Christmas—Is this selfish of me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, surely you understand that DCUM is the right forum for affirmation when you want to do something hurtful or mean or that screws over the in laws, right? You’re guaranteed to get plenty of support - plus an extra dose of snarky ageism as well.

You came to the right place for plotting your scheme!

Hi Crazy Mil. Still no hobbies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You are charming people who understand the true spirit of Christmas. Lucky grandkids.

The true spirit of Christmas includes not overwhelming your host. Grandparents are not exempt from respecting the host and their boundaries.

But this is where the DCUM Grandparent Apologists torture common sense in attempt to make the rational among us feel guilty for sensibly putting children first.

My kids would be so sad if they ever heard me talking about their grandparents like that. They don’t consider our family to be complete without them. Seriously. As we speak, they’re sharing how their first day of school went with my parents and in laws.

I feel really sorry for people like you. Even more sorry for your kids. So much anger and dysfunction must be exhausting.

Your baby talk is gross. Why would your kids be sad and what would make them sad? This is so childish. Your insistence that women be responsible for everyone and be door mats is dysfunctional and sexist. Go back to your compound and serve your man.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. It’s your husbands family and he is fine with telling them he’s working and you are with your side of the family. Why are you wringing your hands and posting on here about whether that’s ok? Just have him execute that plan. See the in-laws on a day your husband will definitely be at home all day

[Anonymous]

You already have permission from your husband to celebrate the day with your family, and celebrate with his family on an alternate day. You’re here why? You literally have no problem. Carry out the reasonable plan that your husband has already green-lit.

Or are you here because you want a little drama, and you want to make a meal out of your manufactured scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Christmas--beyond religion--is about children.

Grandparents at Christmas create great memories for children.

Grandparents don't last forever, but your children's Christmas memories will last for the rest of their lives.

You, your husband, and your children are very fortunate to have both sets of in-laws/grandparents alive and willing to spend Christmas day with you. In order to alleviate some concerns about waiting on the in-laws, why not order prepared food to serve in addition to whatever you like to prepare.

Is it selfish of you ? Yes with respect to your children and to your in-laws it is a bit selfish and clearly lacking in Christmas spirit.

'

NP. You seem to be one of the people who insist that "Christmas" means "We must celebrate ON Dec. 25, at the very least on the 24th, or it is NOT Christmas and there will be no happy family memories!"

That's nonsense. Christmas does not have to be celebrated on Dec. 25.

Did you miss that OP and her DH have a plan to celebrate around the same period with the ILs? Does the world end and are the memories forever soured if they see her parents on the 25th and his sometime between Christmas and New Year's or whatever? In my DH's home country, this is exactly what Dec. 26, Boxing Day, is all about. Many people spend the 25th with just their own family--parents and kids--then see in-laws, other relatives, friends on the 26th. Or whenever. Because there is no law that anyone has to host anyone else ON the 25th. People can make their own traditions that aren't locked into a calendar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH, for the first time since we’ve had children, will have to be on-call for Christmas. Technically he will be home, perhaps all day, but he runs a 50/50 chance of having to leave at a moment’s notice. I’m debating what’s fair not only for myself and my feelings on Christmas, considering the chance he may have to leave. It is regarding my ILs.

ILs are great, I love them and we get along fine in favorable circumstances. But they are sometimes overwhelming and expect to be treated as guests at all times.

I’m just picturing what the day will look like if they make the over-an-hour drive to our house and then five minutes later, DH gets called in. I really don’t want to have to deal with hosting them on top of my own disappointment and tending to the disappointment of my small children. I’d rather be alone if he has to leave.

Or, with that said, I’m also considering inviting my own parents over later in the afternoon, after presents are opened, to celebrate our own Christmas. If DH is there, great. If not, that’s ok! This also leaves a completely open schedule to otherwise plan when to celebrate with ILs on one of DH actual days off. Plus my parents are just helpful.

DH said it sounds fine, and he won’t even tell his parents he’s on call and they can just assume he is working and I’m visiting with my family, and he will in advance plan when we will celebrate with his family to circumvent any expectations for the 25th. His mind is primarily focused on working that day, as he assumes he will be doing, so he isn’t giving this the emotional fortitude I am!

Does this sound reasonable, or does this seem selfish on my part?

It sounds normal actually.

However, have them over and engage them, as in have them help you out as possible Don’t deprive them of the kids of the kids of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You are charming people who understand the true spirit of Christmas. Lucky grandkids.

The true spirit of Christmas includes not overwhelming your host. Grandparents are not exempt from respecting the host and their boundaries.

But this is where the DCUM Grandparent Apologists torture common sense in attempt to make the rational among us feel guilty for sensibly putting children first.

My kids would be so sad if they ever heard me talking about their grandparents like that. They don’t consider our family to be complete without them. Seriously. As we speak, they’re sharing how their first day of school went with my parents and in laws.

I feel really sorry for people like you. Even more sorry for your kids. So much anger and dysfunction must be exhausting.

Your baby talk is gross. Why would your kids be sad and what would make them sad? This is so childish. Your insistence that women be responsible for everyone and be door mats is dysfunctional and sexist. Go back to your compound and serve your man.

NP. What are you talking about? PP didn’t do any baby talk.

[Anonymous]

You are way overthinking this. Your DHs plan is perfect. Ignore the crazy grandma posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH, for the first time since we’ve had children, will have to be on-call for Christmas. Technically he will be home, perhaps all day, but he runs a 50/50 chance of having to leave at a moment’s notice. I’m debating what’s fair not only for myself and my feelings on Christmas, considering the chance he may have to leave. It is regarding my ILs.

ILs are great, I love them and we get along fine in favorable circumstances. But they are sometimes overwhelming and expect to be treated as guests at all times.

I’m just picturing what the day will look like if they make the over-an-hour drive to our house and then five minutes later, DH gets called in. I really don’t want to have to deal with hosting them on top of my own disappointment and tending to the disappointment of my small children. I’d rather be alone if he has to leave.

Or, with that said, I’m also considering inviting my own parents over later in the afternoon, after presents are opened, to celebrate our own Christmas. If DH is there, great. If not, that’s ok! This also leaves a completely open schedule to otherwise plan when to celebrate with ILs on one of DH actual days off. Plus my parents are just helpful.

DH said it sounds fine, and he won’t even tell his parents he’s on call and they can just assume he is working and I’m visiting with my family, and he will in advance plan when we will celebrate with his family to circumvent any expectations for the 25th. His mind is primarily focused on working that day, as he assumes he will be doing, so he isn’t giving this the emotional fortitude I am!

Does this sound reasonable, or does this seem selfish on my part?

It sounds normal actually.

However, have them over and engage them, as in have them help you out as possible Don’t deprive them of the kids of the kids of them.

NP. Getting together with the ILs on the 26th or 27th instead of the 25th is not “depriving” anyone of anything.

[Anonymous]

Stop overthinking this and creating problems when there are no problems.
Are you an adult? You can't handle being with your ILS for Christmas without your DH?
Just shut up, I have no patience for snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

Are you easily overwhelmed by ILS but not buy your parents?
Does being overwhelmed by such nothing makes you feel like you are incompetent at life?
How did you become a parent if you can't function if people visit you and your DH has to work?
Are you proud of being so incompetent? I would not brag about it.

[Anonymous]

When DH gets called in, you must immediately kick ILS out of the house.

[Anonymous]

What hosting is required? Don’t cook and don’t prep hard food to serve.

Set boundaries NOW with young kids of not catering to them. Have a list for them to do. Tell them where the food is. Come on now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you easily overwhelmed by ILS but not buy your parents?
Does being overwhelmed by such nothing makes you feel like you are incompetent at life?
How did you become a parent if you can't function if people visit you and your DH has to work?
Are you proud of being so incompetent? I would not brag about it.

Found the MIL who expects to be treated like a queen bee!

Guess what, family members *help* when they visit on holidays. Holidays are busy and stressful and require a lot of work, especially for busy working parents. We get that you are retired and sit around on your arse all day with nothing to do, but it is different for active people who are relied upon every day.

Of course it would be easier to host helpful people vs. bumps on a log who can’t bestir themselves to help clear the table. Grandparents who actively play with the kids and enjoy the time with them are preferred to those who say they want to see the grandkids, then take two pictures for Facebook and shoo the kids away so they can stick their faces into devices all day.

Be a better family member and maybe people will want you around more. Doubtful.

[Anonymous]

Omg the dramatics over Christmas

Once your kids open presents it’s over. That’s Christmas. The rest of the day is just like any other.

If you don’t want to wait on your ILs then don’t. If they come over just don’t wait on them. So they get upset? And? what’s going to happen - they won’t come back? oh well their loss.

And why are you so dramatic over your DH having to be on call? You get to stay at home he is the one who would have to go to work. He is the one who should complain not you.