This is kind of a weird question and trigger, there is an OW component

[Anonymous]

OP, I wish you would change your mind and give us your backstory with this guy. Your initial post sounded so sad and romantic that we can’t help but be curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wish you would change your mind and give us your backstory with this guy. Your initial post sounded so sad and romantic that we can’t help but be curious.

I didn’t see anything romantic about her post. More like pathetic and delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing that the OP herself cut it off originally and it was his critical illness, and his reaching out around it, that reawakened a lot of the memories. Its pretty normal for that to happen when there is a death immanent, especially one with unresolved issues. I’m a nurse and we see it all the time. The critical illness or death brings all the dormant material to the fore.

No we're not missing it. Op has made multiple threads on this topic. The first 2 she was told ti leave it alone and get help. That's not what she wanted so nearly 3 months later she's back with another thread... It's all attention for her

[Anonymous]

^^ My money is on this has something to do with her relationship with her mother. People need that warm and tender initial relationship to feel secure in the world. Without that caregiver bond, children are lost at sea emotionally. This could lead to someone being emotionally detached (like our sociopath poster who is “fascinated” by other people’s emotional reactions), or it could lead to what OP is experiencing. Some profound need to be loved deeply by a person who engages her, then withholds love (like her caregiver presumably did).

OP probably isn’t willing or able to accept love from a regular person. Someone who is emotionally available and doesn’t engage in love fantasy either is lying, or isn’t “serous” enough to make OP work for their love. Only through suffering and “winning” this unavailable guy’s love can she rectify the past and finally fill that void that’s been looming since childhood.

Only way to fix something like this is to acknowledge it, to own it, to say “No More,” and to break the cycle of being a human sacrifice to try to win the love of someone who is not capable of loving you back. You are an adult and are now able to reparent yourself, love yourself, and fill that void for yourself.

[Anonymous]

I applaud you OP, it only took you 3 months but you finally got the 10 + plus page thread and attention you have been seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wish you would change your mind and give us your backstory with this guy. Your initial post sounded so sad and romantic that we can’t help but be curious.

Thank you but no.
And for others asking/assuming I was not abused or raped early on and had an excellent, caring, responsive mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a man who has cheated, it's absolutely fascinating to watch women speculate about a man's motivations and feelings.

Tell us why you cheated then. Dead bedroom at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a man who has cheated, it's absolutely fascinating to watch women speculate about a man's motivations and feelings.

Tell us why you cheated then. Dead bedroom at home?

DP. Midlife boredom, ennui, dissatisfaction with myself. Kids, work, life, rinse, repeat. Selfishly wanted something for only myself as an escape. Never again. I carry a lot of shame and regret for all the needless pain I caused. It was about me, no reflection on anyone else. AP did get attached over time even though we set out and agreed it would be NSA (both married) and it became a major headache and extremely stressful. It’s not so relaxing when you are constantly worrying about getting caught 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are missing that the OP herself cut it off originally and it was his critical illness, and his reaching out around it, that reawakened a lot of the memories. Its pretty normal for that to happen when there is a death immanent, especially one with unresolved issues. I’m a nurse and we see it all the time. The critical illness or death brings all the dormant material to the fore.

No we're not missing it. Op has made multiple threads on this topic. The first 2 she was told ti leave it alone and get help. That's not what she wanted so nearly 3 months later she's back with another thread... It's all attention for her

+1. Op is also not a reliable narrator. She’s obviously suffering from some bizarre delusions about this relationship, so I would not be surprised if her version of their “relationship”, how it “ended”, and how she found out about his illness includes some major departures from reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wish you would change your mind and give us your backstory with this guy. Your initial post sounded so sad and romantic that we can’t help but be curious.

Thank you but no.
And for others asking/assuming I was not abused or raped early on and had an excellent, caring, responsive mother.

How was daddy?

[Anonymous]

You are surprised that you were the OW and now you are being treated like a side piece?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I applaud you OP, it only took you 3 months but you finally got the 10 + plus page thread and attention you have been seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are surprised that you were the OW and now you are being treated like a side piece?

This is the part I will never, ever understand about people who have affairs. Pick whatever rationalization you want for why your married AP is having an affair, it doesn't matter. No matter how you rationalize it ... you're the side piece. Why are you surprised you are being treated like the side piece? If your married AP actually cared about you, s/he would not be married to someone else and banging you on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wish you would change your mind and give us your backstory with this guy. Your initial post sounded so sad and romantic that we can’t help but be curious.

Her back story has nothing to do with “this guy”, her very sad and most likely tragic and traumatic back story is why she let herself be used by “this guy”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wish you would change your mind and give us your backstory with this guy. Your initial post sounded so sad and romantic that we can’t help but be curious.

Thank you but no.
And for others asking/assuming I was not abused or raped early on and had an excellent, caring, responsive mother.

Sorry but yes. It might not have been rape or abuse (though I’m still not convinced) but you are mentally ill. Are you bi polar?