This is kind of a weird question and trigger, there is an OW component

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it’s over but you need closure on your end. Shit that door and move on. You can do better

[Anonymous]

OP, my Dh has a mildly boundary-crossing online relationship with a former high school friend (hello, cliché) - then he had a serious health crisis. He never let her know - she found out through social media weeks later. The fact that she continued to reach out to him seemed, well, pathetic. I agree with the prior posters - actions speak louder than words and when he cut you off during life crises, the message you should get is that whatever you had is long gone for him.

[Anonymous]

whoops- PP here - had, not has!

[Anonymous]

so you want us to feel sorry for you? you were the OW and you're looking for empathy so help mend your "broken heart".

f*** off. you have earned your misery. now own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

Anyone else here think the OP is Christie Smythe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I think people believe that OP has a very different view of this relationship than her AP, and has blown it up in her head because she really does sound delusional and like she lives in her own head. Every post describing her “relationship” glorifies what she believes her and her AP shared in an extremely unbelievable way - it’s like AP knew what he needed to say to keep the sec going, and she is holding onto those nuggets and replaying them in her head years later because she has not had a healthy, mutual relationship so that she can tell the difference. OP does sound unstable in this regard, and very likely had dysfunctional family relationships and/or was abused (sexually or otherwise). AP has made it clear she has no role in his life and she needs to accept that, move on and get herself help. She’s continuing to live in her head years after AP was done and it’s so damaging.

+1

Her multiple different threads started on this same topic are telling. She cannot move on. She is obsessing over something that no longer exists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

Guess your “relationship” didn’t exist that much if he’s telling you to sit down and shut up when he’s about to die lol trash is trash, OP. And you get rid of trash and forget it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I'm not surprised you are mystified as you struggle with boundaries that the majority of people understand.

When people say your relationship isn't real it means you don't really factor in his life , such as him telling you to stay away during his illness so as not to upset his wife. Such as you having no real contact for years at best you were his plaything but you have built that into some great love story because you are a lonely person who lacks meaningful relationships in her life.

I also suspect a personality disorder due to your inflated sense if self

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems a lot of responders didn’t read the OP’s posts.

This was an unhealthy obsession, not a relationship. I’m not convinced OP ever had a relationship with this man outside her head, and she’s admitted that has been true for at least several YEARS. It also sounds like she’s probably stalking him, hopefully just online.

The OP needs help. I sincerely hope she’s getting it.

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I'm not surprised you are mystified as you struggle with boundaries that the majority of people understand.

When people say your relationship isn't real it means you don't really factor in his life , such as him telling you to stay away during his illness so as not to upset his wife. Such as you having no real contact for years at best you were his plaything but you have built that into some great love story because you are a lonely person who lacks meaningful relationships in her life.

I also suspect a personality disorder due to your inflated sense if self

very, very common in cheating/OW/APs. No matter what you tell her it will never get through her head. In her mind, she is wonderful and blameless and everyone else is wrong. She does not have the ability to self reflect and see that her part in this is morally wrong and lacks integrity as well with no thought for a wife and kids, especially when dealing with a dying/sick husband and father.

[Anonymous]

I think people are missing that the OP herself cut it off originally and it was his critical illness, and his reaching out around it, that reawakened a lot of the memories. Its pretty normal for that to happen when there is a death immanent, especially one with unresolved issues. I’m a nurse and we see it all the time. The critical illness or death brings all the dormant material to the fore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing that the OP herself cut it off originally and it was his critical illness, and his reaching out around it, that reawakened a lot of the memories. Its pretty normal for that to happen when there is a death immanent, especially one with unresolved issues. I’m a nurse and we see it all the time. The critical illness or death brings all the dormant material to the fore.

Yes this is true but I think most comments still apply. It's unreasonable for her to feel resentful that she was "cut off" and to be asking if she should still continue contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing that the OP herself cut it off originally and it was his critical illness, and his reaching out around it, that reawakened a lot of the memories. Its pretty normal for that to happen when there is a death immanent, especially one with unresolved issues. I’m a nurse and we see it all the time. The critical illness or death brings all the dormant material to the fore.

Yes this is true but I think most comments still apply. It's unreasonable for her to feel resentful that she was "cut off" and to be asking if she should still continue contact.

She seems to be asking if she should never respond again when he reaches out. He reached out after the crisis. That’s why they’re in touch if I’m reading this correctly. This is why I am amused by people (women) trying to sanctify this crapsack man as a father and husband. They were only in touch because this adult man contacted her, again!

OP, you can make the decision to end it for good on your end. Seek more for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I think people believe that OP has a very different view of this relationship than her AP, and has blown it up in her head because she really does sound delusional and like she lives in her own head. Every post describing her “relationship” glorifies what she believes her and her AP shared in an extremely unbelievable way - it’s like AP knew what he needed to say to keep the sec going, and she is holding onto those nuggets and replaying them in her head years later because she has not had a healthy, mutual relationship so that she can tell the difference. OP does sound unstable in this regard, and very likely had dysfunctional family relationships and/or was abused (sexually or otherwise). AP has made it clear she has no role in his life and she needs to accept that, move on and get herself help. She’s continuing to live in her head years after AP was done and it’s so damaging.

I agree that OP has built this relationship to be more than it was in her head. I'm not sure it's an abuse history.

I think it's more a personality disorder given her inability to accept the situation , clinging onto it for years , inflated sense of her importance in her life, her attempts to portray herself as a victim, loves posts that empathize with her as a victim, plays coy or insulted with people who don't feed into her game and call her out and then there's her repeated attempts to get attention with her multiple threads on the topic.

She may have been abused but that's not a definite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you even ending? He doesn’t talk to you or see you. Whatever you “had” ended a long time ago and obviously didn’t mean that much to him. Time to grow up and move on. It’s just sad.

OP, I'll preface this by letting you know I am married and don't condone cheating. However, you're a fellow human and I read pain in your post.

One of the hardest lessons I learned early on in life is that you can have very strong feelings for someone but that doesn't mean they share your feelings. They may care about you to a degree, but that doesn't mean the level or intensity of their feelings will equal yours.

For me, the best choice was that if I knew I had strong feelings for someone and they didn't share my feelings I would move on. It was too painful to stay.

It sounds like it's time for you to move on. Find someone who is not attached and who can share your level of caring. You're not going to be able to do that with one foot in the door of this previous relationship. I do wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here, and I am mystified/fascinated that people are intent on hypothesizing that this was a totally fictional. I understand that this brings up a lot for people reading it. But it is pot-calling-the-kettle-black delusional to defend your fears of infidelity by insisting that the AP and DH’s relationship literally did not exist.

I think people believe that OP has a very different view of this relationship than her AP, and has blown it up in her head because she really does sound delusional and like she lives in her own head. Every post describing her “relationship” glorifies what she believes her and her AP shared in an extremely unbelievable way - it’s like AP knew what he needed to say to keep the sec going, and she is holding onto those nuggets and replaying them in her head years later because she has not had a healthy, mutual relationship so that she can tell the difference. OP does sound unstable in this regard, and very likely had dysfunctional family relationships and/or was abused (sexually or otherwise). AP has made it clear she has no role in his life and she needs to accept that, move on and get herself help. She’s continuing to live in her head years after AP was done and it’s so damaging.

I agree that OP has built this relationship to be more than it was in her head. I'm not sure it's an abuse history.

I think it's more a personality disorder given her inability to accept the situation , clinging onto it for years , inflated sense of her importance in her life, her attempts to portray herself as a victim, loves posts that empathize with her as a victim, plays coy or insulted with people who don't feed into her game and call her out and then there's her repeated attempts to get attention with her multiple threads on the topic.

She may have been abused but that's not a definite.

I mean, you could just ask her, or continue this cross-talk to increase the self-importance dopamine hit you need to assure yourself that another soul cares what you think about anything. You’ve got options.