no 2nd child because DH won’t support SAH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

So much this. A spoiled brat grown into an adult. Yikes.

A spoiled brat because I want to stay home with a child?

Come on. Be an adult rather than a child throwing a tantrum. You know perfectly well that nobody is saying you are a spoiled brat because you want to stay home. Many people stay home and maintain happy marriages precisely because they aren't spoiled brats about it. Do not pretend you are at all representative of SAHMs, especially SAHMs with good marriages. You are acting like a spoiled brat, not a SAHM.

Please explain how I’m acting like a spoiled brat. Seriously I want to know. I truly don’t think I can manage to continue my career while having another child and being the primary parent. Doesn’t everyone have a limit as to children and working? If not, then why doesn’t every woman have 10+ kids? I assume because they only have so much time, resources and know what they can handle physically and emotionally.. I don’t think I can handle my job, which involves overseas travel (assuming that happens again) and another child.

Spoiled brat because you don't care that your DH doesn't want to be a sole provider, that you seem to have no.concern whatsoever about his feelings, that you are gruesomely awaiting his parents to die, that you don't care about what a future child brought into a clearly toxic family will experience. And more.

Not because you want to SAH.

You’re jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

This!!!

It makes me so sad that we are to a point where a woman is greedy if she wants to stay home with children. 100 years ago, a woman wasn’t allowed to work. Now she’s a terrible person if she wants to stay home. How did we get to this?

That is flat-out not true. Women have worked, including outside the home, for centuries. Women worked as maids, weavers, cooks, governesses, teachers, nannies, nurses, factory workers, shop girls, prostitutes, laundresses, seamstresses, etc. And women labored on farms and in home businesses forever. The idea that a woman would just stay at home and not help the home generate income, but just take care of kids, has never been the norm.

And she's not a terrible person because she wants to stay home, but because she thinks she's entitled to have another adult pay her way whether he wants to or not, and assumes bad things about her husband without even talking to him about it.

Why is everyone saying she wants him to pay her way? If they’re married and already have a high NW (maybe even high enough to live off already) then why can’t she live off that? From her post it sounds like they DON’T need more money! If he is so GD insecure about his job security and ability to support his family then I think that alone is a good enough reason not to have any more kids. Clearly they can’t afford it.

Because that’s how a long of women on here treat SAHMs. There is a level of disgust.

Zero disgust towards women who SAH through mutual agreement, because it’s what they’ve together decided is best for their family. Lots of disgust towards someone who feels entitled to stay home because her “culture” (which her husband apparently doesn’t share) tells her it’s her right because she has a uterus.

So I should have to set aside my culture? Would you say the same thing if my husband wanted me to stay home and I didn’t want to?

I have a hard time believing that you truly support women who stay at home. You must dislike a lot of women since there are many out there who think they should be able to stay home at some point because they had a child (If you dislike women you’d say “having a uterus.”)

Mutual agreement...that’s not going to happen. I don’t think my husband is going to want me to stay home. So I’m not. But that’s not what I want to do. But again, I’m not going to quit working.

It's not your culture. You're an UMC WASP. There's no expectation of SAHM in that "culture," which is why your DH, who is from the same boring stock, is not on board. Some WASPs stay home, some work. There's no cultural expectation, and you sound deranged insisting that you were not born to toil like the proles.

[Anonymous]

Im not reading the other posts. OP, I’m an atty. I always thought that I’d want my atty lifestyle and career until baby came along. After the birth of baby #1, I opted to quit working and stay home full-time to care for the baby. I never thought that I would be a stay at home mom but like you I didn’t want to leave the care of my child to another person. Luckily, my DH was 100% supportive and relieved that we wouldn’t be looking for childcare. We did not have the income or net worth that you seem to have so it was a SERIOUS struggle for us initially. But if we - a couple living on 1 low income paying back student loans with no parental assistance - can do it, why can’t you?

After 2 years, I did opt to return to work, though I ended up working for myself which was much better. I’m sad to think that there are so many people who don’t support mother’s in this. You should be able to care for your kids FT if you want to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

This!!!

It makes me so sad that we are to a point where a woman is greedy if she wants to stay home with children. 100 years ago, a woman wasn’t allowed to work. Now she’s a terrible person if she wants to stay home. How did we get to this?

That is flat-out not true. Women have worked, including outside the home, for centuries. Women worked as maids, weavers, cooks, governesses, teachers, nannies, nurses, factory workers, shop girls, prostitutes, laundresses, seamstresses, etc. And women labored on farms and in home businesses forever. The idea that a woman would just stay at home and not help the home generate income, but just take care of kids, has never been the norm.

And she's not a terrible person because she wants to stay home, but because she thinks she's entitled to have another adult pay her way whether he wants to or not, and assumes bad things about her husband without even talking to him about it.

Why is everyone saying she wants him to pay her way? If they’re married and already have a high NW (maybe even high enough to live off already) then why can’t she live off that? From her post it sounds like they DON’T need more money! If he is so GD insecure about his job security and ability to support his family then I think that alone is a good enough reason not to have any more kids. Clearly they can’t afford it.

Because that’s how a long of women on here treat SAHMs. There is a level of disgust.

Zero disgust towards women who SAH through mutual agreement, because it’s what they’ve together decided is best for their family. Lots of disgust towards someone who feels entitled to stay home because her “culture” (which her husband apparently doesn’t share) tells her it’s her right because she has a uterus.

So I should have to set aside my culture? Would you say the same thing if my husband wanted me to stay home and I didn’t want to?

I have a hard time believing that you truly support women who stay at home. You must dislike a lot of women since there are many out there who think they should be able to stay home at some point because they had a child (If you dislike women you’d say “having a uterus.”)

Mutual agreement...that’s not going to happen. I don’t think my husband is going to want me to stay home. So I’m not. But that’s not what I want to do. But again, I’m not going to quit working.

You’re using “it’s my culture” to justify your preference. And your preference involves forcing another adult to do what you yourself do not want to do, I.e. being the sole provider. I would also not think it’s okay for your husband to force you to stay home if it wasn’t what you wanted. Adults don’t get to tell other adults what to do, and in your case your plans are dependent upon making him do something he’s not comfortable with. Not okay.

My best friend SAH because it’s what she and her husband together decided what’s best. Nothing but respect and support for that. But it wasn’t because she has a uterus, and certainly wasn’t some kind of reward for giving birth and breastfeeding.

If you can use counseling to understand each other’s POV, you should try it. If you’re only interested if you think it can help you get your way, then don’t bother.

Since you feel so strongly about this, you really should have discussed it before marriage. The fact that you think it’s “normal” because it’s from your UMC WASP “culture” is what has given you this deeply misguided sense of entitlement. It’s not 1960. Men just don’t assume that their wives are going to quit work when they have babies. It’s not reasonable of you to resent him for not sharing your unstated assumptions about gender roles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

This!!!

It makes me so sad that we are to a point where a woman is greedy if she wants to stay home with children. 100 years ago, a woman wasn’t allowed to work. Now she’s a terrible person if she wants to stay home. How did we get to this?

That is flat-out not true. Women have worked, including outside the home, for centuries. Women worked as maids, weavers, cooks, governesses, teachers, nannies, nurses, factory workers, shop girls, prostitutes, laundresses, seamstresses, etc. And women labored on farms and in home businesses forever. The idea that a woman would just stay at home and not help the home generate income, but just take care of kids, has never been the norm.

And she's not a terrible person because she wants to stay home, but because she thinks she's entitled to have another adult pay her way whether he wants to or not, and assumes bad things about her husband without even talking to him about it.

Why is everyone saying she wants him to pay her way? If they’re married and already have a high NW (maybe even high enough to live off already) then why can’t she live off that? From her post it sounds like they DON’T need more money! If he is so GD insecure about his job security and ability to support his family then I think that alone is a good enough reason not to have any more kids. Clearly they can’t afford it.

Because that’s how a long of women on here treat SAHMs. There is a level of disgust.

Zero disgust towards women who SAH through mutual agreement, because it’s what they’ve together decided is best for their family. Lots of disgust towards someone who feels entitled to stay home because her “culture” (which her husband apparently doesn’t share) tells her it’s her right because she has a uterus.

So I should have to set aside my culture? Would you say the same thing if my husband wanted me to stay home and I didn’t want to?

I have a hard time believing that you truly support women who stay at home. You must dislike a lot of women since there are many out there who think they should be able to stay home at some point because they had a child (If you dislike women you’d say “having a uterus.”)

Mutual agreement...that’s not going to happen. I don’t think my husband is going to want me to stay home. So I’m not. But that’s not what I want to do. But again, I’m not going to quit working.

You’re using “it’s my culture” to justify your preference. And your preference involves forcing another adult to do what you yourself do not want to do, I.e. being the sole provider. I would also not think it’s okay for your husband to force you to stay home if it wasn’t what you wanted. Adults don’t get to tell other adults what to do, and in your case your plans are dependent upon making him do something he’s not comfortable with. Not okay.

My best friend SAH because it’s what she and her husband together decided what’s best. Nothing but respect and support for that. But it wasn’t because she has a uterus, and certainly wasn’t some kind of reward for giving birth and breastfeeding.

If you can use counseling to understand each other’s POV, you should try it. If you’re only interested if you think it can help you get your way, then don’t bother.

Since you feel so strongly about this, you really should have discussed it before marriage. The fact that you think it’s “normal” because it’s from your UMC WASP “culture” is what has given you this deeply misguided sense of entitlement. It’s not 1960. Men just don’t assume that their wives are going to quit work when they have babies. It’s not reasonable of you to resent him for not sharing your unstated assumptions about gender roles.

This is some crazy misogynistic rant. So now staying home to care for kids when you have $$ in the bank is a reward for birthing?? GTFO with that BS. Being a SAHM is hard. It’s also a major responsibility and sacrifice fueled by love for your child. It’s not a day at the spa! People like you are why we make no strides in maternal health or support of family unit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

This!!!

It makes me so sad that we are to a point where a woman is greedy if she wants to stay home with children. 100 years ago, a woman wasn’t allowed to work. Now she’s a terrible person if she wants to stay home. How did we get to this?

That is flat-out not true. Women have worked, including outside the home, for centuries. Women worked as maids, weavers, cooks, governesses, teachers, nannies, nurses, factory workers, shop girls, prostitutes, laundresses, seamstresses, etc. And women labored on farms and in home businesses forever. The idea that a woman would just stay at home and not help the home generate income, but just take care of kids, has never been the norm.

And she's not a terrible person because she wants to stay home, but because she thinks she's entitled to have another adult pay her way whether he wants to or not, and assumes bad things about her husband without even talking to him about it.

Why is everyone saying she wants him to pay her way? If they’re married and already have a high NW (maybe even high enough to live off already) then why can’t she live off that? From her post it sounds like they DON’T need more money! If he is so GD insecure about his job security and ability to support his family then I think that alone is a good enough reason not to have any more kids. Clearly they can’t afford it.

Because that’s how a long of women on here treat SAHMs. There is a level of disgust.

Zero disgust towards women who SAH through mutual agreement, because it’s what they’ve together decided is best for their family. Lots of disgust towards someone who feels entitled to stay home because her “culture” (which her husband apparently doesn’t share) tells her it’s her right because she has a uterus.

So I should have to set aside my culture? Would you say the same thing if my husband wanted me to stay home and I didn’t want to?

I have a hard time believing that you truly support women who stay at home. You must dislike a lot of women since there are many out there who think they should be able to stay home at some point because they had a child (If you dislike women you’d say “having a uterus.”)

Mutual agreement...that’s not going to happen. I don’t think my husband is going to want me to stay home. So I’m not. But that’s not what I want to do. But again, I’m not going to quit working.

You’re using “it’s my culture” to justify your preference. And your preference involves forcing another adult to do what you yourself do not want to do, I.e. being the sole provider. I would also not think it’s okay for your husband to force you to stay home if it wasn’t what you wanted. Adults don’t get to tell other adults what to do, and in your case your plans are dependent upon making him do something he’s not comfortable with. Not okay.

My best friend SAH because it’s what she and her husband together decided what’s best. Nothing but respect and support for that. But it wasn’t because she has a uterus, and certainly wasn’t some kind of reward for giving birth and breastfeeding.

If you can use counseling to understand each other’s POV, you should try it. If you’re only interested if you think it can help you get your way, then don’t bother.

Since you feel so strongly about this, you really should have discussed it before marriage. The fact that you think it’s “normal” because it’s from your UMC WASP “culture” is what has given you this deeply misguided sense of entitlement. It’s not 1960. Men just don’t assume that their wives are going to quit work when they have babies. It’s not reasonable of you to resent him for not sharing your unstated assumptions about gender roles.

This is some crazy misogynistic rant. So now staying home to care for kids when you have $$ in the bank is a reward for birthing?? GTFO with that BS. Being a SAHM is hard. It’s also a major responsibility and sacrifice fueled by love for your child. It’s not a day at the spa! People like you are why we make no strides in maternal health or support of family unit

I’m not sure what post you’re replying to, but this is completely detached from the post you appear to be attempting to reply to. If you think it’s a “crazy misogynistic rant” to say that both partners should agree before one leaves the workforce, then I’m not sure what could get through to you. This has nothing to do with whether being a SAHM is easy, difficult, valuable, or valueless. It has to do with both partners needing to agree before one of them makes a major change to the family’s structure, including the distribution of the labor of earning income.

You keep trying to make this into a feminist issue about the value of motherhood, but that has absolutely nothing to do with what you’re discussing. This is about your spouse not wanting to be the sole breadwinner, and your feeling that you should be able to force him into that role, by virtue of the fact that you can bear children. There’s nothing feminist about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I’m absolutely open to a compromise. Unfortunately, most of the posts are about my inheritance or lesbians asking me what I would do if I were in a same sex marriage. I haven’t heard of any suggestions for compromise.

If you want to convince your husband you’d be fine with your nest egg (i.e., worst case scenario of him losing his job a week after you quit and neither of you are able to fine jobs again), run the numbers — figure out how long that nest egg would last and what sort of lifestyle you’d have. If that’s reasonable, and you’re good with it, then run it by him.

Just so you know, I’m a cis-het-woman, also UMC — maybe with an inheritance, maybe not, with a nice little nest egg of my own and a spouse with an even nicer little nest egg and a (small) pension. And default/primary parent to one child, and only one child, because I knew I didn’t want to work like I do with two kids.

My husband has made noises about retiring early and relying on his retirement savings and pension. I make a very nice salary, so we could probably do this without any hit to our lifestyle, but I would feel a lot of stress about being the sole source of income, but if he really wanted to do it, it would be fine. However, what he really wants is both of us to retire (I don’t want to for non-financial reasons, I’m not ready to stop working). I told him to run the numbers, and then we’ll talk. He hasn’t, so I assume he really doesn’t want it enough.

So run the numbers and provide assurances to your husband that the worst-case scenario won’t impact your lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

So much this. A spoiled brat grown into an adult. Yikes.

A spoiled brat because I want to stay home with a child?

Come on. Be an adult rather than a child throwing a tantrum. You know perfectly well that nobody is saying you are a spoiled brat because you want to stay home. Many people stay home and maintain happy marriages precisely because they aren't spoiled brats about it. Do not pretend you are at all representative of SAHMs, especially SAHMs with good marriages. You are acting like a spoiled brat, not a SAHM.

Please explain how I’m acting like a spoiled brat. Seriously I want to know. I truly don’t think I can manage to continue my career while having another child and being the primary parent. Doesn’t everyone have a limit as to children and working? If not, then why doesn’t every woman have 10+ kids? I assume because they only have so much time, resources and know what they can handle physically and emotionally.. I don’t think I can handle my job, which involves overseas travel (assuming that happens again) and another child.

Spoiled brat because you don't care that your DH doesn't want to be a sole provider, that you seem to have no.concern whatsoever about his feelings, that you are gruesomely awaiting his parents to die, that you don't care about what a future child brought into a clearly toxic family will experience. And more.

Not because you want to SAH.

You’re jealous.

No, I stayed home. My kids are much older. I have seen a lot of failed marriages over the years, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

So much this. A spoiled brat grown into an adult. Yikes.

A spoiled brat because I want to stay home with a child?

Come on. Be an adult rather than a child throwing a tantrum. You know perfectly well that nobody is saying you are a spoiled brat because you want to stay home. Many people stay home and maintain happy marriages precisely because they aren't spoiled brats about it. Do not pretend you are at all representative of SAHMs, especially SAHMs with good marriages. You are acting like a spoiled brat, not a SAHM.

Please explain how I’m acting like a spoiled brat. Seriously I want to know. I truly don’t think I can manage to continue my career while having another child and being the primary parent. Doesn’t everyone have a limit as to children and working? If not, then why doesn’t every woman have 10+ kids? I assume because they only have so much time, resources and know what they can handle physically and emotionally.. I don’t think I can handle my job, which involves overseas travel (assuming that happens again) and another child.

Spoiled brat because you don't care that your DH doesn't want to be a sole provider, that you seem to have no.concern whatsoever about his feelings, that you are gruesomely awaiting his parents to die, that you don't care about what a future child brought into a clearly toxic family will experience. And more.

Not because you want to SAH.

You’re jealous.

No, I stayed home. My kids are much older. I have seen a lot of failed marriages over the years, though.

Same. But in my circle's it's been exclusively duel working parents who divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

So much this. A spoiled brat grown into an adult. Yikes.

A spoiled brat because I want to stay home with a child?

Come on. Be an adult rather than a child throwing a tantrum. You know perfectly well that nobody is saying you are a spoiled brat because you want to stay home. Many people stay home and maintain happy marriages precisely because they aren't spoiled brats about it. Do not pretend you are at all representative of SAHMs, especially SAHMs with good marriages. You are acting like a spoiled brat, not a SAHM.

Please explain how I’m acting like a spoiled brat. Seriously I want to know. I truly don’t think I can manage to continue my career while having another child and being the primary parent. Doesn’t everyone have a limit as to children and working? If not, then why doesn’t every woman have 10+ kids? I assume because they only have so much time, resources and know what they can handle physically and emotionally.. I don’t think I can handle my job, which involves overseas travel (assuming that happens again) and another child.

Spoiled brat because you don't care that your DH doesn't want to be a sole provider, that you seem to have no.concern whatsoever about his feelings, that you are gruesomely awaiting his parents to die, that you don't care about what a future child brought into a clearly toxic family will experience. And more.

Not because you want to SAH.

You’re jealous.

No, I stayed home. My kids are much older. I have seen a lot of failed marriages over the years, though.

Same. But in my circle's it's been exclusively duel working parents who divorced.

Haha, freudian slip. Dual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

Who wouldn’t? OP’s husband, apparently. She can’t make him want what he doesn’t want. And both parties have to want it for having a SAHP to be a reasonable decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

Being the sole bread winner is extremely high pressure. And fortunes change. My DH was dumped from a very good job 4 years ago. He scrambles for consulting and freelancing to get by.


Luckily I work so we still have our home and health care. And now the pressure is on me.

[Anonymous]

Surely this is a troll post, going for Hottest Topics status. All her replies are batty. If this isn't a troll, I don't see this marriage lasting.