no 2nd child because DH won’t support SAH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surely this is a troll post, going for Hottest Topics status. All her replies are batty. If this isn't a troll, I don't see this marriage lasting.

OP sounds like Narcissa Malfoy, waking up to discover she's accidentally married Snape instead of Lucius.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely this is a troll post, going for Hottest Topics status. All her replies are batty. If this isn't a troll, I don't see this marriage lasting.

OP sounds like Narcissa Malfoy, waking up to discover she's accidentally married Snape instead of Lucius.

Read Another Book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surely this is a troll post, going for Hottest Topics status. All her replies are batty. If this isn't a troll, I don't see this marriage lasting.

Yeah, this has to be a troll. Her answers are nuts. And I have both SAH and WOH (and WAH), but OP doesn't sound like any SAHMs I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

This. The people of DCUM are effing nuts. Such small-minded people who base the entirety of a person’s worth on their paid employment. It is a sad way to go through life, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

This. The people of DCUM are effing nuts. Such small-minded people who base the entirety of a person’s worth on their paid employment. It is a sad way to go through life, IMO.

Nobody is against SAH here, or at least most posters aren't. Several of us did it or do it. However, DCUM is definitely against unilaterally deciding to step permanently out of the workforce without the support of the would-be sole earner. DCUM is also against people having kids against their will. Finally, DCUM is against having more kids in a toxic marriage.

The obvious answer here is that OP not have more kids. This isn't just about being a SAHM no matter what OP claims. SAHMs are awesome and great for families if everyone is on board.

Of course I think the resentment on both sides here is already so high that it's hard to see it working out well at this point.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a status trap.

Your high status job is making it harder for your family to reasonably discuss tradeoffs due to loss aversion. If you had a lower paying job, it would be easier to justify staying at home because of the cost of childcare.

This problem is fixable even in a high cost area due to your combined resources. Mommy track, part-time, later in-house, better outsourcing of labor.

Yet, you two might not solve this problem, and might not have another child. You literally might have a harder time reaching compromise then people with less means, which is sobering to think about. You have more options to figure this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

This!!!

It makes me so sad that we are to a point where a woman is greedy if she wants to stay home with children. 100 years ago, a woman wasn’t allowed to work. Now she’s a terrible person if she wants to stay home. How did we get to this?

That is flat-out not true. Women have worked, including outside the home, for centuries. Women worked as maids, weavers, cooks, governesses, teachers, nannies, nurses, factory workers, shop girls, prostitutes, laundresses, seamstresses, etc. And women labored on farms and in home businesses forever. The idea that a woman would just stay at home and not help the home generate income, but just take care of kids, has never been the norm.

And she's not a terrible person because she wants to stay home, but because she thinks she's entitled to have another adult pay her way whether he wants to or not, and assumes bad things about her husband without even talking to him about it.

Why is everyone saying she wants him to pay her way? If they’re married and already have a high NW (maybe even high enough to live off already) then why can’t she live off that? From her post it sounds like they DON’T need more money! If he is so GD insecure about his job security and ability to support his family then I think that alone is a good enough reason not to have any more kids. Clearly they can’t afford it.

Because that’s how a long of women on here treat SAHMs. There is a level of disgust.

Zero disgust towards women who SAH through mutual agreement, because it’s what they’ve together decided is best for their family. Lots of disgust towards someone who feels entitled to stay home because her “culture” (which her husband apparently doesn’t share) tells her it’s her right because she has a uterus.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

[Anonymous]

OP, have you considered that maybe your husband would respect you less if you stayed at home? I have a friend who stayed home for a few years after giving birth and it was obvious she was embarrassed about the fact, particularly considering that our circle is primarily comprised of working moms. She told me she went back to the workforce because she felt she had "nothing to talk about" with her UMC husband. You dull and unintelligent, OP, so maybe staying at home would actually be a good fit for you and won't be embarrassed. But your husband obviously disagrees and will probably get bored of you and will not be proud to have a wife who doesn't have a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered that maybe your husband would respect you less if you stayed at home? I have a friend who stayed home for a few years after giving birth and it was obvious she was embarrassed about the fact, particularly considering that our circle is primarily comprised of working moms. She told me she went back to the workforce because she felt she had "nothing to talk about" with her UMC husband. You dull and unintelligent, OP, so maybe staying at home would actually be a good fit for you and won't be embarrassed. But your husband obviously disagrees and will probably get bored of you and will not be proud to have a wife who doesn't have a job.

Wow. Did typing something so nasty made you feel good?

OP - I was a lawyer. I am married to a high earner. No inheritances expected. I have been staying home since my youngest was small. We felt like it was very difficult to manage 2 big jobs and 2 kids when we didn’t have any family support. DH totally deferred to me on the choice whether we would arrange more childcare or I would stay home. I think you need to sit down with your husband and really discuss the logistics of having 2 kids while both are working big jobs. It is different from having just one kid. And it will only get more complicated as they get older and have their own activities and interests. And I am much more interesting now. I actually have time to read and volunteer and go to interesting places. When I worked, I worked and went home exhausted. YMMV, but staying home has been very good for our family and DH still seems to like me a lot. Good luck. The most important thing is that you and husband are on the same page. I would approach discussions with him rationally and without a lot of emotion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely this is a troll post, going for Hottest Topics status. All her replies are batty. If this isn't a troll, I don't see this marriage lasting.

Yeah, this has to be a troll. Her answers are nuts. And I have both SAH and WOH (and WAH), but OP doesn't sound like any SAHMs I know.

+1
She is taking the most derogatory accusations on sahms and claiming it as her way of thinking. She also throws in insults at sahms often while setting the stage for others to dogpile on sahms. Clearly she has convinced some posters that she is not a troll but she is. She or he also has a vendetta against attorneys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

You’re the a-hole. What a misogynistic, ignorant, and petty comment. PP sounds brain dead which is maybe why her DH has conditions on whether or not he respects her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered that maybe your husband would respect you less if you stayed at home? I have a friend who stayed home for a few years after giving birth and it was obvious she was embarrassed about the fact, particularly considering that our circle is primarily comprised of working moms. She told me she went back to the workforce because she felt she had "nothing to talk about" with her UMC husband. You dull and unintelligent, OP, so maybe staying at home would actually be a good fit for you and won't be embarrassed. But your husband obviously disagrees and will probably get bored of you and will not be proud to have a wife who doesn't have a job.

Wow. Did typing something so nasty made you feel good?

OP - I was a lawyer. I am married to a high earner. No inheritances expected. I have been staying home since my youngest was small. We felt like it was very difficult to manage 2 big jobs and 2 kids when we didn’t have any family support. DH totally deferred to me on the choice whether we would arrange more childcare or I would stay home. I think you need to sit down with your husband and really discuss the logistics of having 2 kids while both are working big jobs. It is different from having just one kid. And it will only get more complicated as they get older and have their own activities and interests. And I am much more interesting now. I actually have time to read and volunteer and go to interesting places. When I worked, I worked and went home exhausted. YMMV, but staying home has been very good for our family and DH still seems to like me a lot. Good luck. The most important thing is that you and husband are on the same page. I would approach discussions with him rationally and without a lot of emotion.

Thankfully, I don't need this site to make me feel good. It's just nice to occasionally post unfiltered thoughts here. I personally don't know of any UMC man who is proud to have an unemployed wife. By claiming that you have time to read and volunteer, you refuted the ridiculous American notion that "staying at home is the hardest job in the world." Most women who don't work refrain from saying they have time for leisure but it's not the truth--as you demonstrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered that maybe your husband would respect you less if you stayed at home? I have a friend who stayed home for a few years after giving birth and it was obvious she was embarrassed about the fact, particularly considering that our circle is primarily comprised of working moms. She told me she went back to the workforce because she felt she had "nothing to talk about" with her UMC husband. You dull and unintelligent, OP, so maybe staying at home would actually be a good fit for you and won't be embarrassed. But your husband obviously disagrees and will probably get bored of you and will not be proud to have a wife who doesn't have a job.

Wow. Did typing something so nasty made you feel good?

OP - I was a lawyer. I am married to a high earner. No inheritances expected. I have been staying home since my youngest was small. We felt like it was very difficult to manage 2 big jobs and 2 kids when we didn’t have any family support. DH totally deferred to me on the choice whether we would arrange more childcare or I would stay home. I think you need to sit down with your husband and really discuss the logistics of having 2 kids while both are working big jobs. It is different from having just one kid. And it will only get more complicated as they get older and have their own activities and interests. And I am much more interesting now. I actually have time to read and volunteer and go to interesting places. When I worked, I worked and went home exhausted. YMMV, but staying home has been very good for our family and DH still seems to like me a lot. Good luck. The most important thing is that you and husband are on the same page. I would approach discussions with him rationally and without a lot of emotion.

Thankfully, I don't need this site to make me feel good. It's just nice to occasionally post unfiltered thoughts here. I personally don't know of any UMC man who is proud to have an unemployed wife. By claiming that you have time to read and volunteer, you refuted the ridiculous American notion that "staying at home is the hardest job in the world." Most women who don't work refrain from saying they have time for leisure but it's not the truth--as you demonstrated.

I have no desire to have the hardest life. Have at it if that is what you want. I want a stable, fulfilling life for my family. For us, that was best achieved by me staying home. But keep on with your nastiness. It is a very flattering look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you considered that maybe your husband would respect you less if you stayed at home? I have a friend who stayed home for a few years after giving birth and it was obvious she was embarrassed about the fact, particularly considering that our circle is primarily comprised of working moms. She told me she went back to the workforce because she felt she had "nothing to talk about" with her UMC husband. You dull and unintelligent, OP, so maybe staying at home would actually be a good fit for you and won't be embarrassed. But your husband obviously disagrees and will probably get bored of you and will not be proud to have a wife who doesn't have a job.

Wow. Did typing something so nasty made you feel good?

OP - I was a lawyer. I am married to a high earner. No inheritances expected. I have been staying home since my youngest was small. We felt like it was very difficult to manage 2 big jobs and 2 kids when we didn’t have any family support. DH totally deferred to me on the choice whether we would arrange more childcare or I would stay home. I think you need to sit down with your husband and really discuss the logistics of having 2 kids while both are working big jobs. It is different from having just one kid. And it will only get more complicated as they get older and have their own activities and interests. And I am much more interesting now. I actually have time to read and volunteer and go to interesting places. When I worked, I worked and went home exhausted. YMMV, but staying home has been very good for our family and DH still seems to like me a lot. Good luck. The most important thing is that you and husband are on the same page. I would approach discussions with him rationally and without a lot of emotion.

Thankfully, I don't need this site to make me feel good. It's just nice to occasionally post unfiltered thoughts here. I personally don't know of any UMC man who is proud to have an unemployed wife. By claiming that you have time to read and volunteer, you refuted the ridiculous American notion that "staying at home is the hardest job in the world." Most women who don't work refrain from saying they have time for leisure but it's not the truth--as you demonstrated.

Sounds like you only know ahole men. Sorry for you.