Beach house extended family vacation- why do women spend 80% of their time in the kitchen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder though if OP did as people suggest and just go out with the kids and DHs, would the women in the kitchen see her in a bad light?

I also don't want to spend that much time in the kitchen on vacation. We do a lot of pre-prepared meals.

Yeah, I think the real crux of the matter is whether they would get upset if OP didn't want to participate. Like, if you really enjoy cooking, and want to spend your vacation cooking and doing dishes, great -- but OP doesn't. Can she get out of it? She doesn't get to choose the meals; is she expected to help cook them anyway?

Personally, I like some cooking on vacation, but not every meal. Lunches are definitely quick and easy sandwiches or leftovers. Breakfasts are usually cereal or scrambled eggs or something like that. If there is an elaborate meal, it's likely to be dinner, but not every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Ask them? Maybe they like cooking and vacation to them is having the time to make all this stuff from scratch leisurely while chatting with family. It's not mine, but to each their own. If it were mine, I wouldn't think you were obligated to stay. You could just say "oh, we're going to have a quick cereal breakfast so we can take a morning walk on the beach!" And then do it. If you're feeling generous, you could offer to take some of their kids.

Being in the kitchen in a big part of our week - for most of our group. A lot of us enjoying cooking, experimenting with a hungry audience, and just bonding over communal work. We have the time to spend on this hobby during a beach week. And probably some extra hands to clean up, making it lighter work than usual. That said, I know when there are too many cooks in the kitchen and I dip out. I also don't care (at all) when someone stays away from the kitchen. We can't ALL be in there.

Are they giving your grief, OP? Or just doing something they enjoy?

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it either OP. I rolled into my beach week this year with frozen homemade meals for 4 nights - we just added bread/rice/pasta and a salad. I also made homemade muffins, coffee cake, granola, and “energy bites” for the week. I use my kids as an excuse - they are well known picky eaters - but by mid-week my MIL exclaimed how nice it was to not fuss over meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Ask them? Maybe they like cooking and vacation to them is having the time to make all this stuff from scratch leisurely while chatting with family. It's not mine, but to each their own. If it were mine, I wouldn't think you were obligated to stay. You could just say "oh, we're going to have a quick cereal breakfast so we can take a morning walk on the beach!" And then do it. If you're feeling generous, you could offer to take some of their kids.

Being in the kitchen in a big part of our week - for most of our group. A lot of us enjoying cooking, experimenting with a hungry audience, and just bonding over communal work. We have the time to spend on this hobby during a beach week. And probably some extra hands to clean up, making it lighter work than usual. That said, I know when there are too many cooks in the kitchen and I dip out. I also don't care (at all) when someone stays away from the kitchen. We can't ALL be in there.

Are they giving your grief, OP? Or just doing something they enjoy?

+1. I love cooking with my mom and only really get to do it on family vacations and holidays, so we make the most of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it either OP. I rolled into my beach week this year with frozen homemade meals for 4 nights - we just added bread/rice/pasta and a salad. I also made homemade muffins, coffee cake, granola, and “energy bites” for the week. I use my kids as an excuse - they are well known picky eaters - but by mid-week my MIL exclaimed how nice it was to not fuss over meals.

Okay, you still did the same thing as the ladies in the OP, you just did it ahead of time... If you have a partner, I hoped they helped with all of that.

[Anonymous]

Funny, in our beach house the biggest cooking fuss is made by the men when they decide to grill.

First there's the Cleaning of the Grill. This takes hours.

Then the debate over which type of charcoal to buy and whether to shove it all to one side and put in a pan of water...

And don't get me started on the marinating.....

[Anonymous]

You do too much. We'd just eat out, except the covid issue.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend I vacation with that loves to clean.

Airbnb owners email/text us after a stay and says thanks!?! Haha!

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t sound like a vacation

[Anonymous]

It's a personal choice. They must enjoy doing that for whatever reason.

I personally enjoy ordering takeout on vacation.

My DH enjoys fishing and grilling so he does some of that.

Pick you own vacation fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, in our beach house the biggest cooking fuss is made by the men when they decide to grill.

First there's the Cleaning of the Grill. This takes hours.

Then the debate over which type of charcoal to buy and whether to shove it all to one side and put in a pan of water...

And don't get me started on the marinating.....

This is true for us as well. My contributions are picking up takeout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Do they have food allergies or intolerances? Because that's why I do this.

I can understand making dinner from scratch to have a good one, but I also don't understand doing this for breakfast and lunch when you could have cereal and a sandwich with fruit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend I vacation with that loves to clean.

Airbnb owners email/text us after a stay and says thanks!?! Haha!

That's too funny.

[Anonymous]

Uh what?

We go to the beach with my ILs every summer. PARENTS and GRANDPARENTS are in the kitchen. As in one night, I make tacos; one night, my husband grills; one night, my FIL orders, pays for, and goes to get the ribs from the place down the beach; one night, my MIL defrosts and heats up the lasagna she made the week before. Every adult shops, cooks, cleans, orders food, etc. There is no “women in the kitchen.”

Don’t paint the world with your paintbrush. Sorry your family sucks, but plenty of families don’t suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Allow me to blow your mind, OP. I like the beach and being outside, but not all damn day. It gets boring after a while. So I *like* leaving DH and the kids and the rest of them on the beach while I go inside, shower, put on a podcast and make a new recipe because *I like to cook.* Wowee, Zowie! People Are Different From You. YAY! THE MORE YOU KNOW!

And BTW my husband cooks and cleans at the beach, too. So does my FIL. So does my BIL. Every adult pitches in. But yeah, I actually like cooking because it pretty much guarantees me some solo time. And then I get to drink more wine while FIL and MIL do clean-up on the nights I cook. Works for me.