Beach house extended family vacation- why do women spend 80% of their time in the kitchen?

[Anonymous]

We just returned from a bi-annual family vacation with all the In-laws and I'm constantly surprised/disappointed that the women in my family seem to spend over half of their day in the kitchen. Prepping, cutting, cooking, baking, cleaning, etc. etc. Breakfasts, lunches and dinners all seem too elaborate. Pull out every bowl, pan and dish, make a mess, clean everything. Then do it all again an hour later for the next meal.
I have 3 kids, and breakfast and lunch are 15 minute events in my house. bowl of cereal. kids then put bowls in dishwasher. Done.
I HATE the stress of being in the kitchen for hours on end. My dear husband says leave it, but I don't want to let my SILs and MIL down. So, I keep engaging in busywork with them while the men and kids are out at the beach or pool or family room.

Seriously, ladies, I'm trying to understand. What makes you want to be in the kitchen most of your waking day? and will you judge me if I want to skip out?

[Anonymous]

Huh? There’s work to be done, and they women get stuck doing it. I doubt that is a “want.”

Your way to help solve this is not to skip out on the work but rather insist your husband step up and do his share. If you have teens, make them help too.

And if they don’t, tell them you aren’t going next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just returned from a bi-annual family vacation with all the In-laws and I'm constantly surprised/disappointed that the women in my family seem to spend over half of their day in the kitchen. Prepping, cutting, cooking, baking, cleaning, etc. etc. Breakfasts, lunches and dinners all seem too elaborate. Pull out every bowl, pan and dish, make a mess, clean everything. Then do it all again an hour later for the next meal.
I have 3 kids, and breakfast and lunch are 15 minute events in my house. bowl of cereal. kids then put bowls in dishwasher. Done.
I HATE the stress of being in the kitchen for hours on end. My dear husband says leave it, but I don't want to let my SILs and MIL down. So, I keep engaging in busywork with them while the men and kids are out at the beach or pool or family room.

Seriously, ladies, I'm trying to understand. What makes you want to be in the kitchen most of your waking day? and will you judge me if I want to skip out?

Honestly, OP? If I'm a SAH mom (I'm not), I'd welcome a few hours of kitchen time with other adults while DH takes the kids to the beach or pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh? There’s work to be done, and they women get stuck doing it. I doubt that is a “want.”

Your way to help solve this is not to skip out on the work but rather insist your husband step up and do his share. If you have teens, make them help too.

And if they don’t, tell them you aren’t going next year.

Ok, I just re read.

It does sound like they are creating more work than you would, is that right?

You do cereal.

They do eggs and bacon and French toast.

As long as your kids just eat the cereal, then don’t worry about helping out.

Getting your own house would be a good idea too.

[Anonymous]

I mean, the answer is the patriarchy. You wanna change this? Figure out what the right amount of time is for your family to contribute, and you and your husband split it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, the answer is the patriarchy. You wanna change this? Figure out what the right amount of time is for your family to contribute, and you and your husband split it.

Oh, go away.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the family. My in-laws have a rule that every dinner is either carry out or eaten out. families are responsible for their own lunches and breakfasts including cleanup

[Anonymous]

Because some women like it? I'd prefer to be prepping dinner and sipping a glass of wine while the kids are with their dad or watching TV in another room. Live and let live. But if you don't offer to help a little with dishes or setting clearing the table then you will get the side eye. It's ok if your husband does the pitching in as long as each family helps out and you have participated in the eating.

[Anonymous]

Do your own thing. Go out for meals. Just tell them upfront.

[Anonymous]

Depends—do you feel like this is a something they enjoy or feel obligated to do? Some people would rather cook elaborate meals rather than go to the beach or read. I think if you are clear you’d rather do something eAsy — “let’s just order pizza tonight so no one has to cook or clean!” — then they are unjustified in being upset with you for not engaging in what is essentially voluntary work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because some women like it? I'd prefer to be prepping dinner and sipping a glass of wine while the kids are with their dad or watching TV in another room. Live and let live. But if you don't offer to help a little with dishes or setting clearing the table then you will get the side eye. It's ok if your husband does the pitching in as long as each family helps out and you have participated in the eating.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the family. My in-laws have a rule that every dinner is either carry out or eaten out. families are responsible for their own lunches and breakfasts including cleanup

You gotta discuss in advance! Tell them you aren't planning on cooking but will bring cereal for breakfast and sandwich fixings for lunch, and want do dinners out. I love my beach vacations but make sure to set expectations that I don't plan to do elaborate meals or show off my cooking skills, and I don't expect them to either.

[Anonymous]

It's the same with my H's family but it's not just the women (they are Italian) and it's because they like to cook, it's how the bond, and it's their love language.

I would rather have cereal for breakfast but I'm also not going to deny them what they love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just returned from a bi-annual family vacation with all the In-laws and I'm constantly surprised/disappointed that the women in my family seem to spend over half of their day in the kitchen. Prepping, cutting, cooking, baking, cleaning, etc. etc. Breakfasts, lunches and dinners all seem too elaborate. Pull out every bowl, pan and dish, make a mess, clean everything. Then do it all again an hour later for the next meal.
I have 3 kids, and breakfast and lunch are 15 minute events in my house. bowl of cereal. kids then put bowls in dishwasher. Done.
I HATE the stress of being in the kitchen for hours on end. My dear husband says leave it, but I don't want to let my SILs and MIL down. So, I keep engaging in busywork with them while the men and kids are out at the beach or pool or family room.

Seriously, ladies, I'm trying to understand. What makes you want to be in the kitchen most of your waking day? and will you judge me if I want to skip out?

I love my in-laws, but I would never go on one of these week at the beach vacations with them or with another family. Too much.

[Anonymous]

OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.