Beach house extended family vacation- why do women spend 80% of their time in the kitchen?

[Anonymous]

Going to the beach with kids is work, too.
Why don't you and your husband take turns who does which task?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Did you know that some people enjoy cooking?

[Anonymous]

In my first marriage, I married into a family in which the women did this and had a tradition of griping about it so on the last night, then men “made it up to them” by taking the kids out for pizza and ice cream. As a young bride, I made the error of not just complaining about this, but trying to overturn the system, but suggesting an alternation of duties between women and men. The men were stunned into silence, but the women all turned on me. I was deeply confused. The women would complain about being stuck in the kitchen all day for 6 days, but then they were incensed that I suggest the men share the burden. I gave up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just returned from a bi-annual family vacation with all the In-laws and I'm constantly surprised/disappointed that the women in my family seem to spend over half of their day in the kitchen. Prepping, cutting, cooking, baking, cleaning, etc. etc. Breakfasts, lunches and dinners all seem too elaborate. Pull out every bowl, pan and dish, make a mess, clean everything. Then do it all again an hour later for the next meal.
I have 3 kids, and breakfast and lunch are 15 minute events in my house. bowl of cereal. kids then put bowls in dishwasher. Done.
I HATE the stress of being in the kitchen for hours on end. My dear husband says leave it, but I don't want to let my SILs and MIL down. So, I keep engaging in busywork with them while the men and kids are out at the beach or pool or family room.

Seriously, ladies, I'm trying to understand. What makes you want to be in the kitchen most of your waking day? and will you judge me if I want to skip out?

I love my in-laws, but I would never go on one of these week at the beach vacations with them or with another family. Too much.

Yeah, you’re too good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

My extended family isn’t like yours, but just let them be. Tell them upfront that you’ll feed your own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Just do whatever the men do, go to the beach, go fishing.

they enjoy what they are doing stop trying to make them like you. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

I love cooking. I'd probably do the same thing. It's a lot of fun when people are outside/active and are hungry and like to eat the meals. You don't have to participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Ask them? Maybe they like cooking and vacation to them is having the time to make all this stuff from scratch leisurely while chatting with family. It's not mine, but to each their own. If it were mine, I wouldn't think you were obligated to stay. You could just say "oh, we're going to have a quick cereal breakfast so we can take a morning walk on the beach!" And then do it. If you're feeling generous, you could offer to take some of their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just returned from a bi-annual family vacation with all the In-laws and I'm constantly surprised/disappointed that the women in my family seem to spend over half of their day in the kitchen. Prepping, cutting, cooking, baking, cleaning, etc. etc. Breakfasts, lunches and dinners all seem too elaborate. Pull out every bowl, pan and dish, make a mess, clean everything. Then do it all again an hour later for the next meal.
I have 3 kids, and breakfast and lunch are 15 minute events in my house. bowl of cereal. kids then put bowls in dishwasher. Done.
I HATE the stress of being in the kitchen for hours on end. My dear husband says leave it, but I don't want to let my SILs and MIL down. So, I keep engaging in busywork with them while the men and kids are out at the beach or pool or family room.

Seriously, ladies, I'm trying to understand. What makes you want to be in the kitchen most of your waking day? and will you judge me if I want to skip out?

That stinks. Def. not the situation in our beach house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Seems like you have a problem with people who cook vs eat from a box.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

I identify with every word you have written. It is so bad in my family that we no longer go home for Thanksgiving. Kitchen martyrdom is miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I guess I'm asking, what makes my SILs want to prepare every single meal from scratch- like homemade pancakes (flour, egg, etc), homemade pizzas, homemade salad dressings, homemade noodles. Dozens of pots/pans/ cooking utensils for every meal...

Why not just go the simple route? the kids and dads don't care if they eat cereal or carryout or PB&J sandwiches, so why do they overengineer every meal?

I work full-time in an office, so I WANT to be OUTSIDE with the kids as much as possible.
Basically, I want a real vacation. Not a new full-time kitchen job for a week.

Ok I would never cook on vacation. Period. Vacations are for relaxing. I don’t know what’s up with your fam. However, in real life, I absolute make pancakes from scratch and eggs instead cereal (although we like cereal too). Why? Because I like nutritious & delicious food. Pretty darn simple.

[Anonymous]

I wonder though if OP did as people suggest and just go out with the kids and DHs, would the women in the kitchen see her in a bad light?

I also don't want to spend that much time in the kitchen on vacation. We do a lot of pre-prepared meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I identify with every word you have written. It is so bad in my family that we no longer go home for Thanksgiving. Kitchen martyrdom is miserable.

You nailed it! Kitchen Martyrdom!

Unless they really have a super passion for cooking and cleaning, it's so bizarre to me that grown women choose to overcomplicate things and squander their vacation scrubbing pots all day long.

[Anonymous]

I don’t cook on vacation (insert here the Onion article about moms assuming all household duties in closer proximity to a body of water) so on the rare occasions I share living space with another family, I set expectations up front: our family is eating dinners out and having DIY cereal/bagels/fruit for breakfast and sandwiches for lunch. If the other family wants to cook elaborate meals, they are free to do so and enjoy.