How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, turn it into some fun, just go out there, buy a three sizes smaller dress for you mom and say,
okay, how bout we do this your way but you have to do it my way.

No, no, no. Buy her a XXL. Make a big show of saying “sooo sorry! I was sure that was your size! Are you sure?...? That looked like was just your size.”

This. One of the few ways to "cure" this behavior.
I wish someone has taught me how to call Grandma out on her crap when I was 16.

This is the PP with the grandmother who said nasty things about my dad.

I do wish that back then I had balls to call out my grandma on the shitty things she said. I was taught to respect elders, which is why I didn't, but if she had said those things to me now as a grown woman, I would call her out in a second.

But here's the thing I also realize now: calling her out would have made no difference. In her mind, she was always right, screw everyone else. It was part of her permanent mindset, a result of her probable mental illness, a result of her belief that she was the victim if things didn't go her way. For Pete's sake, she didn't talk to my uncle for five years because he said he didn't like her new couch.

OP knows her mom best, on whether actions like this could "cure" her, but if her mom is someone so ingrained with selfishness and self-centeredness, it won't really do anything.

[Anonymous]

This is how eating disorders can start. I would not allow it. If we had to disinvite mom from Christmas (or not attend), I would do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would discuss with your son and let him prioritize:

Grandma has decided to buy you clothes a size too small because she apparently has decided that you should be a different size and thinks that a good way to “fix” your perfectly normal, healthy body is to try to embarass you in front of our entire family. I have told her that I am absolutely livid and that I will never forgive her if she follows through with this plan, but I can’t guarantee that that threat will stop her from doing it.

So now we have a choice and I want your opinion:

1) We go to family Christmas, if Grandma is awful to you, we tell her it’s unacceptable and we leave

2) We go to family Christmas and if Grandma is awful we just ignore her and change the subject.

3) We skip family Christmas and just do our own thing with you, me and dad.

It depends on how much this bothers you and on whether you actually will miss seeing yo
ur cousins for the holiday. If you think it will be really upsetting and you don’t care much about seeing cousins we can just skip it, but I don’t want to just make that choice for you. You are a young man now, not a child and there are lots of way to deal with a bully.

This is too much to put on a 16 yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home. Seriously. I would never put my kid in this situation, or risk putting my kid in this situation (since I’m not sure I’d trust that she backed off).

This. Skip it. Seriously. Small immediate family Christmas this year.

I agree. It’s obnoxious and damaging to your child. Give her the ultimatum. And include that she can’t talk about his weight either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would discuss with your son and let him prioritize:

Grandma has decided to buy you clothes a size too small because she apparently has decided that you should be a different size and thinks that a good way to “fix” your perfectly normal, healthy body is to try to embarass you in front of our entire family. I have told her that I am absolutely livid and that I will never forgive her if she follows through with this plan, but I can’t guarantee that that threat will stop her from doing it.

So now we have a choice and I want your opinion:

1) We go to family Christmas, if Grandma is awful to you, we tell her it’s unacceptable and we leave

2) We go to family Christmas and if Grandma is awful we just ignore her and change the subject.

3) We skip family Christmas and just do our own thing with you, me and dad.

It depends on how much this bothers you and on whether you actually will miss seeing yo
ur cousins for the holiday. If you think it will be really upsetting and you don’t care much about seeing cousins we can just skip it, but I don’t want to just make that choice for you. You are a young man now, not a child and there are lots of way to deal with a bully.

This is too much to put on a 16 yo.

Completely agree this is too much to put on a 16 year old. You make the decision, mom. Don’t make him take the fall or feel the guilt.