Flame Me: I don't think affairs are generally a big deal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stayed the first time too, then he left a couple years later for the same whore. I learned later that he lied throughout most of our marriage. Gaslit me the whole way through. Do you have children? I do. So post again after he leaves for his affair partner and effs up your children lives by introducing his "new family" to them a couple months later. Then watch your children go from honor roll students to barely passing and losing all interest in sports and other activities they've always enjoyed because their father barely comes around. And by barely I mean, he hasn't seen them in 6 months and only saw them for 4 months last year.

Affairs aren't a big deal? Please. You can be the best mother in the world, but they still feel the loss of their father and there's nothing you can do to make them feel better about that loss. Counseling/therapy is not the magic bullet we all like to believe. Been there, done that many times with them. When children are involved affairs not only affect them emotionally but it can totally negatively shape how they view relationships. I am now a single parent raising children on my own as he skips off into the sunset and forgets they exist. You're free to forgive your cheating spouse, but to try to normalize affairs by saying kings and queens did it is just stupid.

This is so sad and so common for kids enduring parental affairs.

A lot repeat the behavior. They have low self esteem and attachment issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of shit goes down in long-term relationship - fights, make-ups, ugly name calling, an occasional screaming match, etc. - and both partners will have periods of "going through something" in marriage.

But you kind of have to draw the line somewhere don't you?

If sticking his dick in someone is how your husband handles problems in his life, you could probably find a better human to be married to...

Or in my case: wife being a c@m dispenser to deal with her boredom and self-loathing

I think you mean “receptacle” not “dispenser”? Intelligence isn’t your strong point, is it?

She’s the psychopath who got fcked around on for several years, said she, her husband, and marriage were perfect, then he hit a trauma point/age and started banging someone he met meaning specifically sought out online, and that woman/whore is the beast who must be destroyed. She posts incessantly. She’s a vicious, ridiculous, delusional thing.

This thread is pretty crazy. While OP asked to be flamed, she didn’t seem to be attacking betrayed spouses who don’t feel as she does. She seems thoughtful and like she knows her perspective isn’t the most common one, but I didn’t see her making fun or saying a single negative thing about men or women who feel destroyed by affairs. The way she’s been attacked and mocked is amazing and not a little depressing. She loves her DH. She isn’t being mean to women in a different phase with this kind of discovery and betrayal.

She has a wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stayed the first time too, then he left a couple years later for the same whore. I learned later that he lied throughout most of our marriage. Gaslit me the whole way through. Do you have children? I do. So post again after he leaves for his affair partner and effs up your children lives by introducing his "new family" to them a couple months later. Then watch your children go from honor roll students to barely passing and losing all interest in sports and other activities they've always enjoyed because their father barely comes around. And by barely I mean, he hasn't seen them in 6 months and only saw them for 4 months last year.

Affairs aren't a big deal? Please. You can be the best mother in the world, but they still feel the loss of their father and there's nothing you can do to make them feel better about that loss. Counseling/therapy is not the magic bullet we all like to believe. Been there, done that many times with them. When children are involved affairs not only affect them emotionally but it can totally negatively shape how they view relationships. I am now a single parent raising children on my own as he skips off into the sunset and forgets they exist. You're free to forgive your cheating spouse, but to try to normalize affairs by saying kings and queens did it is just stupid.

This is so sad and so common for kids enduring parental affairs.

A lot repeat the behavior. They have low self esteem and attachment issues.

How can people just care nothing about their own kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of shit goes down in long-term relationship - fights, make-ups, ugly name calling, an occasional screaming match, etc. - and both partners will have periods of "going through something" in marriage.

But you kind of have to draw the line somewhere don't you?

If sticking his dick in someone is how your husband handles problems in his life, you could probably find a better human to be married to...

Or in my case: wife being a c@m dispenser to deal with her boredom and self-loathing

I think you mean “receptacle” not “dispenser”? Intelligence isn’t your strong point, is it?

She’s the psychopath who got fcked around on for several years, said she, her husband, and marriage were perfect, then he hit a trauma point/age and started banging someone he met meaning specifically sought out online, and that woman/whore is the beast who must be destroyed. She posts incessantly. She’s a vicious, ridiculous, delusional thing.

This thread is pretty crazy. While OP asked to be flamed, she didn’t seem to be attacking betrayed spouses who don’t feel as she does. She seems thoughtful and like she knows her perspective isn’t the most common one, but I didn’t see her making fun or saying a single negative thing about men or women who feel destroyed by affairs. The way she’s been attacked and mocked is amazing and not a little depressing. She loves her DH. She isn’t being mean to women in a different phase with this kind of discovery and betrayal.

She has a wife?

There is no way a betrayed husband wrote that. That’s a betrayed wife infuriated at her cheaters also married AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of shit goes down in long-term relationship - fights, make-ups, ugly name calling, an occasional screaming match, etc. - and both partners will have periods of "going through something" in marriage.

But you kind of have to draw the line somewhere don't you?

If sticking his dick in someone is how your husband handles problems in his life, you could probably find a better human to be married to...

Or in my case: wife being a c@m dispenser to deal with her boredom and self-loathing

I think you mean “receptacle” not “dispenser”? Intelligence isn’t your strong point, is it?

She’s the psychopath who got fcked around on for several years, said she, her husband, and marriage were perfect, then he hit a trauma point/age and started banging someone he met meaning specifically sought out online, and that woman/whore is the beast who must be destroyed. She posts incessantly. She’s a vicious, ridiculous, delusional thing.

This thread is pretty crazy. While OP asked to be flamed, she didn’t seem to be attacking betrayed spouses who don’t feel as she does. She seems thoughtful and like she knows her perspective isn’t the most common one, but I didn’t see her making fun or saying a single negative thing about men or women who feel destroyed by affairs. The way she’s been attacked and mocked is amazing and not a little depressing. She loves her DH. She isn’t being mean to women in a different phase with this kind of discovery and betrayal.

She has a wife?

There is no way a betrayed husband wrote that. That’s a betrayed wife infuriated at her cheaters also married AP.

You are definitely projecting. Often people do this when it fits their own circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of shit goes down in long-term relationship - fights, make-ups, ugly name calling, an occasional screaming match, etc. - and both partners will have periods of "going through something" in marriage.

But you kind of have to draw the line somewhere don't you?

If sticking his dick in someone is how your husband handles problems in his life, you could probably find a better human to be married to...

Or in my case: wife being a c@m dispenser to deal with her boredom and self-loathing

I think you mean “receptacle” not “dispenser”? Intelligence isn’t your strong point, is it?

She’s the psychopath who got fcked around on for several years, said she, her husband, and marriage were perfect, then he hit a trauma point/age and started banging someone he met meaning specifically sought out online, and that woman/whore is the beast who must be destroyed. She posts incessantly. She’s a vicious, ridiculous, delusional thing.

This thread is pretty crazy. While OP asked to be flamed, she didn’t seem to be attacking betrayed spouses who don’t feel as she does. She seems thoughtful and like she knows her perspective isn’t the most common one, but I didn’t see her making fun or saying a single negative thing about men or women who feel destroyed by affairs. The way she’s been attacked and mocked is amazing and not a little depressing. She loves her DH. She isn’t being mean to women in a different phase with this kind of discovery and betrayal.

She has a wife?

There is no way a betrayed husband wrote that. That’s a betrayed wife infuriated at her cheaters also married AP.

You are definitely projecting. Often people do this when it fits their own circumstances.

Lol. Try again. Go ahead, whip out your LSCW or better.

[Anonymous]

^you.are.crazy and awfully over-invested about posters. Something hits home a little too closely for you to get so worked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^you.are.crazy and awfully over-invested about posters. Something hits home a little too closely for you to get so worked up.

You.Need.To.Grow.Up. Heal thyself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^you.are.crazy and awfully over-invested about posters. Something hits home a little too closely for you to get so worked up.

You.Need.To.Grow.Up. Heal thyself.

You are fighting people on an anonymous message board.

Goodnight, whacko

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I would always be tempted to bring it up in a fight.

Him: “You were supposed do the dishes last night and you didn’t.”
Me: “Well, you were supposed to remain faithful in our marriage, and you didn’t.”

Or this:

Him: “It’s your turn to do the dishes tonight.”
Me: “Remember that night that I made your favorite dinner, but you didn’t come home to eat it because you said you were working late, but you were really screwing some other woman? I think I did the dishes that night. I also think I put the kids to bed that night too. So, I’m pretty sure that makes it your turn.”

I don’t know. Even if he really felt awful about it and worked hard to change, I’m not sure I could be a mature enough person to move past it.

Haha! I think about this a lot. I compartmentalize very naturally and I think I would be fine mentally if my DH cheated. But I would literally never be able to take his feelings seriously anymore. It would end in divorce either way, because after you’ve stuck your d*** inside another woman then...I mean what can you criticize me about? I guess I would check out and that would end the marriage anyway.

That’s where I am. It’s literally a moment of I can literally do (or not do anything I want) because you repeatedly stuck your d@ck in some whore.

I haven’t cooked a meal, cleaned, gone grocery shopping, scheduled things for kids/house in 6 months. For 22 years I did 90% of that and worked full time. He’s doing it all now. It’s freeing. I just don’t give a f@ck anymore. He is highly repentant and kisses my @ss.

I think you literally now have the upper hand the rest of the marriage ..because really what can I do that’s worse? I now spend whatever the f@ck I want too.

But you don’t sound free or happy, You sound broken & bitter. I feel very badly for any children living in that household.

Right. That wasn’t the OP, that was another poster married for 22 years who said that she was severely traumatized, took time off work, and is having nightmares. Keep up.

That post was to the person quoted, NOT OP. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

Pulling off an affair, and not just a one night stand, requires lots of lies and gaslighting. Finding that out messes with your head tremendously and is seriously very cruel. I don’t sleep at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought the same until my husband had a 4-year affair at year 22, in a happy, sex-filled marriage.

It’s debilitating. I have mentally suffered. I have trauma. I have depression. I lost the ability to work, barely get through the work day. The nightmares don’t stop.

I had a happy childhood with parents happily married 55 years. I am a strong, educated woman with a career and very attractive.

The lies and secrets. The dishonesty.

If you value honesty and integrity, you will never be able to reconcile the actions.

In the abstract, it seems like no big deal. Nothing like reality.

wow good answer.

[Anonymous]

There are affairs and then there are affairs.

John Edwards having a years long affair and hiding a love child? Awful

The guy who is married to an ice queen who found someone who actually gave him a reason to smile for a change? Totally understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are affairs and then there are affairs.

John Edwards having a years long affair and hiding a love child? Awful

The guy who is married to an ice queen who found someone who actually gave him a reason to smile for a change? Totally understandable.

What about the guy who has a hot, successful wife he screws 3-4 times per week yet bangs some women off the Internet 1-2 times per month? Mentally ill?

Or the bored housewife leading a double life? She won’t have sex with her husband yet has sex with a string of men/ repeat affairs?

The husband that secretly has sex with men? Gay? Bi?

The workplace affair- work husband/wife that see each other every day and have sex at lunch time? Worse than a once a month bang meet up?

The sex addict that pays prostitutes, massage workers and has a new partner weekly? Even greater risk for STDs.

The guy/gal that bangs people on out of town work trips?

None of these are okay because every single one of them involves lies, deceit, betrayal and health risks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are affairs and then there are affairs.

John Edwards having a years long affair and hiding a love child? Awful

The guy who is married to an ice queen who found someone who actually gave him a reason to smile for a change? Totally understandable.

OP is a self describe ice queen. So OP’s husbands affair is totally understandable. Just like she said.
If you are the rejecting party in a sexless marriage, get a divorce or look the other way. OP at least acknowledges this truth.