Wedding Woes: would this offend you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There were no parents names on our invite. I wanted a rhyme. I am glad no one made a big deal even though they were paying for it. I do think I used my parents return address though.

I just looked, yes- my parents names were printed as the return address. Its years later though, no one cares. Don't start drama because my MIL did over something else and I haven't forgotten and I don't like her and I spend as little time with her as possible. My husband can do what he wants but I don't want to be bothered. All over some wedding drama.

Yes! My MIL's cousin pulled some crazy shit out of the woodwork and I am totally done with her. It's one thing to be a nutjob at regular family holidays, but don't bring that shit to my reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the invitation is correct from an etiquette standpoint.
However, if you are Jewish, it's traditional to include the groom's parents. Is this why you are so upset?

We ARE Jewish. Well, except the new DIL who is only converting. Dh and I just feel horrible. Our son said no to us coming to their eloping. It's embarrassing to think our friends and family may ask why we aren't listed on the invite.

Ah, well this makes sense, then. I'm guessing it's not going to be a Jewish wedding, so the tradition of each party being walked down the aisle by both parents won't be there, either? I still think you need to just take it in stride, but I can see why this feels hard to take.

[Anonymous]

Calm down, no one is going to think anything because the invite is written in the classic, traditional way. Nothing to be "humiliated" about. Didnt you even say in your post that you wanted things done in the way that it is 'normally' done, or something like that? This is traditional, stop stressing.

Agree that its also traditional for grooms family to pay for the rehearsal dinner, not that you have to stick to tradition. And seriously, if your son told you that $1,500 paid for half of one event, he was lying to you.

All the costs you are paying, except for the room for your other child, are expenses that every run of the mill wedding guest will be paying. You cant really count those at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Calm down, no one is going to think anything because the invite is written in the classic, traditional way. Nothing to be "humiliated" about. Didnt you even say in your post that you wanted things done in the way that it is 'normally' done, or something like that? This is traditional, stop stressing.

Agree that its also traditional for grooms family to pay for the rehearsal dinner, not that you have to stick to tradition. And seriously, if your son told you that $1,500 paid for half of one event, he was lying to you.

All the costs you are paying, except for the room for your other child, are expenses that every run of the mill wedding guest will be paying. You cant really count those at all.

Seriously. Op is complaining about the cost of attending her son's wedding while at the same time wondering why she's not listed on the invitation. Obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP my inlaws didn't pay a dime or contribute anything but drama. That being said we listed them on the invitation anyway as a courtesy and to avoid future drama. My mom was ok with this because she had inlaw drama, in fact it was her idea. I agree with 18:34. I wish I hadn't even given them that courtesy. Take a deep breathe and smile for your son and new daughter in law!

We did this too. And my mom and I are still floored that my in laws sat back and enjoyed the ride and offered nothing. They could have. And they knew my parents paid everything.

[Anonymous]

OP,

How much do you imagine a traditional wedding costs nowadays?

Maybe posters could enlighten you.

The sum you disbursed is negligible, sadly enough.

Please look within yourself and find a little tolerance and joy for these young people. Everything cannot always be about you.

[Anonymous]

1500 dollars? Do you realize that this wedding is probably costing at least 50,000 dollars?

[Anonymous]

7:44 - BRAVO!!!

No seriously, I am standing and applauding you at my computer screen . More parents and *especially* MIL's need to know this!!!!!!

THANK YOU!!!

That said, my parents were pretty miffed about not being on the invite. But no money = no mention. That's the rule. A little money = no mention. And with either, NO SAY in what goes on THEIR special day!

If you actually care to help (and be on the invite), then show actual concern (this does not mean attempt to dictate anything or pry!) and ask if you can pay half of the wedding. Do it in a truly, kind, loving and supporting way, and be sure to tell them what an amazing day they had. Saying you are supportive is VERY different than actually BEING supportive.

Weddings are big bucks these days. Be prepared to step up or shut up.

[Anonymous]

I think people should keep in mind that not everyone can afford to pay for a wedding, and that for some $1500, and even $500 IS truly, a lot of money that is difficult to scrape together.

[Anonymous]

Consider a few sessions of therapy, OP to talk about your hurt feelings with someone who isn't invested in swaying them in any way. It sounds like you are angry and hurt on many levels here. Don't let it hurt your relationship with both your son and DIL long term. You definitely don't want to arrive in Mexico with your festering wound.

I have seen a wedding where the MIL threw a tantrum on the day of the event over the procession- and that relationship never repaired. When all is said and done, blow ups over minutiae are usually just the symptom of an underlying bigger issue. Consider my advice, all of this can be improved.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound cheap and looking for drama.

My MIL is the same way. Suffice it to say we have very little to do with each other. She set the stage as overbearing, frustrated, bitter, ungrateful, bitter, dictating, deflecting, bitter - among other things. Did I mention bitter? No thanks.

Be glad you are invited at this point. If you can't attend with a smile, don't attend at all. People see right thorough it.

[Anonymous]

18:59 - PP here. You sound like someone I want in my family, seriously. Very insightful and accurate!

Underlying issue is an understatement.

Perhaps OP is *jealous* of the new woman in the family? That is my bet!

[Anonymous]

My MIL was horrible to me throughout our engagement and immediately after the wedding. I have never forgiven her and she has very limited access to my children. I have no guilt about this. Watch out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL was horrible to me throughout our engagement and immediately after the wedding. I have never forgiven her and she has very limited access to my children. I have no guilt about this. Watch out.

+1 we moved across the county from my inlaws, they are lucky to see our kids once a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people should keep in mind that not everyone can afford to pay for a wedding, and that for some $1500, and even $500 IS truly, a lot of money that is difficult to scrape together.

True, but we don't know this to be the case for OP. And she also insisted on a wedding vs. elopement. You can't even do a backyard wedding with dessert for $1500, sorry.