Christmas—Is this selfish of me?

[Anonymous]

I think it is fine OP. I would just say that it is most likely DH will be working so can we celebrate together Christmas Eve or the 26th?

[Anonymous]

You are charming people who understand the true spirit of Christmas. Lucky grandkids.

The true spirit of Christmas includes not overwhelming your host. Grandparents are not exempt from respecting the host and their boundaries.

But this is where the DCUM Grandparent Apologists torture common sense in attempt to make the rational among us feel guilty for sensibly putting children first.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you and DH came up with the perfect plan. All good and release the guilt.

[Anonymous]

DH already has a plan. Why are you inserting yourseLf and making it more complicated than it has to be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband is fine with it, I don't see what the problem is. I hate that parents/grandparents feel that own a family's holidays. You had your turn, old folks, it's our turn now to do what we want with our own families on holidays.

As long as you feel the same when you are the " old folks" fine I guess. Meanwhile most likely the old folks entertained their parents and in laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You are charming people who understand the true spirit of Christmas. Lucky grandkids.

The true spirit of Christmas includes not overwhelming your host. Grandparents are not exempt from respecting the host and their boundaries.

But this is where the DCUM Grandparent Apologists torture common sense in attempt to make the rational among us feel guilty for sensibly putting children first.

My kids would be so sad if they ever heard me talking about their grandparents like that. They don’t consider our family to be complete without them. Seriously. As we speak, they’re sharing how their first day of school went with my parents and in laws.

I feel really sorry for people like you. Even more sorry for your kids. So much anger and dysfunction must be exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Sounds reasonable enough to me, considering you will celebrate with them another day. Do you always celebrate Christmas Day (on the day of) with both ILs and your parents, anyway? Most families rotate, no? So this would not be that different? Or- what is the usual arrangement?

We rotate holidays with family, but both sets of parents have plenty of other family to be with (along with whichever of their kids/grandkids are attending that year). Do your ILs have this or will they be alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Christmas--beyond religion--is about children.

Grandparents at Christmas create great memories for children.

Grandparents don't last forever, but your children's Christmas memories will last for the rest of their lives.

You, your husband, and your children are very fortunate to have both sets of in-laws/grandparents alive and willing to spend Christmas day with you. In order to alleviate some concerns about waiting on the in-laws, why not order prepared food to serve in addition to whatever you like to prepare.

Is it selfish of you ? Yes with respect to your children and to your in-laws it is a bit selfish and clearly lacking in Christmas spirit.

This is BS and I’ll prove it to you.

My grandparents died when I was 14. Not too long ago I was reminiscing with my mom about my memories of Christmas at my grandparents house, and how I loved those long Christmas days, spending the morning opening presents at home with cinnamon rolls, and then spending the evening with my cousins—the smell of the fireplace, grandpa’s traditional dinner, the kids’ table—until it was pitch black outside. I always fell asleep in the car on the way home.

She told me I was mistaken, we never spent Christmas there, it was always Christmas Eve and we’d head there right after Christmas Eve Mass. For twenty years I had assumed it was Christmas Day. It wasn’t. And my memories are still just as joyous.

You have not proven anything to me beyond the fact that being with your grandparents during the Christmas holidays gave you great joy and happy memories. And that your mother was not selfish during this magical time for children. Moreover, you miss my point; grandparents should not be an afterthought or considered to be a nuisance at Christmas, Christmas Eve, or during any type of family celebration.

Now you’re making things up. Not anywhere did OP say they wouldn’t be with the grandparents during the Christmas holiday. Just not on Christmas DAY. I’m fact, go back and read the OP again because OP explicitly said that her DH was planning an alternate date.

[Anonymous]

Do you get alone with ILs, generally speaking?

If no, I don’t blame you for not wanting them around if DH may not be home.

If they are nice and you get along, it would be a nice gesture to invite them for a shorter visit for coffee and dessert or similar - just have a defined start and end time so it doesn’t suck up the whole day. (Have them leave at kids nap time- “oh it has been such an exciting day, Larlo and Larlo were up early and will need quiet time to settle down and rest” Kids are only little for so long, and it isn’t a big time commitment.

My ILs dislike me-it stinks…I would never have them here if DH was not home. If I had relatively nice ILs, I’d like to think I would be appreciative and willing to make this small gesture.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to have plans with your family, and plan another time to be with IL''s.

[Anonymous]

Not wanting to host your in-laws alone is fine. As another PP suggested just say that there's a good chance DH will be working on Christmas so you'd like to plan a holiday visit for when you know he will be off. Don't lie.

That said, I do think OP sounds really immature to be so fraught over the possibility that her husband might get called in. You apparently know that you married a guy who has a career where he can get called in. Maybe stop being so dramatic.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. You're overthinking it.

[Anonymous]

This seems like a non-issue if you offer to spend the 24th or 26th with the ILs. I also think they would prefer being around when their son is around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a non-issue if you offer to spend the 24th or 26th with the ILs. I also think they would prefer being around when their son is around.

+1 I don't even understand what the issue is. You'll see your parents and ILs and everyone will spend time with the kids. ILs will celebrate when DH is available. DH is on board. What is even the hesitation or concern, what's selfish about it?

[Anonymous]

Christmas is on Monday this year. Have your husband tell them he's working/on call and can they have Christmas with you on the 23rd or 24th (you and your husband pick) so that you are guaranteed time together.

That seems totally reasonable.