Should I continue dating?

[Anonymous]

39 year old recently started dating a 48 year old man. He married a woman in his early thirties who already had two little kids and helped raise them and provide for them financially. His ex wife and him did not get along as she developed alcoholism and they are now divorced.

He lives in a small rental apartment and has a decent job in the policy sector in dc. We have not discussed finances but I presume he makes something like 130k.

While we have great chemistry and enjoy each others company I wonder if he would be ready to try to have a biological child now, if we were to get serious and head down that path. I also wonder if he can afford to have a family. I make 150k and don’t really want to marry someone who makes less than me.

What would you advise?

[Anonymous]

Does he pay child support for these kids and does he consider himself their dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:39 year old recently started dating a 48 year old man. He married a woman in his early thirties who already had two little kids and helped raise them and provide for them financially. His ex wife and him did not get along as she developed alcoholism and they are now divorced.

He lives in a small rental apartment and has a decent job in the policy sector in dc. We have not discussed finances but I presume he makes something like 130k.

While we have great chemistry and enjoy each others company I wonder if he would be ready to try to have a biological child now, if we were to get serious and head down that path. I also wonder if he can afford to have a family. I make 150k and don’t really want to marry someone who makes less than me.

What would you advise?

The only way to know is to ask him. No one else knows.
The fact that you are afraid to ask him that important question indicates that you don’t trust him or he scares you. End it.

[Anonymous]

He makes $25K less than you? No way, NO WAY. You need to cut him loose yesterday. More cats and Netflix for you! All you want!

[Anonymous]

You're wondering about things you could get answers to.

[Anonymous]

When I first had kids our HHI was what your BF makes. We were fine. Set him free. Your question reflects your value system.

Regarding kids: ask him! C’mon.

[Anonymous]

I mean ... you are 39 and unmarried and want your own child? Beggars can't be choosers, girl, you better stop it with this "I don't know if I want a man who only makes 130k when I make 150k."

[Anonymous]

He needs your income to supplement his and for you to be mommy to his kids. He may be willing to have a child with you to get that deal.

[Anonymous]

His income is an issue for you.
Go find someone who makes more than you.

[Anonymous]

$130k and $150k are both nothing special. Status wise they sre equivalent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:39 year old recently started dating a 48 year old man. He married a woman in his early thirties who already had two little kids and helped raise them and provide for them financially. His ex wife and him did not get along as she developed alcoholism and they are now divorced.

He lives in a small rental apartment and has a decent job in the policy sector in dc. We have not discussed finances but I presume he makes something like 130k.

While we have great chemistry and enjoy each others company I wonder if he would be ready to try to have a biological child now, if we were to get serious and head down that path. I also wonder if he can afford to have a family. I make 150k and don’t really want to marry someone who makes less than me.

What would you advise?

Come on. Couldn’t you find a better man out there? He is older and only make $130k. He married a woman who already had kids and even helped raise them? What a beta male and loser! You are out of his league.
Run. You can find a better man.

[Anonymous]

OP, the only thing that is certain, is soon... you will be unable to have biological kids. At 39+ that's the only reality that matters. Work with your odds right now and go to a sperm bank. Want to become a mother, become a mother. Do it solo. You may find your spouse/partner later. But at your age, finding the right/best guy right now, there is no way you have this luxury. I wouldn't say this if you were younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:39 year old recently started dating a 48 year old man. He married a woman in his early thirties who already had two little kids and helped raise them and provide for them financially. His ex wife and him did not get along as she developed alcoholism and they are now divorced.

He lives in a small rental apartment and has a decent job in the policy sector in dc. We have not discussed finances but I presume he makes something like 130k.

While we have great chemistry and enjoy each others company I wonder if he would be ready to try to have a biological child now, if we were to get serious and head down that path. I also wonder if he can afford to have a family. I make 150k and don’t really want to marry someone who makes less than me.

What would you advise?

There was no way I would have wanted to start a family when I was 48. It simply wouldn’t have been fair to the child to have a dad pushing 70 when it was in college. Nope.

Can’t say that’s true for this guy but I would be surprised.

Also, you are 39. Conceiving without expensive medical intervention isn’t likely to be easy.

[Anonymous]

A man who willingly raises kids who are not his own is kind of a unicorn. I would not turn that down over $20k. But you do you.

[Anonymous]

I know a woman who was in this situation. She went for it. They had a child and stayed married for the next 30 or 40 years. Now she's a widow and a grandmother.