no 2nd child because DH won’t support SAH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

1) Talk is cheap…doubly cheap when you knew already how he felt about the situation. So what if you would accept it; the vast majority of SAHMs I know would resent it, with older kids and their DH having gobs of leisure time to fill with his GTL routine, or whatever he chose.

[Anonymous]

One person does not get to unilaterally make career, financial and family planning decisions for the entire family. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the epitome of the moral failings of the DCUM populous. OP is wealthy. She has generational wealth. She doesn't need to work - independent of her DH. Her DH also makes a lot of money. Her working would only bring status and more money on top of lots of money.

She wants to stay home and take care of her child(ren). Why? because she's a mother who loves her child and that is her parental duty/obligation. It is also in the best interest of the child. Also she shouldn't have to explain why she wants to take care of her kids full time. What a world it is where a mother is asked to defend that position. However, on DCUM, the shrill harpies are berating her because she wants to take advantage of her financial gifts and be with her kids FT. You guys need to check yourselves. You live in a moral vacuum.

If OP wants to do that, she should be able to. Why in this world do we prize work for the sake of work, status for the sake of status, over raising our kids? This is why there are so many poorly raised children who lack basic education, societal skills and know how. Because their parents look down on parenting. Because their parents are busy grabbing money and status just to hang out with the Joneses.

OP, you do you. Don't defend motherhood to these wolves. My guess is that they're all miserable in their jobs, the pressures of parenthood and can't stand that you have the ability to focus 100% on your kids. Take that opportunity. It's a gift.

Literally no. OP has never said this is her reason. Her stated reasons, in no particular order from what I remember, are 1) her job is high stress, 2) she doesn't want to resent her DH in the future for making her do the bulk of the work if/when they have 2 kids, and 3) she wants to "keep a nice home." No maternal yearning, just "I don't think we need the money my job brings in so I want to quit." Her DH disagrees. They need to get on the same page but that's going to be hard because she's imputing really shitty motives to him and using the potential second kid as a bargaining chip.

She's not defending motherhood. She's defending a certain vision of marriage where men are uncomplaining breadwinners and women have ample downtime, partly because of their husbands' efforts and partly because of their dowries. This is her "culture," apparently, and it's yet to be tied to raising better, more educated children with societal skills and know how.

I'm sorry, but you're a complete ass. You don't know OP or what her motivations are by reading short blurbs on an anonymous blog post. You're part of an angry mob chomping at the bit ready to tear a complete stranger apart because you've assumed that you "know her". You've assumed that mothering is not her motivation. I don't think she has to explain that to you. You also don't know her culture. I don't care what you think it is. You have no idea who she is in real life and are basing all fo the above on aggressive assumptions. Stand down. Your foam is frothing.

I'm not sorry, but you are unintelligent. OP has posted about 50 times in this thread. She never mentioned love or closeness. You're imputing that because it would make sense as a motive. But that doesn't make it her motive. She has explicitly said that her "culture" is UMC WASP, so yes, I do know her culture. I don't have to "think" what it might be, because it has been stated. I'm reading what she's actually written which does not paint her in a positive light. For you to call an ability to read an aggressive assumption because you apparently cannot and would rather insert some make-believe Pollyanna BS while also name-calling is pretty funny.

Dude, I have not been going on for pages insulting another woman that I've never met because I"m angry about her life choices. Again, you don't know her. You are making assumptions. There are always a million details about someone's life, relationships, and decision making left out of DCUM. This is an anonymous forum - not an in-depth biographical tell-all. Learn the difference. And no, you don't know her culture. You don't know where she grew up, her family, her background or what has shaped her worldview. You sound angry and hateful. You've hated on a woman that you've never met for a while now. It's a terrible look for all woman. It takes a dark soul to berate a mother who wants to stay home with her child in the way that you have. From the pages of writing, I'd say you have clearly way more issues than OP does. Sad.

This is officially my fourth post on this thread (no pages of writing). My first was on like page 2 yesterday and the rest are this back-and-forth with you. The idea that only one person has been posting negatively about OP is fairly ridiculous but if this is your first day on the internet perhaps I've been too harsh. I have read all the posts, so yes, I'm responding to OP's actual position and not some imaginary SAHM who would be worth defending. Learn the difference. You sound like a simpleton who can't understand the difference between what someone is saying and what you wish they would say so the could fit into your preferred worldview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's bizarre to me that you seem to predicate having a second child on working/not working. You either want a second child or you do not. If you do, you'll make it work like billions of women did before you. If you don't, well, don't have it, no one is forcing you to do that.

You also need to get out of the mindset that you're having children "for your husband". You aren't. Women have children primarily due to their own desire to reproduce. Your children are half yours. Everything you do for them - pregnancy, breastfeeding, child-rearing - one half of it is on you. You sound really immature.

It’s bizarre to me that you don’t understand that. Children need time and money. Double the children, double the time and money (roughly). If you feel you do not have enough of one or the other, you choose not to have that last child.

[Anonymous]

Did OP ever come back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

DP. Are you able to understand even the basics here. OPs husband does not want her to stay home. In the many times that OP.has posted in this thread, there is no indication she even likes her DH, let alone loves him. Nor does she give any indication she wants to make his life easier.

Great that's not your marriage! But it sure as heck isn't OPs according to her many, many posts here. And OP would not accept it if her D- said he didn't want to work -- she has made that also clear.

Keep on topic.

Ok so it’s perfectly fair for her to not have second kid then. Done! What are the rest of you ninnies even arguing about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

1) Talk is cheap…doubly cheap when you knew already how he felt about the situation. So what if you would accept it; the vast majority of SAHMs I know would resent it, with older kids and their DH having gobs of leisure time to fill with his GTL routine, or whatever he chose.

In other words - you were wrong. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

DP. Are you able to understand even the basics here. OPs husband does not want her to stay home. In the many times that OP.has posted in this thread, there is no indication she even likes her DH, let alone loves him. Nor does she give any indication she wants to make his life easier.

Great that's not your marriage! But it sure as heck isn't OPs according to her many, many posts here. And OP would not accept it if her D- said he didn't want to work -- she has made that also clear.

Keep on topic.

Ok so it’s perfectly fair for her to not have second kid then. Done! What are the rest of you ninnies even arguing about?

So we agree. OP should not have another child. I don't get why you think your wholly irrelevant situation matters, but I'm glad you at least grasp the most important point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

DP. Are you able to understand even the basics here. OPs husband does not want her to stay home. In the many times that OP.has posted in this thread, there is no indication she even likes her DH, let alone loves him. Nor does she give any indication she wants to make his life easier.

Great that's not your marriage! But it sure as heck isn't OPs according to her many, many posts here. And OP would not accept it if her D- said he didn't want to work -- she has made that also clear.

Keep on topic.

Ok so it’s perfectly fair for her to not have second kid then. Done! What are the rest of you ninnies even arguing about?

So we agree. OP should not have another child. I don't get why you think your wholly irrelevant situation matters, but I'm glad you at least grasp the most important point.

Awwww…. I’m sorry that you don’t understand that a 14-page anonymous discussion can sometimes veer away from the specific OP’s specific question, but at least you sound like a super happy person!!!

(Hot tip - none of our opinions on this or any other topic posted on DCUM “matter” in the least.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's bizarre to me that you seem to predicate having a second child on working/not working. You either want a second child or you do not. If you do, you'll make it work like billions of women did before you. If you don't, well, don't have it, no one is forcing you to do that.

You also need to get out of the mindset that you're having children "for your husband". You aren't. Women have children primarily due to their own desire to reproduce. Your children are half yours. Everything you do for them - pregnancy, breastfeeding, child-rearing - one half of it is on you. You sound really immature.

It’s bizarre to me that you don’t understand that. Children need time and money. Double the children, double the time and money (roughly). If you feel you do not have enough of one or the other, you choose not to have that last child.

Having children is not a rational decision if you want to come out ahead on time and money. What outweighs rational factors, for most parents, is the primordial drive to have children that makes time and money losses worth it. If you don't have the desire to have a second child, you don't have the desire. If you do, you make it work. And it's perfectly fine to say that you don't want the second child bad enough to make the time/money losses worth it.

Also, it's not double the time and money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound really, really entitled and obnoxious. You have no right to demand someone else's labor this way. I'm honestly kind of shocked at the greed in this post. Also, you don't seem to have a good grasp of the reality of being a sole wage earner.

Question: what if your DH decided unilaterally that he wanted to stop working forever? How fast would you divorce him?

So much this. A spoiled brat grown into an adult. Yikes.

A spoiled brat because I want to stay home with a child?

Come on. Be an adult rather than a child throwing a tantrum. You know perfectly well that nobody is saying you are a spoiled brat because you want to stay home. Many people stay home and maintain happy marriages precisely because they aren't spoiled brats about it. Do not pretend you are at all representative of SAHMs, especially SAHMs with good marriages. You are acting like a spoiled brat, not a SAHM.

Please explain how I’m acting like a spoiled brat. Seriously I want to know. I truly don’t think I can manage to continue my career while having another child and being the primary parent. Doesn’t everyone have a limit as to children and working? If not, then why doesn’t every woman have 10+ kids? I assume because they only have so much time, resources and know what they can handle physically and emotionally.. I don’t think I can handle my job, which involves overseas travel (assuming that happens again) and another child.

There are other jobs out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

DP. Are you able to understand even the basics here. OPs husband does not want her to stay home. In the many times that OP.has posted in this thread, there is no indication she even likes her DH, let alone loves him. Nor does she give any indication she wants to make his life easier.

Great that's not your marriage! But it sure as heck isn't OPs according to her many, many posts here. And OP would not accept it if her D- said he didn't want to work -- she has made that also clear.

Keep on topic.

Ok so it’s perfectly fair for her to not have second kid then. Done! What are the rest of you ninnies even arguing about?

So we agree. OP should not have another child. I don't get why you think your wholly irrelevant situation matters, but I'm glad you at least grasp the most important point.

Awwww…. I’m sorry that you don’t understand that a 14-page anonymous discussion can sometimes veer away from the specific OP’s specific question, but at least you sound like a super happy person!!!

(Hot tip - none of our opinions on this or any other topic posted on DCUM “matter” in the least.)

Oh. I get it. Your marriage is actually like OPs. I'm so sorry. That's rough. I should have seen that before taking your posts at face value.

[Anonymous]

Jesus Christ , OP, jesus christ.

[Anonymous]

OP, you may not even like staying at home. See if you can find a way to cut back or reduce work hours rather than quit altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

1) Talk is cheap…doubly cheap when you knew already how he felt about the situation. So what if you would accept it; the vast majority of SAHMs I know would resent it, with older kids and their DH having gobs of leisure time to fill with his GTL routine, or whatever he chose.

Not the pp, but you sound really resentful, bitter and jaded.

It's not a shock that the vast majority of SAHM's YOU know would resent their husband being a SAHD, because misery loves company.

Why would you hang out with happy women in healthy marriages, when clearly you're the farthest thing from happy?