Wedding Woes: would this offend you?

[Anonymous]

The invite is correct. At this point don't make a stink! Just be gracious.

[Anonymous]

I've been married for 16 years. Slowly and surely, my MIL has pushed the boundaries and made everything all about her and her feelings.

I now keep her out of the loop and just do not involve myself with her, period. We kind of have a don't ask don't tell relationship; she doesn't ask me anything about my life and I don't tell her a damn thing. It's miserable and tough to keep this up, but years of this drama has hardened my shell. It's either this way or no relationship at all.

OP...this is where you are headed if you don't suck it up and remove yourself from the focus of this wedding. Be grateful your son has found someone to love and welcome this new family member in a genuine and loving way. Just think...you might be a grandma someday and you'll want to have a nice relationship with your DIL. Believe me, Mama Bear is the gatekeeper when it comes to access to the grandparents. My MIL would love to be with my kids more but she's so difficult that I end up limiting the time my kids have with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, the tradition is that whoever is paying - traditionally the bride's family - is hosting. They're already going out of their way to accommodate your wishes. Did you really refuse to pay for anything?

We gave them about $1500, which my son said covers a little less than half of one of the events. But, we also had to pay to re-new our passports, buy clothing for the weekend, pay to fly across the country and into Mexico, pay for the hotel, pay for all the meals not included in the wedding. Plus our other child is out of work, and so our son is paying to fly her to Mexico and back, and we are paying for her hotel room plus for her passport and meals while there.

You are being really selfish. You had to pay to renew your passports, so you should be on the invitation??? Your SON is paying to fly his sister? Get over it. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Oy, you're a MIL from hell in the making.

For everyone's sake, change course now.

[Anonymous]

Seriously? You pressured them to have a wedding when they wanted to elope. Then they asked you to pay and you said no. (1500 is nothing!) and now you expect to be in the invite?? No wonder they wanted to elope. By no standard anywhere would it be proper to include you on the invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, the tradition is that whoever is paying - traditionally the bride's family - is hosting. They're already going out of their way to accommodate your wishes. Did you really refuse to pay for anything?

We gave them about $1500, which my son said covers a little less than half of one of the events. But, we also had to pay to re-new our passports, buy clothing for the weekend, pay to fly across the country and into Mexico, pay for the hotel, pay for all the meals not included in the wedding. Plus our other child is out of work, and so our son is paying to fly her to Mexico and back, and we are paying for her hotel room plus for her passport and meals while there.

You need to back off if you don't want to alienate your son and future daughter-in-law. Ask yourself why you are creating so much drama. Maybe it would have been nice for you to be on the invitation, but really, "humiliated"? Your son complied with your wishes and is having a wedding instead of eloping. Be happy. Whatever you do don't descend into the ugliness of counting pennies. Be joyful. There is a reason you wanted a wedding, right? It was to be there to celebrate your son and greet your new daugher-in-law and create a new family. You are threatening to spoil it. Stop worrying about petty stuff; stop looking for offence where none was intended.

You need to back off FAST. You are putting yourself in a corner that might be very hard to get out of.

There is a new sheriff in town, and it is your DIL. She will be calling the shots, she will be the gatekeeper to your son and future grandchildren. You sound very unreasonable and quite ungrateful.

We to were going to elope and my MIL pitched a fit. I was very resentful at having to spend $30,000 of our own money on a party my MIL demanded. Luckily for her she backed off after we agreed to a "real" wedding. If she had carried on with the antics that you are demonstrating, I probably would have bagged the whole thing and headed to Vegas.

Start to learn your place. You will get no where without diplomacy.

[Anonymous]

The invitation is correct, OP. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you effed up. You had to have your way against the elopement. Now you're mad about this silly stuff. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, the tradition is that whoever is paying - traditionally the bride's family - is hosting. They're already going out of their way to accommodate your wishes. Did you really refuse to pay for anything?

We gave them about $1500, which my son said covers a little less than half of one of the events. But, we also had to pay to re-new our passports, buy clothing for the weekend, pay to fly across the country and into Mexico, pay for the hotel, pay for all the meals not included in the wedding. Plus our other child is out of work, and so our son is paying to fly her to Mexico and back, and we are paying for her hotel room plus for her passport and meals while there.

It sounds like you have been bickering over this wedding and money. I'd wear my existing clothes-must have accumulated plenty as I have since I'm in my fifties. Just be gracious and go with the flow. They will remember your hassles and attitude forever.

[Anonymous]

You should have said congratulations. Would it be acceptable if your dad and I witnessed your wedding at the courthouse? (Insert elope place).

Then have dinner with the brides family too.

Then give them a check for the grand you put out and say
This is for the two of you to start life together.
For things you might need now or later.

We love you and hope we can do more as your two
Grow and build your family.


Now that would have been a good start with the new
Bride.

[Anonymous]

I think your son sounds much more mature than either you or your husband. (Could that be why he moved all the way across the country to live and find a wife? Just wondering.)

[Anonymous]

OP my inlaws didn't pay a dime or contribute anything but drama. That being said we listed them on the invitation anyway as a courtesy and to avoid future drama. My mom was ok with this because she had inlaw drama, in fact it was her idea. I agree with 18:34. I wish I hadn't even given them that courtesy. Take a deep breathe and smile for your son and new daughter in law!

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs -- you need to step WAY back and put a smile on that face of yours. It is time to be gracious, especially after the hornets' nest you have riled up on your own.

"Welcome to the family" and "congratulations" are in order, not a comparison of columns on an accounting ledger. Unless of course you never want to see your son again.

[Anonymous]

OP, the invitation is correct from an etiquette standpoint.
However, if you are Jewish, it's traditional to include the groom's parents. Is this why you are so upset?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the invitation is correct from an etiquette standpoint.
However, if you are Jewish, it's traditional to include the groom's parents. Is this why you are so upset?

We ARE Jewish. Well, except the new DIL who is only converting. Dh and I just feel horrible. Our son said no to us coming to their eloping. It's embarrassing to think our friends and family may ask why we aren't listed on the invite.