This is kind of a weird question and trigger, there is an OW component

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has been good for me in some ways and life ruining in others. But it seems like it’s not longer good for me, or him.

Is this OP? You are hanging on to something that doesn’t even exist anymore. In your OP you said you don’t talk or meet, and sounds like you haven’t for a while. This was a mistake years ago when you did it and hanging on to it as long as you have is really sad. I agree with the PPs that recommended therapy. Obsessing over a married man who’s not interested in you is not healthy.

You are entering psycho territory, OP. You have an unhealthy obsession with something that isn’t there and never would be. He married the woman he lived and has turned back to his family. It’s not you.

Go find your happiness elsewhere, and good lord not somebody else married, unavailable or in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you even ending? He doesn’t talk to you or see you. Whatever you “had” ended a long time ago and obviously didn’t mean that much to him. Time to grow up and move on. It’s just sad.

This.

There is nothing to end. He only has one family. He doesn’t love you or want you in his life. Accept it. It’s over.

Yep. Take the HINT. It’s not subtle. Leave him and his family the hell alone. He told you to GTFO. Quit being a desperate psycho.

[Anonymous]

He was never dying. He just wanted a reason to get you to stop being a Stage 4 clinger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who had this happen, was still intimate with her AP, when he had a heart attack. She had to hear through 3rd parties that he died. She was bereft and completely cut off.

She had no other relationships with even women friends because no one approved of this long term affair. She has no other family. She built her whole world around him. He acted as if she was his partner. But at the end of the day she didn't even have a way to find out what happened to him other than dig around.

I really don't understand how women can put themselves in this position.

Ouch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are entitled to end this relationship; you don’t need anyone’s approval. This man and this relationship are no good for you.

I’m sure people will flame you for being the OW. They will flame you for keeping up the emotional component of the affair, and for having the audacity to want to communicate with this guy while he and his family were dealing with his acute health issues. They might also flame you for writing in an extra long block paragraph. Your desperation comes through, and I feel for you. Dump this guy once and for all and improve your life. Become the version of yourself you aspire to be. You will never get there with this guy hanging over you.

All of this, OP, and I write this with compassion. Filter out the rage that’s being punted at you. He may love you, but he is a total coward. You can’t possibly respect and admire someone so cowardly that you can’t communicate when he thinks he’s dying. Seek a compassionate counselor; take up new routines; end it with him and block his numbers. Life is long and a new person may be around the corner.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are not a part of his real life. Whatever is happening in your mind or may or may not be happening in his, that is not real. He is focusing on his real life now -- you should do yourself the kindness of doing that as well. Focus on what experience, invest in people who actually value you and love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you even ending? He doesn’t talk to you or see you. Whatever you “had” ended a long time ago and obviously didn’t mean that much to him. Time to grow up and move on. It’s just sad.

This.

There is nothing to end. He only has one family. He doesn’t love you or want you in his life. Accept it. It’s over.

Ok. I’m not OP - and fully agree that she’s got to end the idea of contacting him as even a remote possibility. But this sanctity of the family thing and “the woman he vowed to cherish” seems pretty hilarious given his own conduct.

OP: maybe don’t post again. If you do, don’t start whipping the red cape of “involves infidelity” in the subject line. Moths to a flame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you even ending? He doesn’t talk to you or see you. Whatever you “had” ended a long time ago and obviously didn’t mean that much to him. Time to grow up and move on. It’s just sad.

+1 hard truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are entitled to end this relationship; you don’t need anyone’s approval. This man and this relationship are no good for you.

I’m sure people will flame you for being the OW. They will flame you for keeping up the emotional component of the affair, and for having the audacity to want to communicate with this guy while he and his family were dealing with his acute health issues. They might also flame you for writing in an extra long block paragraph. Your desperation comes through, and I feel for you. Dump this guy once and for all and improve your life. Become the version of yourself you aspire to be. You will never get there with this guy hanging over you.

All of this, OP, and I write this with compassion. Filter out the rage that’s being punted at you. He may love you, but he is a total coward. You can’t possibly respect and admire someone so cowardly that you can’t communicate when he thinks he’s dying. Seek a compassionate counselor; take up new routines; end it with him and block his numbers. Life is long and a new person may be around the corner.

He’s not a coward. He’s a man that made a mistake, had an affair and now she won’t go away.

Quit filling her head with nonsense. Affairs are fantasy BS. Whatever was said was not real.

When someone tells you stop contacting them, stop contacting them.

You need serious help, OP. Your obsession is unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was never dying. He just wanted a reason to get you to stop being a Stage 4 clinger.

This is one of the myriad of reasons why married people should not have affairs. There are so many unstable people out there like OP. They live in fantasy land and read something into nothing. They just can’t accept that they ultimately meant nothing. Tough pill to swallow. To know you were duped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are entitled to end this relationship; you don’t need anyone’s approval. This man and this relationship are no good for you.

I’m sure people will flame you for being the OW. They will flame you for keeping up the emotional component of the affair, and for having the audacity to want to communicate with this guy while he and his family were dealing with his acute health issues. They might also flame you for writing in an extra long block paragraph. Your desperation comes through, and I feel for you. Dump this guy once and for all and improve your life. Become the version of yourself you aspire to be. You will never get there with this guy hanging over you.

All of this, OP, and I write this with compassion. Filter out the rage that’s being punted at you. He may love you, but he is a total coward. You can’t possibly respect and admire someone so cowardly that you can’t communicate when he thinks he’s dying. Seek a compassionate counselor; take up new routines; end it with him and block his numbers. Life is long and a new person may be around the corner.

He’s not a coward. He’s a man that made a mistake, had an affair and now she won’t go away.

Quit filling her head with nonsense. Affairs are fantasy BS. Whatever was said was not real.

When someone tells you stop contacting them, stop contacting them.

You need serious help, OP. Your obsession is unhealthy.

Yes, you forgave DH, because he made a mistake. And that kind of mistake can’t be cured by losing his income during divorce (“As I have posted repeatedly, I make 6 figures so I can do what I want!”) Cue the lies. Yes, yes, we know.

If he got the grace of just being “mistaken,” so did OP. Yes, OP, talk to someone. Elsewhere. This isn’t productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea what you're even saying. But yes, you should end it. Are you really surprised a man who would cheat on his wife - the woman he promised to cherish - doesn't give AF about you?

You put it perfectly, PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are entitled to end this relationship; you don’t need anyone’s approval. This man and this relationship are no good for you.

I’m sure people will flame you for being the OW. They will flame you for keeping up the emotional component of the affair, and for having the audacity to want to communicate with this guy while he and his family were dealing with his acute health issues. They might also flame you for writing in an extra long block paragraph. Your desperation comes through, and I feel for you. Dump this guy once and for all and improve your life. Become the version of yourself you aspire to be. You will never get there with this guy hanging over you.

All of this, OP, and I write this with compassion. Filter out the rage that’s being punted at you. He may love you, but he is a total coward. You can’t possibly respect and admire someone so cowardly that you can’t communicate when he thinks he’s dying. Seek a compassionate counselor; take up new routines; end it with him and block his numbers. Life is long and a new person may be around the corner.

He’s not a coward. He’s a man that made a mistake, had an affair and now she won’t go away.

Quit filling her head with nonsense. Affairs are fantasy BS. Whatever was said was not real.

When someone tells you stop contacting them, stop contacting them.

You need serious help, OP. Your obsession is unhealthy.

Okay how about how he is a person who has repeatedly done and continues to do cowardly things and you can assume that his actions in the future will be cowardly as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are entitled to end this relationship; you don’t need anyone’s approval. This man and this relationship are no good for you.

I’m sure people will flame you for being the OW. They will flame you for keeping up the emotional component of the affair, and for having the audacity to want to communicate with this guy while he and his family were dealing with his acute health issues. They might also flame you for writing in an extra long block paragraph. Your desperation comes through, and I feel for you. Dump this guy once and for all and improve your life. Become the version of yourself you aspire to be. You will never get there with this guy hanging over you.

All of this, OP, and I write this with compassion. Filter out the rage that’s being punted at you. He may love you, but he is a total coward. You can’t possibly respect and admire someone so cowardly that you can’t communicate when he thinks he’s dying. Seek a compassionate counselor; take up new routines; end it with him and block his numbers. Life is long and a new person may be around the corner.

He’s not a coward. He’s a man that made a mistake, had an affair and now she won’t go away.

Quit filling her head with nonsense. Affairs are fantasy BS. Whatever was said was not real.

When someone tells you stop contacting them, stop contacting them.

You need serious help, OP. Your obsession is unhealthy.

Okay how about how he is a person who has repeatedly done and continues to do cowardly things and you can assume that his actions in the future will be cowardly as well?

OP is no innocent. She knows the man has a wife and kids. She ain’t a victim. She played the game thinking she could win him over and lost. She is unwilling to accept that. She should go on Tinder tonight and find a single guy and stop her insane nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea what you're even saying. But yes, you should end it. Are you really surprised a man who would cheat on his wife - the woman he promised to cherish - doesn't give AF about you?

You put it perfectly, PP

+1