This is kind of a weird question and trigger, there is an OW component

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding your question. It sounds like it’s already over - what would you be ending? I just can’t follow exactly what you are asking, including the part about the past…it’s unclear.

I know it sounds like that but we have been emotionally bonded for years in spite of that, he has been very clear about the ways he’s kept it alive and how I have kept him company etc, which weirdly I have been aware of even though we were not physically in touch. I can’t explain it but he has been holding his end of the rope all this time, and so have I. It is unusual for an affair. We were extremely emotionally close and connected even though no longer physical (not for lack of interest on his part, I could not keep going emotionally).

This is really sad and borderline scary. Please, please go see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you even ending? He doesn’t talk to you or see you. Whatever you “had” ended a long time ago and obviously didn’t mean that much to him. Time to grow up and move on. It’s just sad.

This.

There is nothing to end. He only has one family. He doesn’t love you or want you in his life. Accept it. It’s over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has been good for me in some ways and life ruining in others. But it seems like it’s not longer good for me, or him.

Right, just like a book, or a movie, going to school, a project at work. You put your time and effort into something and it comes to its natural conclusion. It worked for you at that point in time, but its time has passed, and now must be left in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who had this happen, was still intimate with her AP, when he had a heart attack. She had to hear through 3rd parties that he died. She was bereft and completely cut off.

She had no other relationships with even women friends because no one approved of this long term affair. She has no other family. She built her whole world around him. He acted as if she was his partner. But at the end of the day she didn't even have a way to find out what happened to him other than dig around.

I really don't understand how women can put themselves in this position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding your question. It sounds like it’s already over - what would you be ending? I just can’t follow exactly what you are asking, including the part about the past…it’s unclear.

I know it sounds like that but we have been emotionally bonded for years in spite of that, he has been very clear about the ways he’s kept it alive and how I have kept him company etc, which weirdly I have been aware of even though we were not physically in touch. I can’t explain it but he has been holding his end of the rope all this time, and so have I. It is unusual for an affair. We were extremely emotionally close and connected even though no longer physical (not for lack of interest on his part, I could not keep going emotionally).

I’m still not understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding your question. It sounds like it’s already over - what would you be ending? I just can’t follow exactly what you are asking, including the part about the past…it’s unclear.

I know it sounds like that but we have been emotionally bonded for years in spite of that, he has been very clear about the ways he’s kept it alive and how I have kept him company etc, which weirdly I have been aware of even though we were not physically in touch. I can’t explain it but he has been holding his end of the rope all this time, and so have I. It is unusual for an affair. We were extremely emotionally close and connected even though no longer physical (not for lack of interest on his part, I could not keep going emotionally).

Oh Lord!

No it was not special.
No it was not unusual.

Everybody thinks that.

You are extremely emotionally immature.

What happened in your life to get you here? Did your mother abandon you or die early, did your sad f you up? Were you abused, raped or had other trauma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who had this happen, was still intimate with her AP, when he had a heart attack. She had to hear through 3rd parties that he died. She was bereft and completely cut off.

She had no other relationships with even women friends because no one approved of this long term affair. She has no other family. She built her whole world around him. He acted as if she was his partner. But at the end of the day she didn't even have a way to find out what happened to him other than dig around.

I really don't understand how women can put themselves in this position.

[Anonymous]

He’s clearly already ended it. The fact that he wanted nothing to do with you while he was dying says it all. If you were his true love, he would have wanted you at the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord.

Amen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding your question. It sounds like it’s already over - what would you be ending? I just can’t follow exactly what you are asking, including the part about the past…it’s unclear.

I know it sounds like that but we have been emotionally bonded for years in spite of that, he has been very clear about the ways he’s kept it alive and how I have kept him company etc, which weirdly I have been aware of even though we were not physically in touch. I can’t explain it but he has been holding his end of the rope all this time, and so have I. It is unusual for an affair. We were extremely emotionally close and connected even though no longer physical (not for lack of interest on his part, I could not keep going emotionally).

Yeah no, none of that was real.

As others have said see a therapist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not understanding your question. It sounds like it’s already over - what would you be ending? I just can’t follow exactly what you are asking, including the part about the past…it’s unclear.

I know it sounds like that but we have been emotionally bonded for years in spite of that, he has been very clear about the ways he’s kept it alive and how I have kept him company etc, which weirdly I have been aware of even though we were not physically in touch. I can’t explain it but he has been holding his end of the rope all this time, and so have I. It is unusual for an affair. We were extremely emotionally close and connected even though no longer physical (not for lack of interest on his part, I could not keep going emotionally).

I’m still not understanding.

I can clarify… the op has deluded herself into believing that she has some existential connection with a man she doesn’t even know. It’s actually really messed up and I think OP is probably suffering from some serious mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea what you're even saying. But yes, you should end it. Are you really surprised a man who would cheat on his wife - the woman he promised to cherish - doesn't give AF about you?

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who had this happen, was still intimate with her AP, when he had a heart attack. She had to hear through 3rd parties that he died. She was bereft and completely cut off.

She had no other relationships with even women friends because no one approved of this long term affair. She has no other family. She built her whole world around him. He acted as if she was his partner. But at the end of the day she didn't even have a way to find out what happened to him other than dig around.

I really don't understand how women can put themselves in this position.

Because she was NOTHING.

Nothing was real in that “relationship”. And so many times it’s just sex for the man no matter what comes out of his mouth.

When the chips are down the AP gets thrown under the bus, out with the trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your 3rd or 4th post on this situation. I'm glad you realize you never meant anything to him, and you were wasting your time.

So stop communicating with him.

This. And have some goddamn compassion and respect for the wife. He cut you off. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

I’m not usually one of the “think of his poor wife” posters, but jfc, imagine a) being this guy, in actual medical crisis, and having to text your AP, who you don’t even see anymore, to ask her not to text you concerned soulmate “we have a connection” messages so that your wife doesn’t find them if you die or b) being the wife who found out about her husband’s affair this way.

OP, move on. Erase this man from your life, other than to go to therapy like everyone suggests in order to process the relationship and why you chose and continue to choose it.