no 2nd child because DH won’t support SAH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

Answer: My husband can’t give birth or breastfeed. He also has no desire to stay home with children. Therefore, it’s a silly question.

Interesting you say you have no right to demand someone’s labor. Because I feel like that’s what my husband is doing. He’s wanting a second child and for me to continue working in a demanding job.

This is ridiculous and completely irrational. No wonder your DH doesn’t agree.

If you were infertile and adopted your child(ren) would you still be magically entitled to be the SAH one?

I’m a married lesbian and I wonder which one of us you think is entitled to stay home, given that we both have ovaries and can breastfeed. Answer: neither. No one has the right to not bring in income, just as no one has the right to not provide childcare. If these things are split in a certain way, it should only ever be by MUTUAL agreement - not because of anatomy/chromosomes.

Most couples don’t have the luxury to ignore anatomy when deciding who stays home with children. Your post seems incredibly ignorant, entitled, sexist and clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

Answer: My husband can’t give birth or breastfeed. He also has no desire to stay home with children. Therefore, it’s a silly question.

Interesting you say you have no right to demand someone’s labor. Because I feel like that’s what my husband is doing. He’s wanting a second child and for me to continue working in a demanding job.

This is ridiculous and completely irrational. No wonder your DH doesn’t agree.

If you were infertile and adopted your child(ren) would you still be magically entitled to be the SAH one?

I’m a married lesbian and I wonder which one of us you think is entitled to stay home, given that we both have ovaries and can breastfeed. Answer: neither. No one has the right to not bring in income, just as no one has the right to not provide childcare. If these things are split in a certain way, it should only ever be by MUTUAL agreement - not because of anatomy/chromosomes.

I think we are living in completely different cultures.

Your culture is apparently the 1950s.

I guess so! Look, I’m married to a white UMC wasp.

To be fair, very few men in America even take time off after their wife has children. So it’s a little silly to act as though we should all be held to your standard of both spouses being treated 100% equally after having a child. This just isn’t the reality that most American women are living in. You’re in a completely different situation where you even have the same reproductive organs.

NP. You sound dumber and less sympathetic with each post. You definitely shouldn't have another kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. You sound quite bratty.

I agree...bratty and entitled....you are assuming that your husband wants to rely on your parent's death and your eventual inheritance as a type of financial comfort. Maybe your husband doesn't want the responsibility of being the sole breadwinner on his shoulders, maybe he doesn't want to lose the security that your salary brings for your OWN nuclear family regardless of your familial wealth. Maybe his upbringing was different from yours regarding savings, spending, and cash flow in. All valid reasons for you not to up and quit your job without him being comfortable with it. It IS possible to have two children and work. Hire a nanny, bring in an au pair, plenty of folks do it every day.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you have a second child and then he quits and stays home? That’s fair and you’d value his domestic labor, right?

You don’t have a right to be the SAH one just because you have ovaries.

Obviously. That’s why after my husband had hip surgery we decided that I should be the one to stay home and recuperate. If he can stay home after my c-section, it’s only fair right?

Complete non-sequitar. You didn’t say you want to stay home and recuperate after childbirth. You’d be getting a lot more support if you had. Recuperating from childbirth doesn’t require you to quit your job, for heavens sake. Ask me how I know.

Opting out of the workforce is just not a decision one member of the couple gets to make unilaterally. Even if that member happens to be female.

Ok! Well guess what decision I do get to make? Not to have anymore children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. You sound quite bratty.

I agree...bratty and entitled....you are assuming that your husband wants to rely on your parent's death and your eventual inheritance as a type of financial comfort. Maybe your husband doesn't want the responsibility of being the sole breadwinner on his shoulders, maybe he doesn't want to lose the security that your salary brings for your OWN nuclear family regardless of your familial wealth. Maybe his upbringing was different from yours regarding savings, spending, and cash flow in. All valid reasons for you not to up and quit your job without him being comfortable with it. It IS possible to have two children and work. Hire a nanny, bring in an au pair, plenty of folks do it every day.

+1

You guys sound jealous. Really someone who is going to inherit millions of dollars should stick their kid in daycare?

[Anonymous]

Can you take a less demanding job?

My husband and I are both attorneys, and we have four kids. We are both full time, but neither of us is working biglaw hours. My quality of life improved a lot after going in-house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

Answer: My husband can’t give birth or breastfeed. He also has no desire to stay home with children. Therefore, it’s a silly question.

Interesting you say you have no right to demand someone’s labor. Because I feel like that’s what my husband is doing. He’s wanting a second child and for me to continue working in a demanding job.

This is ridiculous and completely irrational. No wonder your DH doesn’t agree.

If you were infertile and adopted your child(ren) would you still be magically entitled to be the SAH one?

I’m a married lesbian and I wonder which one of us you think is entitled to stay home, given that we both have ovaries and can breastfeed. Answer: neither. No one has the right to not bring in income, just as no one has the right to not provide childcare. If these things are split in a certain way, it should only ever be by MUTUAL agreement - not because of anatomy/chromosomes.

I think we are living in completely different cultures.

Your culture is apparently the 1950s.

I guess so! Look, I’m married to a white UMC wasp.

To be fair, very few men in America even take time off after their wife has children. So it’s a little silly to act as though we should all be held to your standard of both spouses being treated 100% equally after having a child. This just isn’t the reality that most American women are living in. You’re in a completely different situation where you even have the same reproductive organs.

Your argument is “I am entitled to stay home and have my husband be the breadwinner because I’m white, UMC, and heterosexual”? I’ve seen it all now. Although I guess you’re really just saying the quiet part out loud.

If you were infertile and adopted, would you still think your expectations are reasonable? Or is this somehow your expected reward for being the biological vessel of procreation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. You sound quite bratty.

I agree...bratty and entitled....you are assuming that your husband wants to rely on your parent's death and your eventual inheritance as a type of financial comfort. Maybe your husband doesn't want the responsibility of being the sole breadwinner on his shoulders, maybe he doesn't want to lose the security that your salary brings for your OWN nuclear family regardless of your familial wealth. Maybe his upbringing was different from yours regarding savings, spending, and cash flow in. All valid reasons for you not to up and quit your job without him being comfortable with it. It IS possible to have two children and work. Hire a nanny, bring in an au pair, plenty of folks do it every day.

+1

You guys sound jealous. Really someone who is going to inherit millions of dollars should stick their kid in daycare?

No one said daycare....au pair, nanny. Neither of those equate to daycare (and there is also NOTHING wrong with daycare but this isn't about that- it's about a culturally repressed woman defending quitting her job when her husband isn't comfortable with it)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you have a second child and then he quits and stays home? That’s fair and you’d value his domestic labor, right?

You don’t have a right to be the SAH one just because you have ovaries.

Obviously. That’s why after my husband had hip surgery we decided that I should be the one to stay home and recuperate. If he can stay home after my c-section, it’s only fair right?

Complete non-sequitar. You didn’t say you want to stay home and recuperate after childbirth. You’d be getting a lot more support if you had. Recuperating from childbirth doesn’t require you to quit your job, for heavens sake. Ask me how I know.

Opting out of the workforce is just not a decision one member of the couple gets to make unilaterally. Even if that member happens to be female.

Ok! Well guess what decision I do get to make? Not to have anymore children.

That's your decision. If you don't want to WOH with two children, then don't.

I opted against a third child for that reason. I work, and I didn't want to try to juggle three kids and a career - so I don't.

[Anonymous]

This is clearly a troll post. Nobody thinks like this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

Answer: My husband can’t give birth or breastfeed. He also has no desire to stay home with children. Therefore, it’s a silly question.

Interesting you say you have no right to demand someone’s labor. Because I feel like that’s what my husband is doing. He’s wanting a second child and for me to continue working in a demanding job.

This is ridiculous and completely irrational. No wonder your DH doesn’t agree.

If you were infertile and adopted your child(ren) would you still be magically entitled to be the SAH one?

I’m a married lesbian and I wonder which one of us you think is entitled to stay home, given that we both have ovaries and can breastfeed. Answer: neither. No one has the right to not bring in income, just as no one has the right to not provide childcare. If these things are split in a certain way, it should only ever be by MUTUAL agreement - not because of anatomy/chromosomes.

I think we are living in completely different cultures.

Your culture is apparently the 1950s.

I guess so! Look, I’m married to a white UMC wasp.

To be fair, very few men in America even take time off after their wife has children. So it’s a little silly to act as though we should all be held to your standard of both spouses being treated 100% equally after having a child. This just isn’t the reality that most American women are living in. You’re in a completely different situation where you even have the same reproductive organs.

Your argument is “I am entitled to stay home and have my husband be the breadwinner because I’m white, UMC, and heterosexual”? I’ve seen it all now. Although I guess you’re really just saying the quiet part out loud.

If you were infertile and adopted, would you still think your expectations are reasonable? Or is this somehow your expected reward for being the biological vessel of procreation?

I’m not saying I’m entitled because of those things. However, my culture likely does play a role. Just like I would never have children before marriage.

Your question is silly. I’m not in a situation where I’m infertile and adopting. I have no idea how I’d react or feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you have a second child and then he quits and stays home? That’s fair and you’d value his domestic labor, right?

You don’t have a right to be the SAH one just because you have ovaries.

Obviously. That’s why after my husband had hip surgery we decided that I should be the one to stay home and recuperate. If he can stay home after my c-section, it’s only fair right?

Complete non-sequitar. You didn’t say you want to stay home and recuperate after childbirth. You’d be getting a lot more support if you had. Recuperating from childbirth doesn’t require you to quit your job, for heavens sake. Ask me how I know.

Opting out of the workforce is just not a decision one member of the couple gets to make unilaterally. Even if that member happens to be female.

Ok! Well guess what decision I do get to make? Not to have anymore children.

Okay, I think you’re totally out of line about quitting your job, but here I actually agree with you 100%. You get to decide that. And it’s not because of your magical sacred ovaries. He gets to decide no more children, too, even if you want more. Both members of the couple have to agree to have more kids.

And it sounds like you can’t come to a mature, mutual agreement over domestic labor, so you definitely shouldn’t have more. You both are all about the ultimatums rather than finding a mutual compromise. That’s not a great situation to bring children into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. You sound quite bratty.

I agree...bratty and entitled....you are assuming that your husband wants to rely on your parent's death and your eventual inheritance as a type of financial comfort. Maybe your husband doesn't want the responsibility of being the sole breadwinner on his shoulders, maybe he doesn't want to lose the security that your salary brings for your OWN nuclear family regardless of your familial wealth. Maybe his upbringing was different from yours regarding savings, spending, and cash flow in. All valid reasons for you not to up and quit your job without him being comfortable with it. It IS possible to have two children and work. Hire a nanny, bring in an au pair, plenty of folks do it every day.

+1

You guys sound jealous. Really someone who is going to inherit millions of dollars should stick their kid in daycare?

No one said daycare....au pair, nanny. Neither of those equate to daycare (and there is also NOTHING wrong with daycare but this isn't about that- it's about a culturally repressed woman defending quitting her job when her husband isn't comfortable with it)

I’m shocked you don’t view it as a culturally repressed male demanding another child AND his wife to continue working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you have a second child and then he quits and stays home? That’s fair and you’d value his domestic labor, right?

You don’t have a right to be the SAH one just because you have ovaries.

Obviously. That’s why after my husband had hip surgery we decided that I should be the one to stay home and recuperate. If he can stay home after my c-section, it’s only fair right?

Complete non-sequitar. You didn’t say you want to stay home and recuperate after childbirth. You’d be getting a lot more support if you had. Recuperating from childbirth doesn’t require you to quit your job, for heavens sake. Ask me how I know.

Opting out of the workforce is just not a decision one member of the couple gets to make unilaterally. Even if that member happens to be female.

Ok! Well guess what decision I do get to make? Not to have anymore children.

Okay, I think you’re totally out of line about quitting your job, but here I actually agree with you 100%. You get to decide that. And it’s not because of your magical sacred ovaries. He gets to decide no more children, too, even if you want more. Both members of the couple have to agree to have more kids.

And it sounds like you can’t come to a mature, mutual agreement over domestic labor, so you definitely shouldn’t have more. You both are all about the ultimatums rather than finding a mutual compromise. That’s not a great situation to bring children into.

Actually it is. My husband is unable to get pregnant and give birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you have a second child and then he quits and stays home? That’s fair and you’d value his domestic labor, right?

You don’t have a right to be the SAH one just because you have ovaries.

Obviously. That’s why after my husband had hip surgery we decided that I should be the one to stay home and recuperate. If he can stay home after my c-section, it’s only fair right?

Complete non-sequitar. You didn’t say you want to stay home and recuperate after childbirth. You’d be getting a lot more support if you had. Recuperating from childbirth doesn’t require you to quit your job, for heavens sake. Ask me how I know.

Opting out of the workforce is just not a decision one member of the couple gets to make unilaterally. Even if that member happens to be female.

Ok! Well guess what decision I do get to make? Not to have anymore children.

Okay, I think you’re totally out of line about quitting your job, but here I actually agree with you 100%. You get to decide that. And it’s not because of your magical sacred ovaries. He gets to decide no more children, too, even if you want more. Both members of the couple have to agree to have more kids.

And it sounds like you can’t come to a mature, mutual agreement over domestic labor, so you definitely shouldn’t have more. You both are all about the ultimatums rather than finding a mutual compromise. That’s not a great situation to bring children into.

I’m absolutely open to a compromise. Unfortunately, most of the posts are about my inheritance or lesbians asking me what I would do if I were in a same sex marriage. I haven’t heard of any suggestions for compromise.