionally. Patriarchy is alive and well in this country.

My dad doesn’t just grill. He makes pancake breakfasts, and also loves making old-fashioned casseroles because my mom doesn’t like them/doesn’t make them. So we would always get excited when dad was making a big tuna casserole or turkey tetrazzini.

My husband makes pies, including his own pie crusts. He’s so particular about them that he has three special ceramic pie pans from his grandmother that are among his most prized possessions.

I have an uncle who makes his own pasta, and even does so now that he has Parkinson’s.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but lots of people love to cook. Which is why there are food sections in the newspaper, countless food and wine magazines, entire sections of the library dedicated to food and cooking, entire TV networks and shows dedicated to food, not to mention Williams Sonoma, Eataly, etc. Are you blind, deaf and dumb that you don’t get that love of cooking is real, is universal in every culture, and is a multi-billion dollar industry? It’s not just grandma in the kitchen, sweetie.

there’s tons of actual research showing that women do a disproportionate share of domestic labor. for every dad who supposedly loves cooking there are 10 more watching TV while mom cooks and cleans. and of course so many “dads who cook!!” are expecting a medal for making a single pancake breakfast (likely leaving all the dishes for the women) and rests on his laurels while the women handle the other 10 meals.

here you go: women spend 30 more minutes a day cooking and cleaning the kitchen than men.

https://www.bls.gov/tus/charts/household.htm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, very few folks are recognizing OP’s point - women have been conditioned to cook and clean and they have internally that they enjoy it. Dads generally feel free to hang out except if they feel like playing with the grill occasionally. Patriarchy is alive and well in this country.

My dad doesn’t just grill. He makes pancake breakfasts, and also loves making old-fashioned casseroles because my mom doesn’t like them/doesn’t make them. So we would always get excited when dad was making a big tuna casserole or turkey tetrazzini.

My husband makes pies, including his own pie crusts. He’s so particular about them that he has three special ceramic pie pans from his grandmother that are among his most prized possessions.

I have an uncle who makes his own pasta, and even does so now that he has Parkinson’s.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but lots of people love to cook. Which is why there are food sections in the newspaper, countless food and wine magazines, entire sections of the library dedicated to food and cooking, entire TV networks and shows dedicated to food, not to mention Williams Sonoma, Eataly, etc. Are you blind, deaf and dumb that you don’t get that love of cooking is real, is universal in every culture, and is a multi-billion dollar industry? It’s not just grandma in the kitchen, sweetie.

there’s tons of actual research showing that women do a disproportionate share of domestic labor. for every dad who supposedly loves cooking there are 10 more watching TV while mom cooks and cleans. and of course so many “dads who cook!!” are expecting a medal for making a single pancake breakfast (likely leaving all the dishes for the women) and rests on his laurels while the women handle the other 10 meals.

here you go: women spend 30 more minutes a day cooking and cleaning the kitchen than men.

https://www.bls.gov/tus/charts/household.htm

What’s your point?

OP literally asked us “ladies” why we spend time in the kitchen.

Answer: WE LIKE TO COOK. As do many of our husbands, brothers, fathers, male ILs, etc.

If you don’t want to cook, pour yourself a bowl of cereal and move on with your day.

The.
End.