Wedding Woes: would this offend you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the invitation is correct from an etiquette standpoint.
However, if you are Jewish, it's traditional to include the groom's parents. Is this why you are so upset?

We ARE Jewish. Well, except the new DIL who is only converting. Dh and I just feel horrible. Our son said no to us coming to their eloping. It's embarrassing to think our friends and family may ask why we aren't listed on the invite.

Holy crap, do you know how petty you sound? Your DIL is CONVERTING TO YOUR RELIGION and you're minimizing that.

And who in holy hell asks someone why their names aren't listed on a wedding invitation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people should keep in mind that not everyone can afford to pay for a wedding, and that for some $1500, and even $500 IS truly, a lot of money that is difficult to scrape together.

If someone has the brass to insist that her son not elope, but have a "real" wedding instead, she damn well better be willing to pay for a good part of it. If $1500 taps out OP, then she should have not complained about the intended elopement.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the invitation is correct from an etiquette standpoint.
However, if you are Jewish, it's traditional to include the groom's parents. Is this why you are so upset?

We ARE Jewish. Well, except the new DIL who is only converting. Dh and I just feel horrible. Our son said no to us coming to their eloping. It's embarrassing to think our friends and family may ask why we aren't listed on the invite.

Ah, well this makes sense, then. I'm guessing it's not going to be a Jewish wedding, so the tradition of each party being walked down the aisle by both parents won't be there, either? I still think you need to just take it in stride, but I can see why this feels hard to take.

Yeah, I can see OP's point. This sounds like a huge expense but, OP, I think pps are right. You need to suck it up and smile and have a good time at your son's wedding and try to get off on the right foot with your DIL.

[Anonymous]

You know three things that WOULD offend me?

1, if my MIL demanded we have a big wedding but wouldn't pay more than $1,500 for it.

2, if I went ahead and planned a traditional wedding at my MIL's insistence and she was complaining about the cost of attending my wedding (you said your son moved far away and met a girl, so even if this wasn't in Mexico I'm assuming you would be traveling far to her hometown).

OR

3, I paid for a traditional wedding for my daughter that she didn't even really want and her future MIl threw a fit because she wanted her name on the invite even though she refused to pay for even the traditional groom stuff (rehearsal dinner and alcohol I think?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know three things that WOULD offend me?

1, if my MIL demanded we have a big wedding but wouldn't pay more than $1,500 for it.

2, if I went ahead and planned a traditional wedding at my MIL's insistence and she was complaining about the cost of attending my wedding (you said your son moved far away and met a girl, so even if this wasn't in Mexico I'm assuming you would be traveling far to her hometown).

OR

3, I paid for a traditional wedding for my daughter that she didn't even really want and her future MIl threw a fit because she wanted her name on the invite even though she refused to pay for even the traditional groom stuff (rehearsal dinner and alcohol I think?)

They aren't having a rehearsal dinner or wedding party. They're having the wedding in Mexico because they claim it's less expensive there than in the States. However, they vacation there twice a year so I think it's just that they like Mexico. Also, I haven't thrown a fit in any way. Only our immediate family knows how upset DH and I are about this, unless my son and DIL have told others. I didn't scream or yell, didn't threaten, etc. We are just hurt, that's all. I am really shocked at for how many of you, money seems to buy love. There is a whole other world out there people, a world where some can not afford everything.

[Anonymous]

You just can't yourself in their shoes to save your life, can you, poor misguided grumpygills?

How would YOU feel if family insisted that you should have a celebration that you did not want, and that you had to pay for?

8 pages of this has shown beyond all doubt that there's little hope for you. You will always see the glass half-empty (at best), and you will always find someone else to blame for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know three things that WOULD offend me?

1, if my MIL demanded we have a big wedding but wouldn't pay more than $1,500 for it.

2, if I went ahead and planned a traditional wedding at my MIL's insistence and she was complaining about the cost of attending my wedding (you said your son moved far away and met a girl, so even if this wasn't in Mexico I'm assuming you would be traveling far to her hometown).

OR

3, I paid for a traditional wedding for my daughter that she didn't even really want and her future MIl threw a fit because she wanted her name on the invite even though she refused to pay for even the traditional groom stuff (rehearsal dinner and alcohol I think?)

They aren't having a rehearsal dinner or wedding party. They're having the wedding in Mexico because they claim it's less expensive there than in the States. However, they vacation there twice a year so I think it's just that they like Mexico. Also, I haven't thrown a fit in any way. Only our immediate family knows how upset DH and I are about this, unless my son and DIL have told others. I didn't scream or yell, didn't threaten, etc. We are just hurt, that's all. I am really shocked at for how many of you, money seems to buy love. There is a whole other world out there people, a world where some can not afford everything.

OP, I thought you were just clueless and petty after your initial post. But after all your follow-up messages, I now think you're mean, selfish and hopeless. I'm not Jewish, and my DH is. I have not converted, but we have a Jewish home and raise our children strictly as Jews. You should be gratefully celebrating the fact that your soon-to-be DIL is converting. Instead, you're demeaning it and her with your "except for my DIL, who is only converting." Instead of being "shocked" at the responses you're getting here about their wedding, if you're not actually a troll, you should really sit back and adjust your attitudes, or you're headed for a lonely life without your son and his family being a part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They aren't having a rehearsal dinner or wedding party. They're having the wedding in Mexico because they claim it's less expensive there than in the States. However, they vacation there twice a year so I think it's just that they like Mexico. Also, I haven't thrown a fit in any way. Only our immediate family knows how upset DH and I are about this, unless my son and DIL have told others. I didn't scream or yell, didn't threaten, etc. We are just hurt, that's all. I am really shocked at for how many of you, money seems to buy love. There is a whole other world out there people, a world where some can not afford everything.

I'm about ready to vote to end this thread.

OP, clearly money isn't needed to buy love. Your future DIL loves your son enough to convert and raise her children in his/your faith tradition. Your son loves you enough to agree to have a wedding you can attend instead of eloping.

No one is denigrating you for not having more money such that you can meaningfully co-host this important event in your child's life. Most of us don't have unlimited budgets, I know that I certainly can't afford everything that I'd like or want to have.

I'm sorry you are hurt, but focusing on having your names on the invitations as an expression of love as opposed to understanding that it's not "wrong" from a traditional etiquette perspective is simply allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity. It's rare that DCUM can come together pretty unanimously on a subject, especially on a thread that's multiple pages long. Do some soul-searching. You reached out for feedback, and you got a pretty unanimous response that this should not offend you and in fact it's probably pretty shallow of you to be offended.
Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know three things that WOULD offend me?

1, if my MIL demanded we have a big wedding but wouldn't pay more than $1,500 for it.

2, if I went ahead and planned a traditional wedding at my MIL's insistence and she was complaining about the cost of attending my wedding (you said your son moved far away and met a girl, so even if this wasn't in Mexico I'm assuming you would be traveling far to her hometown).

OR

3, I paid for a traditional wedding for my daughter that she didn't even really want and her future MIl threw a fit because she wanted her name on the invite even though she refused to pay for even the traditional groom stuff (rehearsal dinner and alcohol I think?)

They aren't having a rehearsal dinner or wedding party. They're having the wedding in Mexico because they claim it's less expensive there than in the States. However, they vacation there twice a year so I think it's just that they like Mexico. Also, I haven't thrown a fit in any way. Only our immediate family knows how upset DH and I are about this, unless my son and DIL have told others. I didn't scream or yell, didn't threaten, etc. We are just hurt, that's all. I am really shocked at for how many of you, money seems to buy love. There is a whole other world out there people, a world where some can not afford everything.

OP can you really be this ignorant of your own behavior? I haven't posted yet on this thread but I have been following it. Bottom line, you are wrong- but I guess you are entitled to your feelings. IF your son had intended to have this wedding and you couldn't afford to help, that would be perfectly understandable. IF you insisted on having a wedding to attend but still couldn't afford to help that would also be somewhat understandable. BUT to continue to play the victim in this situation that you created- it is your failing.

I had sympathy for you for awhile, but posters have tried to enlighten you about the real cost of weddings and have tried to actually help you so that you could have a future relationship with you DIL and possible grandchildren (some more constructive than others.) And in turn you come back and act like everyone trying to help you is money focused, as if your selfishness has anything to do with what you can afford instead of your extremely poor behavior. Shame on your OP, there is no reaching you and you deserve all the hard feelings and distance you will earn with your son's future family.

I wish for you son's sake he had eloped, because you have found a way to punish him for it for the rest of his life. Great job making this all about you instead of the bride and groom, is that tradition in your culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know three things that WOULD offend me?

1, if my MIL demanded we have a big wedding but wouldn't pay more than $1,500 for it.

2, if I went ahead and planned a traditional wedding at my MIL's insistence and she was complaining about the cost of attending my wedding (you said your son moved far away and met a girl, so even if this wasn't in Mexico I'm assuming you would be traveling far to her hometown).

OR

3, I paid for a traditional wedding for my daughter that she didn't even really want and her future MIl threw a fit because she wanted her name on the invite even though she refused to pay for even the traditional groom stuff (rehearsal dinner and alcohol I think?)

They aren't having a rehearsal dinner or wedding party. They're having the wedding in Mexico because they claim it's less expensive there than in the States. However, they vacation there twice a year so I think it's just that they like Mexico. Also, I haven't thrown a fit in any way. Only our immediate family knows how upset DH and I are about this, unless my son and DIL have told others. I didn't scream or yell, didn't threaten, etc. We are just hurt, that's all. I am really shocked at for how many of you, money seems to buy love. There is a whole other world out there people, a world where some can not afford everything.

Show me one single poster who said money buys love. All that's been said is that if you aren't hosting the wedding, you shouldn't expect your name on the invitation. And you, despite insisting that your son have a wedding instead of eloping, are not hosting this wedding. Ergo, your name should not be on the invitation.

You sound like a PITA and you are not earning any brownie points with your DIL. Your son is having a wedding to please you and you are just bound and determined not to be pleased. Get over yourself, stop complaining about things that don't really matter, and enjoy the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know three things that WOULD offend me?

1, if my MIL demanded we have a big wedding but wouldn't pay more than $1,500 for it.

2, if I went ahead and planned a traditional wedding at my MIL's insistence and she was complaining about the cost of attending my wedding (you said your son moved far away and met a girl, so even if this wasn't in Mexico I'm assuming you would be traveling far to her hometown).

OR

3, I paid for a traditional wedding for my daughter that she didn't even really want and her future MIl threw a fit because she wanted her name on the invite even though she refused to pay for even the traditional groom stuff (rehearsal dinner and alcohol I think?)

They aren't having a rehearsal dinner or wedding party. They're having the wedding in Mexico because they claim it's less expensive there than in the States. However, they vacation there twice a year so I think it's just that they like Mexico. Also, I haven't thrown a fit in any way. Only our immediate family knows how upset DH and I are about this, unless my son and DIL have told others. I didn't scream or yell, didn't threaten, etc. We are just hurt, that's all. I am really shocked at for how many of you, money seems to buy love. There is a whole other world out there people, a world where some can not afford everything.

Oh my goodness, you are like the stereotype of the "I'll guilt you your whole life" Jewish mom. Please ask your son and DIL to read this thread so they can see that they are not the only ones who think you're insane. (I'm sure they think this.) Since you came on this board for advice, but apparently don't actually want any, how's this for advice: do whatever you want. Your attitude is sad, pathetic, obnoxious, and offensive. You're the kind of woman they feature on Dr. Phil. Why don't you write to him for advice?

[Anonymous]

I am getting more and more convinced that the OP is a troll. It's all too much: forcing the son to have a wedding he didn't want, getting upset about her name not being on the invitation, dissing the DIL for "only" converting to Judaism, complaining about the cost of passport renewal (!), making digs about the fact that they're getting married in Mexico because they "claim" it's cheaper but she thinks it's "really just that they like Mexico" (the horror!), the fantastic "Only our immediate family knows how upset DH and I are about this unless my son and DIL have told others" (ONLY your immediate family?), all capped off with this "why do all you evil people think money buys love" insanity.

I must say, OP, if you are a troll you are doing a really masterful job at it. You have kept everything just teetering on the brink of plausibility while throwing out these juicy little crazy comments in nearly every post that keep us coming back for more. Well done.

[Anonymous]

I really really hope you are a troll, OP.

[Anonymous]

Seriously -- this is an issue -- your relationship with your child and future DIL is based on some names on a dumbass invitations...really?
WHO CARES?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know three things that WOULD offend me?

1, if my MIL demanded we have a big wedding but wouldn't pay more than $1,500 for it.

2, if I went ahead and planned a traditional wedding at my MIL's insistence and she was complaining about the cost of attending my wedding (you said your son moved far away and met a girl, so even if this wasn't in Mexico I'm assuming you would be traveling far to her hometown).

OR

3, I paid for a traditional wedding for my daughter that she didn't even really want and her future MIl threw a fit because she wanted her name on the invite even though she refused to pay for even the traditional groom stuff (rehearsal dinner and alcohol I think?)

They aren't having a rehearsal dinner or wedding party. They're having the wedding in Mexico because they claim it's less expensive there than in the States. However, they vacation there twice a year so I think it's just that they like Mexico. Also, I haven't thrown a fit in any way. Only our immediate family knows how upset DH and I are about this, unless my son and DIL have told others. I didn't scream or yell, didn't threaten, etc. We are just hurt, that's all. I am really shocked at for how many of you, money seems to buy love. There is a whole other world out there people, a world where some can not afford everything.

Show me one single poster who said money buys love. All that's been said is at don't really matter, and enjoy the wedding.

You are focusing on us saying money buys love when you should be asking yourself why you think material things (like your name on the invite) buys love. Isnt that the same thing?