no 2nd child because DH won’t support SAH?

[Anonymous]

It’s not the end of the world to take some time off with babies especially if one is as wealthy as OP says they are. The husband sounds materialistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

…good luck with that. Enjoy your “real man”. OP apparently married a fake man because he’s not conforming to the role she requires from him. Oopsie! Such a pain when you think you married a cultural stereotype and instead accidentally married a real human being with feelings and opinions that aren’t exactly what you think they should be!

Since OP has plenty of money, the obvious answer is to divorce and have #2 on her own. Oh wait, that’s against her “culture” too. Well, something tells me that this marriage isn’t headed in a good direction, so I guess she’s going to be going against her culture either way.

[Anonymous]

People acting like this is super foreboding for OP’s marriage are being overdramatic. Many many couples struggle/disagree over this specific issue and go on to have happy long marriages (however they land on what to do).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I had been planning to try for a second child. Our first is 2 years old.

I’ve been working for quite some time and would like to possibly take some time off after a second child. Perhaps never return to work. While it seems that my husband will go along with it, I can tell he strongly dislikes the idea. He makes plenty of money and we have a large nest egg. We could live a nice life on his salary alone.

I am trying to determine if I’m being stubborn because I’m reconsidering the second child. My career is obviously very important to my husband and I will end up resentful if I want to stay home but am pressured to continue my demanding job (lawyer). It all makes me very sad that he wouldn’t value a stay at home parent or my contribution at home.

He seems stressed about job security but this has always been the case. His insecurities don’t seem based on reality. He regularly has recruiters calling him and per his employment agreement, he would receive six months severance and his stock would vest I am hesitant to stay employed just in case he loses his job. Especially since I stand to inherit a decent amount of money from my family and we have plenty in savings. His parents also have a $5-10 mm net worth, but there seems to be more uncertainty around his inheritance. I find the focus on my career and our income to be a little strange.

Recently I hypothetically asked him if I could quit my job if I received a few million from my parents. He said yes. To me, this makes it seem like it’s all about money.

There is a part of me that wants to throw myself into my career and take an even more demanding job. After all, that’s what he seems to want from me. It seems grossly unfair that I’m expected to have the same sort of career he does and also have children.

I should completely rule out the second child and stay on BC, right? Or am I borrowing trouble? Has anyone been in a similar situation and happy with how things turned out? Is it even worth marriage counseling to figure this out? I’m not sure how counseling will make him love money any less.

The other problem is that I’m less attracted to my husband because of this.

You aren't borrowing trouble but you are making trouble where none exists. You should like a horrible person. He should divorce you because you have serious mental problems.

[Anonymous]

With all this money at your fingertips just go find the best marriage counselor money can buy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not the end of the world to take some time off with babies especially if one is as wealthy as OP says they are. The husband sounds materialistic.

And if that was what OP had calmly described in her OP, nobody would be reacting the way they are.

This isn't about SAH. This is about unilateral decision making in a toxic marriage. The wealth probably just makes things more toxic.

[Anonymous]

It's bizarre to me that you seem to predicate having a second child on working/not working. You either want a second child or you do not. If you do, you'll make it work like billions of women did before you. If you don't, well, don't have it, no one is forcing you to do that.

You also need to get out of the mindset that you're having children "for your husband". You aren't. Women have children primarily due to their own desire to reproduce. Your children are half yours. Everything you do for them - pregnancy, breastfeeding, child-rearing - one half of it is on you. You sound really immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the epitome of the moral failings of the DCUM populous. OP is wealthy. She has generational wealth. She doesn't need to work - independent of her DH. Her DH also makes a lot of money. Her working would only bring status and more money on top of lots of money.

She wants to stay home and take care of her child(ren). Why? because she's a mother who loves her child and that is her parental duty/obligation. It is also in the best interest of the child. Also she shouldn't have to explain why she wants to take care of her kids full time. What a world it is where a mother is asked to defend that position. However, on DCUM, the shrill harpies are berating her because she wants to take advantage of her financial gifts and be with her kids FT. You guys need to check yourselves. You live in a moral vacuum.

If OP wants to do that, she should be able to. Why in this world do we prize work for the sake of work, status for the sake of status, over raising our kids? This is why there are so many poorly raised children who lack basic education, societal skills and know how. Because their parents look down on parenting. Because their parents are busy grabbing money and status just to hang out with the Joneses.

OP, you do you. Don't defend motherhood to these wolves. My guess is that they're all miserable in their jobs, the pressures of parenthood and can't stand that you have the ability to focus 100% on your kids. Take that opportunity. It's a gift.

Literally no. OP has never said this is her reason. Her stated reasons, in no particular order from what I remember, are 1) her job is high stress, 2) she doesn't want to resent her DH in the future for making her do the bulk of the work if/when they have 2 kids, and 3) she wants to "keep a nice home." No maternal yearning, just "I don't think we need the money my job brings in so I want to quit." Her DH disagrees. They need to get on the same page but that's going to be hard because she's imputing really shitty motives to him and using the potential second kid as a bargaining chip.

She's not defending motherhood. She's defending a certain vision of marriage where men are uncomplaining breadwinners and women have ample downtime, partly because of their husbands' efforts and partly because of their dowries. This is her "culture," apparently, and it's yet to be tied to raising better, more educated children with societal skills and know how.

I'm sorry, but you're a complete ass. You don't know OP or what her motivations are by reading short blurbs on an anonymous blog post. You're part of an angry mob chomping at the bit ready to tear a complete stranger apart because you've assumed that you "know her". You've assumed that mothering is not her motivation. I don't think she has to explain that to you. You also don't know her culture. I don't care what you think it is. You have no idea who she is in real life and are basing all fo the above on aggressive assumptions. Stand down. Your foam is frothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the epitome of the moral failings of the DCUM populous. OP is wealthy. She has generational wealth. She doesn't need to work - independent of her DH. Her DH also makes a lot of money. Her working would only bring status and more money on top of lots of money.

She wants to stay home and take care of her child(ren). Why? because she's a mother who loves her child and that is her parental duty/obligation. It is also in the best interest of the child. Also she shouldn't have to explain why she wants to take care of her kids full time. What a world it is where a mother is asked to defend that position. However, on DCUM, the shrill harpies are berating her because she wants to take advantage of her financial gifts and be with her kids FT. You guys need to check yourselves. You live in a moral vacuum.

If OP wants to do that, she should be able to. Why in this world do we prize work for the sake of work, status for the sake of status, over raising our kids? This is why there are so many poorly raised children who lack basic education, societal skills and know how. Because their parents look down on parenting. Because their parents are busy grabbing money and status just to hang out with the Joneses.

OP, you do you. Don't defend motherhood to these wolves. My guess is that they're all miserable in their jobs, the pressures of parenthood and can't stand that you have the ability to focus 100% on your kids. Take that opportunity. It's a gift.

Literally no. OP has never said this is her reason. Her stated reasons, in no particular order from what I remember, are 1) her job is high stress, 2) she doesn't want to resent her DH in the future for making her do the bulk of the work if/when they have 2 kids, and 3) she wants to "keep a nice home." No maternal yearning, just "I don't think we need the money my job brings in so I want to quit." Her DH disagrees. They need to get on the same page but that's going to be hard because she's imputing really shitty motives to him and using the potential second kid as a bargaining chip.

She's not defending motherhood. She's defending a certain vision of marriage where men are uncomplaining breadwinners and women have ample downtime, partly because of their husbands' efforts and partly because of their dowries. This is her "culture," apparently, and it's yet to be tied to raising better, more educated children with societal skills and know how.

I'm sorry, but you're a complete ass. You don't know OP or what her motivations are by reading short blurbs on an anonymous blog post. You're part of an angry mob chomping at the bit ready to tear a complete stranger apart because you've assumed that you "know her". You've assumed that mothering is not her motivation. I don't think she has to explain that to you. You also don't know her culture. I don't care what you think it is. You have no idea who she is in real life and are basing all fo the above on aggressive assumptions. Stand down. Your foam is frothing.

I'm not sorry, but you are unintelligent. OP has posted about 50 times in this thread. She never mentioned love or closeness. You're imputing that because it would make sense as a motive. But that doesn't make it her motive. She has explicitly said that her "culture" is UMC WASP, so yes, I do know her culture. I don't have to "think" what it might be, because it has been stated. I'm reading what she's actually written which does not paint her in a positive light. For you to call an ability to read an aggressive assumption because you apparently cannot and would rather insert some make-believe Pollyanna BS while also name-calling is pretty funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say “I don’t want to have a second child unless I’m able to sah” if that’s how you feel. Lots of people feel differently but you feel how you feel. It’s a recipe for disaster to have a baby reluctantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

DP. But the OP has explicitly said she would not accept it. That's what people are reacting to. She wants to change the status quo of her marriage in a way that her husband explicitly doesn't want, and she would not be receptive to the reverse situation being proposed. For people who think she has the right to make this change unilaterally, would you be comfortable with your spouse unilaterally making such a huge change?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks OP’s husband sounds like an a-hole?

I am an (Asian) woman who chooses to work even though we could live happily on my DH’s income. I enjoy having a job, and it’s a pretty flexible job so I feel like I have enough time with my kids. My husband supports me working, but he would equally support me SAH (I know because he’s asked me a few times if I would want to - obviously my life would be easier if I did!) I think it’s terrible for a spouse to make the other spouse work if they are financially set for college and retirement!

Of course, I’m sure my DH would respect me less if I became a stereotypical brain-dead SAHM, but if I continued to take an interest in the world, community, etc. I don’t think our relationship would suffer.

Nope. If my husband would come home and informed me that he'd like to quit his job and, surprise, I need to 100% support our family I'd kill him. And we have serious $ coming in from both sets of parents and I already have a fully paid, nice house on my name and we can live on my salary alone.

I (female) would personally be happy, assuming I was making enough for us to be comfortable. Who wouldn't want an easier life? Who wouldn't want to never do laundry or cook dinner since you're working anyway? Who wouldn't want to be able to stay out for work dinners or travel without any guilt? Who wouldn't want to know the person who loves your child most is always on call for them? It's a sweet set-up for both parents.

You (female) may personally feel this way, but I guarantee you that 99% of SAMs on this board do not. That’s what is so grating: the 100% inability to treat a DH the way they want to be treated by their DH, i.e., complete violation of the golden rule. Everyone knows that having two little kids is hard for a while; it’s the next 20-30 easy SAHM years that are resented. Duh!

You are completely talking out of your ass with this. I can “guarantee” (at least inasmuch as you apparently can) that the vast majority of Dads don’t WANT to stay home, not to take care of the kids full time, not to take care of the house full time. Working is not a sacrifice to them compared to the homefront, they PREFER it! And some of us married real men, (not whiny, petulant, score-keeping man-babies) the kind who take pride in providing for their family and wouldn’t dream of demanding that the mother of their children work for money they don’t need when she would prefer to mother their children! Some of you sound like you have married complete losers and justify their loser behavior by pretending it’s about equality.

It’s surpassingly hypocritical, arrogant, and entitled to expect your DH to accept a situation you would never in a million years accept if the shoe were on the other foot.

Weird response.

1) I would accept it - in fact when I was the higher earner I suggested he stay home with the kids but he did.not.want.to
2) He LIKES me staying home. I like me staying home. The kids like me staying home. Our life is pretty GD stress-free and awesome. If I get extra leisure time during the week now that the kids are in school he doesn’t resent me, he is HAPPY for me! This is what I think some of you don’t get! We are a team, we love each other, we TRY to make each others’ lives easier/better! If he was unhappy at work his first instinct wouldn’t be to try to drag me down, too! But he also knows I would happily make any changes to our lifestyle necessary to make him happy if things should change, including going back to work if needed! Some of your marriages sound so petty and score-keeping oriented I feel sorry for you.

DP. Are you able to understand even the basics here. OPs husband does not want her to stay home. In the many times that OP.has posted in this thread, there is no indication she even likes her DH, let alone loves him. Nor does she give any indication she wants to make his life easier.

Great that's not your marriage! But it sure as heck isn't OPs according to her many, many posts here. And OP would not accept it if her D- said he didn't want to work -- she has made that also clear.

Keep on topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the epitome of the moral failings of the DCUM populous. OP is wealthy. She has generational wealth. She doesn't need to work - independent of her DH. Her DH also makes a lot of money. Her working would only bring status and more money on top of lots of money.

She wants to stay home and take care of her child(ren). Why? because she's a mother who loves her child and that is her parental duty/obligation. It is also in the best interest of the child. Also she shouldn't have to explain why she wants to take care of her kids full time. What a world it is where a mother is asked to defend that position. However, on DCUM, the shrill harpies are berating her because she wants to take advantage of her financial gifts and be with her kids FT. You guys need to check yourselves. You live in a moral vacuum.

If OP wants to do that, she should be able to. Why in this world do we prize work for the sake of work, status for the sake of status, over raising our kids? This is why there are so many poorly raised children who lack basic education, societal skills and know how. Because their parents look down on parenting. Because their parents are busy grabbing money and status just to hang out with the Joneses.

OP, you do you. Don't defend motherhood to these wolves. My guess is that they're all miserable in their jobs, the pressures of parenthood and can't stand that you have the ability to focus 100% on your kids. Take that opportunity. It's a gift.

Literally no. OP has never said this is her reason. Her stated reasons, in no particular order from what I remember, are 1) her job is high stress, 2) she doesn't want to resent her DH in the future for making her do the bulk of the work if/when they have 2 kids, and 3) she wants to "keep a nice home." No maternal yearning, just "I don't think we need the money my job brings in so I want to quit." Her DH disagrees. They need to get on the same page but that's going to be hard because she's imputing really shitty motives to him and using the potential second kid as a bargaining chip.

She's not defending motherhood. She's defending a certain vision of marriage where men are uncomplaining breadwinners and women have ample downtime, partly because of their husbands' efforts and partly because of their dowries. This is her "culture," apparently, and it's yet to be tied to raising better, more educated children with societal skills and know how.

I'm sorry, but you're a complete ass. You don't know OP or what her motivations are by reading short blurbs on an anonymous blog post. You're part of an angry mob chomping at the bit ready to tear a complete stranger apart because you've assumed that you "know her". You've assumed that mothering is not her motivation. I don't think she has to explain that to you. You also don't know her culture. I don't care what you think it is. You have no idea who she is in real life and are basing all fo the above on aggressive assumptions. Stand down. Your foam is frothing.

I'm not sorry, but you are unintelligent. OP has posted about 50 times in this thread. She never mentioned love or closeness. You're imputing that because it would make sense as a motive. But that doesn't make it her motive. She has explicitly said that her "culture" is UMC WASP, so yes, I do know her culture. I don't have to "think" what it might be, because it has been stated. I'm reading what she's actually written which does not paint her in a positive light. For you to call an ability to read an aggressive assumption because you apparently cannot and would rather insert some make-believe Pollyanna BS while also name-calling is pretty funny.

Dude, I have not been going on for pages insulting another woman that I've never met because I"m angry about her life choices. Again, you don't know her. You are making assumptions. There are always a million details about someone's life, relationships, and decision making left out of DCUM. This is an anonymous forum - not an in-depth biographical tell-all. Learn the difference. And no, you don't know her culture. You don't know where she grew up, her family, her background or what has shaped her worldview. You sound angry and hateful. You've hated on a woman that you've never met for a while now. It's a terrible look for all woman. It takes a dark soul to berate a mother who wants to stay home with her child in the way that you have. From the pages of writing, I'd say you have clearly way more issues than OP does. Sad.